Love and Marriage
by psych21
Summary: AR. Martin and Samantha are married, but they are having problems within their marriage so they seek professional help to salvage their relationship. Will love be enough to keep them together or will they ultimately separate?
1. What Brings You Here?

**A/N: This story is slightly AR. It's set about eight years into the future. Martin and Samantha are married, but they are having problems within their marriage so they seek professional help to salvage their relationship. Enjoy!**

Love and Marriage  
Chapter One

"Ok. Hello Martin and Samantha Fitzgerald. What brings the two of you to my office today?" Dr. Leslie Thompson asked with a smile as she looked at the couple sitting on the couch in front of her. They were sitting on opposite sides of the couch, a fact that did not go unnoticed by her. Because of her years of experience as a marriage counselor, she noticed a direct correlation between the amount of space a couple placed between themselves on the couch and the severity of their problems. Judging from the way they were both practically clinging to the sides of the couch, she could tell that this couple was in serious need of her help.

Martin and Sam were both quiet, each expecting the other one to explain. Martin, tired of waiting for Sam to start, let out a sigh and looked at the counselor. "Well, Dr. Thompson…"

"Leslie. Please call me Leslie." She interrupted. "It's not fair for you to have to call me by my last name when I get to call you by your first name."

Martin gave her a small smile. "Well Leslie, we've been having some problems in our marriage. We thought that maybe it was time to get some counseling and try to work through them."

"Sort of like a last-ditch effort to fix our marriage." Sam added.

"I see." Leslie nodded, jotting down a couple of notes on her pad of paper. "So this is a last-ditch effort? Have you tried any other ways to resolve your problems?"

Martin laughed. "No, not unless you count denying that we even have problems."

"So this is your first and last resort?" Leslie asked.

"Yes." Sam replied.

"What happens if, through counseling, you can't resolve your problems?" Leslie asked.

"We get a divorce." Martin replied plainly, saying it the same way he would say hello to an acquaintance. It was casual and free of emotion.

"I see." Leslie looked back and forth between Martin and Sam. Their body language spoke volumes to her. Martin was sitting with his hands clasped tightly together and he had a blank look on his face. Sam, on the other hand, had her legs crossed and was picking invisible lint off of the couch. Something told her that the Fitzgeralds would be her most challenging case yet. "Well before we start diving into the problems of your marriage, I would like to get to know each of you a little better. So what I would like each of you to do is to spend a few minutes telling me about each other. So Martin you will tell me what Samantha is like and Samantha you will tell me what Martin is like."

For the first time since they came into the office, Martin and Sam looked at each other, trying to figure out what they would say about the other person.

"So who would like to go first?" Leslie asked. When neither of them spoke up, she chose Martin. "Martin, why don't you tell me about Samantha?"

He eyed Sam carefully before returning his gaze to the doctor. "Ok," he took a deep breath. "She's controlling. She wants everything to be her way and when it's not, she acts like a child. Our daughter is more mature sometimes. She's cold, she's…"

Sam could feel her blood boiling at the things Martin was saying about her. Well, she would just have to get back at him when it was her turn to tell the doctor about him—and she had plenty that she could say about him.

She saw that this wasn't going well and knew that she had to step in. "Actually," Leslie interrupted, "I was hoping that you would tell me the good things about Samantha. There will be plenty of time later on for you to air your grievances with her. Now is the time for you to tell me the things about her that made you fall in love with her."

"Oh." Martin smiled at the doctor, embarrassed, and unaware of the fact that he had hurt Sam's feelings with his earlier comments. "I guess I fell in love with her because she's strong and tough, but has a very vulnerable side to her also. She just never lets that vulnerable side show. She's beautiful and smart. She just was herself."

"You mentioned that you have a daughter." Leslie pointed out.

"Yes, Claire." Martin elaborated.

"And how old is she?" Leslie asked.

"Five and a half." Sam spoke up.

Leslie nodded. "Martin, is Samantha a good mother to Claire?"

Sam was eager to hear this answer. When they first had Claire, Martin constantly reassured her that she was being a good mother. But lately, he hadn't said anything to her—not any praise, and not any snide remark.

He refused to look at Sam while he said this. "Of course she's a good mother. She loves Claire."

Leslie was satisfied with that answer. "And Samantha is Martin a good father?"

"Yes." Sam nodded. He was a good father, when he actually was home. She had to bit her lip really hard to not take a cheap shot at him by saying that he was never around.

"That's good." Leslie was satisfied with their answers for now, so she moved on. "Samantha, why don't you tell me why you fell in love with Martin?"

Sam shifted in her seat, uncrossing her legs and then re-crossing them a few seconds later. She didn't dare look at Martin, because if she did, she was afraid that she would start to tear up. "I fell in love with Martin because he was the first man who ever seemed to really care about me. He was funny, smart, sweet, good-looking, and he made me really happy."

"And what about now?" Leslie prodded. "Does he still make you happy?"

Sam looked down at the couch, returning to her new favorite hobby of picking invisible lint off of the fabric and throwing it onto the floor. "Things are different now."

Leslie nodded. "That wasn't exactly my question though. Does Martin still make you happy?"

"Sometimes." Sam whispered softly. "But not very often."

It hurt him to hear that coming from Sam, but he knew it was the truth. They weren't making each other happy anymore. That fire that had burned between them had been extinguished until it became merely a flicker. Somewhere along the way, something had gone wrong with their marriage and they didn't seem able to fix it. So instead of fixing it, it got worse because they denied there was a problem. Now, because of the snowball effect, everything got worse. He wasn't even sure they could fix their problems anymore. But they knew they had to try, if only for Claire's sake.

"What specifically doesn't make you happy anymore?" Leslie asked, hoping that they could communicate openly about what did and didn't make them happy.

"He's never home anymore…" Sam started to say.

"It's my job." Martin interrupted. "You know how that is. You've working Missing Person's before."

"Martin," Leslie interfered. "Please let Samantha finish without interrupting her." Once Martin nodded his head to signify that he would be quiet, Leslie turned back to Sam again. "Go on Samantha."

"He's never home anymore, and when he is, he spends most of his time with Claire. Now I don't mean to make you think that I'm jealous of my daughter or anything, but he has more meaningful conversations with her than he does with me. We don't talk anymore; we don't laugh anymore; we don't…get intimate anymore."

"That's all you care about, the sex." Martin mumbled.

Sam bit her lip again and closed her eyes, trying to calm down and not tear him apart. "You know that's not true."

"Do I?" Martin asked sarcastically.

"You should." Sam replied softly.

Leslie took this moment to intervene. "Ok. So Samantha, what I'm getting from you is that you feel isolated and slightly neglected. Is that correct?"

"Yes." Sam nodded.

"Ok." Leslie then turned her attention to Martin. "Martin, does Samantha still make you happy?" Leslie could see the pain written clearly on their faces and wondered what had happened to bring them to this point. There was still love there; she could see it. So if they loved each other, what drove them apart and why did they let it get this bad? She had counseled many difficult couples before, but these two might win the prize for being the most difficult.

Martin looked at his hands, still clasped together tightly and sitting in his lap. "Not really."

Sam heard his words confirm what she already had figured out. He wasn't happy in their marriage any more than she was. A part of her wondered why they were even here. It seemed to her that this was probably just a waste of time and money. For the past couple of weeks she had toyed with the idea of just filing for divorce and getting it over with. Maybe if they broke up they could find someone else without so much baggage and start over. Maybe then they could be happy again.

Two things always stopped her from picking up the phone and calling a lawyer: Claire and Martin. No matter how unhappy she was right now, she couldn't arbitrarily ask for a divorce and break up the family that Claire had grown to depend on. She couldn't do that to her daughter. She didn't want her daughter to grow up with parents that were divorced unless it was absolutely necessary. The other thing that stopped her was Martin. As angry, hurt, and unhappy she was with him, there was still a part of her that loved him and she didn't want to let him go. She couldn't. But maybe she had to. Maybe it was time to admit that this marriage idea was a bad one. Maybe they needed to cut their losses and start fresh with other people.

"What is it exactly that doesn't make you happy?"

"She says that I neglect her, but she neglects me too. She's cold and controlling, and she's just not my favorite person right now." He exclaimed passionately.

"I see." Leslie glanced down at the notes she had taken so far and had an idea. "What would you two say about having separate counseling sessions with me in addition to these sessions? I think it would help me get a clearer picture of what's going on with your relationship if I could talk to you privately. Would you be willing to meet once a week?"

After a moment of hesitation, Sam sighed. "Sure. If you think it would help."

Hearing that Sam was interested in trying it, he agreed too. "Ok. I guess we can do that."

"Great." Leslie looked at the time and noticed that their time was almost up. "It looks like we're almost out of time. For next week, I want both of you to start thinking about exactly when it was that these problems started. I am interested in hearing both your opinions about that." She gave them each a smile.

"I'm very glad to have met both of you and I look forward to working with you. You can make appointments with my secretary on the way out for your individual sessions."

"Thank you Leslie." Martin smiled, standing up to leave.

Sam stayed behind for a moment to ask Leslie a question. "So, are we hopeless?"

"Nobody's hopeless." Leslie smiled, hoping to install some kind of hope inside Samantha. "I'm going to do everything in my power to help the two of you."

"Thank you Leslie." Sam gave her a small smile and then left the office, still not believing that her marriage was salvageable.


	2. Getting Ready For Bed

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Two

"Then the fairy princess married the handsome prince and they lived happily ever after. The end." Sam smiled as she sat on Claire's bed. It was a ritual that Sam would come in every night and tell Claire a bedtime story before tucking her in. Personally, she liked being able to just read a story that someone else had written. But Claire always wanted her mother to make up a new story. So every night, Sam sat on the bed and made up a new story full of love and adventure. No matter what conflict happened during the story though, every story ended in 'they lived happily ever after'. Perhaps it was naïve of her, but Sam didn't want her daughter to find out that some stories didn't end happily until it was absolutely necessary.

"Tell me another mommy!" Claire exclaimed. "I want another story!"

"No sweetie, it's late. It's time for you to go to bed because you have kindergarten tomorrow. It's a school night." She could tell that Claire wanted another story, but she was exhausted and didn't feel up to creating yet another happy tale tonight. "But I'll tell you another story tomorrow night. Ok?"

"Ok." Claire nodded with a yawn.

Sam leaned down and kissed her goodnight before pulling the covers up tight. "I love you Claire."

"I love you too mommy." Claire replied, already half-asleep.

"Goodnight." She whispered, kissing her forehead once more. Then she watched as her daughter fell asleep. When she was satisfied that Claire was in a deep sleep, she turned off the main lights and plugged in the nightlight before heading into their bedroom. As usual, Martin wasn't home yet. Releasing a long sigh, she decided to change into her pajamas and go to bed early. Maybe if she hurried up she could get to sleep before Martin came home.

Even though it had been two days, they still hadn't talked about their first joint therapy session. Looking back, she realized that they hadn't carried on a real conversation about anything these past two days. Everything they said to each other was related to Claire and everyday pleasantries. Maybe that was for the best though. If they didn't talk about their problems, they didn't fight—and that would definitely be a good thing.

Slipping underneath the covers, she looked over to the other side of the bed and felt sadness enter her heart again. There used to be a time when crawling into bed at the end of a long day was her favorite moment of the day because Martin would always be right there next to her, wrapping his arms around her and creating a safe haven for her to relax in. There used to be a time when this bed held the happiest memories of her life. But now when she crawled into bed she felt nothing but sadness and emptiness.

He was slipping away from her, or maybe she was the one slipping away from him. Did it really matter who was slipping though?

She really hated him sometimes for making her want a family with him. She was doing just fine on her own. Then he had to show up and change everything. He had to be so charming and funny and sweet. She didn't want a family. She didn't care about having a husband, children, or a house in suburbia. But he made her fall in love with him and now look at her. She was married with a daughter and a house in suburbia. The worst part was that she loved being married with a daughter and a house in suburbia. She released another sigh. Well, she had loved that—until about a year ago.

She didn't know the exact date, but it was sometime last June when everything seemed to change. They started fighting more and talking less. They started making hurtful, sarcastic comments about each other and the atmosphere around them changed. She no longer felt the same connection with him that she had grown to depend on. He became distant and so she reverted back to her old ways of being cold and shutting him out. It became a never-ending cycle.

She didn't want this though. She didn't want to feel so disconnected from her own husband and she didn't want to lose Martin. She wanted to be the happy family that they used to be. She started to cry softly as she remembered a happy memory from about four years ago.

_It was raining on the day that they had planned to have a family picnic in the park. "So what are we going to do now?" Sam asked, looking out the window of the kitchen. "I don't think it's going to stop raining, and even if it does, the ground will be muddy and damp. I don't think that's the best place to take a small child." _

Martin walked up behind her and snaked his arms around her waist. "Well if we can't take a picnic to the park, then we'll just have a picnic here."

She spun around in his arms so that she was now facing him and laughed. "A picnic here? Are you crazy?"

"No, I'm not crazy." He kissed the tip of her nose. "My Aunt Bonnie used to take me along on picnics in the park with her with my cousins. But if it rained when we were supposed to go, she would just make it an indoor picnic. We'd spread out a large blanket in the living room and pretend that we were outside. Sometimes it was actually nicer than having an outdoor picnic because if it's indoors, you don't have to worry about insects."

"But it's not a real picnic." She sadly pointed out. "This was going to be Claire's first real picnic."

"Sam, I don't think she's going to notice." Martin explained. "Besides, we'll go on another picnic some other time. But it would be a shame to waste these sandwiches."

She could tell that he was excited about this whole indoor picnic idea so she relented. "Ok. Go set up a blanket. I'll bring Claire and the food into the living room."

"Great. It'll be lots of fun." He promised, turning to leave.

But Sam pulled him back and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Wait a minute."

"For what?" He asked with a grin on his face.

"For this." She replied, leaning in a placing a passionate kiss on his lips. When she was done, she kissed his lips once more before letting go and heading to the nursery to get Claire.

That was a good day. She missed having days like that. She missed feeling loved and wanted. She missed his touch, his kiss, the way he would pull her closer to him while he was sleeping. As she thought about all the things she missed, she started crying even harder.

* * *

Downstairs, Martin entered the house and laid his keys down on the table next to the door. It had been a hard day at work, searching for a missing woman who ended up being found dead. As hard as that was though, it wasn't the only thing weighing on his mind. He hated this situation with Sam. His marriage was falling apart. Everyday he felt them growing farther and farther apart, yet he felt powerless to stop it from happening. Whose fault it was remained a mystery to him. Maybe it was his fault, maybe it was hers, or maybe they shared the blame equally. 

Entering the kitchen, he found that Sam had left him some leftover food from dinner in the fridge. It was one of the few nice things she still did for him. Too bad he wasn't hungry. He knew by looking at the time that Claire was already in bed and most likely asleep. He also knew that Sam was probably upstairs trying to get to sleep before he got home. So, partially to give her more time to fall asleep and partially to give himself time to think, he pulled out a beer from the fridge and headed to the living room.

Sitting there in his favorite chair, drinking his beer and flipping through the TV channels, he reflected on their joint therapy session. Some of the things Sam had said hurt him, especially the part about how he didn't make her happy anymore. He knew it was true though; all he had to do was look into her eyes and he could see it was the truth. She wasn't happy anymore. It still hurt though because he had prided himself on being the guy that had finally made the elusive Samantha Spade happy. Now he was the guy who was making her miserable.

Sam was also right when she said that they didn't talk or laugh anymore. He couldn't remember the last time he had managed to make her laugh. Sure she laughed with Claire all the time, but her fun-loving mood always seemed to sour once he joined in.

Maybe it was him. Maybe she just didn't love him anymore. Maybe they made a mistake getting married and starting a family. He wasn't saying the Claire was a mistake, but maybe it was a mistake to bring a child into their relationship.

Leslie told them to think about when their problems started to become, well, problems. He'd been thinking about it for the past two days and had come up with only one real answer. He didn't know. He didn't know when exactly it started. He didn't think there was one day where their marriage turned inside out. It just snuck up on them. It just happened.

About a year ago they started fighting more. They had always fought—it was just something they did. But usually it was over silly things like who would take out the trash or who would do the grocery shopping and they'd quit being angry after a couple of minutes or hours. Now when they fought, they stayed mad for days and would go out of their way to avoid talking to each other. That wasn't healthy and sooner or later Claire would pick up on that. Neither of them wanted that. So they agreed to go get some therapy together.

He softly climbed the stairs and headed first to Claire's room. He saw that she was fast asleep and decided not to wake her up just to tell her goodnight. So he placed a kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight princess." He whispered. She looked so much like Sam when she slept. Of course their daughter was a lot like her mother—with the same golden blonde hair and the same rambunctious spirit. Maybe that's why they were so close. Taking one last look at his daughter, he left the room and closed the door.

He took a deep breath before entering their bedroom, pretty certain that he would find Sam already asleep. That's why he was surprised when he saw that the light was still on. Curious, he opened the door and found Sam was in bed. Upon taking a closer look, she looked like she had been crying. He wanted to go over to her and try to comfort her, but he didn't think that she would be receptive to that because she had turned to lie on her side so that she wasn't facing him anymore. "Hey." He greeted.

She thought about ignoring him, but decided against it. "Hey."

He started getting ready for bed, stripping away his clothes and changing into a pair of old sweatpants. As he climbed into bed he tried to think of something to say to her, anything that would make them talk to each other, but came up empty. Everything he wanted to say to her seemed pointless. So instead he turned off the light on his nightstand and pulled the covers up tight.

They stayed there, lying in the bed, each awake and wondering what the other was thinking. Neither realizing just how much in love they actually were with each other.


	3. Can We Talk?

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Three

The next day, Sam rushed around as she tried to get herself ready for work and Claire ready for school. "Ok, so now you're dressed. Where's your shoe?" She asked, following Claire into the kitchen.

"I dunno." Claire shrugged.

Sam sighed, deciding not to get stressed out about a missing shoe. Even early on, she had learned to pick her battles carefully when it came to her daughter. She picked Claire up and sat her at the table before placing a bowl of cereal in front of her daughter. "Do you want peanut butter or peanut butter and jelly today?"

"Peanut butter!" Claire smiled.

"Peanut butter it is then." Sam smiled back, getting to work on Claire's lunch.

Martin walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, putting on his jacket as he approached the table and gave his daughter a kiss on the head. "How's my little princess today?"

"Good daddy." Claire replied, smiling brightly at her father. "You missed a good story last night."

"Oh I did?" He felt bad that he had come home so late last night but he was lucky that Claire didn't seem to hate him for that, unlike the way her mother did. "Well then you'll have to tell me all about it in the car on the way to school." He always took her to school in the morning. That way, they had at least a little time together everyday. He turned to see Sam busy making Claire's lunch. She wasn't paying any attention to him, and was most likely not realizing that he was watching her.

Sam put an apple in Claire's pink lunch box and zipped it up. "Here you go. One special lunch for one special girl." She placed it next to Claire.

Claire giggled before going back to eating her cereal.

"Have a good day sweetie." Sam said, placing a kiss on Claire's head. "Goodbye." She then headed to the stairs to go get dressed for work.

"Bye mommy!" Claire yelled up the stairs.

Martin wasn't sure if the goodbye was just to Claire or if Sam was including him. He sighed and looked at the clock. They still had a few more minutes before they had to leave in order to get Claire to school on time. "Claire, I'm going to go talk to mommy for a moment. Stay down here and finish your cereal. Ok?"

"Ok daddy." Claire replied, putting a big spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

Martin slowly walked up the stairs, suddenly unsure of what to say when he found Sam. Entering the bedroom he found that she had already changed into her work clothes and was fixing her hair. Today she had decided to wear it up in a ponytail.

She turned around to see Martin standing there. "If you're wondering where Claire's other shoe is, I have no idea. But you might want to check her closet."

"That's not why I came up here, but thanks for the tip." He nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bed and continuing to watch her.

"Then why are you here?" She asked quietly. She had never imagined that there would come a day when she was this nervous to be in the same room as him. But here they were, and she was nervous.

"I…well, we haven't had a decent conversation in awhile. Yesterday, all I got was a 'hey' from you when I got home."

She picked up the hairspray and began spraying her hair lightly. "Now's not exactly the best time to have a decent conversation."

A smile formed on his face. "Aren't we having one right now?"

She put the hairspray down, not seeing the humor in his comment. "No, we aren't."

"Ok." The smile left his face. "Then can we talk tonight?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess. Are you going to be late tonight?"

"I don't think so." He shook his head.

"Ok." She nodded. "You better get going or Claire's going to be late."

"Sure. Bye." He left the bedroom thinking that their encounter went better than he thought it would.

"Bye." She whispered after he had left. Great, now she was going to have to walk around all day wondering why he wanted to talk to her.

* * *

Sam stepped out of the elevator on the 18th floor of the FBI building and headed to her desk. She had been transferred to the White Collar Crimes division shortly after marrying Martin because of the FBI's policy against married couples working on the same team. The only options for her were the White Collar Crimes division or a job in Kansas. Realizing that the morning commute from New York to Kansas would be impossible, she had to accept the transfer. 

This new team that she was assigned to was nice, but not like Danny, Vivian and Jack. They were like family to her, and now she hardly ever got to see them. Even though only a few floors separated them, their schedules rarely ever coincided. They were always out doing fieldwork when she got a break.

She got to her desk and looked around to see who else was there. Peter, Cindy, Marsha and Greg, the boss, were all scattered around the floor. But everyone was there. Peter, Cindy and Marsha were all gathered in the break room drinking coffee and laughing about something. Not feeling sociable at the moment, she went back to her desk and sat down. On the corner was a wedding picture of with Martin. He was dressed in an elegant black tux, his arm wrapped around her waist and a huge goofy smile on his face. She was in a gorgeous floor-length gown that clung to every curve of her body and she had the same kind of goofy smile on her face as Martin. What happened to them? They were happy once, right? That wasn't just an illusion. That couldn't have been just an illusion.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. Now was not the right time or place to think about this. She had a mountain of paperwork to get caught up with. Daydreaming about happier times was not going to help the paperwork get done any faster.

* * *

Danny walked into the bullpen and saw Martin sitting at the table going over some paperwork. He sat down and took a sip of his coffee. "So what's up with you?" 

Martin didn't even bother to look up from him work. "What do you mean?"

"You've been acting really weird the past few days." Danny explained. "Is something wrong?"

"No." Martin replied quickly.

Even without his handy FBI training, Danny would have been able to see that Martin was lying. "You know you can tell me, right?" He could see that something was really bothering his friend and wanted to help. But in order to help, he needed to know what was going on.

"It's personal Danny." Martin replied.

Danny was silent for a few moments before speaking again, but this time he lowered his voice so that it was almost a whisper. "Are you and Sam getting a divorce?"

Martin's head shot up and he gave Danny a glare. "No. Why? What have you heard?"

Danny threw his hands up like he as a suspect being caught robbing a bank. "Nothing man. I was just wondering." He was aware that the two of them were having some problems, but he sincerely hoped that they were able to work everything out. If not for themselves, then for his goddaughter. She didn't deserve to have divorced parents.

"We're not getting divorced." Martin told his friend. "We're getting therapy."

"Therapy? You mean like couples therapy?"

"Yeah." Martin nodded. "We're getting therapy so that hopefully we won't get divorced."

"I didn't realize that your problems were that serious." Danny was surprised. He knew that his best friends weren't happy, but he had no idea that they had been thinking about divorce. When he had asked about it, he was only joking.

"That's because we've been trying to deny that there's a problem. But we can't live like this forever." Martin suddenly felt the need to confess some things, and since Danny was there, he would share them with his friend. "Yesterday, the only word that she said to me was 'hey' and that was when I got home."

"That's the only time you two talked?" Danny asked.

"Yeah." Martin continued. "I can trust you not to say anything, right?"

"Of course." Danny nodded. "I'll keep whatever you say a secret."

"Good because I was about to tell you that I'm not sure Sam and I are going to make it. We're falling apart, and I don't know how to put us back together. I'm really afraid that we've turned into Humpty Dumpty. And you know what happened to him. All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Humpty together again."

"Uh Marty, you need to stop inserting nursery rhymes into everyday conversations." Danny pointed out.

"Probably." He grinned. "But you do understand what I'm saying, right?"

"Yeah, of course. I just didn't realize that you guys were in such big trouble." He was sad for his friends now. Maybe there was something he could do to help. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Not that I know of." Martin shook his head. "But thanks. I feel better now."

"Well if you need to talk again, I'll be here." Danny patted Martin on the back before going back to work.


	4. Well, That Went Well

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Four

That night, when Martin entered the house, he was met with the familiar smell of spaghetti and garlic bread—Claire's favorite meal. He set his keys down and then walked into the kitchen to find Claire helping Sam set the table.

Claire saw her dad walk in the kitchen and immediately ran over to him, clutching his leg. "Daddy!"

"Hey there, how are you?" He picked her up and held her close. "Did you have a good day at school?"

"Yep. We finger painted." She smiled. "I made my family. Mommy put it on there." She pointed to the fridge.

He walked over to the fridge, still carrying her, and looked at the picture. It was just a bunch of blobs, but he could tell what Claire was drawing. She was standing in the middle between Sam and himself. It was their family. But how much longer would they be a family? "That's a very nice picture sweetie."

"Dinner's ready." Sam announced, taking a bowl of spaghetti from the stove.

Martin, seeing something he could do to get on Sam's good side, grabbed the basket of garlic bread and brought it to the table for her. "Smells good."

"Thanks." Sam replied, fixing a plate for Claire. She then proceeded to cut up the spaghetti for her and then placed the plate in front of her daughter.

* * *

Dinner was slightly awkward, but it wasn't a total disaster. Claire talked most of the time, and that was fine with Sam. After she told Claire her bedtime story and tucked her in, she came back into their bedroom. She found Martin sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the carpet. Silently, she walked over and sat on the other edge of the bed, staring at the carpet. "So you wanted to talk?" 

"I think we both know that it's past time for us to talk." Martin told her.

"Yeah." Sam replied. They were silent for a few moments, so she took this opportunity to speak. "Are you planning on divorcing me?"

He looked at her strangely. "Excuse me?"

"Are you planning on divorcing me?" She repeated, her voice stronger this time. "I just need to know."

"No…I don't know…Is that what you want? A divorce?"

"I don't know." She replied after thinking about it for a few moments.

"Have you ever cheated on me?" He asked quietly.

"Have I what?" She exclaimed angrily, getting up from the bed. "No I haven't cheated on you. Why in the world would you ask me that?"

"I just…" He knew that this would be her reaction, so why did he think that it was a good subject to bring up?

"You what? Think that just because I was Jack's mistress, I'd do the same thing to you?" She was beyond angry with him now. When would he be able to forget about her thing with Jack and stop holding it over her head? "No Martin, I haven't betrayed our wedding vows. Can you honestly say the same thing?"

"I've never cheated on you." He adamantly replied. Looking at her, she seemed unconvinced. "You don't believe me?"

"I don't know what to believe anymore." She sighed. "I'm just so tired of this."

"This?" He asked, prompting her to explain.

"This." She gestured back and forth between them. "Whatever has happened to us. I don't know about you but it's driving me crazy. I think we need to figure out what we want. Either we fix this or we cut our loses and separate."

"I think we should give it a little more time and keep going to therapy." He told her.

"How much time are we willing to spend going to therapy?" She asked, suddenly curious about the amount of commitment he was dedicating himself to.

"I don't know. I'm not sure how long it takes for therapy to start working." He replied. "Why? You want to count down the days until you're free?" He hadn't meant to say that, and he wasn't sure why he was being so difficult or mean to her.

She closed her eyes after hearing his statement, trying to calm down and not be angry with him or start crying. "I forgot." She laughed. "This is why we don't talk to each other. Because every time we do, I like you less and less." Needing to get out of there, she left the bedroom quickly.

"Sam, come back!" Martin called after her. They needed to talk. He needed to apologize for that last remark too, but she wasn't going to come back. Anytime they had a fight this close to bedtime she would always go and sleep on the couch. He figured that was where she would end up tonight. "Well that went well." He frowned.


	5. I Hate My Job

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Five

Sam entered the room and sat down on the couch, crossing her legs and biting her lip. She nervously looked up at Leslie, who was giving her a smile as a sign of encouragement. "I really appreciate you finding time for me and moving up my session."

"It's no problem." Leslie assured her. "On the phone you seemed rather distraught. Has something happened?" 

"Last night, Martin wanted to talk. So we talked." 

"That's good. Communication is a good thing." Leslie was glad to hear that they were talking.

"No. Communication is a bad thing for us." She informed Leslie. "We ended up having another fight."

Ok, so maybe communication wasn't a good thing. "What was the fight about?"

"It started out with me asking if he wanted a divorce." Sam replied, getting ready to relive the fight.

"And what did he say to that?" Leslie asked.

"He wasn't sure." Sam replied. "He asked me if I wanted a divorce and I told him I wasn't sure either."

"Are you really unsure of did you just not want to tell him your true feelings about it?"

"I…" She paused to collect her thoughts. "I don't know. Sometimes I think that a divorce would be the best thing for us. I don't particularly want one, but I also don't want to keep living like this."

Leslie absorbed Samantha's words and wrote down a few notes. "We'll come back to that statement later. Was that what the entire fight was about? Divorce?"

"No." She shook her head. "He then asked me if I was or ever had cheated on him." Just thinking about his words and the way he said them were enough to make her angry again. 

Leslie found herself having to prod information of Samantha. "And you…"

"I haven't." Sam told the older woman. "But the way he said it just made my blood boil! His first reaction when something goes wrong is to accuse me of cheating."

Leslie wrote that down. "And why do you think that is?"

"Oh I know exactly why that is. Before I even met Martin, I had an affair with my boss, who at the time was married. It ended a long time before Martin even came to work in New York but he can't let it go. I'll always be the woman who was Jack's mistress."

"Has he said this to you?"

"He doesn't have to." Sam shook her head, staring at the couch. "It's written on his face. He doesn't trust me."

Leslie made sure that she noted that before continuing on. "So he asked if you were cheating. You said no, and then what?"

"I asked him the same question." She brought her eyes up to meet with Leslie's. "He said he hasn't cheated on me but…"

"You don't believe him?" Leslie guessed.

"I want to. I really do. I want to trust and believe him. There was a time when I never would've believed that Martin would or could cheat on me. Now though, he's always at work, comes home late nearly every night…"

"Isn't that part of his job though?" Leslie asked.

"Yes, but he works overtime every chance he gets. He avoids me at all costs. I guess I'm guilty of avoiding him too though."

"Why do you avoid him?"

"Because every time we're alone in a room together and not talking about Claire, we end up fighting. One of us says something hurtful and the other gets angry and says something hurtful back. It's a vicious cycle." Sam explained.

"I see." Leslie made another note in her notebook, wondering how in the world she was going to help this couple.

"It's exhausting—both physically and emotionally." Sam sighed.

Leslie nodded. "A few minutes ago you said that you don't think you want to get a divorce but you also don't want to keep living this way. Is this feeling of exhaustion one of the reasons?"

"Yes." Sam nodded. "I hate feeling like this!"

"Feeling like what exactly?"

"Feeling like I'm in limbo all of the time. Maybe we should just get divorced and get it over with. Maybe we're just not meant to be together."

Leslie wasn't sure what to say to that anymore. Normally she would try to install hope in her clients, but she didn't have much hope herself. So she continued on. "Did anything else happen last night or was that it?" 

"No. I told him about my thoughts on how we needed to make a decision about the future of our marriage. He made a really hurtful remark so I stormed out and slept on the couch."

"I see." Leslie nodded. "So it looks like one of the main things we're going to have to focus on in the joint session is communication. That seems to be causing a lot of problems between you two." Leslie stated out-loud while making a few more notes. "But these individual sessions are going to be focused more on your life. In order for me to be able to help you I need to know who you are and what you've been through. For now, let's start with where you work."

"Well I work in the White Collar Crimes division of the FBI." Sam said.

"You mentioned that you met Martin through work. Is that where he works too?"

"No. He works in my old unit down in Missing Persons." She felt the need to explain further. "We used to work there together until after we got married. Then I was transferred because of the bureau's policy of not letting married people work on the same team."

"How was it decided that you would be the one transferred?"

"I was just decided for me. I didn't volunteer or anything. I was just reassigned." She sighed. "I think I was chosen because I fit the Brady Bunch theme they had going on in White Collar Crimes." 

Leslie didn't understand and was confused. "What do you mean by that?"

"My co-workers are all named after the Brady Bunch kids: Greg, Peter, Marsha and Cindy. I fit in better than Martin because of Sam the butcher."

A look of realization flashed across her face and she understood better now. "Oh yeah. Sam the butcher. He was Alice's love interest on that show. I remember now."

"I'm not sure if that was the real reason or not." Sam confessed. "It might have been because Martin didn't want me to continue working with Jack as my boss if he wasn't going to be there to supervise."

"Jack as in the Jack you had a relationship with?" Leslie asked for clarification. 

"Yes, but it wasn't really much of a relationship. It was more like a mistake." She went back to picking invisible lint from the couch.

Sam's nervous habit of trying to find lint on the couch didn't go unnoticed by Leslie, but she didn't say anything about it. "And you believe that Martin didn't want to leave you working on the same team as Jack because he doesn't trust you?"

"It's a very strong possibility." Sam nodded. 

"I see." Leslie paused for a moment. "So you didn't choose to leave?"

"No." Her voice raised and she felt the anger stir within her. "Even though I had been a part of that team for a lot longer than Martin and that team was like family to me, I was the one who had to leave."

"How did that make you feel?" Leslie asked, realizing that she was on to something revealing.

"Sad. Danny, Vivian and Jack were like family to me and now I hardly ever get to see them."

"So is sad the only emotion you felt?"

Sam hesitated before answering. "No. I was angry…I am angry."

Leslie felt the need to prod Sam along again. "At?"

"Martin, for not offering to transfer instead. He'd be a lot better at this job than I am." She never told anyone about her anger towards Martin for this and it was starting to feel good venting about it. "And in all fairness he should have at least offered to leave. I've known those people a lot longer than he has and I was good at my job. But he didn't." Suddenly she found herself almost yelling. "He just let me go and didn't care that I was stuck doing a job that I hate with a bunch of people that I can't stand!"

"Have you ever told him that you don't like your job?" Leslie asked.

"No." Sam shook her head.

"I see. Well I think we've discovered one of the causes of unhappiness in your marriage." Leslie smiled. 

"So I hate my job! What does that have to do with my marriage?" Sam asked. She was surprised that she actually admitted that she hated her job to someone. It felt good to let it out considering that she'd been holding it in for about seven years now.

"It's not that you hate your job." Leslie explained. "It's about this resentment and anger that you obviously harbor against Martin for allowing you to be stuck in a job that you dislike."

"Oh." Sam finally understood what Leslie was saying. "So you're saying since I've been angry with him for such a long time…"

"It's manifesting itself into a general anger over anything and everything he does." Leslie finished explaining.

"I see." Sam nodded. There was a certain ring of truth to that.

"Now, I have a strong feeling that isn't the only problem here, but it's definitely a good place to start. I want you to try and talk to Martin about your feelings concerning your job. But I don't want you to accuse him of anything and I don't want the conversation to turn negative in any way. Try to have a polite conversation that doesn't end in an argument. Do you think you can do that?"

Sam laughed. "I don't know. It's become almost second nature to fight with him." 

"I'm beginning to realize that." Leslie grinned. "But that is a habit that we need to break in order to try and fix your marriage."

"What if I talk to him about this and we end up fighting?" Sam asked, knowing that there was a very good possibility that they would end up fighting.

"I hope that doesn't happen. But if it does, I want you to count to ten before you say anything. During those ten seconds, I want you to come up with three reasons why you shouldn't be fighting with him. Once those ten seconds are up, calmly re-open the discussion. Understand?" 

"Yes." Sam nodded.

"Good." Leslie took a deep breath. "I think that resolving this anger you have with Martin about your job is a good first step in the right direction. It won't solve everything, but it might make you feel better."

"I already feel a little better talking to you about it. It felt good to acknowledge the fact that I hate my job." Sam chuckled. "Maybe I should go to a tall building and just scream it from the roof." 

Leslie grinned. "That's not a bad idea, but I would prefer that you talk to Martin about it first."

"Ok." She nodded. She noticed that her session was almost finished. "Thank you Leslie."

"You don't have to keep thanking me Samantha."

"You must think that Martin and I are a mess." She shook her head and looked at the ground. "And you'd be right. There are times when I just get so mad at him and I wish that I could just leave. But God help me, I love him. Sometimes I'm not sure why anymore, but...I do love him."

"Then this isn't a hopeless situation." Leslie told her.


	6. How Long Has This Been Going On?

Love and Marriage   
Chapter Six

As Martin sat on the couch in Leslie's office, he grew nervous. Therapy was never something that he thought he would participate in, but here he was in therapy to save his marriage. But could it be saved? Or was this just a giant waste of time and energy—energy that he just didn't have anymore. Fighting with Sam so much was draining every bit of energy from him and trying to project that nothing was wrong in front of Claire was proving to be harder and harder with each passing day. He didn't want to get so pessimistic but he couldn't help thinking that maybe a divorce would be the best thing. It would definitely make Sam happier, and even though he didn't act like it, her happiness was important to him.

Leslie eyes Martin cautiously, noticing that he seemed to be deep in thought. He seemed like he was trying to avoid talking to her since it his session started five minutes ago and he still hadn't said anything. Her session with Samantha had ended an hour ago and during the hour between Samantha's session and Martin's, she had started planning her plan of attack for their joint session while also planning what she wanted to cover in Martin's individual session.

Not wanting to spend the entire session in silence, Leslie decided to ask the first question. "So Martin, how are you today?"

Martin thought about that question for a moment. Bypassing the normal 'I'm fine', he decided to be completely honest. After all, that's what therapy was about, right? Total honesty. "I'm actually not that good right now."

"Oh really?" Leslie asked. "Why is that?" She hoped that it was because of the fight that Martin and Samantha had last night. She hoped that he was feeling just as bad as Samantha was because that would mean that there was hope for their relationship.

"Sam and I got into an argument last night." Martin replied, looking down at the arm of the couch.

"I see." Leslie nodded, pretending not to know all about it.

"It was my fault this time." He admitted. "I said something that hurt her feelings." 

"Why did you say something that hurt her feelings?" Leslie asked him.

He sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm not sure." He paused. "It's just that when I talk to her, I end up saying really hurtful things that I don't really mean. They just come out before I can stop them."

She wrote down a few notes. "How long has that been going on?"

He thought about it for a moment. "You asked us in the joint session to think about when everything changed between us. I'm not exactly sure when it was, but it was a couple of months after her miscarriage. So that would be about a year ago."

Leslie's eyebrows rose. "Miscarriage?" This was news to her. Neither of them had mentioned a miscarriage before.

"Yeah. Sam had a miscarriage." Talking about this was definitely going to be bringing up some painful memories but he talked about it anyway because maybe it would help.

"How far along was she?" Leslie asked, writing down a note and wondering why they hadn't told her that from the beginning. That would have helped her a great deal.

"She was almost out of her first trimester, so about three months." Martin replied.

"I see." She saw that talking about the miscarriage was deeply affecting him, and realized that she had definitely caught on to something here. She decided to press on further with this line of questioning. "I'm sorry to hear about that."

"It happens sometimes." He shrugged. 

"At the time, were you two trying to get pregnant?" Leslie asked, realizing that was a very personal question and trying to ask it in a polite manner.

"No." He shook his head. "It just happened."

Leslie nodded. "And what was your reaction?"

He smiled. "I was overjoyed. I've always wanted to have a bunch of children."

"And what was Samantha's reaction?"

"She…wasn't as happy about it." Martin replied, the smile leaving his face. "She wasn't too thrilled."

Leslie noted that in her notebook. "And when you say she wasn't too thrilled, you mean…?"

"She didn't really want to have another child." Martin explained. "She loves Claire and I don't think she regrets having her, but she doesn't want any more children."

"She's actually said that to you?" Leslie quizzed him.

"Not in so many words, but yes." He replied. "Children have always been an issue for us. I thought that after Claire was born she would change her mind about having more, but it didn't."

"Was Claire planned or was she a surprise?" Leslie asked, trying to establish a pattern. 

"She was a huge surprise." Martin smiled.

She had already pretty much guessed that Claire wasn't planned either, but it helped to have that be confirmed. "And did Samantha act the same way then when she found out she was pregnant?"

"More or less." Martin clasped his hands together in his lap. "But she was also afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Being a terrible mother." Martin clarified.

"I see." Leslie noted that I her notebook. "So was there any kind of conflict between the two of you the second time she got pregnant?"

"Yeah, we argued about it a couple of times."

"And what specifically were the arguments about?" Leslie asked.

"Just about having more kids. I wanted more and she didn't." He replied, and then realized he should clarify more. "When she got pregnant, she wasn't going to get an abortion or anything. She just wasn't as happy about it as I was."

Leslie nodded, making a couple of more notes. "What happened after the miscarriage? Did you two argue a lot?"

He shook her head. "No more than usual. It was slightly awkward at first, but it didn't get any worse until a few months later."

"Did anything important happen during those few months?"

"What do you mean by important?" He asked, confused by the nature of the question.

She decided to restate the question. "Did any major life changes occur for you or someone close to you, like a close friend or family member?"

Martin thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "Our best friend and godfather to our daughter, Danny, and his wife announced that they were having a baby."

Leslie nodded, smiling on the inside. It was definitely a good day. Not only had she managed to find a reason for Samantha's unhappiness, but she had also found a reason for Martin's unhappiness as well. "And how did you feel about that?"

"Happy." Martin immediately replied.

He replied to her question so fast that she had to question him further. "Is happy the only feeling you had about it?"

He looked down at the couch again. "I guess I felt kinda sad because they were going to be parents and it reminded me that Sam and I weren't going to have any more kids."

"So you felt sad and happy at the same time." Leslie repeated. "Anything else?"

After a few moments of reflection, he looked up at Leslie. "Maybe just a little mad at Sam."

"Can you explain that for me?" Leslie asked, giving him a small smile for encouragement.

"Well, I guess I just don't understand why she doesn't want more children. She's great with Claire. She's a great mother."

"Have you told her that?" Leslie asked.

"I used to, back when we were on good speaking terms." He replied, thinking back onto happier times. 

"Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to tell her that more often." Leslie suggested. "Everyone likes to feel appreciated and complimented. It might help with the tension surrounding the two of you and lead to a civil conversation." 

"That would be nice." Martin chuckled. "I can't stand fighting with her."

She looked at him carefully. "So why do you think you fight so much? What's changed between the two of you?"

He was silent for a few minutes, trying to figure out the best way to say it. "When I look at her, I see a woman who, for some reason, doesn't want to have any more of my children. And I'm left wondering why. Am I just not good enough or does she just not love me enough to want to have my children?"

Leslie sighed. So children were going to be a major source of conflict between these two. She made a few notes and then looked up at Martin. "Is that how she makes you feel? Like you aren't good enough and she doesn't love you enough?"

After another long pause, he slowly nodded his head. He'd never admitted that to anyone before, but he had to admit that it felt better to let it out.

"So do you think that part of your attitude towards Samantha could be a product of your own insecurity about how much she loves you?" She had to ask this question because it seemed like the answer was yes, but she needed to get him to admit it.

"It's possible." He admitted.

Leslie looked at the time and saw that their session was almost over. "For our next individual session, I want you to think about that. I want you to come up with a few ideas about why you think your attitude towards Samantha has changed and I want you to think about what we've talked about today." She paused before continuing to give him his assignments. She decided to give him the same task she had given Samantha earlier.

"Also, I want you to try and have a polite conversation that doesn't end in an argument with Samantha. If you find yourself getting ready to fight with her, I want you to count to ten before you say anything. During those ten seconds, I want you to come up with three reasons why you shouldn't be fighting with her. Once those ten seconds are up, calmly re-open the discussion. Any questions?"

"No." He shook his head and stood to leave. "Thank you Leslie."

She smiled and watched him walk to the door. As soon as he left the room and closed the door behind him, she placed her notebook on the table next to her and sighed. "Good luck."


	7. It Would Have Made A Difference

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Seven

That night, Martin was late coming home again. That was a bad thing for Sam because she was slowly losing her nerve to talk to him. She was going to wait up for him and talk to him before she went to sleep, but eventually she gave up, crawled into bed and turned off the light.

About ten minutes later, Martin entered the bedroom. He saw that Sam was already in bed and probably asleep since the light was off. He had wanted to apologize for the things he said last night, but he wasn't going to wake her up to do so. The days of her wanting him to wake her up when he got home were over. He released a deep sigh as he changed for bed and pulled back the covers.

Sam waited for Martin to get into bed and settle down before talking. "Martin?"

He was surprised that Sam was still awake, and even more surprised that she was talking to him. "Did I wake you up?"

"No." She was still resting on her side and not facing him. A part of her was afraid to face him. Even though the room was dark now, she couldn't face him.

"I'm sorry about last night." He whispered.

Without thinking, she automatically replied, "you should be." She regretted saying that as soon as it came out. "I didn't mean that. I just…"

"No, you meant that. But that's ok." He interrupted. He let her comment slide because he didn't want to fight with her. He just wanted one conversation where they didn't fight. "The point is, I'm sorry."

He was apologizing to her? Wow. That hadn't happened in a very long time. She took a deep breath before bringing up work. Keeping in mind that Leslie wanted the conversation to not turn negative, she decided to start the conversation out with a simple question. "Can I ask you something?"

"Are we going to end up fighting again?" He asked hesitatingly.

Despite herself, she smiled at the humor of his question. "Well it's always a possibility, but it's not what I want." She admitted.

He was glad to hear that she wasn't in the mood to fight tonight either. "It's not what I want either. So ask away then." As he laid there waiting for her question, he realized that this was probably the longest they had gone without fighting in a while. It felt nice.

Finding the courage to bring this up, she asked, "Why was I the one that had to move to White Collar?"

Her question caught him off-guard, but then again he wasn't sure what he was expecting her to ask. After a few moments of silence, he answered her question with another question. "Why are you asking me that?" She had transferred almost seven years ago, leaving for White Collar Crimes shortly after returning from their honeymoon. "Why are you bringing that up now? That was a long time ago."

"I'm curious." Came her reply. She was curious; that wasn't a lie.

He sighed. "I don't know."

"You should have been the one to transfer." Her voice was no longer a whisper. It was getting louder, but she tried to make sure that she didn't start yelling at him. She would take Leslie's advice and try to talk about this with Martin without fighting. "You would have been better at the job than I am and besides that, I was a part of the Missing Persons Unit for many more years than you."

"Maybe," he calculated his words carefully, "but I assumed that you were fine with it."

"Well I'm not." She replied. "I hate that job." 

"Since when?" He asked, surprised by this revelation.

"Since the second day I started working there." She answered.

He hadn't known that she was so unhappy with her job. When it came time for them to stop working together, the only job opening in the New York office was in the White Collar Crimes division and Jack told him that they had wanted Sam. He had thought about offering to trade with her and be the one to leave the team, but she had seemed ok with the decision.

Or was she? Had he really been that blind to what she was going through? How could he have been so oblivious to the fact that she hated her job? She hadn't said anything to him about it. "I didn't realize that you hated that job." He turned over on his side to face her and propped his elbow up against the pillow. Even though she had her back to him, he still felt like he should face her while they talked about this.

"Well I do and I have for a long time." She replied matter-of-factly. Now came for the hard part. "I've also been mad at you for a long time for letting me leave the team. I still think that you should have been the one to leave." 

"Really?" He was surprised that she had been harboring anger towards him. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to react to that.

"I just thought that you should know that." Sam replied, shifting her body around until she got more comfortable. She intended for that to be the end of their conversation but Martin had other ideas.

He was curious and didn't want to let the conversation end there. "If you hate your job, why haven't you quit? You've been working that job for almost seven years now. That's more than enough time to realize that you want a different job."

She sighed and turned to lie on her back, turning her head around to face him. "I don't have an answer for that. I guess it was easier to hate my job and blame you than look for a new one."

He didn't want to ruin the nice moment they were having, calmly discussing something without sarcastic remarks or hurtful accusations. But he felt he had to offer his advice. "Why don't you try and look for a job in another department?"

"I don't know." She replied, laughing softly. "I don't know much these days."

"What does that mean?" He asked gently, hoping to keep this conversation going for as long as possible. Their faces were so close to each other at this moment, closer than they'd been in a very long time. If he leaned in a few more inches he could kiss her, but would she allow that or would that ruin the nice vibe they had going on right now?

"Nothing." She moved her head away so that she was now staring straight instead of looking at him. For a moment there, she thought she saw a flicker in his eyes—the same flicker that had always graced his eyes right before he would kiss her. But he couldn't have been thinking about kissing her, right?

She couldn't remember the last time they had kissed. No, actually that wasn't true. She remembered the exact date, right down to the minute. January 10th, 7:35 p.m. She thought about what the date was today and cringed slightly. It was May 19th. God, she couldn't believe that it had been that long and she couldn't believe that it had been even longer since they had last had sex. 

He decided not to push her anymore on her previous answer. Instead, he decided to keep the conversation going. "I'm sorry that I didn't offer to transfer instead. Whether or not you want to believe me, I did think about it. But Jack said that they wanted you instead of me."

She had a hard time believing that. "Jack said that? Why would they want me? I had no experience in that field, but you did." She realized that she was raising her voice again and it was sounding like she was trying to goad him into an argument so she lowered her voice. "Why didn't you tell me that you had thought about offering to switch with me?"

He thought about it for a moment. "I didn't think it really would've made a difference. Jack said that they wouldn't have allowed it."

"It would have made a difference to me." She nervously bit down on her lip. This was the longest conversation they had engaged in since…she couldn't even remember when. It was almost scary that they were getting along so well. She turned her head to look at him, and through the darkness she saw traces of the same man she married seven years ago. Sometimes she looked at him when they were fighting and barely believed he was the same man that she fell in love with and married.

But now, even through the darkness of the room, she could see her Marty trying to break through whatever walls were erected to separate them. Something between them had changed, driving them apart and making them construct walls to keep the other one out. Leslie had helped her figure out what one of her walls was and she was aware of another possible reason why she was pushing him away. Maybe Leslie could help her make sense of that though. She made a mental note to talk to Leslie about it at her next session.

He looked at her and wondered what she was thinking. Her thoughts had always been a mystery to him—one that he never thought he would get tired of trying to figure out. But he was slowly reaching that point where he didn't want to have to work so hard to figure her out. 

But she had shared something with him tonight, and not just the fact that she hated her job. She had shared her life with him again, and that was something that she hadn't done in months. Even though it sounded cheesy to him, and she would laugh at him if he told her, he was honored that she thought he was worthy enough to share that piece of information with him. While he realized that the reason why she was sharing this was because of her therapy with Leslie, it was definitely a step in the right direction.

He considered bringing up what he had talked about in his therapy session, but wasn't sure that was such a good idea. The last thing he wanted to do was push her away after she had let him back in. That discussion could wait for another night.

"I'm sorry." He finally said, breaking the silence and getting her attention again.

She looked over at him, slightly curious about why he was apologizing to her. "For what?"

He held up his hand and kept a running tally with his fingers. "Not making Jack transfer me instead, not realizing that you hated your job, not making you feel like you could tell me that, and I'm sure there's more that I'm sorry about but it is kinda late."

"Yeah it is." She yawned. "But you're not the only one who needs to apologize. I'm sorry that I kept this from you for so long." 

"It's…it's ok." He replied, giving her a small smile. "We should get some sleep. We have a birthday party to go to tomorrow."

"Oh yeah." She yawned again. "That's right. It's hard to believe that Kyle is going to turn one tomorrow." As much as she was enjoying the fact that they were having a nice conversation, she was exhausted and started to fall asleep.

"Danny was practically bouncing around the office today because he was so excited about the present he got for his son." He looked over at her and noticed that her eyes had closed and she was snoring very quietly. "And you're not listening because you're asleep." He chuckled. "Goodnight Sam." He whispered as he pulled the covers up to tuck her in before turning over to go to sleep.


	8. Scraped Knees and Stories

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Eight

As Sam, Martin and Claire walked to the front door at Danny's house the next day, Sam took this opportunity to stare at Martin. He was carrying Claire in his arms and listening to her tell him a story about one of her friends from kindergarten. Talking with his daughter was something that made him happy, and it was nice to see him smile, even if it wasn't because he was happy in his marriage.

They had actually managed to have a civil, honest conversation last night for the first time in too long. It was nice and gave her hope, but she was also trying to be realistic. One good conversation wouldn't undo all of the hurtful things that they had said to each other and it wouldn't fix their problems.

She rang the doorbell and then stepped back from the doorway, clutching the present they had brought for Kyle tightly in her hands.

Danny opened the door and smiled when he saw who it was. "Sam!" he immediately went to hug her.

He was hugging her so tightly that she was starting to gasp for air. "Danny, I can't really breathe."

"Sorry." He apologized, pulling away. He nodded a hello to Martin and then focused his attention onto Claire. "And hello Claire. How is my favorite goddaughter today?"

"Great!" Claire smiled. "Mommy said that I get cake today!"

Danny and the rest of them laughed. "Yes you do." He looked over at Martin. "There's a bunch of Michelle's nieces and nephews in the back yard that Claire could go play with if you want to take her there."

"What do you think? You want to go play with the other children?" Martin turned his head to ask his daughter.

Claire nodded and started to squirm in his arms. "Yeah."

"Ok. Let's go then." He told her.

After Martin and Claire headed for the back yard, Danny just stared at her. Finally she just got frustrated. "What is it Danny? Do I have something weird stuck on my face or something?"

"No." He shook his head. "I just haven't talked to you lately and I was wondering how things were."

"Things are fine." Sam shrugged.

"Fine?" Danny repeated. "C'mon Sam, you know you can talk to me. Right?" He was aware that he had been slacking in the friendship department when it came to Sam. But that was only because his life became so much more complicated. First he married Michelle and then all of a sudden they had Kyle. That, coupled with work, kept him busy and somewhere along the way he stopped talking to Sam as much as he had when they worked together.

She could tell that he was fishing for information about her and Martin, figuring that Martin had probably told him about their problems. While she appreciated the fact that Danny still cared enough to try and be a friend to her, she didn't want to talk about it. "Danny, even if there was something I wanted to talk about, now is not the right time or place to have such a serious conversation. It's your son's birthday party. It's a happy occasion. So let's leave all problems out of it. Ok?"

"Ok." She had a point. This was his son's birthday party and not exactly the best time to have such a serious conversation. "But maybe some other time?"

"Sure." She shrugged.

He moved to open the doorway for her. "Come on inside. Viv and Jack are here too."

"Great. I haven't seen them in a while." Sam smiled. She immediately spotted Viv and Jack talking together in a corner of the room and walked over to them. "Hey."

"Samantha." Vivian greeted with a smile and a hug. "Where have you been hiding yourself? You haven't come down to visit us."

"I have, but you guys are always out in the field." Sam replied calmly. Work-related issues were the last thing she wanted to talk about, but kept the smile on her face.

"It's good to see you Sam." Jack gave her a smile.

"You too Jack." She nodded. "So what's been going on? Anything interesting?"

"No, not really." Viv replied. "But you did miss the funniest thing at work the other day…"

* * *

About an hour later, after hearing some stories and catching up with Viv and Jack, Sam walked around the house looking for Martin. She found him in the dining room having a conversation with another woman who worked in the FBI building. Bethany Chambers. She was very familiar with Bethany and her ulterior motives towards Martin, and she knew that Martin was aware of them too. But there he was, laughing and joking with Bethany as if he didn't have a care in the world. Bethany was flirting with him yet again, and while Martin wasn't reciprocating the flirting, he wasn't trying to fend her off either. 

Although she could feel the jealousy and anger building within her, she didn't want to fight with him—not about this and not now. Since he hadn't noticed that she was staring at him, she decided to walk away and pretend that she hadn't seen him talking to Bethany. She entered the kitchen to calm down and found that Michelle was in there fussing over the cake. "So you made your own cake?" Sam asked approaching the cake and taking a good look at it.

"Yeah." Michelle smiled, putting the last bit of icing on the cake and staring up at Samantha.

"It looks really nice." Sam commented. She actually meant it too and wasn't trying to be nice. It was a long sheet cake. There was white icing and little patches of blue stars painted on the cake with icing. "I wish I could make something like this. Somehow I learned how to cook without burning the kitchen down, but I can't bake to save my life."

Michelle smiled sympathetically. "Well the only reason I can back so well is because my mother was always baking. It seemed like she was baking a cake, brownies, or cookies everyday. You should have seen me in high school. I was huge because my mother was always baking things for me to eat. I decided I had to go to college or else I'd never have a slim figure."

Sam laughed, glad that she was getting a chance to talk to Michelle. They had always gotten along very well. She remembered going on a lot of double dates with Michelle and Danny before they got married. "I think you made a wise decision."

"I think so too." Michelle laughed. "So how are you?"

"Fine." Sam replied.

"Everything ok?" she didn't mean to pry into Sam's life, but she could tell that something wasn't right.

"Yeah of course." Sam tried to keep the smile on her face. Talking about her problems today wasn't what she wanted to do. She just wanted to come here, celebrate Kyle's birthday, and have some fun for a change. Wanting to shift the focus off of herself, she brought up a new topic. "It's hard to believe that Kyle is turning one already."

"Oh I know!" Michelle agreed.

"You better watch out because time goes by really fast. One day you'll wake up and Kyle will be going off to kindergarten." She spoke from experience because that's what happened with Claire. It seemed like one day Sam turned around and Claire was already five.

"Time has already flown by at warp speed." Michelle confessed. "Kinda makes you want to have more children though, doesn't it?"

Sam was about to reply to that when she heard Claire's voice screaming for her. She immediately turned around and saw her daughter standing behind her. She was crying and holding her knee. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I ran, and a boy tripped me. I fell and it hurts real bad." Claire sobbed.

"Well let me have a look at it." She kneeled down and looked at Claire's knee. It was bleeding a little but it was only a few scrapes—nothing too serious. Sam picked Claire up and looked over at Claire. "Where are your band-aids?"

"In the bathroom." Michelle told her. "Second drawer on the left underneath the sink."

"Thanks." Sam smiled at her before turning her attention back to her daughter. "Let's go get that taken care of, ok?"

"Ok." Claire's voice came through the sobs.

Sam entered the bathroom and placed Claire on the sink counter. Then she went into the drawer and pulled out the anti-bacterial lotion. "What color band-aid do you want? Blue or glow in the dark?"

"Glow in the dark." Claire sobbed.

"Ok." She pulled out the glow in the dark band-aid and smiled at her daughter. Her first priority was to get Claire to stop crying, and she had the perfect solution. "Claire, have I ever told you how your father asked me to marry him?"

"No." She shook her head.

Sam used her thumb to wipe away some of Claire's tears. "Well one night he woke me up and dragged me out to an outdoor skating rink." As she was telling this story, she started to clean up the scratches on Claire's leg.

"It was January and it was really cold out. I thought he was absolutely crazy for dragging me out of my warm bed at two in the morning to go ice skating, but I went with him anyway." She applied the anti-bacterial lotion to the scratches, noticing that Claire was starting to calm down and wasn't sobbing anymore. In fact, Claire was just sitting there, eagerly awaiting the rest of the story.

"There wasn't anyone else there since it was late, so we skated around the rink for a few minutes. We were opposite sides of the rink, but all of a sudden I see him pull out this ring box and I'm wondering what he's going to do." She tore open the band-aid's wrapper and placed it over the scratches. "Well he started to skate over to where I am, still keeping the ring box in his hand, but he tripped over himself and fell face down onto the hard ice." Remembering the image of Martin falling down onto the ice brought a huge smile to her face. He fall was anything but graceful and he had landed with a huge thud onto the ice.

"Was he hurt?" Claire asked, enjoying the story and forgetting about her previous injury.

Sam laughed. "No, he wasn't hurt but his ego was bruised. Anyway, when he fell, the ring box slid across the ice and stopped right in front of where I was standing. So as he was getting up, he told me to open the box. Next thing I know, he's on one knee asking me to marry him."

"That's a good story." Claire smiled widely.

"Yeah, it is." Sam agreed. "So how does your knee feel now?"

Claire looked down at her knee and then back at her mother. "It doesn't hurt! Thanks Mommy!" She reached out and wrapped her arms around her mother's neck, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"You're welcome sweetie." Sam smiled, helping Claire jump down from the sink counter. "Now go back out and play some more. It's almost time for cake." As an afterthought, she added, "and later I want you to point out the boy that tripped you." She had already made a mental note to have a talk with whoever the boy's mother was. No one gets away with tripping her daughter.

"Ok." Claire nodded. She ran out of the bathroom, eager to go back out and play again.

Sam stayed behind in the bathroom, throwing away the band-aid wrapper and putting the anti-bacterial cream back into the drawer. She was about ready to go back out into the party when she saw Martin standing in the doorway.

Martin had run into Michelle and she had told him about Claire falling down. He came to find Sam and make sure that Claire was ok when he heard her telling their daughter the story of how he proposed. It caught him off-guard slightly, but it was nice to remember that happy memory. It was even nicer that she was remembering it in a positive manner.

He had hid out of sight when Claire left the bathroom, hoping to catch Sam by surprise and talk to her alone for a few moments. They still hadn't been given a chance to talk since last night and there was something that he still needed to tell her. So he waited until Claire left before stepping into the doorway of the bathroom. At first Sam didn't notice him, but then she turned and saw him. "Hey."

"Hey." She replied, surprised to see him there.

"Can we talk for a moment?" He asked. God this was awkward. It was never awkward in the past, but things had changed.

"Uh, sure." She hesitated for a moment, not really sure she wanted to press her luck. They had one good conversation. The last thing they needed right now was to try and capitalize on that.

He entered the bathroom and closed the door, leaning up against the door while Sam moved back a few feet and leaned against the sink. "Is Claire ok?"

Claire. That was a safe subject. "Yeah. She's fine. She just scrapped her knee. I slapped a band-aid on and sent her back out there."

"You did more than that." Martin pointed out. "You distracted her by telling her a story and made her forget about her pain."

She looked down at the floor and could have sworn that she was blushing. He was listening to her tell that story to Claire? "You heard that?" She finally asked.

"Yeah. I didn't mean to eavesdrop…it just happened." He explained, hoping she wasn't going to be mad at him for that and start yelling at him.

"Well that was just the first story that popped into my head." She reasoned, feeling the need to defend herself.

She was being defensive, but he didn't understand why she felt like she had to be. "I thought it was a great idea. You're really good with her."

He was complimenting her? No, that couldn't be right. He hasn't complimented her parenting skills in…months, maybe even years. She had to be hearing him wrong.

He could sense that she was having a hard time believing his sincerity and decided to expand upon his compliment. Leslie was right. He needed to tell Sam about the good job she was doing raising Claire. "I know I don't tell you this enough, but you're a really good mother. You sense what she needs and you give it her. I just thought you should know that." Not wanting to tempt fate, he decided to make that be the end of their little conversation and left the bathroom before she could say anything.

She stood there in the bathroom, watching him walk away and wondering why he was suddenly complimenting her skills as a mother. The events over the past two days were really confusing her—but in a good way.


	9. You Were The One Who Didn't

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Nine

The next few days passed by without any major arguments between Martin and Sam. Sure they fought, but it didn't seem like they were fighting as much. He thought that was a good sign, although he would've liked it better if they weren't fighting at all. Now he sat in Leslie's office, waiting for Sam to show up for their therapy session. He was a couple of minutes early. 

Leslie glanced at Martin, who wasn't acting nearly as anxious as he had in previous sessions. His hands weren't clasped together and his body posture was more relaxed. "I'm actually glad that you're here first. I wanted to ask you if you've had an opportunity to talk to Samantha about what we discussed last week in you individual session."

"No." He shook his head. "I haven't found the right time to do that. We've been getting along a little better lately and I didn't want to rock the boat by bringing that up."

"I understand." Leslie told him. "But in order to fix your problems you're going to have to rock the boat."

Sam came rushing into the office, giving Leslie an apologetic smile and quickly walking over to the other side of the couch. "I'm sorry that I'm late."

"It's ok." Leslie nodded. "We haven't started yet anyway."

"Good." Sam replied, sneaking a small glance at Martin before turning her attention back to Leslie.

"So how have the two of you been?" Leslie asked, starting the session.

"Ok." Sam replied.

"Fine." Martin answered.

Leslie sighed. That question was supposed to encourage them to elaborate. "Last time we met I asked you to start thinking about when the problems in your marriage started. Who wants to begin this discussion?" She looked back and forth between them, seeing that neither really wanted to be the one to start. It looked like she would have to choose who went first again. "Ok, Martin, why don't you go first?"

She always seemed to pick him to go first, and he didn't like it. But he sighed and prepared himself for the argument that was bound to happen once he brought this topic up. "Well I've thought about this a lot and I think that a lot of our problems started after the miscarriage." He didn't dare look over at Sam out of fear that she was angry with him for bringing that subject up.

"I see." Leslie interjected, looking at Sam. The blonde had been sitting on the couch in a relaxed manner similar to Martin, but at the mention of the miscarriage, she tensed up and started picking at invisible lint again. "Samantha, would you agree with Martin's suggestion?"

She would rather be anywhere but here talking about the miscarriage. Why did he have to bring that up? "Sure." She shrugged.

"Martin, what happened after the miscarriage between you and Samantha?" Leslie hated having to bring up subjects like this that were so distressing, and she hated seeing the look of sheer pain that was stationed in Samantha's eyes just thinking about the miscarriage, but it was necessary.

"We…it was hard." Martin replied.

"Hard? How?" Leslie prodded. 

"It was just hard." He repeated. "I don't know about Sam, but I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells when I was around her, not wanting to upset her or fight with her." After pausing for a moment, he added, "I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells sometimes."

Leslie made a few notes before looking over at Samantha. "And what about you Samantha? Did you feel like you were walking on eggshells with him?"

She nodded her head. "Yeah, I did."

"What were these fights about?" She was curious about what exactly they fought about.

"Anything and everything. We fought about a lot of stupid things that didn't matter." Martin answered.

"So these fights weren't about anything important or serious?" Leslie asked.

"No, not really. They were fights about whether or not it would rain or what radio station to listen to in the car." Martin informed her. 

"I see." Leslie stated. She was about to ask another question when Samantha spoke up.

"He's neglecting to tell you the whole truth." Sam stated.

"What do you mean Samantha?" Leslie was curious and looked back and forth between Martin and Samantha.

Martin was also looking at her, and she turned to make eye contact with him before turning to face Leslie again. "There was one fight in particular that wasn't about radio stations or weather. Maybe he doesn't consider it to be something serious, but I do and I think you should know about it."

"Then please go on." Leslie encouraged her.

Sam took a deep breath before reliving a conversation that, until today, she had almost forgotten about.

_Sam entered the bedroom after tucking Claire into bed and saw that Martin was reading a book while lying on the bed. It had been three weeks since her miscarriage, and they still hadn't talked about it. As she changed into her pajamas, she could feel his eyes focusing on her. He was doing that a lot lately, staring at her without saying anything. It was like he wanted to say something but kept changing his mind before the words came out._

"So are we going to talk about what's happened or just pretend that it never happened?" She finally asked, approaching her side of the bed and pulling back the covers.

"What do you mean?" He asked, feigning ignorance when in reality he knew what she was talking about.

"You know what I'm talking about." She rolled her eyes. "The miscarriage." She didn't really want to talk about it, but they needed to.

"What's there to talk about?" He asked, still not putting down the book and giving her his full attention.

She wasn't sure what angered her more—his indifference or the fact that she wasn't getting his full attention. "We should talk about this."

"Why? What's the point?" He shrugged, looking up from the book. 

"Don't you even care?" She exclaimed passionately. "We just lost our child and all you can do is sit there and calmly read a book?"

"Well excuse me!" He rolled his eyes. "I didn't know that reading a book was such a big crime."

She sighed, not sure why talking to him was suddenly so hard. " What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What the hell is wrong with me?" He yelled back, throwing the book down on the bed. "You're standing there basically telling me that I'm a horrible human being just because I'm reading a book. Then you have the nerve to question how much I cared about our child." He could feel himself getting angry. "Don't you even dare question how much I cared! I wanted that child from the beginning; from the very first moment you told me you were pregnant. You were the one that didn't."

She couldn't believe that he was throwing that back into her face. Yes, she wasn't entirely thrilled when she found out that she was pregnant. It was the last thing she had expected to happen, but she did love that child. It was a part of her. How could she not love her own child?

Still angry, he spoke without thinking. "I would have thought that you would be happy about the miscarriage. You didn't want anymore children anyway." He heard the words come out of his mouth and cringed. Even though that was what he was thinking, he never meant to say that to her and immediately regretted it as he watched her face react to his words.

His words were like a slap in the face and she stood there shocked for a moment. She didn't think that he would ever say something that hurtful to her face like that, but she was obviously wrong. Feeling the tears start to build up in her eyes, she picked up her robe from the end of the bed and ran out of the room.

He internally berated himself for saying such a thing to her and jumped out of bed to follow her. But she had a head start and by the time he caught up with her, she was already in the car, backing out of the driveway and speeding off into the night.


	10. Nobody's Fault

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Ten

Leslie was shocked and saddened by the story that Samantha told her, and started to understand their relationship better now. "So what happened after you left?"

"I went driving around for a few hours and then came home." Sam replied.

"And did the two of you talk things out when she came back?" Leslie asked. She wasn't sure why she bothered asking that. Of course they didn't talk it out.

Martin, who up until now had been silent, decided to answer Leslie's question. "No. I found her the next day sleeping in Claire's room."

"Did you talk about it at all?"

"I apologized for what I said and she said that she forgave me." Martin replied, wondering if she had truly forgiven him. He hadn't meant to say that to her, but he was hurting at the time and she was an easy target to vent his frustrations to.

"Did you really forgive him Samantha?" Leslie asked.

Sam thought about it for a moment. "I don't know." She finally replied. "I know I told him that I forgave him and I know he said that he didn't mean it, but you didn't see the way he looked at me at the hospital after the doctor told us about the miscarriage or the look in his eyes every time the subject was brought up." She closed her eyes tightly in hopes of pushing back the tears that were trying to escape her eyes.

"I could just see it in his eyes; he blamed me for it. Maybe not consciously, but he blamed me. And I guess the worst part about it is that he's right to blame me." She took a deep breath. "It was my fault." With that one statement, her resolve not to cry crumbled and the tears rapidly fell down her cheeks.

Leslie passed a tissue box over to Sam and watched helplessly as she tried to wipe the tears from her face. But as soon as she'd wipe some tears away, more tears would fall. "Samantha, miscarriages can happen to anyone at any time. Why would you think that it was your fault?"

"Because it was." She sobbed. "I failed…I failed everyone. I failed my child, I failed Martin, I failed Claire, and I failed myself."

It was breaking his heart to watch her fall apart like that and he moved over to comfort him, but as soon as she saw he was trying to wrap his arms around her she stood up. She obviously didn't want his comfort.

She was shaky from crying so much but stood up anyway. "I'm sorry. I just need to get some air." Before anyone could respond to her, she rushed out of the room.

"I should go after her…" Martin replied, getting ready to stand up. 

"Actually," Leslie said, "I think we should let her have a few moments alone to compose herself and pull herself together."

"But…" He really felt like he should run after her. But she didn't seem like she wanted his comfort a minute ago, so maybe she wouldn't react very well if he followed her. Maybe Leslie was right and he should stay behind. He sat back down. 

"If you don't mind, I'd like to continue talking about the miscarriage." Leslie asked, noting that Martin looked like he could start crying at any minute.

"Ok." Martin nodded. 

"Do you blame Samantha for the miscarriage?"

He looked at Leslie like she was crazy. "No, I don't blame her."

She wasn't sure he was being honest with himself, but decided to let that drop for the moment. "Were you aware that she blamed herself?"

He thought for a moment before answering, "I guess I can see why she would blame herself, but she never said anything about it to me."

"What exactly happened?" Leslie asked. "I know she miscarried, but how did it happen?"

He took a deep breath before telling the story. "Well, I wasn't there to actually see it happen, but here's what I know. It was a Saturday and I had been called in to work a case, so Sam and Claire were at home by themselves. I guess Claire suddenly wanted a toy that had been put in a box one of the top shelves in the garage. Looking back, I can't even remember what it was she wanted, but I guess she wouldn't stop talking about how much she wanted that toy."

"Sam told me that she was going to wait for me to get home so that I could get the box down from the shelf, but she changed her mind and thought that she could do it herself. So she got the stepladder that we own and tried to get box down. It was a heavy box, but she didn't have any problems getting it down from the shelf. However, I guess Claire saw a spider and started to scream. It made Sam immediately turn her head around to see what Claire was screaming about and she lost her balance. She fell from the top step of the stepladder while carrying the box. The box landed right on her midsection and the fall knocked her unconscious."

"Oh my. What happened then?" Leslie asked. 

Martin shifted in his seat. Reliving old, painful memories was emotionally draining and he wasn't sure how much more he could stand. "Um, well, I came home only a few minutes after Sam fell and found Claire poking her mother to see if she was ok. Sam still hadn't woken up yet and Claire was getting worried. But I got Sam to wake up and rushed her to the hospital, where we learned the fall, coupled with the box landing on top of her, caused her to miscarry." 

Leslie was curious. "How did Claire react to all of this?" 

"She didn't understand what was going on." Martin replied.

"Was she bothered by what happened?"

"No, I don't think so." He thought about it for a moment. "She clings to her mother a little bit more and seems more sensitive to Sam's moods, but she's not troubled by it. We hadn't told her about the pregnancy so then she also never knew about the miscarriage."

"I see." Leslie nodded and wrote down some notes. She wanted to get Martin's true feelings about how responsible he thought Samantha was and decided to play devil's advocate for a moment. "I don't think that she can be blamed for what happened, but I can certainly understand why Samantha would blame herself."

"But she should've waited for me to come home." He sighed heavily. "If she had only waited ten minutes, I could have done that for her and none of this would have happened."

"I knew it!" Sam exclaimed from the doorway. She had gone outside to get some air and pull herself together but now she was back just in time to hear that Martin really did blame her for what happened. "I knew you blamed me."

"Samantha, please come back and join us." Leslie gave her a small smile and gestured towards the couch.

Sam sighed and walked over to the couch, avoiding Martin's gaze as she walked past him.

Leslie turned her attention to Samantha. "Are you feeling any better now?" 

"I was until I came back in here." Sam replied.

"While you were gone, we were discussing the chain of events leading up to the miscarriage." Leslie informed her.

"And Martin was busy telling you how much he blamed me?" Sam guessed, erecting up a brick wall between her and Martin. It was bad enough to suspect that he blamed her; it was quite heartbreaking to actually hear him say it to her.

It was just as Leslie had suspected. Martin did harbor some feelings of blame towards Samantha. She wasn't sure she would go so far as to say that he blamed her for the whole thing though. "Was that what you were doing? Were you admitting that you blame Samantha for the miscarriage?"

He realized that he had to choose his words carefully or he would drive Sam further away. "I admit that I think she made a bad decision, yes, but I'm not saying that it's her fault."

"If it's not my fault, then whose fault is it?" Sam asked testily, crossing her arms across her chest and taking a defensive stance.

"Maybe it's nobody's fault." Leslie offered, hoping to rid the room of tension. "Sometimes in life, things simply happen."

"Well this didn't simply happen." Sam pointed out.

Leslie took a closer look at Samantha. "Is there a reason why you are so adamant to have Martin blame you for this?"

She was confused. "Um…but…he does. He just admitted that."

"He admitted that he thought you made a bad judgment call. He didn't say that he blamed you for anything else." Leslie pointed out. 

"But it's the same thing. There's no difference." Sam was quickly becoming frustrated with Leslie.

"I disagree." Leslie told her. "There is a difference."

Saying anything to appease Leslie, she shrugged. "Fine. There's a difference." 

Leslie knew that Samantha was only saying that to appease her, and almost called her on it, but decided to let it slide. "I think you want him to blame you so that your own self-blaming can be justified. But the problem with that is, that it's not your fault."

"Yes it is!" Sam exclaimed.

"Samantha, you need to find a way to forgive yourself." Leslie looked at the clock and wished that they had more time left in their session, but it was almost over. "We'll talk about this some more in your individual session. But here's what I want from the both of you this week. It seems to me that you two haven't communicated very well with each other lately. Is that a fair assumption?"

Both Martin and Samantha nodded. "I think that you need to talk. So I want you two to set aside one night this week for you to be alone with each other. Drop Claire off with some family members or let her spend the night at a friends' house. I want you two to talk, and really talk, to each other and I want you to listen to what the other one is saying without jumping to conclusions or getting angry at each other. I don't want you to fight with each other. I want you to have an honest, open conversation about your feelings, your thoughts, anything that's bothering you."

"But we can do that without sending Claire away." Martin protested, not understanding why Claire had to leave for the night.

"Honestly, I don't think you two can if Claire is in the house with you." Leslie told them, explaining even further. "Claire serves as a safety net for both of you. If she's there, then you don't have to talk to each other about anything serious. You can simply talk to her or about her. By taking Claire out of the house for the night, she leaves you open to talk about the issues that you need to be tackling—the issues that you've avoided for far too long."

She looked back at Martin and Samantha, trying to gauge their reaction to her newest assignment. Martin looked almost scared at the idea, while Samantha was still hurt and slightly angry from the discussion about the miscarriage.

"Do you think you can at least attempt what I'm asking?" Leslie finally asked.

"We can try." Martin nodded.

"Sure." Sam sighed.

"Ok then. I'll see you both at your next individual sessions." Leslie gave them a small smile.

"Thanks." Martin smiled back, anxiously leaving the room first.

Sam was grabbing her purse to leave the room when she saw Leslie sit down next to her on the couch.

"Samantha, I wanted to talk to you privately for a moment before you left if that's ok."

"Ok." Sam relented. She had been looking forward to leaving this room, going home, and soaking in a warm bubble bath to cry for everything that she had lost and everything that she was close to losing. But that could wait an extra few minutes.

"I know what it's like to have a miscarriage and feel like it's your fault. About eight years ago, I had a miscarriage because I got into a car accident. For a long time I was convinced that I was completely to blame and that I was being punished for something. I should have known better than that though. Miscarriages are an ugly part of life, but they are a part of life and it helped me to think that they serve a greater purpose in the grand scheme of life. For me, it brought my husband and I back together and brought us closer. For you and Martin, it seems to be pushing you away from each other. It doesn't have to be that way though."

Leslie looked at Samantha and saw that she was actively listening to her. Maybe she would be able to get through to her. "I know I said it before, but you really need to learn to forgive yourself and move on. Just think about what I've said, ok?"

"Ok." Sam nodded, still absorbing what Leslie told her. "Thank you Leslie." She gave the older woman a small smile and then walked out of the office. She definitely had some things to think about now.


	11. Want Pizza?

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Eleven

"Daddy, why do I have to go spend the night with Uncle Danny?" Claire asked, watching her father pack her pajamas and clothes in her overnight bag.

"Your mother and I need to have some time to do some adult things and you'd be really bored if you were here for that." Martin explained to her.

Sam bent down to Claire's level. "I think you'll have much more fun at your Uncle Danny's house with Aunt Michelle and Kyle."

Claire started to frown. "Will Billy be there?"

"Who's Billy?" Martin asked as he closed Claire's overnight bag.

"Billy is the boy at Kyle's birthday party that was mean to her and tripped her. I think he's one of Michelle's nephews." Sam informed him.

"Oh. He's that kid." Martin nodded, understanding everything clearly now. 

"Yes." Sam replied before turning her attention back to Claire. "No, Billy won't be there."

Claire smiled. "Great! Then I will be able to have fun!"

Sam laughed at her daughter's excitement. "We'll pick you up tomorrow morning at ten, ok?"

"Ok." Claire nodded.

"And I've told Danny to make sure that he tells you a bedtime story. Knowing Danny, it won't be a very exciting story and you'll fall right to sleep." She teased.

Claire giggled. Hearing the doorbell, she ran to the door. "I'll get it!"

Sam ran after her and opened the door to find Danny there. "Hi."

"Hello. How are things?" He asked, not expecting to get an honest answer from her.

"Fine." Sam replied with a smile. "I, well we, appreciate that you and Michelle are letting Claire stay with you tonight."

"It's no problem. Sometimes grown-ups need some adult time to themselves. Michelle and I usually give Kyle to her sister for the night every once and awhile." Danny sympathized. "Are you ready to go Claire? Cause we're going to go get some pizza for dinner."

"Pizza!" Claire exclaimed happily. "Let's go!"

Sam laughed again and picked up her daughter. "Before you go anywhere, I want a hug and a kiss." 

"Ok Mommy." Claire giggled, giving her mother a hug and kiss.

"I want one too." Martin spoke up, taking Claire from Sam and giving his daughter a hug and kiss. Then he placed her back on the ground.

"Bye Mommy! Bye Daddy!" Claire waved.

"Bye Claire!" Martin waved back.

"Be good for Danny and Michelle!" Sam ordered as Danny took Claire's overnight bag and led her out the door.

"I will!" Claire yelled back, skipping and jumping all the way to Danny's car.

Sam closed the door and leaned against it. "Looks like we're alone now." She wasn't sure that Leslie's idea of giving them alone time was a good one. It had been four days since their joint therapy session and four days since they had carried on a conversation about anything not Claire related. Leslie was definitely right about Claire being a safety net for them. But now that their safety net was gone, what did that leave them with?

"Yeah, it looks like it." Martin replied, nervously shoving his hands in his pants pockets. Having alone time with Sam used to be less awkward. After Claire was born, they would give her to Danny or the Tolands so that they could spend some time alone together and they'd spend most of that alone time sequestered in their bedroom. Those were good times.

"Now what?" Sam asked quietly.

He looked at the clock that was nearby. It was almost seven. "How about dinner?"

"Ok." She agreed, going into the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, she glanced at the different things she could make for dinner. But she really didn't feel like cooking anything and didn't have much of an appetite. "Would it be ok if I just made a frozen pizza?" 

"That's fine." Martin nodded in agreement. He wasn't very hungry; dinner was just something for them to do to pass the time and hopefully stimulate some kind of civil conversation between them.

Sam pulled out the frozen pizza and placed it in the oven. After setting the temperature for the oven, she looked over at Martin and saw that he was grabbing himself a beer.

"Want one?" He asked, gesturing towards the beer. He thought that maybe a beer would help calm his nerves.

"Sure. Thanks." She took the beer from him and swallowed a huge gulp of the alcoholic beverage. She was wound up tightly and maybe this would help her relax.

"So…" He tried to think of a topic to bring up that wasn't related to Claire and wouldn't immediately cause them to start fighting but came up empty. So he took another big drink of his beer.

"So…" She echoed his statement, also trying to find a topic that they could talk about without fighting. Taking a huge sip of beer, she reminisced on how much easier this used to be. "The pizza will be ready in about fifteen minutes."

"That's good." He spoke up. "I'm starving." He realized that it wasn't good to lie about being hungry, but he did it anyway just to keep the conversation going. Although something told him that Leslie wouldn't care if they were able to have a civil conversation about frozen pizza. They were supposed to be solving some of their problems.

Neither of them could think of something to say so they stood there in the kitchen, nursing their beers and staring at random objects around the room.


	12. Not A Good Idea

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Twelve

Two hours passed by slowly for Martin and Sam. They had eaten the pizza for dinner and then moved to sit out in the living room still dodging the issues that Leslie wanted them to talk about. Instead they had turned on the TV and were talking about the shows that they watched. There were empty beer bottles strewn all over their coffee table. What had started out as a way to relax and be able to have a civil conversation with the other one had turned into an unspoken competition to see who could drink the most. There was no winner yet; they were both equally drunk, but their extremely drunken states had succeeded in making them relaxed around each other—maybe a little too relaxed though.

Sam tipped her beer back and expected to feel the cold beverage slip down her throat but the bottle was empty. She frowned. "My beer's gone."

Martin laughed at her without turning his attention from the television. "So get another one."

"Maybe I will." She quickly hopped up from the couch, becoming slightly dizzy from the effects of the liquor. But she brushed it off and disappeared into the kitchen. A few seconds later, she returned to the living room. "There's only one beer left," she told him with a smile as she started drinking it, "and it's all mine." 

He turned to look at her with a sad look. "Can't we split it?"

"Nope." She shook her head. "It's all mine." She went back and sat on the couch, staring at the TV commercial. 

"Please?" Martin scooted closer to her.

She looked at him strangely as he closed the gap between them. "No." 

He wanted that beer and knew exactly how to get it. "Come on, be nice." Martin pleaded, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. 

She closed her eyes, amazed at what an effect he could have on her just by touching her arm. It had been way too long since he's consciously touched her like that.

Just by looking at the smile that was on her face he could tell that he was getting a reaction from her and grinned. Soon that beer would be in his possession. He leaned in and lightly kissed the spot on her neck that always made her melt into a puddle.

As soon as she felt his lips touch the sensitive skin on her neck an involuntary moan slipped past her lips. He wanted that beer and wasn't playing fairly in order to get it, but she had ways to fight back. She moved over to his left ear and started nibbling on his earlobe.

He closed his eyes and enjoyed what she was doing to him. They hadn't acted like this with each other in…months…a year? He wasn't even sure how long it had been anymore. He'd lost count after six months. Maybe it was the beer, or just months of pent-up sexual energy, but he was certain that their bout of abstinence would come to an end tonight if she didn't stop what she was doing.

She could tell that she was affecting him with her actions and laughed on the inside. Maybe it had something to do with the large quantities of beer she had consumed, but she was feeling very mischievous and relaxed around him. Switching to his right earlobe, she wrapped her arms around his neck and shifted to straddle his lap.

Now it was his turn to release a moan. She was pressed up against him tightly and he could feel himself becoming aroused. It wasn't the right day to wear his tight jeans, but then again, he hadn't known that this was going to happen. As much as he didn't want to he knew they had to stop this before it went any further. This wasn't what Leslie had in mind for them to do and besides that, they were drunk. "Sam…" He gently pulled away from her so that she was still straddling him but no longer nibbling on his ear.

"What?" She asked breathlessly.

"We can't do this." He told her.

A look of anger flashed across her face. She couldn't believe the nerve of him! He started something like this, getting her going, and then rejects her? "And just why not?" She bit out angrily.

"Because we're drunk." He pointed out. 

"That's never stopped us before." She countered, starting to unbutton his shirt. But he cupped her hands in his to stop her.

"Sam…"

She sighed, biting her lip and slamming the beer bottle onto the coffee table. Then she got up from his lap and walked to the other side of the room. "Why don't we just be honest with each other about the real reason why you stopped me?"

He was confused. He really had stopped her because they were drunk and, even though his judgment skills were impaired, he still knew that this wasn't the best idea they had ever come up with. "What are you talking about? That was my real reason." 

She crossed her arms in a defensive stance. "No. You stopped me because you don't want me anymore. You haven't wanted me in a really long time." She could feel the tears building up and, not wanting to give Martin the satisfaction of seeing her cry, she started to leave the room.

Martin caught a hold of her arm to prevent her from leaving the room and spun her around so that she was facing him. He couldn't believe that she thought he didn't want her anymore. That was completely untrue. Every night, he wanted nothing more than to reach out and take her into his arms to show her how much he cared about her, but something stopped him. "You really believe that I don't want you?"

She looked at the ground, not able to look him in the eyes. "What am I supposed to think? You won't touch me, you won't kiss me and you avoid me like I have the plague!"

"I just…" He was going to explain to her that the only reason he didn't do those things was because he didn't think she wanted him to anymore, but decided to show her instead. Wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her against him tightly, he pressed a hard kiss on her lips. He hoped that if he held her tightly enough, she would be able to feel his growing desire and realize that he really did want her.

Before she knew what was happening, she was being squeezed up against him and his lips met hers in a fury of passion. She resisted for about a millisecond before wrapping her arms around his neck and savoring the kiss. As they kissed she could feel his desire pressing up against her. Feeling slightly mischievous again, she slowly grinded her hips against him in a vertical motion.

As they continued to kiss Martin could feel Sam smile, proud of the effect her gyrations were having on him. Finally they had to pull their lips off of each other in order to take in some air. Their eyes met and he could see the uncertainty in her eyes. She was waiting for him to tell her, for the second time that night that they had to stop this but he could see it in her eyes that she didn't want to stop. For the first time in a very long time he saw that old spark of desire living in her eyes as she looked at him.

She waited for him to say something, expecting him to tell her that they couldn't go through with what they had started. If he did that to her again she was prepared to simply take a cold shower as she had been doing for months now but she would prefer to have the real thing tonight. Looking into his eyes she could see the conflict within him. He was trying to decide if this was a good idea or not. After all, this wasn't what Leslie had told them to do and they were slightly drunk right now. Maybe they weren't thinking clearly, their minds muddled by the alcohol and months of sexual frustration. But she wanted this. She needed this and she could feel that he needed this too.

"This isn't a good idea." She surprised him by saying.

"I know." He nodded.

She realized that saying this would make her vulnerable to him, and she usually tried to avoid being vulnerable around him, but she decided for once to be honest. "I don't want to stop though. Just for one night, I want us to make each other feel good again."

He brushed a piece of her hair back behind her ear. She was being honest with him, and that meant a lot. "I want that too."

A small smile graced her face. "So then what are we waiting for?"

He didn't answer; he just picked her up and carried her up the stairs, wondering if this was really such a good idea. Once they reached the bedroom he put her down but kept his arms snaked around her waist.

She started unbuttoning his shirt again, this time without any resistance, and started kissing him again. Her tongue found his and locked together as the kiss went deeper and deeper.

Once she was done unbuttoning his shirt and had pulled it off of him, it was her turn to lose an article of clothing. He reluctantly pulled out of the kiss. His hands went to the where her shirt ended and in one fast movement he pulled the tight shirt over her head. It had been so long since he'd been able to kiss her that he couldn't pull his lips away from hers for very long, so his lips soon found their way back on hers for another kiss.

While he had been taking her shirt off, she had been admiring his chest. He wasn't a professional body builder, but he worked out and it showed. She had missed having his strong arms wrapped around her. Forget the consequences that may come. She wanted him and was tired of pretending she didn't.

As they kissed and let their hands roam the other person's body, he realized that this wouldn't magically solve their problems. At that moment he didn't care. He just wanted her so much that he couldn't stop even if he wanted to. So he continued on, refusing to acknowledge the fact that this night would change everything.


	13. Nothing To Talk About

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Thirteen

The next morning Sam woke up slowly, keeping her eyes closed for as long as possible. Her head felt like it had been stomped on by an elephant and she wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep and wake up when it hurt less. So she instinctively went to pull her pillow closer to her but was shocked when her hands met warm flash instead of a cold pillow. "That's not my pillow." She said quietly as she opened her eyes and saw that she was naked and cuddled up with and equally naked Martin. She could only imagine the funny look of shock and confusion that was undoubtedly on her face.

"I was wondering when you'd wake up." Martin gave her a small, awkward smile. "Good morning." He had been watching her for the past half hour, wanting to savor the moment while he could. When he woke up he was surprised to have Sam practically laying on top of him and using him as a body pillow. He was just as confused at first as she seemed to be right now until he remembered the events of the previous night.

Last night had been absolutely amazing—quite possibly the best sex they had ever had. He was certain that it was the best sex that he'd ever experienced and, judging by the ways Sam screamed his name, he was certain that it was good for her too. Now though, they were awake and not under the influence of alcohol. Now they had to deal with the fact that they failed Leslie's assignment and didn't talk about any of their problems. Now things were bound to get awkward.

Sam stared at him as memories of last night flooded her mind. They had sex…multiple times. Well that explained why most of her muscles ached so much. But now what? What were they supposed to do now? They hadn't used this time to talk, like Leslie wanted them to do. Instead they got drunk and jumped into bed together. That wasn't going to solve any of their problems—it never had in the past. "How much did we have to drink?"

"Too much." Came his reply as he noticed that she still hadn't pulled away from him yet. They were still tangled up together in the bed and she still had her head resting on his chest.

"Does your head hurt too?" She asked, afraid to move. If she could, she would stay here in bed with him like this forever. She felt safe and loved with his arms wrapped tightly around her, and she wasn't ready to give that up yet because she knew that it would end as soon as she let go.

They didn't speak much as they had sex last night except for the times when they screamed each other's names. No 'I love you's' were exchanged, no light teasing was initiated. It was just a joining of two bodies that, in that moment, needed each other. While her physical needs had been more than fulfilled, it left her heart empty and sad.

"Oh yeah." He answered, happy that they were at least still talking to each other. He had expected her to pull away from him once she woke up and then they would go back to the way they were with each other before they got drunk. But maybe they last night could be some kind of new beginning for them.

She slowly pulled herself away from him, keeping herself wrapped up in a sheet and moving to sit on the side of the bed. She couldn't believe that she had let herself get so carried away last night. Getting drunk and practically throwing herself at him wasn't the greatest idea in the world and now what was she supposed to do?

She had basically dared him to kiss her, dared him to have sex with her. That's not the way it's supposed to be in a marriage. Although she wasn't an expert in the way married people are supposed to act, she knew enough to know that a the husband and wife shouldn't have to be drunk in order to have sex.

He watched her pull away and sit with her back to him, wondering what was going on in her mind. What was she thinking about? Had he said something wrong this morning? No, he was certain that he hadn't said anything this morning that could possibly incite an argument. So why was she pulling away from him? Was she regretting last night?

He was afraid that this would happen. She'd wake up and instantly regret the fact that they had sex and then they'd be right back where they started from. He should have listened to that voice inside his mind that told him not to give in; he should've had more self-control. But he was only a man—a man with needs.

She stood up, hoping to make it to the bathroom before he tried to talk about what happened. She needed some time to process everything; she needed time to figure out what they were going to do now.

"Sam…" He called out once he saw her stand up. They needed to talk about what happened so that things between them didn't get worse. "Are we going to talk about this?"

Holding the sheet around her body tighter, she turned her head to look at him. She had made herself extremely vulnerable to him last night. She had trusted him with her heart last night, but now in the light of day, she wasn't sure she could. "I want to take a shower before we go pick Claire up. Can't this wait?"

He could see it in her face and her posture. She was pulling away from him again. They had been able to share something last night. They understood each other and he thought that they had broken down some of the barriers between them. Apparently though, she didn't feel the same way. He shifted in the bed so that he was now sitting up with his back against the headboard. "No, I don't think it can. Don't you have anything to say about last night?"

"What do you want me to say Martin?" She finally asked softly. What did he want from her? What was he expecting? She had no clue anymore.

He sighed. He wanted her to say that she loved him. He wanted her to say that their problems didn't mean anything in the end because they loved each other and that would be enough to get them through. He wanted her to say that last night was a start of a new beginning. He wanted her to say that their marriage wasn't ending, when in reality it felt like it was. There were many things that he wanted her to say, but she wasn't going to say them. "Nothing Sam. Just go take your shower."

There was a coldness in his voice that sent chills down her spine. She took one last look at him, noting that his shoulders were slumped over and he looked resigned. Not wanting to be caught staring at him, she quickly made her way into the bathroom and turned on the water in the shower. She discarded the sheet into a ball on the floor as she climbed into the shower.

All she wanted was for Martin to love her again like he used to. Was that so much to ask for? Apparently it was since she had to get him drunk in order for him to touch her. He used to want her all the time and not only when he had a couple of beers. Her tears mixed with the water from the shower as she wept for what she'd lost.


	14. We Failed The Assignment

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Fourteen

The next few days were extremely tense, as things got worse between Martin and Sam. She wasn't sure that things could have gotten worse, but somehow they had. It was getting to the point where they could barely stand to be in the same room together. They had even started fighting in front of Claire. Things were looking very bleak for them and she did not look forward to her next therapy session with Leslie. But here she was, sitting on Leslie's couch and waiting for her to get off of the phone so that their session could start.

Leslie said a quick goodbye to the person on the phone and then turned to face Samantha. "I'm terribly sorry about that. My youngest nephew just had surgery and I was trying to find out how he is doing."

Sam was sorry to hear about that. "Is it anything serious? Is he ok?"

"He was just getting his tonsils removed. He'll be fine."

"I'm glad." Sam smiled.

"So am I." Leslie smiled back. "So, how are you today?"

The smile left her face as soon as Leslie asked her that question. "I'm…well, I'm not very good."

"Why is that?" Leslie asked, hoping beyond hope that something bad hadn't happened between her and Martin.

Sheepishly, she explained, "Martin and I sort of failed your assignment."

"You mean you two didn't talk?" Leslie asked.

"That's right." Sam nodded. "Instead we did something that has made our relationship even worse."

"What did you two do that made it worse?" Leslie asked.

"We got drunk, I dared him to touch me and we had sex." Sam looked down at the floor, ready for Leslie to berate her for not doing what she wanted them to do.

Leslie was surprised at what Samantha told her. "I see". That was all she could say in her state of shock. Her understanding of their situation was that they hadn't been intimate in many months. So suddenly getting intimate because of intoxication was not such a good idea. It seemed they were learning that lesson the hard way.

"We started drinking and then I ended up daring him to kiss me." Sam explained.

"And he did." Leslie guessed.

"Yes." Sam nodded. "Then things escalated from there."

"And what happened the next morning?"

"He wanted to talk about what happened, but I didn't see the point. I mean, why talk about what happened? We got drunk, I dared him, and we had sex. The end."

Leslie watched her as she talked, noticing a pattern. "You keep saying that you dared him."

"Because I did."

"Right, but I'm thinking that there's more to it than just that. Why is it so important for you to let me know that you were the one who dared him?"

Sam took a deep breath. "I guess because I know that's the only reason why it happened."

Leslie noted that and then looked back up at her. "So why do you think that it the only reason why it happened?"

"I don't think it," Sam corrected her, "I know it. He hasn't given me any indication that he still desires me in months. No sideways glances, no brushing up against me, no kissing or touching of any kind. But then we get drunk and suddenly I look good enough to sleep with! It's humiliating to think that the only way I can get him to sleep with me is if I ply him with half a dozen beers! That's not the way a marriage is supposed to work."

"You're right about that. That's not normal for a marriage." Leslie agreed. "Did Martin tell you that the only reason he slept with you was because he had consumed alcohol?"

"No." Sam answered, nervously playing with her wedding band.

"Has Martin ever told you that he doesn't desire you anymore?"

"Not in so many words." Sam replied. "But he hasn't done anything to make me believe otherwise."

Leslie paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. "Perhaps you're not listening to him. I think what might be happening is that you're hearing and perceiving what you want to hear and perceive instead of what's actually going on."

Sam was confused. "So what you're saying is that I want to think that Martin doesn't want me anymore?"

"I think so." Leslie nodded, knowing that she was going to have to explain this better so that Samantha understood. "You see I think that you feel insecure about your attractiveness and your ability to be desirable to a man. So it is easier for you to project those feelings onto Martin. By projecting those feelings onto Martin, you make him the bad guy. It's much easier for you to say 'Martin doesn't want me' than for you to admit that you don't feel attractive."

"So what you're saying is that this is just my problem?" Sam asked, getting defensive.

Leslie could tell that Sam didn't believe in her analysis of the situation but kept the smile on her face anyway. "It's a possibility but Martin isn't completely blameless in this either. But I'll deal with Martin during his session." She knew from the past session that part of the reason why Martin pulled away from Samantha was because he didn't feel like she wanted him. It certainly wasn't a lack of desire. If only she could tell Samantha that piece of information. But she couldn't do that. Instead she had to find a way for them to talk so that hopefully they could tell each other how they really feel about each other.

"Samantha, I want you to think about what I've said today and try to figure out if I'm right."

Sam chuckled. "Aren't you supposed to be right all of the time?"

Leslie laughed softly. "I don't know about that. I've been wrong a few times but 99 of the time I'm right. Just think about it. So how have things been between you since that night?" She was almost afraid of the answer.

"Horrible!" Sam exclaimed. "We can barely be in the same room with each other. It's made everything worse. Now we're even starting to fight in front of Claire and we've never done that before."

"Oh dear." Leslie wrote down some information in her notebook. "And why do you think that is?"

"I don't know." Sam shrugged. "Things between us are just really tense now."

"Have you talked about this at all since it happened?" Leslie asked.

"No." Sam shook her head. "He wanted to that first morning, but I didn't."

"Why did you not want to talk?"

She decided to be completely honest. "I wasn't sure what to say to him. Everything's so complicated. It was even before that night and now, it's just confusing me. I want to love him the way I used to and I want him to love me like that too, but we can't seem to make it work and it's breaking my heart."

"I think it would be a good idea to tell him that." Leslie encouraged her. "Your assignment this week is to spend a half hour talking with Martin but I don't want you two to fight. I want you to open up to him just as you do in our sessions. Do you think you can try that?"

"I'll give it a try." She gave Leslie a small smile.

"I still don't think that your marriage is a lost cause." Leslie told her as she started grabbing her things to leave.

"I hope you're right." Sam stated before leaving to go back to work.

* * *

Martin put the phone down and crossed off another name on the list. When he saw Danny approach his desk, he put his pen down. "What do you have? Any leads?" 

"Not yet." Danny shook his head. "Look, don't get mad about this, but me and the rest of the team are wondering something."

"What are you wondering?" Martin asked, not in the mood to deal with Danny's joking.

"What bug has crawled up butt and died?" Danny asked. The serious look on his face was to show that he was actually being serious for once. "Really man, what's up with you? It's like you're PMS-ing or something. Is something wrong?"

Martin was silent for a moment, contemplating just how much he should tell Danny. The bullpen was empty and there was no one around to hear their conversation. Finally he decided that he needed to talk to someone so why not his best friend? "Yeah, something is wrong. It's Sam."

"What now? Are you two still at odds?" Danny asked. It pained him to see that his best friends were unhappy and being unable to help. That's partially why he was so glad to be able to help by letting Claire stay with them overnight. He thought that maybe Martin and Sam could talk out whatever issues was driving them apart. Judging by the way Martin was acting though, he could tell that nothing productive had been accomplished.

"Yeah, we're still at odds." Martin nodded.

Sam stepped off the elevator and looked around. For the past few months she had been avoiding this floor, unable to force herself to come down and see how much things had changed since she was transferred. But now she came with a specific purpose. On the way back to the office from her session, she realized that she needed to talk to Martin. They needed to form some kind of truce. She needed to tell him some things that she should have told him a long time ago. She knew that their marriage was being held up by a very thin thread and could snap at any time, but maybe there was still something she could do to fix that.

Moving away from the elevator, she noticed that Martin and Danny were crowded around Martin's desk. They both had their backs to her and didn't know that she was there yet. As soon as she got close enough to realize that they were talking about her she stopped, listening to the conversation.

"So is the therapy not working?" Danny asked, concerned about his friends' marriage.

"No, I don't think it is." Martin shook his head. "You know, when Sam and I were starting to get really serious I often wondered if I was making the right choice by loving her. I wondered if we were too different and if we would be able to make a marriage work." He paused. "I still sometimes wonder if we made the right choice getting married. And lately, I've been thinking that it was a mistake. Isn't that horrible?"

"Well, it definitely doesn't make you guys eligible for the Most Stable Marriage of the Year Award." Danny joked, hoping that his joke would lighten the mood. "You aren't thinking about divorce, are you?"

"I've been thinking about it for awhile. Normally I'd think about it for a second and then dismiss it, but lately I've been re-considering." He wasn't sure how much more fighting he could handle and knew that something had to change. If they couldn't start working out their problems, maybe a divorce would be the right solution. "Maybe it's the best solution."

"Whoa buddy, you need to really think about what a divorce would really mean. Any chance of having a happy family would be gone. You'd be shuffling Claire back and forth between two homes. Is that what you really want?"

"No of course not." Martin replied, shaking his head. "I just…there are times that I look at Sam and wonder why we got married in the first place."

Sam had finally heard enough and hurried back to the elevator. She had to get away from Danny and Martin before they realized she was listening to their conversation. After pressing the button for the elevator and deciding that the elevator was taking too long, she ran over to the nearby stairwell.

After running up two flights of stairs, she collapsed, sitting on one of the steps and burying her head in her hands to stifle the sobs. Martin was honestly considering divorcing her. Of course he was, he said it himself. He wondered why they got married in the first place. She was tired of crying; she'd been crying too much lately. Taking a few deep breaths and drying her eyes, she calmly walked up the remaining flights to her floor.

Meanwhile, two floors below her, Martin and Danny were continuing their conversation, completely unaware that Sam had been listening in. "Then there are times when I look at Sam and I can't imagine living without her. I love her so much Danny. I'm not sure I could go through with a divorce."

"Well you better be completely sure that a divorce is what before starting it." Danny advised.

"Thanks for listening." Martin gave his friend a small smile. "And I'm sorry for acting so moody. I didn't realize that I was affecting the rest of the team. I'll try to do better."

"That's all we're asking for." Danny smiled, getting back to work.


	15. It Was Just A Dream

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Fifteen

As she sat curled up on the couch and wrapped in a blanket, she stared at her wedding ring. There was nothing special about it's appearance. It was just a simple gold band that was supposed to signify that she would spend the rest of her life with Martin. She slipped it off of her finger and held it up between her index finger and thumb. She'd been sitting on the couch like this ever since she dropped Claire off at her friend's house for a sleepover. It was a good thing that Claire had made plans to stay at Sarah's house tonight because Sam really needed the time alone to think.

She'd been remembering their wedding and how happy they had been. The six years between their wedding and the miscarriage were the happiest of her life. Now she was miserable and she was certain that Martin was too. Earlier at the office when she was listening to Danny and Martin talking, she heard some things that upset her. She suddenly realized just how bad things had gotten in their marriage. Although she had dallied with the idea of divorce a few times, she never thought that Martin would consider it. He was always the one that suggested they give it more time.

But now he was starting to give up. She could hear it in his voice and was sure that if she had seen his face while he was talking, she would have seen it reflected in his eyes too. No matter how hurt or angry she got, a divorce was the last thing she truly wanted. Maybe she could still do something to save their marriage.

_Martin walked into the house, surprised that he didn't smell dinner cooking. Looking at his watch, it was the normal time for dinner. He was actually a few minutes early for dinner. Sam's car was in the driveway, but where was she? He soon found her sitting on the couch, curled up into a ball and holding her wedding ring in her hand. "Hi." _

"Hi." She replied softly, slipping her ring back onto her finger.

The house was strangely quiet. Usually he'd hear Claire singing and dancing around or the sound from the TV, but it was silent. "Where's Claire?" He asked.

"She's spending the night at Sarah's." Sam explained. "I didn't know you'd be home for dinner or I would have…"

"It's ok." He interrupted. "I'm not hungry anyway." He started to walk away so that he could go take a shower, but stopped when he heard her call out to him.

"Martin?" She waited until he stopped to continue. "Can you sit down for a moment?"

Without a word, he came over and sat on the other side of the couch, wondering why she asked him to stay. It was too much to hope for that she wanted to talk to him.

She watched him closely, noticing that his face was unreadable. She had no idea what he was thinking, and she was afraid to ask him. Taking a deep breath, she skipped any warm-up questions and went straight to the question that mattered most. "Do you want a divorce?"

He was caught off-guard by her question and looked at her strangely. Where had that question come from? Was she thinking about asking for a divorce? "Why? Do you want one? Haven't we already had this discussion before?" 

She nodded her head. "Many times, actually. But I'm asking you about it again. Do you want a divorce?"

"Do you want a divorce?" He asked, hoping to stall for time.

"I asked you first." She pointed out.

"Fine." He sighed. "Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think that it would be better for everyone if we just ended this and lived our lives separately."   
_  
She was glad that he was being honest with her, even though it hurt._

"What about you?" He asked, interested in hearing her opinion. "Do you want a divorce?"

"Sometimes, yes. I think that we'd be happier if we weren't married anymore." 

While he didn't like her answer, he was glad that they were being honest with each other. He chuckled. "Did we just agree on something?"

A small smile formed on her face as she looked down at the floor. "I guess there's a first time for everything." 

It had been a long time since they had shared a laugh about something like that. It felt nice and he didn't want to ruin the mood, but he had something he wanted to say. "Look Sam, I…"   
_  
She cut him off before he could say much. "Actually, I have something I need to say and I'd really appreciate it if you could just not interrupt me until I'm done." She was going to go through with Leslie's assignment. After all, they had already been talking for a few minutes without fighting. Maybe they could make it to thirty._

Reluctantly, he nodded to show her that he would listen without interrupting. At least she was willing to talk to him.

"I've been thinking a lot about the situation we're in right now and how we could have ever let it get this bad. I don't have any kind of answers or solutions for any of our problems. I'm not even sure I know what all of our problems are anymore! All I know is that I'm tired." She paused to collect her thoughts. "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of wondering if today is the day that you'll get fed up with me and ask _for a divorce. I'm tired of this never-ending emotional roller coaster that we seem to be on. I'm tired of looking at you and being afraid to reach out. I'm tired of going to sleep and waking up in the morning without your arms wrapped around me. And I'm tired of feeling completely alone when you're standing right next to me."_

"What I guess I'm trying to say is that although sometimes I'm sure it doesn't seem like it, I do still love you Martin." She tried to gauge his reaction, seeing his face soften.

"You still love me?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yes." She whispered. "So do you think that maybe we can still work this out and get back to the way we used to be?"

"No, I'm not sure we can. Sometimes loving someone and wanting something to work out isn't enough. We can't agree on the important things in life and we're not happy in this marriage. I think we should give up and get a divorce." Martin replied, getting up from the couch and leaving the room without another word.

The incessant ringing of her cell phone was the first thing that entered her consciousness as she started to wake up. She looked around and saw that she was still curled up on the couch. Was that all just a dream or did that conversation with Martin actually happen? At this point she wasn't sure. The ringing of her phone was starting to get annoying so she grabbed it off the coffee table. "Hello?"

"Sam, what took you so long to answer your cell phone?" Danny asked impatiently. "I tried calling the house first and no one picked up."

"I was asleep." Sam defended herself. "What's up anyway?"

Danny took a deep breath before delivering the bad news. "Sam…I don't want to be the one to tell you this but Martin's been shot." He hated having to be the one to tell Sam about Martin's injury. He remembered how out of it and scattered she was after the shooting several years ago. She could barely keep it together. Knowing that they were having problems with their marriage he wondered how this news would affect her now. Would she care just as much as she cared back then?

Her eyes widened in shock and panic. Martin had been shot? Again? Memories of the shootout Danny and Martin got in all those years ago filled her mind as she envisioned Martin being close to death again. She almost completely fell apart after the last shooting because she was so afraid to lose him. Looking down at her hand, she was surprised to see that she was shaking. "How…" She noticed her voice was shaky and took a deep breath to calm down and gain control of her voice. "How bad is it?"

"It's not bad compared to the last time." Danny answered her, knowing that she would be thinking about the last time Martin got shot. "He got shot in the leg. They're taking him up to surgery right now."

"Surgery?" Sam questioned. Just how bad was he if they needed to take him into surgery?

"He was shot in the leg. They needed to take him into surgery to fix the damage and get the bullet out." Danny explained.

Sam was already rushing around the living room, grabbing her keys and some shoes. "I'll be right there." She told him, hanging up the phone. So her conversation with Martin had been just a dream. Martin hasn't given up yet. That was good. Now he just needed to be ok so that they could fix their marriage.


	16. I Don't Want To Lose You

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Sixteen

Danny sat with Sam in the waiting room, observing her behavior because there was really nothing else to do. They had been waiting for Martin to come out of surgery for about two hours now. He was amazed by how quickly she had arrived at the hospital and guessed that she had broken some traffic laws. He had offered to take Claire to his house and let her spend the night there but she had explained that Claire was already spending the night with one of her friends. So that made things easier. She wouldn't have to tell Claire anything until after the surgery was over and Martin was awake.

Sam had been pacing around the small room for the first hour until he finally had to force her to sit down. Now she was sitting in the chair with her legs crossed and her hands resting in her lap. She would twist her wedding band around her finger, occasionally taking it off and then slipping it back on again. Aside from the initial conversation they had when she arrived, she was completely silent, seemingly wrapped up in her own little world. He could tell that she was worried about Martin, and it was good to see that she still cared enough to worry.

So far he had only heard Martin's point of view concerning their marriage problems. While this probably wasn't the most ideal time or place, he couldn't help but feel the need to ask Sam some questions. "Sam? Can I ask you something?"

She looked over at him, considering the request for a moment. "I guess. What do you want to know?"

"What's happening between you and Martin?"

She sighed, somehow knowing that he was going to ask that. "I don't know. We just haven't been connecting lately. Every time we start to talk about our problems we end up fighting and nothing gets solved." She paused for a moment, unsure about whether or not to tell him more. Eventually she gave in. "I heard your conversation with him today." 

Question marks filled his eyes as he struggled to understand. "How?"

"I was coming down to talk to Martin about something and I heard you two talking. I didn't mean to, but I know what you were talking about." She confessed.

Out of curiosity, he asked, "How much did you hear?"

"I stayed until I heard Martin tell you that he's not sure why we got married and that he's considering asking for a divorce." Her gaze shifted from Danny to the floor, unable to look her friend in the eye for fear of starting to cry.

It took Danny a moment to replay the talk with Martin in his head to find that part of the conversation. He soon realized that she left before the best part of the whole thing. "You mean you didn't stay to hear what he said after that?"

"No." She shook her head. "I wasn't brave enough to stay around for that but I can only imagine what it must've been." She wasn't sure she wanted to know what he said once she left because it might be painful to hear.

After thinking about whether or not to tell her what Martin told him, he finally decided she deserved to know. After all, she had already eavesdropped and heard the rest of it. She might as well have the last and best part of the conversation because right now she didn't have the whole picture. Knowing Sam, he would bet anything that she was thinking that her marriage was doomed based on the parts of the conversation she heard.

He would be doing both her and Martin a kind deed if he filled her in. "He said that he loves you and that he doubts he'd ever be able to go through with getting a divorce. That's the part that you missed."

She chuckled, really appreciating the fact that Danny was trying to make her feel better. "Thanks Danny, but you don't have to make stuff like that up."

"I'm not making it up." He didn't understand why she didn't believe him. "If you'd stayed around for a few more seconds you would have heard him say that."

"Yeah right." She shook her head dismissively.

"Sam, have I ever lied to you?" He asked, trying to get her to believe him.

"No." She replied, meeting his gaze. He seemed to be sincere and genuine, but it was hard to believe that Martin had said that. "I'd believe you this time, but the fact is that Martin hasn't said 'I love you' to me in months."

Months? Wow. Things were really bad. "Sam, he…" The doctor came in before Danny could finish what he was trying to say. He watched as Sam bolted from her chair and walked over to the doctor.

"Mrs. Fitzgerald?" The doctor guessed.

"Yes." Sam nodded.

"I'm Dr. Walters. I performed the surgery on your husband."

"How is he?" Sam asked impatiently.

"He's resting right now. He'll be fine." Dr. Walters smiled. "The bullet was lodged heavily in some tissue right below the knee. That's why it took us so long with the surgery. He's going to have some problems with mobility for a while, but he should be able to return to his normal active self in no time."

"That's good." Sam smiled, releasing the breath that she'd been holding ever since Danny told her about Martin.

"He's in Room 314 right now. You can go see him but he won't be awake for a while because of the anesthesia." Dr. Walters explained. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go check on another patient."

"Thank you." Sam called after the doctor. She then turned to Danny. "Thanks for staying here with me."

"It's no problem. You guys are like family to me. I had to make sure that everything was ok." He assured her.

"Well I guess you can go home to your other family now."

"Yeah. I will in a minute." Danny told her. "But first I just want to say one thing. I know it's none of my business to say anything about your relationship with Martin but when has that ever stopped me before? I'm not even going to pretend that I know what's going on between you two or what your problems are because I don't know any of that stuff. What I do know is that you two love each other. Whether or not you believe that, it's the truth. Even now, when you guys are having problems, I can still see that you love each other. I refuse to believe that a love like yours could simply evaporate one day."

A small grin formed. "Since when did Danny Taylor become such a romantic?"

"Since Danny Taylor met the woman of his dreams and married her." He smiled. "Just think about it, ok?"

"Ok." Sam nodded. 

"I'll call Jack, and the rest of the team to let them know that Martin's ok for you." He offered.

"Thanks." She looked at him walk away and thought about what he said for a moment before heading to Martin's room. The room was silent, except for the sounds of the machines monitoring Martin's heart rate and other vital signs. As she sat in the chair next to his bed she watched his heart monitor, completely enthralled by the steadiness of his heartbeat. But then again he was a steady kind of person.

She couldn't stop thinking about what would have happened if he had been shot tonight and died. How would she move on from that? Would she even be able to move on from that? Although there were times when she considered getting a divorce, most of the time when she looked to her future she still saw him there. That had to mean something, right?

Her dream when she dozed off on the couch really spooked her. It made her think about what she would do if Martin got so tired of fighting and putting up with her that he decided to leave. That wasn't what she really wanted, but it was starting to look like it was a real possibility. They couldn't keep going on in the same way they were; it wasn't fair to them and it wasn't fair to Claire. She deserved to have the family that she had before the problems started; they deserved to be happy again.

She turned her attention to him, staring at the face that she had memorized a long time ago. She knew every line, every dimple, and every feature. Seeing him in the hospital bed, looking peaceful and happy, made her want to kiss him. The doctor had said that he'd be out of it for a while because of the anesthesia, so why not? He wouldn't remember it anyway.

On impulse, she leaned in and lightly pressed her lips to his. "I don't care how much we fight or what we've said to each other. I don't want to lose you." She grabbed a hold of his hand with hers, linking their fingers together and lightly stroking the back of his hand with her thumb.


	17. I Was Scared

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventeen

When Martin opened his eyes, the first thing that registered in his mind was the extreme amount of pain that was radiating around his leg. It took him a few seconds to remember that he was in the hospital because he was shot, which explained why his leg hurt so much. He was still groggy from the surgery and had to stare at the sight in front of him to make sure that he wasn't seeing things. Sam was fast asleep, clutching his hand and resting her head on his stomach. It was such an intimate scene, one that most married couples would think nothing about, but for Martin it was enough to send his mind into overdrive.

Why was she here? Danny must have obviously called her, but why was she still here? Was she actually worried about him? And why was she holding onto his hand and clinging to him? They were fighting with each other earlier this morning. Now here she was acting like a caring, concerned wife. This confused him; Sam confused him. She was always confusing him. It was just one of the many things that she excelled at.

He didn't want to get his hopes up and start believing that she was really worried about him because she still loved him and that's why she was still here. So he rationalized that she was probably still here because she felt bad for him being shot. She was probably just here out of pity and sympathy, not wanting him to be alone when he woke up. She'd probably leave as soon as he woke up.

He was debating whether or not to wake her up when he noticed that she was starting to wake up on her own. Their eyes met and for a second he could've sworn that he saw something familiar flash across he face. It looked like relief, happiness and…love? "Hey." He softly greeted, in too much pain to smile.

"Hey." She replied, raising up her head and sitting up. She kept her hand intertwined with his though, not ready to break off all physical contact with him yet. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been shot." He answered, attempting to make a joke.

She failed to see the humor in his joke. This was the second time that he'd been shot and although this time wasn't nearly as serious as the last time, she was still scared out of her mind with worry for him. "Are you in a lot of pain? Do you want me to get the nurse to give you something?"

Surprised that she was offering to do things for him, he soon realized that she probably just felt bad for him. After all, she had been shot in the leg before and knew how painful it was. "Maybe later." He replied. The reason he didn't have her go get him some painkillers was because he wanted to see just how long she was going to keep hold of his hand. He didn't mind that she had commandeered it, taking it over as if it was simply an extension of her own, but he was curious about her presence here and her attitude towards him.

There was an awkward silence for a few moments as they both waited for the other to speak first. "So what happened out there?" She finally asked, realizing that she had completely forgotten to ask Danny about what happened.

"I got distracted and that led to me getting shot." He replied, not wanting to go into tons of details right now.

"Distracted?" She questioned. He was never distracted when out in the field; he was one of the most focused agents she'd ever known. What could have distracted him so much that he would end up allowing himself to get shot?

"Yeah, distracted." Martin repeated. "I was too caught up in my own thoughts to notice that the guy had a gun."

He didn't have to say it, deep down she knew that he was distracted because of thoughts about their marriage and its' problems. It was partially her fault that he got shot and that didn't make her feel well.

He wanted desperately to change the subject so he stuck to a topic that he knew they wouldn't fight about. "So if you're here right now, where is Claire?"

Happy with the subject change, she smiled. "She's spending the night at Sarah's house, remember?"

"Oh yeah." He nodded, remembering that Claire was having a sleepover. "That was tonight."

"I haven't told her about you yet. I wanted to wait until morning." Sam explained.

"That's a good idea." Martin agreed.

She stared at their joined hands, wondering why he hadn't pulled his away yet. Maybe he was still too groggy from the anesthesia to notice, maybe he didn't care enough to pull away, or maybe he was happy about it. She couldn't tell. His face was unreadable and she had no idea what he was thinking.

So she tried to put herself in his shoes. If she had just woken up from surgery and found Martin clutching her hand, she would be confused. After all, they weren't on the best of speaking terms and were barely civil to each other this morning. So maybe he was simply confused and that's the reason why he was so guarded with his emotions. Maybe she needed to make the first move and show him that she was here because she cared.

"You had me really worried." She confessed, hoping to break down one of the many walls that separated them. "When Danny called and told me that you'd been shot I thought…well, I was scared."

He watched her cautiously, wondering what to do now. She was confessing that she was worried about him earlier. While that was a good sign to know that she cared, he couldn't help but wonder why she was scared. Was it just because she didn't want to have to tell Claire that her father was shot and killed? Or was she also scared that he would leave her forever by getting himself killed? "Scared of what?" He finally gathered up enough courage to ask. He needed to know.

She closed her eyes and bit her lip. He wasn't going to make this easy for her; she could see that now. He was actually going to make her say it. It was understandable though because she would do the same thing if she were in his place. Besides that, he was the one who just got shot. It was the least she could do. Meeting his gaze, she replied, "I was scared of losing you because that's the last thing I want. I l--" She was about to say when she heard the door to his room open.

"Sorry. Am I interrupting anything?" A tall, female nurse asked as she approached Martin's bed.

"No." Sam lied, frustrated that the nurse interrupted her. She was finally confessing things that Martin needed to know. It was a nice moment that was ruined now.

"How are you feeling?" The nurse asked Martin, taking his vitals.

"I've been better." Martin replied keeping his eyes glued on Sam. She was baring part of her soul to him, and she might have been starting to tell him that she loved him. But this good-intentioned nurse interrupted them.

"Would you like some pain medication?" The nurse held a syringe in her hand, poised and ready to release it into his IV.

"That would be nice." He nodded. "Thanks."

"It's no problem." The nurse smiled, pushing the painkiller directly into Martin's IV. "This is a very fast acting painkiller. You should start feeling the effects soon."

"I think I already am." Martin replied, yawning.

"Yeah, this will help you get some rest also." The nurse assured him. "I'll be back to check your vitals again soon."

Once the nurse was gone, Sam wasn't sure what to do. Should she continue with what she was talking about earlier? Or had the moment for confessions passed? Finally she decided to say what she was going to say before they were interrupted. "Martin, I l…" She looked over at him and noticed that his eyes were closed and he was asleep already. Sighing, she realized that she had bad luck.

"Figures that he's already sleeping." Her hand was still holding onto his and she gave it a small squeeze as she stared at their hands. Figuring that she could use the practice, she went ahead anyway. "What I was going to say is that I love you, but I guess it will have to wait until a time when we won't be interrupted and you're not sleeping."

Martin was hovering in a state between being awake and being asleep when he heard Sam's voice. He heard every word she said, but pretended to still be sleeping. Though he couldn't help but allow a small smile form on his face when he heard her say that she loved him.


	18. I Can't Wait

Love and Marriage

Chapter Eighteen

She stood on the porch, waiting for the door to open. Once it did, she was face to face with Sarah's mother. "Hello Angela."

"Samantha! How is Martin?" Angela asked, sincerely hoping that everything was ok. Samantha had called her last night, filling her in on everything and explaining that she would come by in the morning to tell Claire.

"He's going to be fine." Sam replied with a smile. "He's in a lot of pain right now and will have trouble walking for a while, but he'll be ok."

"I'm so glad." Angela nodded.

"I hope you don't mind that I came over."

"Nonsense! It's fine." Angela assured her. "I'll go get Claire so you two can talk."

"Thanks." Sam replied, waiting out on the porch. A few seconds later, Claire appeared.

"Mommy? What are you doing here?" She asked, confused about her mother's presence.

"I just needed to talk to you about something before you went to school." Sam told her, taking her by the hand and leading her to the nearby porch swing.

"Is something wrong?" Claire asked.

"No, everything's fine now. I just wanted to tell you that last night daddy had to go to the hospital."

"Why?" She asked. She knew that they hospital was a bad place where sick people went. "Is he sick?"

"No, not exactly." Sam shook her head, trying to think of the best way to explain this to her. "He got hurt, kinda like you did at Kyle's birthday party."

"Why didn't you just put a band-aid on it and tell him a funny story? That helped me."

She smiled at her daughter's comment. "Well because there are some things that a band-aid and a story won't fix. So he went to the hospital and the doctor's fixed him."

"Is he ok?" Claire asked, starting to cry. She didn't want to think about her daddy getting hurt.

"He's fine sweetie. He's going to be just fine." She wiped the tears from Claire's face and then hugged her. "I thought that I would pick you up from school and we'd go visit him. Knowing him, he's going to be kinda bored and I know that he would love to see you. Would you like that?"

"Yeah." Claire nodded as the tears stopped. "Can we see him now? I don't want him to be bored."

"Oh I don't think so." She wished that she could take Claire over to see Martin right now, but she had to go to school. "You need to go to school and learn and he needs to rest for a bit. But I promise that we'll go just as soon as school is over. Ok?"

"Ok." She wished she could go see her daddy now, but if mommy promised they'd see him later, then they'd see him later. Her mommy wouldn't lie to her.

"I don't want you to worry about your daddy. He's fine. I promise." She kissed the top of her daughter's head.

Hearing that her mommy was promising that he was ok, she smiled. "Then I won't worry mommy."

"I love you Claire." She kissed Claire on the cheek.

"I love you too." Claire repeated, placing a kiss on her mommy's cheek.

* * *

When he woke up the next morning he immediately noticed that Sam wasn't there with him anymore. He frowned, wondering low long she had stayed once he fell asleep and if she was going to come back later. He hoped to find answers in the note that she had left lying on his stomach 

_Martin,_

_I had to leave to go talk to Claire before she left for school. I also talked to the doctor and he said that you're going to have to stay here for at least another day, so I thought I'd bring Claire by later this afternoon. That way she can see that you're really ok and hopefully won't worry as much. Unless there's an emergency at work, I'm planning on coming by during my lunch hour to see how you're doing. If you need anything before that, I'm only a phone call away._

_Sam_

He re-read her note about three times before folding it up and placing it on the table next to the bed. He was glad that she was going to bring Claire to see him later, but disappointed that he had to stay in the hospital. He had been hoping to be released today. Judging from her note it sounded like she had stayed the night here with him but he couldn't be certain of that. The last half of the note was encouraging. Maybe she was telling the truth last night when she said that she still loved him. After all, she was going to visit him later and explicitly offered her help to him. Maybe it wasn't too late to save their marriage after all.

* * *

Sam walked down the hallway of the hospital to Martin's room. True to her word in her letter, she was coming by during her lunch break. But she couldn't help being slightly nervous about how he would react to her visit. Would they start talking about their problems? Would he want to talk about that? Would they gloss over their problems and just make small talk for an hour? She wasn't sure that now was the best time to bring up their problems, but what else would they talk about? Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to his room. "Hey." 

He looked over and saw Sam standing there with a smile on her face. She was here, just like her letter said. "Hey."

"How are you feeling?" She asked as she walked closer to his bed.

"I've been better and I've been worse." He replied honestly. "They gave me more pain medication but at least this stuff won't make me sleep for ten hours."

"That's good." She laughed. "You weren't exactly the best company last night because of the snoring."

"I don't snore." He objected.

"Well you did last night." She argued, playfully slapping his arm.

He laughed, enjoying the fact that they were actually joking around with each other and making the other laugh. "Did not."

"Did too." She stuck her tongue out at him, even though she knew that it was a childish thing to do. But it was an impulsive move, inspired by the playfulness of their conversation.

"Did not." He shook his head vehemently.

She placed her hands on her hips. "If you don't stop being difficult I won't give you what I brought for you."

"You brought me something?" He asked, surprised that she would do something like that.

"Yes." She replied, noting the look of sheer surprise on his face. Had things really gotten so bad between them that he didn't think she'd do anything nice for him? "I brought you two things." She put her large purse on his bed.

"You brought me a purse?" He joked.

"No." She replied seriously. "Why? Do you want one?"

"Not really." He grinned.

"I didn't think so." She reached into the bag and pulled out a deck of playing cards. "I know that you've probably been bored sitting here all day so I brought you these. I thought you could work on your solitaire game."

"Thanks." He replied. "So why did you have to bring a bigger purse for that?"

"I had to bring the larger purse so that I could smuggle everything into the hospital."

"Why?" He asked, picking up the cards. "Does the hospital have a no playing cards rule?"

"No." She chuckled. "But they don't allow this in here." She pulled out a big box of takeout food from her purse and set it down on the bed within his reach. "I was thinking about the last time you got shot and remembered that you said one of the worst parts about being stuck in the hospital was the food. So I smuggled you in some decent food."

He opened up the styrofoam container and noticed that it was his favorite sandwich from his favorite restaurant. She was really going all out to be nice to him. He couldn't help but wonder what she was up to. Was she trying to prove that she loved him or was she just trying to be nice since he got shot? Besides that, they weren't fighting; they were actually joking around with each other. Other than the night that they got drunk, they hadn't joked around like that in months. So what changed?

"This isn't just decent food." He explained to her. "This is my favorite food. You didn't have to…"

"I know." She interrupted. "But I wanted to do something nice for you."

"Thanks." He appreciated the effort that she was making to get along with him and to be nicer to him. Now he wondered what he could do for her to show her that he appreciated it.

"You better eat it before a nurse comes in and takes it away." She advised, removing her purse from his bed and sitting in the chair next to the bed.

He quickly moved to sit up in the bed and licked his lips in anticipation of eating some real food. The slop they had given him for breakfast and lunch wasn't good enough for him. He hadn't eaten much lately so he was starving.

She watched him eat and enjoyed seeing the look of sheer joy on his face. The fact that he could be so happy and content just by eating his favorite foods had always amazed her. It was such a child-like quality—one that she didn't have.

"This is great." He said in-between bites. Noticing that she wasn't eating and was instead just watching him, he became slightly embarrassed at the way he was scarfing down his sandwich. "Have you eaten?"

"No," she shook her head, "I haven't."

"Have you eaten at all today?" He asked.

"No." She replied.

"Are you going to eat at all today?" He asked. Not eating all day wasn't a good idea.

"Eventually." She shrugged.

He eyed his sandwich and then her before tearing off a piece and handing it out to her. "Here. Take part of this."

She looked at him strangely, like he was offering her something weird. "I can't. I got that for you."

"And I appreciate it, but I don't want you to starve." He told her, waving part of the sandwich in her face. "Take it, please?"

She sighed, taking the sandwich. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He smiled, grateful that she didn't argue with him about it. They continued to eat for a few minutes in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

"I better get going." Sam finally sighed, not looking forward to going back to work. She would have liked to stay with him longer.

"Thanks for stopping by and for the food." He thanked her.

"It's the least I could do." She shrugged it off. "I'll be back later with Claire."

"Can't wait." He replied. He really couldn't wait until Sam came back and not just because she was bringing Claire. He couldn't wait to see how long this new cease-fire between them would last before they started fighting again.


	19. Can I Have A Dog?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Nineteen

Martin was propped up in his hospital bed, trying not to be completely bored. Danny and the rest of the team had stopped by after Sam left and the nurses kept coming in to check on him, but for the most part he was alone and bored. About an hour and a half ago he picked up the playing cards that Sam brought him and started playing solitaire. She loved to play solitaire and do crossword puzzles but he had no idea why she loved it so much—until now. While he was playing game after game of solitaire, he let his mind wander around the many thoughts that were floating around him head. He found it very easy to focus and think while playing the card game and wondered if that's why Sam did it.

He started out thinking about the shooting. It was his fault he got shot; he realized that and took complete responsibility for it. He was so consumed with his thoughts about Sam and how, or if, they would be able to fix their marriage that he was caught off-guard by the man they were chasing. He never even noticed that the guy was holding a gun. It was a good thing that Danny was right behind him and caught the man because he would have been in trouble if he had gotten away.

Getting shot again made him think back to the shootout he was in with Danny. Even though it was years ago, he still had nightmares about it occasionally. He'd wake up in a cold sweat, reliving those moments following the shooting when he was on the pavement with Danny towering over him and trying to stop the bleeding from his wounds. His life could have ended that night; it almost had. But for some reason he lived on, marrying Sam and starting a family—a family that he had hoped would include more children by now. But apparently that wasn't meant to be.

Was their marriage meant to be? He sure hoped so. When he had proposed to her, he was certain that she was the one and only woman in the world that could make him happy for the rest of his life. While he still loved her more than ever, he couldn't help but wonder how they let everything get so bad. They loved each other, right? So how did they go from not being able to keep their hands off of each other to barely being able to stand being in the same room together?

And now what was happening? All of a sudden Sam was being nice to him and confessing her love to him. Of course he wasn't sure that she knew he heard her when she said that to him. She doesn't know that he knows what she knows. Oh boy, that was confusing. They needed to talk about what was happening but he doubted that they would get any time to really talk to each other until he got out of the hospital.

After shuffling the cards, he started dealing to play another game of solitaire to pass the time.

* * *

Claire held on to her mommy's hand as they walked out of the elevator at the hospital. "Which room is daddy in?" 

"Room 314." Sam replied. "It's farther down the hallway on the left side."

"Do you think he'll like my drawing?" She asked, looking up at her mommy.

"He'll love it." Sam smiled.

"When is he coming home?"

"Probably sometime tomorrow." Sam replied, recalling the conversation that she had with his doctor. They arrived at Martin's room but Sam held her daughter back for a moment and kneeled down to her level. "Now daddy's going to be hooked up to a couple of machines but I don't want you to be scared of that. He's only connected to the machines so that they can make sure that nothing's wrong and their completely harmless. Ok?"

"Ok." Claire nodded, eager to go inside. "Can we go in now? Please?"

She laughed at Claire's enthusiasm and stood up again. Then she held open the door. "Lead the way."

Claire didn't have to be told twice. She burst through the door and ran straight to her daddy's bed. "Daddy!"

Martin put the cards down and smiled. "Hey princess. How are you?"

"Fine." Claire nodded. "Are you ok? Mommy said you got hurt."

Martin looked over at Sam, who was slowly and quietly making her way over to Claire's side. "Mommy was right. I did get hurt, but I'm much better now."

A smile formed on Claire's face. "I'm glad."

Sam stood behind Claire and helped her take off her backpack. "Why don't you show him the picture you drew for him?"

Her face lit up even more as she remembered that. "Oh yeah!" She opened her backpack and pulled out a piece of paper. "This is for you." She handed it over with pride.

Martin took the drawing and took a look at it. It was a drawing of their house and in the front were three people. There was a fourth thing in the picture but he couldn't figure out what it was. "This is wonderful sweetie, thank you."

"You're welcome." Claire replied. She then pointed to the picture. "There's you, there's mommy, that's me and there's our dog."

Martin laughed. "Claire, we don't have a dog."

"I tried to tell her that too." Sam interjected. "But apparently she really wants one badly."

"I do!" Claire nodded enthusiastically. "Can we get a dog? Please, please, please, please please?"

"I don't know." Martin and Sam said at the same time. They shared a smile at the fact that they said the same thing at the same time.

Dejected, Claire's smile faded. She really wanted a dog. But if she couldn't have a dog there was one other thing that would be just as great. The smile returned to her face a moment later. "Then can I have a baby brother or sister?"

The smile that was on Sam's face immediately faded and she stared at the floor. Although she knew that Claire didn't bring up the subject of more children to hurt her, the pain of the miscarriage and the issues that surrounded Martin and her about having more children was once again brought into her mind. She wasn't sure what to say to her daughter. What could she say? I'm sorry honey but mommy doesn't want to have any more children because she's afraid to?

Martin's gaze traveled to Sam as soon as Claire asked for a sibling and he watched her closely. She was obviously thinking about the miscarriage. It was written all over her face. After thinking about a response for a moment he finally came up with something diplomatic to say. "Claire I'm not sure that right now is the right time to be talking about getting either a dog or a new sibling. Maybe we could talk about it another time?"

"I guess so." She sighed. All of her friends had either older or younger brothers and sisters, but she didn't. She felt left out, but maybe there was something she could do change her parents' minds and make them have another baby.

Sam looked up at Martin, grateful for delaying the talk that they were going to have to have with Claire about not getting a baby brother or sister and mouthed a 'thank you' to him.

He saw her mouth 'thank you' to him and simply smiled back. This really wasn't the right time or place to talk about giving Claire a sibling; that wasn't a lie. But now he couldn't help wondering if he could find an ally in Claire. Maybe if they pooled their collective skills they could change Sam's mind about having another baby. It was definitely something to think about.

"So has the doctor told you if he's going to release you tomorrow?" Sam asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah. He'll release me tomorrow morning." Martin replied.

"What time?" Morning wasn't specific enough for her.

"Probably around ten. Why?" He asked.

She looked at him like he was stupid. "So that I can pick you up and take you home."

"Oh." He hadn't expected her to do that. Now that he thought about it, his expectations concerning her and what she would do for him were incredibly low. Maybe that was something that he would have to talk about with Leslie. Leslie. He had completely forgotten about his therapy session today.

"We also have that appointment tomorrow afternoon." Sam reminded him. She used the word appointment and hoped he figured out that it meant their joint therapy session because she didn't want Claire to know that her parents were in therapy. Then she'd have to explain to her what therapy was and why her parents needed it. It would be better for everyone involved if Claire stayed ignorant to her parent's problems.

It took him a moment but he finally figured out that the 'appointment' was their therapy session. "I forgot about my appointment today though."

"I took care of that and explained that you wouldn't be there." Sam told him. She knew that he had an appointment and, since he was in the hospital, she took it upon herself to call Leslie and explain what was going on.

"You did?" He was pleasantly surprised. "Thank you."

"No problem." Sam smiled.

Martin then turned his attention back to his daughter. "So did you have a good time staying with Sarah last night?"

"Yeah!" Claire exclaimed, ready to go into great detail about everything they did.


	20. One Day At A Time

Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty

"Ok easy now." Sam exclaimed, helping Martin lay down on the couch. Once he had his body on the couch she took a few pillows from the chairs nearby. She placed one of the pillows underneath his injured leg and then put the other two behind his head. "Are you comfortable?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem." She gave him a small smile.

The car ride home from the hospital was awkwardly silent but now that they were home he wondered if they would be able to talk. They really needed to.

"Do you need anything? Something to drink?" Sam asked as she looked around for the remote control. She soon spotted it on the table behind the couch and retrieved it, placing it within Martin's reach.

"I'm fine." He replied. "I do really appreciate everything you've been doing for me the past couple of days."

She shrugged it off. "It's nothing."

"No it's something—at least it is to me." He corrected her. "It's means a lot to me that you've been here and helping."

Where else would she have been? She'd have to be heartless to not do anything she could to help him. He was shot. That took precedence over any problems they were having.

"Do you have to go back to work now?"

"No. I took the whole day off." She explained. "It was easier than having to leave to pick you up and then again to go see Leslie." Even though that was one of the reasons she took the day off, it wasn't the only one. She didn't feel right leaving him here alone on the first day he got out of the hospital. She had been shot in the leg before and knew exactly how painful it was to even move an inch. She wanted to be there for him in case he needed something. Tomorrow was the beginning of the weekend, so she'd be around during the day to help him for another couple of days before having to go back to work. Maybe by then he would be feeling better.

He wondered if that was the only reason she was staying home with him or if she just didn't want to leave him home alone but he didn't press the issue. "Do you have anything that you need to do right now?"

"Um, not really." She replied. "I thought about doing some laundry…"

"Can it wait?" He asked.

"Why?" She knew that as soon as they got home he'd want to talk. Even though she knew that they should talk, she didn't want to ruin the friendly atmosphere they had right now.

"I think you know that we need to talk." He explained.

"Yeah," she sighed, "I just don't want to end up fighting again."

"Well I don't either." He gave her a smile. "See? We're not fighting; we're agreeing on things."

She let out a small laugh. "But we haven't started talking about the things that we usually fight about yet."

"True." He nodded. "I guess we don't have to talk right now, but I thought that now would be a good time to try Leslie's assignment again. Claire's not here."

He did make a good point and she knew that they would have to talk eventually. There was no point in delaying the inevitable. "Ok. We'll try this talking thing that Leslie's so gung-ho about."

"Great." He was glad to see that she was willing to talk. It was a good first step.

She stood there watching him and waiting for him to begin, but there was just silence because they were each waiting for the other person to start talking. After a few moments she sat down on the coffee table and placed her hands in her lap.

"I guess I'll start." Martin finally spoke up when he realized that Sam wasn't going to speak first. "I heard what you said to me."

"I've said a lot of things to you, Martin." She pointed out. "Could be a little more specific?"

"Oh, sure. Sorry" He smiled. "I heard what you said to me when you thought that I was asleep because of the pain medication." He paused for a moment. "I heard you say that you love me."

She nervously started wringing her hands together while they rested in her lap. "Oh. You heard that."

"Yeah." He nodded.

She kept her eyes focused on her hands. "I meant it."

"I know." He told her. "And I know that I haven't told you this in a long time but I love you too."

"Really?" She whispered, almost unable to believe it.

"Absolutely. He assured her.

She bravely looked up at him and allowed their eyes to meet. She could see it in his eyes that he was being truthful with her. It'd just be so long since she'd heard those words coming from him.

"Well I guess since we're confessing things, I should confess something to you." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Earlier in the day before you got shot, I came down to talk to you. I found you talking with Danny and I overheard part of your conversation."

"Which part?" He asked, sincerely hoping that she stayed around to hear the last part. The last part was the only positive thing he said the entire time.

"The bad part." Sam replied. "I left after I heard you say that you weren't sure why we got married in the first place."

"Oh." He could only imagine how hard that was for her to hear. He didn't mean it; he was just frustrated. "Sam, I'm sorry. I didn't…"

She held up her hand to stop him from continuing. "You don't have to be sorry or apologize for how you feel. It's ok."

"I was just venting and I didn't mean it." He needed her to understand that. "You didn't hear what I said after that, did you?"

"No." She shook her head. "Danny told me though."

"I meant that part." He reached out to take a hold of her hand. "I can't picture my life without you in it; I don't want to."

Hearing him say that to her made her heart melt and she could feel herself wanting to cry. At least the tears were because of happiness this time. She placed her other hand on top of his, giving it a little squeeze. "I don't want you out of my life either."

A huge smile formed on his face. "I'm glad to hear that."

"So since we have that established, what do we do now?"

He only knew one thing. "We continue seeing Leslie and start talking more. Rebuild our relationship."

She didn't want to seem like she was a pessimist, but she felt like she had to ask. "Do you really think we can? We've been so distant from each other and fighting so much. Is it even possible to get back what we had before? 'Cause I want to get it back but how are we supposed to do it?"

"I don't know how." He told her honestly. "I don't have the answers. But I think the fact that we've been talking and have yet to fight is a good sign. Don't you?"

"Yeah." She replied softly, nodding her head. "Maybe we just take things one day at a time?"

"Sounds like a good plan." He smiled.


	21. Strange CeaseFire Period

Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty-One

Leslie watched Samantha with interest as she helped Martin into the room and then doted on him, helping him sit down and then checking to make sure he was ok. Then she sat down on the couch, but not in her usual spot. She wasn't clinging to the side of the couch like she normally did. This time she was sitting closer to the middle of the couch, only a few inches away from Martin. This was an interesting development. "So Martin, how are you feeling?"

"I've definitely been better." He answered with a small smile. "But I've been worse too."

"Well it could have been much worse. I'm just glad that you were only shot in the leg." Leslie replied.

"I'm glad about that too." Sam echoed quietly.

Leslie heard Samantha's statement and wondered just what had happened to them since she last spoke to Samantha. Had they actually taken her advice for once and starting opening up the lines of communication? She really hoped so, but with these two it was never safe to assume anything. "Now when Samantha came in for her individual session, she mentioned that you two were fighting with each other a lot and that it had gotten very ugly. Are you still fighting?"

Sam gave Leslie a smile. "Actually, right now we're in a strange cease-fire period."

"Strange cease-fire period?" Leslie repeated.

"Yeah." Martin nodded. "We haven't really fought with each other in a couple of days and we're trying to avoid fighting."

"You forgot to tell her that we've also been trying to talk more." Sam looked over at Martin and reminded him nicely.

"Oh yeah, thanks." He smiled, letting his gaze linger on her before turning to face Leslie. "We're trying to talk more."

"I see." Leslie nodded, watching them carefully. They were completely different people and for a moment she wondered if the real Martin and Samantha had been abducted by aliens and replaced with pod people. Of course that was an extreme reaction, but it would make sense. The people sitting in front of her had undergone an extensive change in a very short period of time.

They weren't fighting. They were sitting closer together on the couch. They were being polite and helping each other out. They were giving each other smiles and sharing looks. While she was ecstatic for them if they really were making progress with their problems, she couldn't help but wonder what spurred this on. Was it Martin's shooting? Did that draw them closer together? They said they had been talking. What did they talk about? Had they talked about their problems? Had they come up with any solutions or come to any conclusions? Or were they glossing over their problems and hoping that they would work themselves out? She couldn't be sure right now, but was determined to find out.

"So what have you been talking about?" Leslie asked.

"Well, we haven't been talking about too many things." Sam answered.

"Ok." Leslie nodded.

"But I think we've established that we're both dedicated to making this marriage work." Sam glanced over at Martin. "Right?"

"Yes." He nodded. "We did establish that."

"Well that's definitely a step in the right direction." Leslie made a few notes. "Have you talked about anything else? Any of your problems?"

"No, not really." Sam shook her head.

"To be honest, we're not sure what to start talking about first." Martin added.

"That sounds normal." Leslie nodded. That was understandable for them to not know what to start with. They had a lot of issues to work through. After thinking about it for a moment, she had an idea. "Are you open to a suggestion?"

"Absolutely." Sam smiled, grateful for any help from Leslie.

"Well, your communication skills definitely need work. Perhaps you need an easy subject to practice on before tackling the heavier issues." She smiled. "Think of it as a form of training wheels. My suggestion is that you start talking about the incident surrounding the night that Claire spent the night away and you two were intimate. There seems to be a lot of confusion and conflict surrounding that night and I think it would be good for the two of you to express your feelings about it."

Martin and Sam shared a look of mutual panic as Leslie brought up their night of drunken sex. Neither of them wanted to talk about it even though they knew that it would be a good idea. Maybe it could alleviate some of the awkwardness they still felt around each other and help them rebuild.

"Share what you think and feel about it." Leslie continued, noting the look of panic on their faces. She could tell that they didn't want to talk about it, but of course they never wanted to talk about anything. So why should this be any different? But if they were really dedicated to making their marriage work they would get past their personal attitudes and work on communicating more. "If you can talk about that night with total honesty and without fighting, I think then we should try to talk through some of the other problems. Do you think you two can handle that?"

Martin stole another quick glance at Sam before looking at Leslie again. "I think we can at least try."

"Yeah." Sam agreed. "I think we can try."

"Good." Leslie smiled. She couldn't help but wonder if they were actually going to talk about it or not. She'd been giving them a lot of assignments lately and they seemed to fail every single one of them. Hopefully that was about to change because their stubbornness could cost them their marriage.


	22. I'm Counting On It

Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty-Two

Later that evening, Martin was lounging on the couch watching TV and waiting for Sam to finish making dinner. The car ride back from the session had been relatively quiet since they were both thinking about the obvious talk that was going to have to occur between them about the night they had sex.

Claire bounced into the room and stood in front of the couch, blocking his view of the TV. She had been given the important job of telling him about dinner and took it very seriously. "Mommy said to tell you that dinner will be ready in ten minutes."

Martin smiled at her professionalism. "Thank you for the message."

She was proud of herself for getting the message right. "You're welcome." Even though she was done relaying the message she stayed where she was, looking at his leg and pointing. "Does it hurt?"

He looked at his leg. Yes it hurt; it hurt a lot. But he wasn't going to tell his daughter that because then she would worry about him. "Not really."

She wasn't sure she believed him when he said that, but had no reason to doubt him.

He scooted over on the couch and patted the empty space. "Why don't you come sit with me until dinner's ready?"

Her face broke out into a huge grin and it didn't take her long to climb onto the couch and snuggle up close to him.

"So how was your day?" He asked, not paying attention to the TV anymore and instead focusing completely on her.

"Fine." She replied, her voice lacking the normal enthusiasm it usually held when she discussed her day.

"Just fine?" He questioned. Usually her day was great and she'd go on for ten minutes about what she did. "Did something bad happen?"

"No, nothing bad." She shook her head.

"But something happened?" He guessed, trying to gently pry it out of her.

"It was a show and tell day." She explained. "A lot of kids brought pictures of their little brothers or sisters."

"Oh." He was finally starting to understand what the problem was. "And you didn't have one to bring in pictures of."

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Sweetie, why do you want a brother or sister?" He was curious about whether she just wanted one because her friends had one or if she truly wanted a sibling.

"My friends have them." She replied honestly. "Sarah has a little brother and she gets to help take care of him. She looks after him and teaches him things. I want that."

So she wanted a sibling so that she could be a good big sister. That was cute and also a good reason.

"Can you and mommy have a baby?" Claire begged. "Please? I'll be really good and you won't have to get me anything for Christmas or my birthday."

He hated having to tell her no, but he doubted Sam would be willing to have another child—especially right now. How was he supposed to explain this in a way that she would understand? "Claire, giving you a baby brother or sister is something that your mother and I have to think about very carefully. There are a lot of things to consider and it's complicated. But we'll think about it, ok?"

"Ok." She replied, not happy with his answer. She really wanted a brother or sister to talk to and play with. She wanted to be the big sister that taught the younger one what she knew. But that wasn't going to happen. She knew enough to know that when her daddy said he'd think about something it usually always meant that he was just trying to avoid telling her no. She got up from the couch. "I'm gonna help mommy with dinner."

He watched her leave the living room and felt bad about having to deflate her hopes of getting a sibling. But he couldn't promise her anything; it wasn't just his decision to make. Although he'd love to give Claire a sibling, or maybe three, he wasn't the only one who was involved in the process. Sighing, he realized that the topic of children were another one of the problems they were going to have to work through.

* * *

"Goodnight sweetie." Sam kissed Claire on the forehead and turned out the lights. "I love you." 

"Love you too." Claire replied in a groggy voice before succumbing to sleep.

Sam watched her daughter sleep for a moment, thinking about how peaceful she looked when she slept. She toyed with the idea of staying here in Claire's room until she was certain that Martin had fallen asleep, but dismissed that idea. They needed to talk and he would probably just wait up for her anyway. Not seeing the need to delay the inevitable any longer, she crept out of Claire's room, softly closing the door behind her.

As she entered their bedroom, she saw that Martin was resting in bed, busy reading a book. After slipping into her pajamas, she walked over to his side of the bed. "Have you taken your pain medication yet?"

"No, not yet." Martin replied, looking up from the book.

"Do you want some more water?" She asked, pointing to his empty glass.

"Yes please." He nodded.

"Ok." She took the glass into the bathroom and turned the water on. Before she filled the glass she took a good look at herself in the mirror. Her hair was slightly messed up and there were dark circles forming under her eyes since she wasn't sleeping well lately. There wasn't anything she could do about the dark circles right now, but she could fix her hair. So she grabbed her hairbrush and quickly brushed down the wild, untamed hair. Finally, she filled up the glass and left the bathroom. "Here you are." She placed the glass on the table next to the bed before walking to her side of the bed.

"Thanks." He replied with a smile as he opened up the pill bottle. He noticed that she had brushed her hair while in the bathroom. Although her messed-up hair had looked kinda cute, she looked even better with her hair brushed. After taking his medication he placed the glass back on the table, along with his book. "So do you want to talk now or another night?"

She climbed into bed, laying on her back and staring at the ceiling. "Now's fine I guess."

He nodded. Now seemed like the best time for him too. Why delay it any longer? "Do you want to go first or do you want me to?"

Sam turned over onto her side so that she was facing him. "I just want to know one thing and I want you to be completely honest with me. Ok?"

"Ok." He answered. "I promise that I'll be totally honest."

She paused for a moment, thinking about the right way to word her question. "If you hadn't been drunk…if we hadn't been drunk, would that night have happened? Would you have slept with me?"

He tried to think of the best way to say it. "Probably not."

She knew it; her fears had been confirmed. The only reason why he wanted her that night was because he was drunk. She rolled over onto her back, closing her eyes and wishing she could sink into the floor right about now. "Thanks for being honest."

"You didn't let me finish." He told her, seeing that his answer had hurt her. That wasn't his intention but it was the truth. They wouldn't have slept together if they hadn't been drunk. "We probably wouldn't have slept together, but not because I wouldn't have wanted to."

Her eyes opened slowly and she turned her head to look over at him. "What do you mean?"

He smiled at how dense she was being and grabbed her hand, linking their fingers together. "I love you Sam, and I've never stopped wanting you."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Then why haven't we had sex in so long?"

"Well, we haven't exactly been on good terms with each other." He explained. "And I know that I didn't initiate anything because I didn't think you wanted me anymore."

She looked away, slightly embarrassed to be saying this to his face. "Martin, I've always wanted you. All I wanted was for you to reach out for me, to show me that you cared, but you didn't."

"Well you didn't either. You could have initiated something. You've never had a problem initiating sex before." He pointed out gently, hoping she didn't get mad because of his comment.

"I know that." She would have gotten mad at his comment if it hadn't been the truth. "And I could've, but I was afraid you'd reject me and I couldn't have dealt with that."

"Me either." He commented. "That's why I was hesitant to do anything too."

She let out a soft laugh. "We're quite a pair, aren't we?"

He shared a laugh with her. "How is it that we're brave enough to be FBI agents but not brave enough to say what we feel to each other?"

"I don't know." She shook her head. "It's kinda pathetic though when you think about it."

"Maybe a little." He agreed, staring at their joined hands. "I'm sorry about that night. We really shouldn't have jumped into bed and avoided our problems like that."

"Yeah. It probably wasn't the best idea we've ever had." She agreed, bringing her eyes to rest on their hands. "Doesn't mean it wasn't fun though."

"Definitely." A grin appeared on his face as he remembered that night. "It was fun."

Both of them were quiet for a few moments as they thought about what to do next. "We've just had an honest and open conversation." Sam finally said.

"Leslie would be so proud." Martin interjected.

Sam smiled. "She probably would. But you know what this means?" The fact that they were able to talk about this and settle one of their problems was a major first step. Although they still had some difficult issues to discuss, it was definitely a good start.

"Yeah I think so." He answered. "Maybe this means we can take off those training wheels Leslie was talking about."

She stayed quiet, deep in thought. "Are we going to be ok?" She finally asked softly. "I mean, do you think someday everything's going to be ok again?"

He reached out and pulled her over to his side of the bed, wrapping his arms around her. "I hope so, because I'm counting on it."


	23. Never Too Early

Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty-Three

Three days later, Sam was driving with Claire in the backseat. They had gone to pick up some carry-out food to take home for dinner. Martin had been recovering nicely but still wasn't fully mobile yet. He wouldn't be going back to work for at least another week, and even then he would have to be on desk duty until the doctor released him for field work.

She liked to think that their relationship had grown stronger these past three days ever since they had that talk about their night of drunken sex. Although they hadn't talked about any of their other problems yet she had high hopes that they were slowly getting back what they had let slip through their fingers.

"Mommy?" Claire asked from the backseat.

"Yes Claire?" Sam answered, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Can we get a dog?" As an afterthought she added, "please?"

Sam sighed. She knew that they would have to have this conversation eventually but was hoping that it would be later. "A dog is a big responsibility." She wasn't sure that Claire was old enough to take on that kind of responsibility yet.

"I know." Claire nodded. Her daddy had already told her no to this, but she had to at least try and ask her mommy about it too. "If I can't have a dog, can I have a baby brother or sister? All my friends have one. They get to teach them stuff. I wanna do that too."

Thankfully they were stopped at a red light when Claire asked that question. How was she supposed to tell her daughter no when she had such good reasons for wanting a younger sibling? "Sweetie, I don't think that right now is a good time for your daddy and I to have a baby. Besides, it's a big decision and there are a lot of things to consider. Why don't you let your daddy and I think about it for a while?"

"Fine." Claire pouted. "That's what daddy said too."

"I'm sorry sweetie. I just don't think that right now is the right time." She felt bad about telling Claire no, but it really wasn't the best time. They were trying to rebuild their marriage right now and the added strain of having a baby would only mess that up. Besides, she wasn't sure she could handle being pregnant again. It scared her too much.

The remaining few minutes of the car ride were silent and Sam could tell that Claire was unhappy with her for saying no to having another baby. But what was she supposed to say? She couldn't tell her daughter the real reasons why they weren't having another child. She only hoped that Claire would understand.

After pulling into the driveway, Sam got out of the car and opened up the backseat where Claire was strapped into her car seat. She quickly unbuckled the car seat and helped her get out of the car before reaching into the front seat and grabbing the food from the passenger seat. Claire had already run into the house and had probably already found Martin to tell him they were home with the food.

And she was right. On her way into the dining room she saw Martin slowly making his way from the living room with Claire walking beside him. She was recounting her day at school, making animated gestures with her hands and giving her father a huge smile.

Sam placed the bag of food on the table and started distributing it around the table. Until now she hadn't really noticed just how much Claire was like Martin. They definitely had the same disarming smile. It was the kind of smile that could make you feel better no matter what was going wrong with your life. And Claire also had the same kind of reserved attitude that Martin had. They were calm and collected until they got excited or passionate about something. Then they talked a mile a minute and their eyes lit up like firecrackers.

"So then Jake took my crayons and pulled my ponytail." Claire told her daddy as they entered the dining room.

"Who's Jake?" Martin asked as he slowly made his way to the table.

"He's a boy in her class." Sam explained. "He's been teasing her and pulling on her hair a lot lately, hasn't he?"

"Uh-huh." Claire nodded.

"Sounds like you have an admirer." Martin joked. "I think this Jake boy likes you."

"Ew daddy! That's gross!" Claire squealed.

"You think that it's gross now but unfortunately there will come a day when you won't think that boys are gross." Martin sighed, not looking forward to that day. He hoped it wasn't coming for at least another ten or twenty years.

"I don't think so." Claire shook her head.

"Well your mother thought boys were gross, didn't you?" Martin asked Sam, hoping for her to back up his claim.

"Yep," Sam nodded, "and as a matter of fact I still think boys are gross."

Martin and Claire both laughed at her comment. "See?" He looked over at his daughter.

Sam smiled. This conversation was making her remember a conversation that she had with Martin the night after Claire was born.

_Sam released a huge yawn as she woke up, still feeling exhausted even though she had just gotten a few hours of sleep. Something told her that she should get used to feeling tired for the next eighteen years. Turning her head to the left she saw Martin was standing by the huge hospital window, holding Claire as he looked out at the New York skyline. It was nighttime and the only lights were from the buildings and the street below them. He was talking to her and swaying back and forth to keep her calm._

_"You know, your mother and I are so happy to have you." He explained. "We're never going to let anything happen to you because we love you and we're going to protect you. And I'm sorry to have to tell you this now young lady, but you're never dating. I don't want you to have anything to do with boys."_

_Sam laughed loudly, causing him to turn around and give her a strange look._

_"What's so funny?" He smiled._

_"She's never dating?" Sam asked. "Don't you think it's a little early to even be thinking about that? She's barely a day old."_

_"It's never too early to start planning for her future." He pointed out. "And no I'm not joking. I'm not letting boys around her because boys are trouble."_

_"I agree with you about that." Sam nodded. "Boys are definitely trouble, but what are you going to do? Lock her in her room her whole life?"_

_His eyes lit up and Sam could almost see the light bulb go off in his head. "Now there's a good idea."_

_"I'm joking!" Sam laughed. "Besides, if she's locked up in her room for her entire life, how is she going to find that one special guy to spend her life with like I found you?"_

_He came over and sat on the side of her bed, cradling Claire close to his chest. "I thought I found you."_

_Sam grinned. "That's because you're a man."_

_"Ha ha." He rolled his eyes before going back to their conversation about Claire and boys. "I guess we could let her out occasionally."_

_"Why don't we get through the first few years of her life before making any big decisions like locking her up in her room?" Sam suggested, sitting up and taking Claire from him. "We'll have plenty of time to plan her future later."_

_"I guess." He replied, leaning in a giving Claire a kiss on her forehead before kissing Sam. "I love you—both of you."_

_"And we love you too." She smiled._


	24. Wondering Why

Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty-Four

That night, after the lights went out in their bedroom, Sam and Martin both laid in bed wide awake. "Martin?" Sam called out softly. "Are you awake?"

"Yes." He replied in a whispered tone.

"Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course." He answered, turning his head to face her.

She shifted around in the bed so that she was laying on her side and facing him. "Claire really wants a dog."

"Or a new sibling." Martin added, noticing that Sam was completely dismissing the idea of having another baby. He knew that she didn't want any more children so why had he held out hope that she'd suddenly change her mind now?

"Right." She hoped that Martin realized that they weren't going to be giving her that sibling, but that wasn't the conversation that she wanted to have right now. "What do you think about getting her a puppy? You know, just a small dog?"

"Do you honestly think that she's ready to take care of a dog?" He wasn't so sure. It was very probable that they would be the ones taking care of the dog.

"I don't know." She replied honestly. "I think we might end up being the ones that take care of it."

"Then there's your answer."

"But I was talking to her about it today and I felt really bad. She just wants someone to look after and teach things, and since I don't foresee us having any more kids, maybe a dog is the right thing to give her."

He couldn't help but bring it up. "You don't foresee us having any more kids at all or just not right now?"

She sighed. "Martin do we have to talk about this right now?"

"I'm just curious Sam." Martin sighed, turning his head away from her. "I'd like to know what you've decided about children since apparently you're the one that's making the final decision about it."

She could hear the animosity in his voice and wondered why she brought this up when she knew that they would end up talking about the children issue. The last thing she wanted to do when bringing up this subject was fight with him but it seemed like that was inevitable now. "Don't be like that."

"Like what?" He asked, frustrated with her.

"Defensive and angry." She answered.

"I'm simply curious. You seemed to have decided that we're never having any more children without even discussing it with me. Are there any other decisions that you've made on your own?" He didn't mean for his tone to sound so harsh and mean, but he was frustrated.

She took a deep breath in hopes of calming down instead of snapping at him. "Can we please just go back to talking about getting Claire a dog? I'm not in the mood to fight with you tonight."

"I don't want to fight with you either." He admitted. "But that doesn't change the fact that this is something we need to talk about. I want more children. Claire wants more children. The only person here that doesn't want more children is you and I'm left wondering why."

She could feel the headache coming on as she tried to figure out a way to get out of this conversation. Unfortunately it seemed like there was no way to avoid this talk.

"You're a wonderful mother." He lowered his voice and stopped using the harsh tone he was using earlier. "Claire absolutely adores you and I know that you love her too. You're great with her. You always manage to explain things well enough so that she always understands what's going on, you're always there for her anytime she needs you, and you're just an overall great mother. So I just don't understand why you're so against having more children."

He noticed that she was being silent so he just continued what he was saying. Leslie had told him to be completely honest with Sam so he'd give it a shot and lay everything out on the table. "I've always had thought that having a baby was a sign of love and commitment for a couple. It's a physical manifestation of the love that two people share, something that forever bonds them together and strengthens their love. At least that's what it's supposed to be."

She was speechless. He had never told her that before and she had no idea that he believed that so strongly. "Why haven't you ever told me that before?"

"You never asked." He replied with a shrug. "Look Samantha, I love you. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. Watching you carry Claire and be the mother of my child has been the greatest gift that you've ever given me. But I can't help wondering if you don't want any more children because you don't love me as much as I love you."

"You honestly believe that I don't love you as much as you love me?" She was shocked by his statement. Although they hadn't been on the best of terms lately she at least thought that he knew how much she loved him—especially because they've been trying to be more open about that the past few days.

"I'm not sure what to believe anymore." He sighed. "I know that you love me, but your reluctance to have any more of my children leads me to think that maybe you don't love me enough."

She had never thought that he would take her reluctance to have more children as a form of an insult or slight upon himself. This wasn't about him or how much she loved him. This was a personal problem that she had to figure out how to deal with by herself. "My reluctance has nothing to do with you Martin." She tried to assure him, reaching over the bed and lightly grabbing him arm.

He pulled his arm away, wincing as if he had been burned from her touch. A part of him was slightly embarrassed that he had shared that much with her and had admitted that he felt inferior. "Let's just talk about getting Claire a dog."

She didn't want to let it go without talking more about it, but she also didn't want to him into talking when it was painfully obvious to her that he didn't want to. If she did push him, she was certain that they would end up in a really bad fight. She'd let it drop for now, think more about what he said, and then talk about it later.

"I think we should take some more time and think about this a little more before we go out and buy her a dog. It's a big decision. I'm not sure it's a good idea right now, even though I know it would make her happy. I'm not sure she's ready for such a responsibility."

"Maybe you're right." Sam sighed. "I guess we can wait a while before making any big decisions." She didn't just mean that they should wait to decide about getting a dog. She was also talking about waiting before completely throwing out the idea of having more children; however, she wasn't sure if he would get the double meaning or not.

He hoped that she wasn't speaking just about the dog issue and was trying to send him a message with a double meaning. He hoped that there was still a chance that she would change her mind and that they could someday have another child. But he couldn't help thinking that maybe he was hoping for too much. Maybe he wanted what she couldn't, or wouldn't, give him.


	25. I'm Sorry

Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty-Five

The next two days were mildly tense for Sam and Martin as they tried to avoid topics that were prone to making them argue. Even though their talk about children the other night wasn't a full-blown fight, they were still hesitant around each other. Neither wanted to be the one to break their tentative cease-fire.

Sam was in the kitchen, chopping up lettuce and other vegetables for their dinner salad but her mind was not on what she was doing. She kept thinking back to what Martin had said about having children. He was right. Having children with the person you love was supposed to bond you together and be manifestation of your love for each other. She knew that he was right because all she had to do was look at Claire. Claire was the perfect example. Every time she looked at their daughter she could see the love that Martin and her shared.

She didn't have any objections to his beliefs about children; however, she did have an objection to his statement that he loved her more than she loved him. It wasn't a contest and she liked to think that they loved each other equally. Apparently though, he didn't realize just how much he means to her.

She genuinely felt bad that he thought the reason she didn't want more kids was because she didn't love him. That was never the reason and she wasn't sure how he jumped to that conclusion. It wasn't very logical, but then again, she'd jumped to some illogical conclusions lately. So she wasn't a very good candidate to judge him for that.

She could chalk it up to the fact that he's a man and they say stupid things sometimes, but that wasn't the case with him. He was truly insecure about his place in her heart and, while she felt bad about that, she wasn't sure that she had the energy right now to convince him of the stronghold he had over her emotions. His insecurity was just something that he would have to work out with Leslie.

Although the more she thought about his arguments, the angrier she got. She shouldn't have to prove that she loves him by having another child, and they shouldn't base their decision to have another child on Claire's opinions. This was definitely one of the times when he frustrated her. But she didn't want to fight with him; she refused to fight with him if she could help it. They'd just have to have a calm conversation with no yelling or screaming.

Something told her that the time was approaching for them to sit down and have a serious discussion about children. Call it women's intuition or psychic powers, but she knew that it was going to happen soon. She would have to explain to him exactly why she was so reluctant to have children. But how was she going to explain it so that he understood and backed off?

She was so deep in conversation that she didn't notice where her hands were. So when she moved the knife down to chop off a big part of lettuce the knife made contact with her skin, slicing open the inside of her left hand. "Son of a…" She yelled, somehow managing to stop before completing her curse. Within seconds she had dropped the knife and grabbed a nearby towel to wrap around her hand.

Martin had heard her yelling and made his way into the kitchen to see what was going on. He wasn't moving very fast yet because his leg hadn't fully healed yet, but he was moving at a decent pace. "What's wrong?"

She held the towel closer to her hand in an attempt to apply pressure and stop the bleeding. Turning around she tried to smile and show that nothing was wrong. "Nothing."

He knew that she was lying. For one thing, her smile was more like a grimace and secondly, she was holding a towel up to her hand. "Did you cut yourself?" He slowly made his way over to her.

"Maybe just a little." She admitted.

He looked at the kitchen counter and then back at her. A grin formed on his face. "I don't think you should be trusted with knives anymore."

She knew that he was joking and rolled her eyes. "Yeah yeah yeah."

"Here, let me take a look at it." He took her injured hand in his and unwrapped the towel to inspect her cut. The towel was already bloody and he saw that the cut was about an inch long. "It looks pretty deep."

"Yeah." She agreed. "And it hurts like hell."

"I'm not surprised." He nodded. "I don't think you'll need stitches though, assuming we can get the bleeding to stop." He wrapped the towel back around her hand and sandwiched her hands between his as an extra attempt to apply more pressure and get the cut to stop bleeding.

She looked up at him, staring straight into his eyes. "Shouldn't you be resting? You shouldn't be on your leg this much."

"I've been resting all day." He informed her. "Getting up and trying to move around a little is good for my leg. Besides, I heard you yell and I had to make sure you were alright."

"Thanks." She said softly. They were standing very close to each other and she was pinned against the counter. She couldn't move even if she wanted to—and she didn't want to move. Being this close to him and not fighting was rare and she was determined to enjoy it, even if her hand was in a lot of pain. "I appreciate it."

"No problem." He replied. "So you were chopping things?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "I guess I was just distracted and didn't look before I chopped."

"That's dangerous." He advised.

"Well I know that now." She grinned.

He couldn't help but be curious. "What had you so distracted?"

She didn't know whether or not to be honest with him or lie, but eventually chose honesty. "I was thinking about our conversation the other night."

"Oh." He broke their eye contact, instead focusing on the counter behind her. After their talk that night he stayed up for hours, trying to figure out a way to turn back time and change what he said and how he said it. When he was going over what he had said to her, he was surprised that she hadn't started yelling at him and getting really mad. He would have if the roles had been reversed.

He'd been out of line to accuse her of not loving him enough to have more children. While he was sometimes insecure about how much she really did love him, it wasn't right for him to pawn off his own personal issue onto her. He also shouldn't have included Claire into the equation by making it seem like they were ganging up on her.

At the time he thought that he was doing the right thing by being honest with her, but in reality he was just venting his frustrations out at her. She was right that he shouldn't have been so defensive or angry. If he'd stopped and thought about what he was doing he probably would've worded his position differently. "I think I owe you an apology for that."

He did; she knew that he did, and she was glad that he was acknowledging that.

"I shouldn't have said some of those things to you." He looked deep into her eyes, hoping that she would see the sincerity in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

She could tell that he was being sincere and appreciated the apology. "I accept your apology."

He gave her a small smile, which she returned with her own small smile.

"We're gonna need to talk about this some more, preferably when I'm not bleeding." Her hand was already starting to hurt less. "We have a lot of things to discuss about this subject."

"I know." He nodded, trying to figure out if it would be a good idea to kiss her or not. It wasn't exactly the best time for a kiss since she was bleeding and he couldn't help but wonder how she would react to it. But they were standing so close to each other and he eventually caved in, leaning in slowly to place a kiss on her lips.

It was a soft kiss, gentle yet full of love and passion at the same time. It was the kind of kiss that they used to share at least a dozen times a day before they started having problems. It was the kiss that she missed the most. Not wanting it to end, she wrapped her uninjured hand around his neck and pulled in even closer to her so that there was absolutely no space between them.

"Eww!" A voice exclaimed from the doorway.

They both quickly jumped apart from each other and looked at Claire, who was standing in the doorway of the kitchen with her hands covering her eyes.

"Are you guys done yet?" Claire asked, still not opening her eyes.

"Yes." Martin replied, giving Sam a wry smile.

Claire dropped her hands from her eyes. "Good."

"Dinner will be ready soon. Why don't you go wash your hands so that they're nice and clean?" Sam suggested.

"Ok." Claire replied, skipping out of the kitchen.

Once she was gone, they stood there looking at each other and wondering what to do now. The kiss was amazing. They hadn't shared one like that in a very long time. Even the kisses they had shared during their drunken night together weren't like that. Those kisses were demanding and possessive. This was gentle and passionate.

"I um…" He fumbled around, looking for words. Finally he just took hold of her hand and peeled back the towel. "It stopped bleeding."

"Good." She nodded.

"Why don't you go take care of that and I'll finish up dinner?" He suggested.

"You sure you don't mind?" She asked.

"Not at all." He assured her. "Now go."

"Ok." She replied. But as she stood in the doorway of the kitchen she turned around to watch him for a moment. She couldn't help but wonder what would have happened between them if Claire hadn't walked in when she had, but deep inside she knew what would have happened—and this time there would have been no alcohol involved. With a cheesy grin on her face she left to go treat her injury.


	26. Nothing Scares Me More

Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty-Six

When Sam came downstairs after putting Claire to bed, she found Martin flipping through the channels on the TV. He was sitting on the couch and resting his leg on the coffee table. Without saying a word, she walked over and curled up on the other side of the couch.

He stopped flipping through the channels for a moment to glance at her. "How's your hand doing?"

She shrugged, keeping her attention on a commercial for a steakhouse. "It'll be ok."

"Good." He nodded, turning his head and attention back to the TV. They sat there watching a few commercials together before breaking the silence again. "Are we still…ok?"

She looked over at him, not sure what he was asking. "What do you mean?"

"I just wanted to make sure that we're still ok after our talk the other night because things were getting tense again, although we weren't fighting again." Martin explained. "We're still ok? I mean, the cease-fire is still on, right?"

She nodded slowly. "I think so. I was still counting on the cease-fire. That's part of the reason why I didn't fight with you that night. I didn't want to break the cease-fire."

"What was the other part of why you didn't fight with me?" He was curious and wanted to know.

"I guess I was also in shock about what you said. You mentioned a lot of things that I had never thought about. I didn't know that you were so insecure about my love for you. I didn't know that you thought you loved me more than I loved you. I thought that our love was equal and I have never seen the need in making it a competition." She sighed. "You made it seem like I needed to have another child in order to prove to you that I really do love you."

"I didn't mean to make it sound like that." Martin interrupted. "I only meant that…" He paused, trying to figure out how to say what he meant the right way. He quickly realized that he couldn't seem to get the words right. "I don't know what I meant anymore, but I do know that I never meant to make you feel that way."

"It's fine." She shrugged.

"No it's not, and I'm sorry." He really felt bad about the way he dumped everything on her like that and didn't want it to ruin their reconciliation.

"Martin, let it go." She assured him. They had more important things to discuss. "I've thought about what you said a lot, and while I disagreed with most of your points I did agree with you about one thing."

"Which was?" He turned the TV off to give her his full attention and not be distracted.

"Having a baby is a sign of love and commitment and it does bond a couple together." Sam explained. "Sometimes I look at Claire and I see parts of you in her behavior, her attitudes, her face…I start to imagine what you were like when you were her age, attributing certain characteristics to you that I know I didn't pass on to her."

She shifted around so that she was leaning against the side of the couch and facing him instead of the TV. "Before we got married, we talked about having children and I know that you have always wanted more than one. But you also knew going into this marriage that I'm not like that. I don't crave having enough kids to fill out a soccer team. We have Claire. Why can't that be enough?"

"First of all, I don't want enough kids to fill out a soccer team." Martin corrected her. "And secondly, I don't know why Claire can't be enough. I just have something inside of me screaming to have more kids."

She was quiet for a moment. "It seems to me that you married me, knowing that I didn't really want a lot of kids but you hoped that you could change my mind. Or you hoped that once we had one I would want more. Am I right?"

"Maybe that thought had entered my mind." He had to admit that she was partially right. He knew that she didn't want a lot of kids but still married her thinking that she might change her mind because he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. "But are you trying to tell me that the only reason you had Claire was to make me happy?"

"No." She shook her head vehemently. "I did want her." Her voice lowered and she tried not to let it crack. "Whether you want to believe it or not, I wanted all of my children."

He knew that she was referring to the miscarriage and also knew that she was still hurting about that. They both were. They should have stuck by each other after it happened but instead they turned on each other, leading them to this low point in their relationship. "I'm sorry that I ever said you didn't care or want that pregnancy."

After taking a few deep breaths in hopes of calming herself down, she continued on. "In some ways, you were right though." She looked over at him and saw the confusion on his face. "I didn't really want to be pregnant at that time." She could see that he wanted to interrupt her but she held up his hand to silence him. "Martin, I need to say this. I need to explain this and I need you to listen to me without interrupting me. Can you please just do that for me?"

"Sure." He wasn't sure what she was going to tell him or where she was going with this, but he would honor her request and stay quiet.

She was glad that he was going to listen to her without interrupting. This was going to be hard enough to get through without him butting in. "I guess I should start at the beginning. You know that my childhood wasn't great. My dad left when I was young and my mom was never around. My sister only paid attention to me when I could be of some use to her and when she wanted something from me. I didn't have the same kind of family you had. Even though you're father was preoccupied with work and your mother was preoccupied with whatever she did with her time, you still had parents that you knew loved you in their own ways. You also had the Tolands to look out for you. I didn't have that. I still have no idea where my father is or if he's even alive, and the same goes for my mom and sister."

She paused for a second, biting her lip to calm her nervousness. "I never wanted to have a family and I guess that's one of the main reasons why. It's hard to see why you should want a family when you had a crappy one. I was fully prepared to live the rest of my life without getting married and popping out children. I was ready for it and I embraced it. Then you had to come along."

Standing up, she started to pace around the room to get rid of the nervous feeling in her stomach. "You entered my world and slowly flipped it upside down. I started seeing what a family was through your perspective. I never knew that a family could be so supportive and so important to someone. Until I met you, I had no idea what the word 'family' really meant and I had never really cared. But you got to me. Slowly and methodically you got to me, making me see just how nice having a family could be. And you made me want to start wanting one."

"I'm not sure when exactly it happened, but somewhere along the way I guess you could say that you awakened my inner desire to have a family. I'll admit that sometimes I hate you for that. I was doing fine on my own but you made me strive for more. You made me want the 2.2 kids with a dog and a house in suburbia. And that scares me."

She stopped pacing and now stood in front of the TV, avoiding eye contact with him and instead looking at the floor. "There are only a few things in this world that truly scare me. Having a family scares me, being a wife and a mother scares me, but nothing scares me more than being pregnant."


	27. Breakdown

Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty-Seven

She could see the question displayed on his face but, true to his word, he wasn't asking the question that was burning inside him. She was very appreciative of that. "You're probably thinking, 'why does being pregnant scare her so much?' right?"

He nodded his head. He knew that the miscarriage had something to do with it, but he was pretty sure that there was more to this story than just that.

"You've never experienced being pregnant so I don't expect you to understand completely, but let me try to explain this to you so that maybe you can understand better. Being pregnant and carrying a child is hard work and extremely stressful. Everything you do, eat, drink, and everything you surround yourself with has an impact on your child—who depends solely on you to protect and nurture it. When I was pregnant with Claire I was a nervous wreck. You remember that, right?"

He did remember that. She was always stressed out and the doctors had to tell her more than once to calm down. She was always busy and it seemed like she couldn't sit still for long. He just attributed that to the fact that she was nervous about being a mother since it was her first pregnancy. Maybe he shouldn't have written it off as something that would eventually pass on its' own.

"That's because that wasn't my first pregnancy."

His head shot up at that statement. What did she mean by that? It wasn't her first pregnancy? She hadn't ever told him about having another child. What kinds of secrets was she keeping from him?

"I told you about my past marriage when I was eighteen and how it only lasted about a month and a half, remember?" Once she saw him shake his head, she continued on with her story. "I told you that the reason it didn't work out was because we were too different and that was true. But the reason Jake and I got married in the first place was because I was pregnant and the main reason why we got divorced was because I had a miscarriage."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing and he couldn't believe that she had kept this a secret from him for so long. This meant that she has had to endure two miscarriages. In his mind it was a miracle that she wasn't completely broken because of that. But maybe she was and he just hadn't noticed.

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying really hard to stay calm and not break down into tears. "It was a car accident. A drunk driver slammed into the car one night. Jake and I only got married because of the baby so after the baby was gone we divorced and went our separate ways. Even if the baby had lived we still wouldn't have been a real family and our marriage would've still ended in divorce. We just weren't compatible. I came to New York to work on my career and I don't know where he went. But that's the other main reason why I didn't want a family. I didn't want to hope for something that was just going to ripped away from me."

A stray tear fell down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. "When I was pregnant with Claire I would constantly have these dreams where she was taken away from us. It overshadowed everything I did, every moment of every day. So I kept busy to try and distract myself from the fear. Never sat in the same place for very long and always kept my mind working on something else—anything else."

He watched her tough exterior start to crumble before his eyes and wondered how he could've ever been so blind not to notice or figure out the extent of her fears. At the time he had just chalked it up to normal first-time parent fear but now he could see that it wasn't normal at all. He would've found a way to help her if only he'd known just how scared she had been.

"Once Claire was born and I saw that she as ok, I was just so happy and relieved. It was like I could breathe again. I could really breathe without that knot in my stomach and a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I felt inner peace again."

"Then when I got pregnant after Claire the anxiety and the panic came back, but it was much worse." The tears were building up behind her eyes and she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep them in. "I…" Her voice started to waiver. "I barely survived carrying Claire without having a nervous breakdown. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to get through another nine months. And then…"

Martin watched her falling apart and started getting up from his seat on the couch. By the time he reached her, the tears had started cascading down her face, flooding her eyes.

"And then I miscarried again." She whispered.

He wrapped his arms around her tightly, pulling her close to him and rubbing small circles on her back. "Shh, it's ok."

"No it's not." She sobbed. "I let it happen again. I failed! I failed twice."

He led her back to the couch and sat her down before sitting down next to her and holding her close again. She was still crying and sobbing, drenching his shirt. But he didn't care about that. The only thing he cared about was making sure that Sam was ok. He felt absolutely horrible for the way he had acted about the baby issue. All he was thinking about was himself. Maybe if he hadn't been so focused on what he wanted he would have noticed that Sam was hiding this from him.

"Sam, sometimes miscarriages happen." He was at a loss of what to say to her and wondered if there was anything that he could say to her that would help.

"Martin, it's happened twice!" She exclaimed.

"I know, but…" He let his statement trail off, knowing that he didn't have the right answers to help her. The last thing he wanted to do was upset her even further so he just held her closer to himself and rubbed her back. That always used to work before. Hopefully it still would.

She tried to calm herself down. She hadn't intended on breaking down like this. The only consolation she felt was that Martin was doing everything that he could do to help comfort her. It meant a lot to her that he was supporting her.

They sat there together for what seemed like hours with Martin holding her close as she slowly stopped crying. He was at a loss of what to do for her and finally decided that the only thing he could do is be there for her. He'd been blind to her pain for too long. Now he needed to help her deal with it.

She released a sniffle, one of the few remnants of her crying spell. Although she hadn't wanted to, breaking down like that had actually helped her quite a bit. It had been years since she'd cried for the child she lost when she was eighteen, and she hadn't let herself fully grieve for the child she lost with Martin. Crying, talking and letting everything out was a nice release for her and she felt stronger. She also felt happy that Martin was supporting her. She tightened her hold on him, almost as if she was afraid to lose him if she let go.

He could tell that her crying had died down and she was starting to relax again. When she grabbed a hold of him and tightened her grip he responded by kissing the top of her head.

"I'm sorry about the crying." She whispered.

"Don't be." He whispered back. "I have a feeling that you needed to let it all out. I'm the one that should be sorry. I didn't notice that you were going through so much and I pushed you…"

"It's not your fault Martin. We both know that I'm very good at keeping secrets." She interrupted.

"Still…I should've been able to see the signs better. I'm supposed to be the one person that knows you better than anyone and I couldn't see what was right in front of me."

"You've had your own issues to deal with." She reminded him.

"But none as serious as yours." He pointed out.

She pulled away so that he could see her face as she smiled. "Can we please not argue over whose problems are more serious and just say it's a draw?" She laughed.

He was really glad to see her smile again and nodded his head. "Deal."

"Thanks for being there for me." She looked straight into his eyes.

"I'll always be there for you." He promised. "I hope you know that."

"I do." She nodded.

"Actually I should thank you for opening up to me." He was glad that she was finally opening up her feelings to him and he now understood why she was so hesitant about children. He would have been the same way in her position. "I know it wasn't easy for you but I think we've made some progress here."

"I hope so." She raised her eyebrow and a silly grin appeared on her face. "I'd hate to think that I soaked your shirt with my tears for nothing."

"Trust me, I didn't mind." He moved in closer, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.


	28. Perpetual Cycle

Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"And you told Martin everything that you just told me?" Leslie asked Samantha as she absorbed what that she was telling her. While she was ecstatic that they seemed to be talking and communicating their feelings again, she felt deeply saddened by everything that Samantha had just told her.

"Yes." Sam nodded. Unlike with Martin, she'd managed to tell Leslie everything about her first miscarriage and her fears about being pregnant without completely breaking down. Sure there had been tears, but not nearly as many and they were easier to control.

"You've been through a lot." Leslie gave her a small smile as encouragement. "But you're strong and still standing. You're also able to be a wonderful mother to Claire despite everything. That says a lot about you."

"Sometimes I don't feel strong." Sam admitted softly. "Especially when I think about the two children that never got to experience life. I can't help but second-guess everything and feel like it's my fault."

"It's not your fault Samantha." Leslie tried to assure her.

"I'd like to believe that." She stared aimlessly at a glass figurine sitting on the coffee table.

"What's stopping you then?" Leslie asked.

"I don't know. I just feel stuck in this perpetual cycle of guilt, anger, sadness and fear." She paused for a moment. "And I feel like such a failure."

Those were all normal reactions for Samantha to have. "Ok." Leslie made note of what she had said. "Let's start with the guilt. You have said many times that you feel responsible for this..."

"Because I am." Sam pointed out. "We can sit here and debate it all day long but at the end of the day, I am the one to blame for this. I didn't protect my children. It's as simple as that."

Leslie could see that it was going to be hard to get Samantha to let go of her guilt. It was a good thing that she loved a challenge. "Has Claire ever gone off to play and gotten hurt?"

"Yes." Sam nodded, not seeing what this had to do with anything.

"Off the top of your head, can you give me an example of an instance where that occurred?" She hoped that this exercise would at least make Samantha think about letting go of her guilt.

"Ok." She replied, still not sure why they had switched topics and were focusing on Claire. "There was one instance about a week and a half, maybe two weeks ago. We were at a birthday party and she went off to play in the backyard with some other children. But then a boy tripped her, causing her to fall and scrape her knee."

"Were you there to see it?"

"No. I was inside the house at the time." Sam explained.

"Did you think that the backyard was safe for her when you let her go out there?" Leslie asked.

"Well, I guess so. Most of the kids were older than her, but I figured she'd be ok."

"So what happened then?" Leslie asked.

"She came inside crying about how much it hurt. So I cleaned her up and put on a band-aid. You know, the normal stuff."

"I see. And then did you send her back out there with the boy that tripped her or did you make her stay by your side for the rest of the party?" Leslie guessed that Samantha had sent Claire back out to play.

"I sent her back out there but made sure that she pointed out which boy tripped her so that I could have a few words with his mother." Sam answered, still not getting the point of telling this story.

"Let me see if I have this story correct." Leslie paused a moment, thinking through the story. This was a risky move to pull on Samantha. If it was a success, she might stop feeling so guilty. If it was a failure, it would only support Samantha's claims of being a failure. She realized that she had to tread lightly so that she didn't screw this up. "Your daughter got hurt because you weren't there to protect her from the boy who tripped her. After you cleaned up her scrape you sent her back out there, knowing that the boy was still there. Is that correct?"

She wasn't sure that she was hearing and understanding Leslie correctly. "Are you trying to say that it's my fault that Claire got hurt?"

"No, not at all." Leslie reassured her. "I'm simply trying to draw a comparison here. You think that the miscarriages are your fault because you didn't protect your children. But what I'm trying to show you is that it is impossible to protect your children all the time. Things beyond your control are going to happen to them and the only thing you can do is try your best. After Claire got hurt, you did the right thing by talking to that boy's mother in hopes of protecting her in the future."

Leslie could see that she wasn't making a big enough impact on Samantha and chose another approach. "When my son was sixteen he got into a bad car accident. It wasn't his fault; the guy in the other car ran through a red light. But I still blamed myself. I thought that I had failed to protect him because I had let him get into that car and drive at night, even though he wasn't used to driving at night. It took me a while to realize that it wasn't my fault, and I'm a trained professional. I'm supposed to know better!" She gave Samantha a small smile.

"I know it's not exactly the same situation, but the core theme is the same. As mothers we internalize the actions of our children and we take everything personally. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. It can be quite helpful in some situations; however, it can also be emotionally exhausting. It's important to realize that it's virtually impossible to protect children 100 of the time. It doesn't matter if you're talking about unborn children or teenagers. The cold, hard truth is that external factors are always around and things are going to happen that we can't prevent. If you didn't blame yourself for Claire getting hurt at the birthday party, why are you blaming yourself for the miscarriages?"

"Because they are my fault." Sam sighed.

Leslie sighed too. She had really hoped that she would be able to get through to Samantha. "Will you at least think about what I've said?"

"Of course." Sam nodded.

Leslie looked down at the rest of the list she had made. "Now you also mentioned you feel anger. Who is the anger aimed at?"

"Myself mostly, with a little aimed at Martin." Sam confessed.

The cause of the anger she felt with herself was obvious so Leslie wanted to focus on her anger with Martin. "Why don't you tell me more about your anger with Martin? What is that about?"

"I guess I feel angry because we never sat down and really talked about the miscarriage. We argued, but we never talked about it. He seemed to assume that it didn't matter to me because I didn't want the child. But I did." She really hoped that she could get through this without crying so she took a deep breath to calm herself. "I just was afraid and then when the baby was gone, I didn't know what to think or feel. I needed Martin, but he was too busy pulling away from me to notice."

"Why didn't you ever tell him that you needed him?" Leslie asked.

"Because I didn't think he cared. I didn't think he'd believe that I really did want that child. We fought about it so much that I eventually just pushed it aside. I couldn't deal with it and I didn't want to so I ignored it. Most of the time it worked."

"That isn't healthy though and won't help you in the long run." Leslie advised.

"I'm starting to realize that." Sam looked up, biting her lip.

"Do you still feel anger towards Martin?"

"Sometimes." She hated to admit it, but it was the truth. "But especially when he brings up the children issue. I know that he wants more children and I want that too, but I can't go through it again. If I were to have another miscarriage, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to deal with it."

Leslie made a few notes. "So your fear of another miscarriage is what's preventing you from even entertaining the idea of having more children?"

"Yeah." Sam nodded slowly.

Leslie made a note to address her fear at a later time. Looking at the list of emotions Sam felt, she looked at the last item. Failure. Next I'd like to talk about why you feel like a failure."

"Let's look at the facts." Sam pointed out. "I failed Martin, Claire, myself, and my unborn children. I failed everyone I care about, which leads to more guilt."

"You were right when you claimed it was a perpetual cycle. Guilt. Anger. Sadness. Fear. Failure. Those are all normal reactions to what you've been through. Many women in situations like yours experience those feelings as well. I think you need to start letting go and break that perpetual cycle. It's not doing anything to help you and actually it's hurting you even more."

"It's not going to be fun and it's going to be hard, but my job here is to help you with this and I'm going to do everything I can to help you. Ultimately though, your success in breaking the cycle is going to be entirely up to you. I want you to think about what we've talked about today. It seems to me that your biggest issue with this is guilt. Your guilt permeates all of the other issues you have. If we can reduce the amount of guilt you feel, we'll be making wonderful progress. Grieving is a process and it's one that I don't think you've completed yet. Next session we'll take a look at the grieving process. Ok?"

"Ok." Sam nodded. She felt better after talking about this with Leslie and really hoped that she would be able to help her. She didn't want to continue feeling like a failure and blaming herself but she didn't know how to stop. As she started to get ready to leave, Leslie stopped her.

"I almost forgot to mention this, but I'm glad I remembered. I'm very proud of the progress that you're making. Sharing this with both Martin and then with me couldn't have been easy for you. But it seems like you're doing a very nice job of opening up more."

"I'm trying." Sam smiled, grateful for the compliment.

"Well keep up the good work!" Leslie smiled back.


	29. Are We Flirting?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty-Nine

That night, Sam emerged from the bathroom and placed a glass of water on the table by the bed for Martin so that he could take his pain medication. She was impressed that he wasn't taking the pain medication all the time since it had only been a week since the shooting. Instead of taking it all the time he was only taking it at night. Of course there were days when his leg hurt more than others, and on those days he would take an extra pill during the day. But for the most part he wasn't relying on them to help.

"Thanks." Martin said when he looked up from reading his book and saw the glass of water. Sam was being very attentive to him ever since the shooting and he was grateful to that. They had started growing closer to each other as a result of it, and as much as he hated to admit it, it was almost worth getting shot just for that.

"No problem." She replied with a shrug. Truth was, she liked doing little things like that for him again. She used to do things like that for him all the time when they first got married and even after they had Claire. But somewhere along the way she stopped doing nice things like that for him as often. It made her feel good to do those nice things for him and made her start thinking that maybe they were getting back to normal again.

"How was your session with Leslie?" They hadn't gotten a chance to talk privately until now and he was curious about how it went.

She had been walking over to the closet but instead turned around to look at him. "It was…exhausting."

"Well no one ever said therapy was easy." He joked.

She chuckled and then moved to sit at the end of the bed on his side. "I know, but this was really hard. I told Leslie about everything that we talked about."

He knew that couldn't have been easy for her. "Did she have anything usefully to say about it?"

"Of course she did! It is Leslie we're talking about here." Sam smiled. "She's really trying hard to help me. I know she is. But I'm not sure I'm ready to be helped yet."

He understood what she was saying and nodded. It was much easier to hide from your problems than face them, and she would only be able to face them when she was ready. "I understand."

She looked at his leg. "How are you doing?"

"Better." He answered. "It still hurts a lot, but I think it'll get better."

"It will." She assured him. Although her experience hadn't been as dangerous, she'd been there before and knew from experience that his leg would heal in its' own time. "Are you ready to go back to work tomorrow?"

"Yeah I guess so." He sighed. He hated the fact that he was going to be stuck on desk duty. He'd rather be out in the field actually doing something productive, but that wasn't an option. He was able to walk but only slowly and not for a long period of time. "I'm not looking forward to desk duty though."

She understood. Desk duty and paperwork were definitely not her two most favorite things in the world. "I'm surprised that Jack is letting you come back so soon."

He nodded in agreement. "I am too, but I'm not going to object. I'm just glad that I don't have to sit around the house anymore watching those bad soap operas."

She couldn't help but laugh. "You actually watched them?"

"Well…there was nothing else on. I had to at least see what they were like. I only watched them for a few minutes." He explained, trying to regain a shred of his masculinity.

She couldn't get the image of Martin watching soap operas out of her head. It was a pretty funny image and she continued to laugh.

"Can you please stop laughing at me?" He asked with a smile.

"Sorry." She apologized, containing her laughter. He went back to reading his book so she made her way over the closet and started pulling out her pajama bottoms and a tank top. As she took off her shirt and pants she glanced at Martin, who was staring at her. She wasn't necessarily embarrassed that she was half-naked in front of him. She was only wearing a black bra and matching black panties. He'd definitely seen her wearing less than this before. But his staring was eliciting responses from her that she hadn't experienced in quite a long time. His stare was almost predatory—the same look he used with her in the past. They stayed that way for a while, with Martin staring at her as she bit her lip.

He had looked up from his book to find that she was stripping out of her clothes. Not meaning to stare at her, he tried very hard to take his eyes off of her. But it was no use. There was no way that he could go back to reading his book when the most beautiful woman in the world was standing so close to him half-naked. When she turned and saw him looking at her, he knew he should look away. However, he couldn't seem to do it. His eyes just continued to look up and down her body, devouring the sight in front of him the same way a man in a deserted island would stare at a mirage of water—only she wasn't a mirage.

"You're staring." She finally stated softly.

"I know." He answered, locking his eyes with hers. "I can't help it."

"You know, a picture would last longer." She grinned.

He grinned back. "And if I had my camera I'd be taking a lot of pictures right now."

Without another word she slid on her pajama pants and pulled the tank top over her head. "Sorry, but the show's over for tonight." She told him as she walked over to her side of the bed and peeled back the covers.

"Will there be another one tomorrow night?" He grinned.

"Maybe." She chuckled. She couldn't believe it. Were they actually flirting with each other?

He closed his book and placed it on the table before picking up his pain medication. After washing it down with water he turned onto his side so that he was facing her. She had already climbed under the covers. "Sam?"

"Yeah?" She turned her head to look at him while he talked.

He'd been thinking about the way things had been between him and knew that he still had some things to feel guilty about. One of them was the fact that he made her feel like he didn't want her. "I'm sorry that I haven't been doing a very good job of letting you know how much I love you or how much I want you."

"It's not entirely your fault. I didn't do a good job with that either." She admitted.

"But I hope that you believe me when I say that I have always loved and desired you." He gave her a shy smile. "Even seeing you just now with only underwear on was enough to get me going."

She wasn't sure what to say to that so instead she leaned in and kissed him, placing her hand on the back of his head to pull him closer. Their tongues met and started an elaborate dance with each other, each battling for dominance.

His arm reached under the cover, wrapping around her waist and gently tugging at her to pull her closer to him. He kept a tight hold of her as they continued to kiss.

She let herself be moved over to his side of the bed and welcomed the physical contact she was experiencing with him. Her free hand reached under his shirt and started roaming around his chest and back.

"Sam…" He panted in between kisses. As much as he wanted this, he couldn't help but think that maybe it wasn't the right time for them to start something like this. Unfortunately he couldn't stop kissing her.

"Martin…" She tried to find words, but found it was useless. Her senses and mind were being taken over by the sensations caused by his kisses and touch. She knew that they had to stop this though. It wasn't the right time to be doing this. They still had a lot of things to work through without introducing this aspect into their relationship.

"We should…stop…this…before…" He finally managed to get out.

"Yeah…we should…stop…" She agreed.

"I'll stop when you stop." He told her.

"That's not very fair." She complained, not wanting to be the one to stop first. But after kissing him a few more times, she pulled away.

He still had his arm wrapped around her waist and kissed her forehead. "We need to wait a while before…"

"I agree." She interrupted. "But could you just hold me tonight?"

He smiled, glad that they both agreed to wait. "Believe me, I had no intention of letting you go."


	30. As You Wish

Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty

The next day Martin watched the elevator doors open and took a deep breath. He'd only been away from work for a week, but that was still long enough to be nervous about coming back. Besides that, the doctor had insisted he use a cane while at work. So everyone would be focusing on that and taking pity on him like they did after the first shooting. He could still see the faces of the people as he came back six weeks after the ambush. All of them felt bad for him. He didn't want that then and he certainly didn't want that now.

He slowly walked out of the elevator and made his way to his desk. Only Vivian was there at the moment. "Hey."

Vivian looked over at him and smiled. "Hey. I'm glad to see you back." She closed a file that she was working on and came over to his desk.

"I'm glad to be back." He replied.

"How are you doing?" She asked, glancing briefly at the cane.

"I'm healing right on schedule." He smiled. "The cane's just temporary."

"I'm sure it is." Vivian nodded.

"So where is everybody?" He asked, looking around and not seeing any other team members.

"Danny's coming in late, Jack's in a meeting with Van Doren, and Elena's taking the day off." Vivian explained.

"Nothing's wrong with her though, right?" Over the years, Elena had become a respected part of the team. He hoped nothing was wrong.

"No, nothing's wrong. I think she just wanted a day to do nothing. She's been working herself pretty hard lately." Vivian assured him.

"Yeah. It's good that she will get a chance to rest a bit." Martin smiled.

"Well I hate to ruin the good mood that you're obviously in, but it looks like we're doing paperwork all day." She had noticed that he was smiling a lot more lately and wondered why that was. She wasn't about to complain though. It was a major improvement over the grouchiness that he was exhibiting before.

"Paperwork?" He moaned. "Great."

* * *

It was about noon when Sam realized that she hadn't gotten anything for lunch yet. Her team didn't have a case today so they were just catching up on paperwork. She needed to have lunch and she needed a break from papers. Picking up the phone, she dialed a familiar number. 

Danny answered the phone at his desk. "Taylor."

"Hey Danny. Is Martin around?"

"What? No how are you today Danny?" He pretended to be hurt by her lack of manners.

"I'm sorry. How are you today Danny? Is Martin around?" She asked.

"I'm great. Thanks for asking." Danny smiled.

She was starting to get impatient. "So is he around or not?"

"He's in Jack's office right now. Why didn't you just call him to find out if he's here?"

She ignored his question and instead asked another one. "Has he had lunch yet?"

"No, I don't think so." Danny replied. "Why?"

She sighed. "I was going to surprise him and bring him lunch, but I didn't want to do it if he's already eaten. So please don't tell him, ok?"

"That's very sweet of you." Danny told her. "So you are planning surprise lunches for him and he's grinning like a Cheshire cat. If you don't mind me asking, are things getting better between you two?"

"He's really grinning like a Cheshire cat?" She asked, glad to know that piece of insider information.

"Oh yeah." Danny answered. "He's been that way all day even though we've been stuck doing tedious paperwork. It's quite annoying. Do we all have you to thank for that?"

"Perhaps." She answered, not wanting to take all the credit for Martin's good mood. It was possible that he was happy to be back at work.

"I'll take that as a yes." He grinned. "So are you two…?"

"We're working on it Danny." She interrupted, not wanting to get into that right now. "I'm going to go get lunch now so don't let him get anything to eat. Think you can handle that?"

"Of course I can." Danny assured her.

"Thanks."

He could tell that she was about to hang up. "Oh and Samantha?"

"Yeah?"

"I haven't had lunch yet either."

There was silence on the line for a moment. "I'll bring you your usual sandwich."

"Thanks Sammy." Danny replied before hanging up.

* * *

About twenty minutes later, Sam entered the bullpen of her former team carrying a bag of food. Martin hadn't seen her yet so she took the opportunity to watch him for a moment. He was sitting at his desk going over some papers and he looked like he was concentrating heavily on his work. Underneath his desk she could see that his leg was stretched out. She wondered if his leg was bothering him a lot. 

"Hey! Food's here!" Danny exclaimed, walking over to Sam.

That caught Martin's attention and he turned around to see Sam standing there with a bag of food. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

"I came to see if you'd have lunch with me." She replied, digging through the bag to hand Danny his sandwich.

"And you brought Danny lunch too?" He asked, getting up and slowly making his way over to her.

"Well I kinda had to." She could see that he was curious to know why. "I'll explain later. You wanna come eat in the break room with me?"

"Sure." He was glad to see her. He had seen her this morning, but it wasn't the same as when they were alone. He was even more impressed that she had bothered to bring him lunch. It was a nice gesture. They used to have lunch together a lot after she got transferred to white collar, but that was one of the many things that stopped happening once they started having problems. It would be nice to start having lunch together again.

The break room was empty when they got there and Sam sat the food down on the table before removing the sandwiches. "I got you a ham and cheese. I hope that's ok."

"That's perfect." He smiled, sitting in the chair next to her.

"How's your leg feeling?"

"It's the same." He shrugged. The truth though, was that he was in a lot more pain now that he came to work and started walking on it more. It didn't hurt as badly when he was staying at home and only walking when necessary. But he didn't want to worry her so he kept it to himself.

She wasn't sure that she believed him. It seemed to her that his leg was bothering him even more, but she wasn't going to push him. If he didn't want to tell her that then she would respect that—for now. They sat there eating their sandwiches for a few minutes. "So how is your first day back?"

"Boring. We got stuck with paperwork." He complained.

"That's what Danny said." She nodded. When she saw the confused look on his face, she explained. "I called Danny to make sure that you hadn't eaten lunch already. He told me about the paperwork and I felt obligated to bring him something. That's why I brought him something too."

"I see." He nodded in understanding. "And when you say that you felt obligated, you mean Danny kinda not-so-subtly goaded you into it?"

"Exactly." She laughed.

"So how's your day going?" He asked, taking a huge bite of the sandwich.

"It's been just as boring as yours. We're stuck on paperwork also. Maybe it's a bureau-wide paperwork extravaganza."

Now it was his turn to laugh and he reached for a napkin at the same time that she reached for a napkin. Their hands touched and, on impulse, he grabbed a hold of her hand. Their eyes met and he ran his thumb back and forth over her hand. "I missed these lunches."

She felt the same. It was always nice to go to lunch with him and get away from her co-workers for a while. It didn't matter if they ate in this break room or left the building to eat at one of the nearby places. It was just nice to spend some time alone with him. "I have too."

"Wanna make this a regular thing again?" He asked.

"I'd like that." She smiled.

"Great." He smiled back. Slowly he leaned in closer to give her a kiss, but they were interrupted before their lips made contact.

"Hey you two." Jack greeted, completely oblivious to the fact that he just interrupted at the worst possible moment.

Sam pulled her hand away from Martin's and used it to pick up her drink. "Hi Jack."

"We don't get to see you down here much anymore Sam, but it's nice to have you back—even if it's just for a little while." He went over and refilled his coffee.

"It is nice to see everyone." She replied.

"Well I'd love to stay and chat but I have my own stack of paperwork to tackle. See you later Samantha." Picking up his coffee, he headed back to his office.

As soon as he was gone, she softly chuckled. "Why is it that people always seem to interrupt us?"

"We're cursed?" He suggested as he sighed heavily.

"Maybe you should hurry up and kiss me before someone else walks in." She suggested as a mischievous smile showed on her face.

"As you wish, milady." He answered in a formal tone before leaning over to kiss her. This time, they weren't interrupted.


	31. Insecurity Run Amuck

Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty-One

"So how are you today?" Leslie asked Martin after he sat down and got comfortable.

"I'm getting by." He replied. His leg was still hurting him a lot but he didn't want to complain about it. Complaining wasn't going to help him.

"You look like you're walking a little better today." She pointed out.

"I am. It's slowly getting better." He agreed.

"So, other than your leg, how are things going?"

"Surprising well." He smiled.

"What's so surprising?" Leslie asked curiously.

"Sam and I are getting along very well right now. We're laughing and joking again. Yesterday she brought me lunch at work and we ate together. We used to do that all the time but we stopped doing that months ago." He paused. "I guess it's the little things that are making me happy. It feels like things are getting back to the way they were before."

"That's a good sign." Leslie nodded. "Have you and Samantha been communicating more?"

"Yes and no. We've been honest about our feelings, but we haven't tackled any of the big problems."

"And just to clarify, what do you think your big problems are?" Leslie made sure that she was ready to write down Martin's answers.

"Well I think we still need to work on communication a little bit. Sam needs to find a way to cope with her miscarriage and the issues surrounding that. We need to resolve the children issue. We have been addressing the issue of not feeling wanted by each other, so that's not a big problem anymore."

"Is that all of them in your opinion?" Leslie asked, jotting down his list.

He thought about it for a few more minutes. "Yeah. I think that's it."

She nodded, noticing that he left out a few things. "I'm not sure it's a complete list."

"What's missing then?" He didn't think they had any other problems to deal with and was interested in Leslie's opinion.

"First of all, during our individual sessions together I have noticed that you seem slightly insecure about your role in this marriage and your relationship with Samantha. I think we need to at least address that and find out where that's coming from. Secondly, although I believe the two of you have talked about this, there is still the issue of Samantha hating her job. I don't think that's been completely resolved yet given the fact that she still has the same job and is not enjoying it at all."

"While the communication and children issues should be the major focus of our sessions, it is important to also address the smaller issues. It has been my experience that the smaller issues can sometimes do more damage than the larger ones because they often get ignored until they morph into huge problems that can't be solved."

As much as he didn't want to admit it, he did still feel slightly insecure about his role in Sam's heart. Thinking back about it, he realized that he's never felt completely secure about Sam's love for him.

"Do you have any objections to my additions to you list?" Leslie asked.

"No, not really." Martin shook his head. "I guess you're right about the insecurity thing. I've never truly felt like Sam wanted or needed me as much as I did with her. And as for the whole Sam hating her job issue, I think I might have a few ideas about how to solve that problem."

She was glad that Martin was admitting his insecurities and was curious about the ideas he had for the job issue. "Let's spend some time talking about this insecurity you feel. Do you still feel insecure?"

"Yeah." He admitted hesitantly. "Although I know I probably shouldn't. I mean she's been doing a lot of nice things for me lately, like bringing me lunch, making sure that I take my pain medication, and I know that she's trying to open up her feelings to me more. But I still can't seem to shake off this feeling that she could live without me. I've always felt that way."

"And why do you think that is?" Leslie asked.

"Well it could be because she's a very independent and reserved woman. When we started going out, she usually wasn't the one who initiated the planning of dates. I was always the one asking if she wanted to do something."

"It sounds like you internalized that to mean that she didn't need you around." Leslie stated.

"It's possible." He shrugged. "Because I look at her when she's taking care of Claire and sometimes I wonder if she even needs me to be around. She has everything taken care of."

"Have you ever told her how you feel?"

"No." He shook his head. "I haven't because it sounds silly."

"It's not silly if it's how you really feel. Emotions and feelings are not silly. Sometimes the reasoning behind the emotions and feelings are silly though." She made a point to make that distinction because she felt it was important. "You said that Samantha has been doing a bunch of little things for you and really making an effort, right?"

"Yes."

"Out of curiosity, have you been trying to do nice things for her too?" She knew that it would definitely be a good thing for Martin to reciprocate for Samantha because she had a feeling that if he didn't, Samantha would take it as rejection.

"I haven't been doing as much as she has, but I have been trying to make sure that she knows how much I love her through words."

"That's certainly a good thing. Perhaps you should think about doing a few nice things for her too though so that it makes it impossible for her to think that your words are hallow."

He was now getting worried. "Has she said that she thinks my words are hallow?"

"No." Leslie smiled. "She hasn't said anything like that. I am merely trying to anticipate what could happen between the two of you so that you can hopefully avoid any more misunderstandings or false assumptions."

"Oh. Good." He breathed a sigh of relief. "You had me worried there for a moment."

"I'm sorry." Leslie apologized. "That wasn't my intention."

"I know." He smiled.

"Maybe you could think about doing something nice for her." Leslie suggested.

"I could do that." He nodded, already thinking of a few things that he could do.

"And for our next session I want you to talk to Samantha about your insecurities. Share with her what you've shared with me and let her know where you're coming from. I think it would help to be completely honest with her."

"If you think it will help, then I'll do it." Martin replied.


	32. UhOh

Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty-Two

The next morning, Sam opened her eyes and saw that the bright sun was invading the room. Wanting to get back to sleep, she snuggled up closer to Martin and shielding her eyes from the light.

Her movements woke him up and he struggled to shake the groggy feeling that had come over him. "Sam?"

"Need sleep." Came her muffled response.

He looked over at the clock. "It's almost nine 'o' clock. I think we should get up. Claire's probably already been awake for awhile and we should make sure that she hasn't been playing with matches or something."

"Fine. You do it." She grumbled.

"I would but you seem to have me locked in a death grip." He laughed. He really wasn't sure that he could move right now because of the tight grip she had over him.

She didn't release him but opened her eyes and tilted her head up so that she was looking at him. "You want me to let go?"

"No." He kissed the top of her head. "I don't but I think we should get up and in order to do that, you have to stop using me as a body pillow."

"Sorry, but I like using you as a body pillow. You're a lot harder than all the other ones I've had." She smiled as she moved away from him. She started stretching out in hopes of waking herself up and getting rid of the grogginess she felt.

He chuckled and shook his head at her comment, appreciating the fact that they were actually able to banter back and forth again. "It looks like it's going to be a nice day."

She looked out the window and nodded. "Yeah. Maybe we should take Claire to the park."

"I have a better idea." He grinned. "How about we go on a family picnic?"

"A family picnic?" She smiled, thinking it over. It was a good idea. Claire would be able to play as long as she stayed where they could see her and they could spend some time alone together. Besides, she loved family picnics. They held a special place in her heart. "Sounds great."

"Wonderful." Martin replied as he got up from the bed. "Now let's go see if Claire's done any damage to the house while we've been asleep."

She laughed and followed him out of the bedroom.

* * *

A few hours later they were all sitting on a blanket in the shade of a large tree. "This fried chicken is excellent." Sam marveled. 

"It is good." Martin agreed, taking another bite.

"I love it!" Claire chimed in, wanting to be a part of the conversation. She took another bite of her chicken and then throwing her chicken leg onto her plate. "I'm done! Can I go play now?"

Sam looked at her daughter and sighed. She had only eaten one and a half chicken legs. Normally she would make Claire eat more, but since they were at the park and she was aware that Claire wanted to go play, she decided to let it drop this time. "You can go play but on three conditions. First, stay where your father and I can see you at all times. Second, I don't want you to go on the merry-go-round or run too much since you just ate. And third, stay where your father and I can see you at all times."

"Didn't you already say that once?" Martin looked over at her and asked.

She looked back at Martin. "Yes, but it's a very important rule. It deserves to be repeated." She then looked back at Claire. "Understand?"

"Yes mommy." Claire nodded.

"Ok then. Have fun." Sam smiled. They watched as Claire sprinted off towards the slide, already forgetting that she wasn't supposed to run. She looked over at Martin. "See? She's already forgotten that she's not supposed to run right now. But she is."

He held his hands up in mock defeat. "Ok. I surrender. You're right. Repeating that rule was the right thing to do. Of course, I wasn't really criticizing you about it. I was merely curious."

She shrugged. "Doesn't really matter." He had finished eating and was now leaning up against the tree with his legs spread out. "Are you doing eating?" She asked.

"Yeah." He handed her his plate and watched her throw it into the plastic bag they had brought for trash.

"This was a great idea." She smiled.

"It was one of my better ones." He grinned back. She was sitting a few feet away from him but he had the urge to bring her closer. So he opened up the space between his legs to create a space for her and motioned for her to scoot over. It only took her a few seconds for her to move and soon her back was pressed up against his chest and his arms were wrapped around her stomach. "I think this one was a good idea too." He whispered into her ear.

The feel of his breath against her neck tickled her skin and the feel of his arms around her as she leaned up against him was warm and protective. She was enjoying the closeness that they were sharing and especially the fact that they were managing to have intimate moments without bringing sex into the equation.

They sat there, watching Claire playing with some of the other children that were around and enjoying the fact that they were together. She had placed her hands over his hands, which were still on her stomach, and starting rubbing her thumb over his hand. Every few minutes he would lightly kiss her neck, causing her to smile and turn her head so that they could share a kiss.

"Oh look," Sam pointed out, "see that boy who's on the swing next to Claire right now?"

He looked closely and nodded. "Yeah."

"That's Jake." She explained. "That's the boy that's could very possibly have a crush on our daughter."

"That's the Jake?" Martin asked. He wasn't sure what he expected, but he wasn't expecting the sight in front of him. Jake seemed fairly tall for his age, was well dressed, and looked like he was from a wealthy family. Growing up in Washington D.C. with his family had given him a good eye for noticing who belonged to a wealthy family and who just pretended. Jake was definitely from a wealthy family.

She looked over and gently poked him. "Don't stare. It's not polite."

"Sorry." He turned to stare at her. "Didn't know you were the polite police."

"Well I am." She grinned. "So you better watch out of I'll have to arrest you for being impolite."

"You'd arrest me for staring?" He asked, pretending to pout.

"Not if you were staring at me." She kept a smug look on her face as she leaned in to kiss him.

"I'll have to make a mental note of that." He whispered between kisses.

The sound of a cough interrupted their kissing and Martin pulled away to find a strange man standing a few feet away from their blanket.

"Samantha! I thought that was you. I saw Claire and figured that you were close by." The man smiled.

"Brad. It's nice to see you again." Sam smiled back.

"How have you been?" Brad asked, giving her a sly smile.

"Fine." Sam replied. "And you?"

"Great. The divorce and custody case were finally settled last month." He explained, ignoring the fact that Martin even existed.

Martin watched Sam's interaction with this Brad guy and couldn't help but feel left out and jealous. Who the hell was this guy and how did she know him? And why wasn't she introducing him to this stranger? But most importantly, why was this guy flirting with Sam right in front of her husband?

"That's wonderful. I know that you were worried about losing your son." Sam was genuinely happy for him. Feeling Martin strengthen his grip around her, she rubbed his arm. "Brad I don't think you've my husband, have you?"

"No. I can't say that I have." Brad smiled brightly.

Martin could tell that it was a fake smile. He could tell that Brad had feelings for Sam and wondered just how close they were.

"Well Brad, this is Martin and Martin, this is Brad. He's Jake's father." She could feel Martin tense up as soon as Brad came over and started talking to her. Her only hope was that he wasn't going to be jealous. Judging by the look on his face though, she could see that it was too late to hope for that.

So this was Jake's father? Everything made more sense. Brad had that same kind of fake quality that he had seen in Jake only minutes earlier. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too." Brad nodded. "Samantha's told me about you."

"Funny, she hasn't really mentioned anything about you." Martin chuckled softly.

Sam lightly punched him in the side, hoping he'd get the hint and stop being rude. "Brad and I met last fall at parent-teacher night, and then again at her school play."

"Yes unfortunately you were unable to attend those events or we would have met sooner." Brad jumped in.

Martin really didn't like this guy and wanted nothing more than to punch him until he got the message that Sam was his wife and that it was going to stay that way. But violence never solved these kinds of situations and he restrained the urge to pummel Brad. "I guess it really was unfortunate that we're only meeting now."

Sam couldn't believe the way Martin was acting right now and knew that they would have to talk about that at some point. "Well it was really nice to see you again Brad."

Thankfully, Brad got the hint and excused himself. "It was nice to see you again, and nice to meet you Martin."

"Oh you too." Martin sarcastically replied as Brad walked away. He looked over at Sam and saw that she was giving him a hard stare. The playfulness that they were sharing before Brad's interruption was definitely gone.


	33. Trust Me

Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty-Three

As Sam pulled back the covers that night, she thought back to Brad's visit at the park and Martin's reaction to it. She wasn't really mad at him for being jealous; he couldn't help how he felt and she wouldn't try to censure his emotions. She could even deal with the fact that he was downright rude to Brad. After all, Brad had interrupted them at a bad time. But the thing that got her upset was the fact that Martin made her feel like he didn't trust her. She got the impression that she was under scrutiny simply because she had been talking to another man.

The rest of the picnic was tense for them so they got Claire and left shortly after the conversation with Brad. Since their arrival back home, they avoided the subject altogether and focused on different things. But the air around them had changed and she really hoped that the progress they had been making wasn't going to be swept away because of this. She didn't want to go back to being mad at him or fighting with him all the time.

She looked over at Martin, who was already in bed and engrossed in a book. They had to talk about this before the gap between them got wider. So she took a deep breath before talking. "Martin, can we talk about earlier?"

"I guess now is as good of a time as any." He put down his book and sighed. He knew that they were going to have to talk about the incident with Brad at the park, although he wished they didn't. It wasn't one of his finer moments and he could tell that his behavior with Brad had upset her. But there was something about Brad's attitude that screamed trouble.

He could recognize the look Brad had in his eyes when he looked at Sam because it was the way that he had been looking at his wife for years. It was a look full of desire and he didn't like another guy looking at his wife like that.

"What was your attitude about?" She asked, trying very hard to not sound defensive or angry.

"Me?" He wasn't going to get blamed for the whole thing. "I wasn't the only one who had an attitude. Why aren't you asking Brad too?"

She rolled her eyes. "Because I don't care why Brad had an attitude with you. He's not my husband. You are."

"Damn right I am." Martin replied softly.

She barely heard his comment but was angered by it. "I'm not sure why you're acting like this, but it's annoying. So I'm going to ask you again. What the hell was your attitude about?"

"I didn't like the way he was acting around you." Martin replied honestly. "I think Jake has a crush on our daughter and his father has a crush on you."

She laughed as she fluffed her pillow until she saw that he was being serious. "That's absolutely ridiculous." Brad didn't like her in that way. There were just friends and he knew that. She was positive that Brad knew they were just friends. "He just got out of a really bad marriage. The last thing on his mind right now should be another woman—yet alone me."

"Yeah. I agree about that, but his mind is definitely on you." Martin informed her.

She placed her pillow back on the bed and shook her head. "I disagree. You don't know him…"

"And what? You do?" He asked. "You seem to be an expert on him. Just how well do you know him?"

Leslie wouldn't want her to explode at Martin, so instead of yelling at him, she calmly counted to three before saying anything else. "You better be careful about what you're accusing me of."

Her voice was low and he knew that he was pushing her to her limit. Unfortunately he couldn't stop. He needed to get answers. "I'm not trying to accuse you of anything. I'm simply curious about how well you know this guy."

"He's not my best friend or anything. But I see him when I go to things at Claire's school and occasionally I'll see him at the park." She explained. "We talk about things."

"So you see him whenever I'm not around." He deduced. "What do you talk about?"

She sighed, climbing into bed. "Don't do this Martin."

"Don't do what?" He asked innocently. "I'm simply trying to figure out how well you two know each other. I'm taking an active interest in your life."

"No you're not." She laughed. "You're being very jealous and it's not a quality that I like very much." She took a deep breath to calm herself down. "Why is it such a crime for me to be friends with Brad?"

"It's not a crime." He sighed.

"Then why are you treating me like I'm a criminal that you're interrogating?" She asked softly. "I don't do the same thing with you and Bethany."

"Bethany?" He was confused. What did Bethany have to do with this? "Why are bringing her into this conversation?"

"Oh come on Martin!" She chuckled softly. "You can't honestly tell me that you are completely oblivious to way that she looks at you or the way she is always flirting with you. It's disgusting! She gets within ten feet of you and starts pulling down her shirt to reveal more cleavage."

"Now look who's jealous." Martin laughed.

"This isn't funny. She has been after you since the first day she met you."

"No she isn't." Martin replied. He had never thought of Bethany as anything other than a friend and hadn't noticed any overt attempts to seduce him or anything.

"Yes she is." Sam argued. "She wants you and apparently she doesn't seem to respect the fact that we're married."

"Well neither does Brad." Martin pointed out.

She sighed. "Look, the point is this. I don't start interrogating you every time I see you with Bethany. Sure I don't like it and I'd like to use her as target practice, but I have learned to live with it because I trust you not to do anything with her. Am I wrong to place that much trust in you?"

"No." He replied. "You're not wrong." He hadn't known that she felt threatened when he talked to Bethany and didn't know that it upset her. He'd always just considered Bethany a friend.

"Then why won't you trust me with Brad?" She asked calmly. "Have I given you a reason to doubt my fidelity?"

"No." He shook his head.

"So then why are you being so…difficult about this?" She truly wanted to know. Her suspicion was that he was just being insecure again, but she wanted to hear him admit that.

He was silent for a moment, contemplating how to word it. "I guess because I don't want to lose you to him or any other guy."

She scooted closer to him so that their shoulders were touching and placed her hand on top of his. "You're not going to lose me to another guy—especially not Brad. He's a nice guy but I'm not in love with him. I love you."

It helped to know that she didn't seem to have any romantic feelings for Brad, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he would lose her. "But…"

Before he could say anything else, she held her finger up against his lips to silence him. "There are no 'buts', Martin. I love you—end of story. I don't know why you feel so insecure. I don't know if it's because of something I've done or haven't done, or if it's just a problem that you have that is completely separate from me. But I don't know what to do to help you with it. I don't know how many different ways I can let you know how much I love you. Maybe you can work through it with Leslie because I'm at a loss here."

He grabbed a hold of the hand she was using to silence him and pressed it to his lips, placing a small kiss on the back of her hand. "Leslie and I are going to try and work through it."

"That's good." She smiled. "Because I don't like seeing you so jealous about someone that could never mean as much to me as you do."

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "I didn't mean to act that way earlier."

"I know." She nodded. "That's not the kind of guy you usually are."

"What do you want me to do about Bethany?" He asked hesitantly. "Do you want me to stop being her friend?"

Sam thought about it for a moment, considering what that would mean. It would mean that she wouldn't have to worry about seeing or hearing about Bethany flirting with her husband. But at the same time, she didn't feel right about censoring whom Martin got to be friends with. "I guess we have to face the fact that we have both married a very attractive person and that other people might come along and be attracted to us." She reasoned.

"While I don't like the way Bethany flirts with you, I don't think that I have the right to tell you who to be friends with. I think we just need to trust in each other and the strength of our marriage. So go ahead and continue to be friends with her but I swear if you ever cheat on me with her, very bad things will happen."

"I understand." He replied. "Believe me, I don't ever plan on cheating on you—with Bethany or anyone else."

"Good." She smiled. "Because I don't plan on cheating on you with anyone either."

"Good." He grinned, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close to him. "So do you forgive me for this afternoon?"

"Yep." She leaned down and kissed him passionately.

"When is Claire's next school function?" Martin asked between kisses.

"Well the school year ends on Friday, so not until next fall. Why?" She didn't understand why he was interrupting their kissing to ask about something like that.

He kissed her nose. "I just want to make sure that I have them marked on my calendar in big, bold letters so that you never have to go by yourself again."

She knew that one of the reasons he wanted to go was to keep guys like Brad away from her and that she should be slightly offended by it. But she couldn't help being happy about the fact that she wouldn't have to go to those things alone.


	34. Jealousy Isn't Bad

Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty-Four

"So you have been talking to each other?" Leslie was pleasantly surprised by their progress. She had expected it to take them longer to make this much progress. "How has that been going?"

"Pretty well." Martin nodded, looking at Sam for confirmation.

"Yeah." Sam nodded too. "I mean everything's not great yet. We definitely have both individual issues and couple issues, but things are better than before."

"That's wonderful." Leslie smiled. "It sounds like you are both making progress. When you first came in here you could hardly even speak to each other without arguing. Now, well now that isn't the case at all. It's a good start."

"So what's the next step?" Sam asked.

"The next step is to work on the individual as well as the couple issues. We'll isolate the individual issues during your personal sessions." She looked at Samantha and then Martin. "But are there any issues that you would like to discuss right now?"

Martin was quiet; he didn't see anything that they needed to talk about right now. Well actually there were things that they probably should talk about. But there was nothing that he really wanted to talk about.

Sam looked over at Martin and then at Leslie. When it became apparent that Martin wasn't going to say anything or make any suggestions, she decided to speak up. "Actually, there is something that I think we need to address."

Leslie focused her attention on Samantha. "Ok. What would you like to talk about?"

"I think we have a problem with trust." She replied.

"Ok." Leslie nodded. "What makes you think that?"

"Do we have to talk about this?" Martin asked while giving Sam a glare. He thought that they had settled this trust thing the other night. Apparently he was wrong though.

"I think we should talk about it again." Sam answered, ignoring the glare that he was sending her. She wasn't going to back down from this. Maybe there was something that Leslie could do to help them. It was at least worth a shot.

"Fine." He sighed.

Leslie watched this interaction with great interest, noting Martin's reluctance to confront the trust issue. "So Samantha, why do you think you have a trust issue?"

"This weekend we went to the park and had a picnic. Everything was great until a father of one of Claire's friends approached us. I know him because we've gone to the same school functions and we've talked. I guess I'd consider him a friend but not a really close friend. Anyway, Martin got really jealous and for a moment there I thought I was going to have to restrain him to keep him from punching Brad."

"Brad is the name of the man?" Leslie guessed.

"Yes." Sam nodded.

"Martin, were you jealous because of the attention that Brad was giving Samantha?" Leslie knew that Martin had an insecurity problem and this kind of situation definitely wouldn't help his problem get better.

"Yes." Martin sighed, not wanting to go through this again. "But you should have seen the way he was acting. He was flirting with her even though I was right next to her. That's rude and infuriating."

"I'm sure it is." Leslie made a few notes.

"Martin was being rude to Brad too though." Sam interjected.

"He had it coming." Martin replied. "Just be glad that I squelched the urge to use him as a punching bag."

"See?" Sam pointed at Martin. "He's doing it again. He's jealous and Brad's not even here."

"Martin, let me ask you a question. Was Samantha flirting back with him at all? Was she giving out any signals to Brad that she was interested in him as anything other than a friend?"

"No." Martin replied after being silent for a few moments.

"So then why do you consider Brad a threat?" Leslie questioned.

"I just don't like anyone hitting on my wife." Martin said, staring at the carpet.

"I don't think the problem is Brad." Sam stated. "I think the real problem is trust. I don't think he trusts me."

"I trust you." Martin looked over at Sam, hoping he could convince her.

"No. You say you do, but I don't think you really do." Sam shook her head.

He laughed. "Well then maybe I don't think that you really trust me." Two could play at this game. "You admitted to me that you're jealous of Bethany."

"Who is Bethany?" Leslie asked.

"She's a woman at work that is constantly throwing herself at Martin, although he claims that he doesn't realize it." Sam explained.

"I see." Leslie noted that for future reference.

"I will admit it. I am jealous whenever I see her flirting with you. But I don't go up to her and start acting rude or go around accusing you of anything. I walk away and trust you not to do anything that would wreck our marriage even more!" Sam exclaimed.

"It seems to me that you both have some trust issues that you're going to need to conquer. Martin you're going to have to remember that Samantha is committed to this marriage and to you. I doubt very much that she will do anything to jeopardize your relationship."

"Of course I wouldn't." Sam interjected.

Leslie then turned to face Samantha. "And Samantha, you sound like you have a problem with this Bethany woman. Perhaps you could try to talk to her about restraining herself around Martin. Or better yet, perhaps Martin could try and have a talk with her about stopping any inappropriate behavior."

"That would be nice if Martin would do that." Sam whispered.

"Why didn't you tell me to do that then?" Martin asked, getting frustrated. He turned to Leslie. "I asked her outright if she wanted me to do anything about Bethany and she never mentioned that she wanted me to have a talk with her about stopping her flirtations. How am I supposed to know what she wants if she won't tell me?"

Leslie simply smiled. "Well, Samantha probably should have mentioned if she wanted you to talk to Bethany about it."

Feeling like he had experienced a major victory, he smiled triumphantly.

"This week, I want you two to try and work on your trust issues. Continue communicating your feelings, especially ones concerning jealousy. Jealousy is not a bad emotion—it's what you do because of your jealousy that can be dangerous. So if either of you feel yourself getting jealous, here's what I want you to do. Close your eyes and say these three things in your mind. Say he/she loves me. He/she wouldn't cheat on me. I have nothing to worry about and shouldn't jump to any conclusions." She looked at Martin and then at Samantha. "Can you try that?"

"Sure." They both replied at the same time.

Leslie could tell that they weren't fully trusting each other, but didn't know what else to do for them right now. Their trust issues would have to be addressed in their individual sessions. Addressing them in the joint session wouldn't be productive and would most likely lead to an argument that she was sure no one really wanted to happen.


	35. Bethany

Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty-Five

The next day Martin arrived at work, setting his coffee and briefcase on his desk before walking over to Danny's desk. As usual, Danny was there surfing the internet since they hadn't been assigned a case yet. "Danny, can I ask you something?"

Danny turned his attention away from the computer screen and focused on his friend, giving him a smile. "Sure Marty, what do you want to know about?"

"I…well, I was wondering if you…" He wasn't sure how exactly to phrase this question. Ever since Sam told him that Bethany was constantly throwing herself at him he starting thinking about whether or not she was right. Of course he would like to think that he's not that completely oblivious to Bethany's flirtations, but it was possible that he just didn't see it. It's not like he ever considered himself a major sex symbol to women. So he decided to ask Danny about it since Danny had much more experience in the women department. Maybe Danny would be able to shed some light on what exactly he should be telling Bethany to stop doing. Right now he had no clue.

"Martin, if you want an answer sometime this century you're going to have to ask me a question." Danny stated, getting tired of waiting.

"Sorry." Martin rolled his eyes. "You know Bethany Chambers, right?"

Danny started laughing. "Oh yeah. I know who she is." Why was Martin asking about Bethany?

"Well, have you noticed…any kind of…."

Danny finally understood. Martin was finally realizing that Bethany was after him like a dog in heat. Finally! He'd been wondering how long it would take his friend. Normally Martin was so obtuse but even he had his moments. "Flirting?" He interrupted Martin's question, knowing that it would have taken Martin forever to finish what he was asking.

"Actually, yeah." Martin replied, glad that Danny had finished the question for him. "Have you noticed any of that kind of thing when she's talking to me?"

Danny chuckled. "Yes. She's always flirting with you and trying to make sure you know she's available. I'm actually surprised that Sam hasn't used her as target practice yet."

"So it is that bad." Martin sighed. "How could I have not seen it?"

Danny stood up and clasped his hand onto Martin's shoulder. "It's simple. You're one of the 'good' guys. You're in love with Sam and you are the type of person who doesn't want to believe that someone like Bethany would disrespect your marriage with Sam and try to lure you into her den of sin. But she is that kind of person. She's been blatantly obvious with her intentions. But you didn't see it because you didn't want to."

"You know, that makes sense." Martin smiled. "Mind if I use that defense with Sam?"

"Be my guest, but be sure to use an oral footnote and quote me on it." Danny grinned.

Martin laughed. "I'll be sure to include the oral footnote."

"You better." Danny chuckled. "It's plagerism if you don't."

"I'll keep that in mind."

After a few more seconds of laughter, Danny became serious again. "So is Sam finally admitting that she's jealous about the whole Bethany thing?"

"Something like that." Martin replied. "The whole thing came up because I got jealous of a guy at the park. The father of one of Claire's classmates came up to us while we were having a picnic and started flirting with her."

"Where you there with her when he was flirting?" Danny asked.

"Yeah." Martin nodded. "In fact, we were kissing when he interrupted us."

Danny shook his head. "Wow, he sounds like he's even more bold than Bethany."

"He made me really mad." Martin admitted. "I'm still mad every time I think about it."

"That's understandable." Danny nodded.

"But Sam got upset because of it and then we had this talk about trust. She doesn't think that I trust her. So then that led her to admit that about Bethany. She says that she trusts me, but…"

"But you don't believe her?" Danny guessed.

"I don't know. I guess I believe her." Martin sighed. "I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do."

"Well you could stop hanging around with Bethany so much." Danny suggested.

"I guess." Martin nodded. "But she's been a good friend to me."

"Because she wants to get you into bed." Danny reminded him.

"Yeah. That would probably be the best thing to do."

"And here's your chance." Danny whispered, looking at the person heading towards them.

Bethany walked up to Danny and Martin, giving both of them a smile but making sure that her smile for Martin was brighter than Danny's. "Hello Danny. Hello Martin. How are you today?"

"Fine." Danny replied before looking over to Martin. "I'm going to go get some coffee. Would you like some?"

"No thanks." Martin replied, hoping that Danny wouldn't leave him with Bethany. He felt uncomfortable around her now that he knew that she only wanted to get him into bed. "I already have some at my desk."

"Ok." Danny nodded. "Bye Bethany."

"Bye Danny." Bethany replied in a sing-song voice. She was happy to get rid of Danny so that she could have a few minutes with Martin all to herself. "So Martin, I haven't talked to you in a few days. How are things going?"

"Fine." Martin shrugged. Suddenly he was at a loss for words and was having trouble making conversation with her. Normally he could make conversation with anyone, but she was making him very nervous—and not a good kind of nervous.

"How's your little girl?" She asked, invading his personal space by inching closer to him. "How's Claire doing?"

"She's great." Martin answered.

"Is she out of school yet?" Bethany wasn't sure why Martin was being so weird around her right now but just chalked it up to him being in a bad mood.

"Not yet. Her last day is Friday." Martin replied. "Then she'll be staying at her friends' Sarah's house during the day."

"Oh that's so nice that you have people you can count on to take care of your daughter while you work!" Bethany smiled, lightly touching his arm.

It took every ounce of willpower for him not flinch once her hand made contact with his arm. "Yeah it is nice."

She let her hand linger on his arm for a few more seconds before bringing her arm down to rest at her side. "Well I better get back to work. I'll see you later!"

"Bye." Martin sighed, glad when she left him alone. Now that he was aware and looking for her flirtations, he noticed them loud and clear. First she was standing closer to him than he was comfortable with, and then touching his arm like that. No wonder Sam was slightly jealous of that.


	36. What Would You Do?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty-Six

When Martin saw Danny walk into the bullpen, he marched over. "Why did you leave me alone with her?"

Danny chuckled and gave his friend an innocent look. "With who?"

"Don't play innocent with me." Martin glared at him. "Bethany! Why'd you leave me with her?"

"You're a big boy now Martin. You can take care of yourself." Danny explained. "Besides, I had a really nice breakfast today that I didn't want to lose it. So I left. What did I miss?"

Martin sighed. "I was stupid to not see it earlier. She really wants me."

Danny nodded. "Did she stand too close to you, use that high-pitched sugary-sweet voice and smile a lot?"

"Yeah and then she touched my arm." Martin added.

"A touch or a grab?" Danny needed some clarification.

"Oh it was definitely a grab." Martin answered. "And it lasted way too long."

"I'm glad I left then." Danny grinned.

Martin frowned. "What am I going to do?"

"Tell Bethany the truth. Tell her that she's wasting her time and should focus her energy on someone who would be better suited to meet her needs." Danny explained, looking at Martin suspiciously. "She is wasting her time, right?"

"Of course she is!" Martin exclaimed. He couldn't believe that Danny even had to ask him that. "I love Sam."

"Just checking." He hadn't wanted to ask Martin that question but he had to double-check and make sure that Bethany didn't stand a chance. "So then like I said. Tell Bethany the truth. It will hurt her, but not as much as if you lied to her or strung her along."

"You sound like you've had experience with this type of thing." Martin noted.

"Yeah, I used to be in your shoes a lot before I became a one-woman man." Danny admitted sheepishly.

"I'm still impressed that Michelle got you to settle down." Martin grinned. "To be honest, I never really thought that you would. I always figured that you'd be one of those confirmed bachelors that was still dating a different woman every night when they're eighty. But I'm very happy for you. Married life can be wonderful at times."

"Yes it can." He smiled as he thought about his family. Michelle and Kyle meant everything to him and they were his whole world. He would do anything to keep them happy and safe. "To be honest, I never thought I'd find someone who completes me the way she does."

"Be sure to hold on to her and don't let her slip away." Martin advised.

"Shouldn't I be the one telling you that about Sam?" Danny asked.

"No because believe me, I know not to let her slip away." Martin said before heading to his desk to start working.

* * *

"Sorry to keep you waiting." Martin apologized, entering the break room and approaching the table that Sam was sitting at. He kissed the top of her head and flashed her a smile before sitting down. "Jack really wanted that report finished before I took my lunch break." 

"That's ok. I understand." Sam assured him. "I've only been waiting a few minutes and I was early anyway." Even though she was starving, she had waited for him to come in so that they could eat together. Now that he was here she could finally eat her ham and cheese sandwich.

"Slow day?" He asked, biting into his turkey sandwich.

"Very slow." She groaned. "I used to love working slow days when we were working together. But now…" She trailed off, thinking about how much she hated her co-workers. While she was sure that they were nice people, she also was sure that they were the least compatible people to be teamed together. The rest of the team had their own jokes, their own slang words, and their own culture. She didn't fit in with them. Their personalities clashed on a daily basis and she felt isolated from them.

He noticed that she was lost in her own thoughts and knew that she was most likely thinking about how much she hated her job. Leslie had said that it was one of the problems that they still had to address and he felt that she was right. They needed to find a solution to this that would make both of them happy.

He didn't want to make her continue to work at a job that she hated. He had a few ideas about how to change the situation they were in and realized that maybe now was the right time to actually do something about his ideas.

"Anyway," Sam shook off the depressing thoughts about her job, "Claire asked me this morning if Sarah could sleep over at our house this Friday. I said yes because Claire's stayed over there so many times and since Friday is their last day of school I…"

"That's fine." Martin interrupted. "Maybe we can order some pizza and rent that new Disney movie that came out."

"That's a good idea." Sam nodded.

"Then we can rent a more grown up movie for after they go to bed." He added.

She narrowed her eyes. "Just what kind of grown up movie are you suggesting we rent?"

He realized the way his earlier statement sounded and smiled. "I…I didn't mean the adult kind of movie. I…I meant more of the…"

She watched him stumble around his words and thought it was cute. "I understand what you meant. I just liked watching you fumble around for the right words."

"Oh really?" He grinned. "That's not very nice."

"Sorry." She shrugged.

"So anyway, I was thinking that you could choose the movie and we could have a Friday night movie date."

"A movie date?" She repeated. "We haven't had a date in…forever. What's the occasion?"

"No occasion. I just thought that maybe we should return to old habits, like sharing lunch together, going on family picnics, and having Friday night movie dates." Martin explained. "Do you have any objections to that?"

"No." She shook her head. "Actually I think that's a great idea. I like the way you think."

"I'm glad." He smiled, leaning in to kiss her.

* * *

Later that day when Danny came by his desk to drop off a file, Martin called out for him to stop. "Can I ask you a question?" 

"Another one?" Danny questioned. "Yeah I guess. But maybe I should start charging you for my advice."

"Maybe you could just start a running tab?" Martin suggested jokingly.

"Maybe I will. That's a good idea." Danny grinned. He took a sip of his coffee. "Ok. I'm ready. What's your next question?"

He waited a few seconds, checking to make sure that no one else was around, before continuing. "If you had the power to do something that would make Michelle happy, but in order to do it you had to give up something you loved, would you still do it?"

"What are you thinking about giving up for Sam?" Danny asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"I don't want to say right now." Martin replied. "I just want to know. Would you still do it?"

"Absolutely, but only if I was sure that it would make her happy." Danny replied. "I'd do anything to make her happy and see her smile."

"That's the same way I feel about Sam." Martin sighed.

He took another sip of his coffee. "Would this mystery act really make Sam happy?"

"I'm sure it would." Martin nodded. He was certain that it would make her happy because it was something that she has wanted for a long time.

"Then I don't think you should be asking for my advice. I think you need to decided whether or not you are willing to give up whatever you'd have to give up." Danny replied.

"I guess you're right." Martin stated. "Thanks Danny. I appreciate the fact that you put up with my incessant questions."

Danny shrugged his shoulders. "Your incessant questions aren't so bad. They allow me a chance to do something other than paperwork for a few minutes."

"Then I'm glad I could help out." Martin chuckled.

* * *

Before he left to go home, he passed by Van Doren's office. Lucky for him, her lights were still on and she was still in her office. He knocked softly, briefly wondering if he was doing the right thing. "Do you have a minute?" 

Paula Van Doren looked up and saw Martin standing in her doorway. "Well I was about to head home…"

"This will only take a moment." Martin assured her, taking a few steps further into her office.

Paula sighed and stepped out from behind her desk. "Ok. What can I do for you?"

"This." He handed her the piece of paper that he had brought with him.

She read over the document and then looked up at him. "Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely." Martin nodded.

"I see." She walked around her desk and placed the piece of paper on top of a file folder. "Have you talked to Samantha about this?"

"No. I was hoping to surprise her." Martin replied honestly.

"It will definitely be a surprise." Paula sighed. She should have left to go home while she had the chance and dealt with this tomorrow but it was too late for that now. "Martin, I think there's something that you need to know. Please sit down…"


	37. Are You Mad?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty-Seven

He took the key out of the ignition and sat back in the seat. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting in the driveway, but he was sure that he'd been there for a while. He would have gone inside the house already but he was still trying to process the information from his talk with Van Doren.

_"Martin, I think there's something that you need to know. Please sit down." Paula motioned to the seat in front of her desk._

_He wasn't sure why she was telling him to sit and hesitantly moved to sit down. "What's going on that I need to know about?"_

_"I probably shouldn't be telling you this but considering the paper you just handed me, I think you should know." Paula started, sitting in her own chair and clasping her hands together on her desk. "A few weeks ago Samantha came into my office and asked me to look into any new job openings in another division."_

_"Oh." Martin was glad that Sam was trying to find a new job but didn't understand why she hadn't told him about it. "Well that doesn't surprise me. I know that she's been unhappy with her job ever since the transfer." Then a thought entered his mind. "Did she ask you to look only at jobs in New York or jobs anywhere?"_

_"She said that it didn't matter where the job was. She wanted to know what her options were."_

_"Options." He whispered. Why would she want options like that? Was she thinking about leaving and getting as far away from him as possible? No of course not. She wouldn't do that because she was committed to making their marriage work. Right?_

_She wasn't sure if she should tell Martin this because she hadn't told Samantha yet, but felt she needed to before she addressed the document that he handed her a few minutes ago. "I've been looking into it for her and have found a position that she would be extremely qualified for. It would mean a promotion for her and she would be back in a Missing Person's division again."_

_"That's great." Martin smiled. It would be great for Sam to get back to a Missing Person's division and this seemed like it would be a better solution than the one he came up with. He thought that he could switch jobs with Sam so that she could go back to the old team and he would take her job in White Collar. Now it seemed like he didn't need to do that._

_"Martin, the position is in Houston." Paula explained._

_"Houston?" Martin repeated. "As in the Houston that's in Texas?"_

_"I'm afraid so." Paula replied. "It's the only position in a Missing Person's division that wouldn't be a demotion for her."_

_He wasn't sure what to think about this. While he would have wanted Sam to take this job, the fact that it is in Houston was a major turn-off. How would they work on their marriage if she was thousands of miles away? Their family wouldn't survive that much distance. He then remembered his original reason for coming to talk to her. "What about what I'm proposing? Could we do that?"_

_She glanced back at the sheet, not liking what she was going to have to tell him. "Martin the FBI is not in the business of letting agents switch jobs with their spouses. I can't authorize something like this."_

_"Why not?" Martin asked. "Is there any written rule against it?"_

_"No." She admitted softly. "To be honest, I believe you are the first one to ever suggest something like this—at least you're the first that I've heard about. I heavily doubt that it would be possible. Besides, if we let you and Samantha do it we'd have to offer it to the rest of the bureau and then there would be chaos. Everyone would be wanting to switch jobs."_

_"But…" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His idea and hopes to make Sam happy were being swept away._

_"I'm sorry. I would like to help you but my hands are tied. I can't allow you two to switch jobs." She honestly felt bad for him, but she couldn't do anything more._

_He stood up, having to get out of there to think about what had just happened. "Thanks for your time anyway."_

_She watched him walk to the door and called out to him. "Martin? Can you please not discuss this with Samantha yet? I haven't had a chance to talk to her about this yet. I was planning on calling her in tomorrow."_

_"Sure." He nodded, feeling resigned and angry._

How could Sam do that? How could she look into other jobs? Was she trying to find a new job far away from New York and him? He knew that Van Doren had said Sam came in and asked about it a few weeks ago. That was when they were still having a lot of problems, but even back then he never honestly thought that she would ever seriously consider leaving him. But that's what this represented to him. At that time she had wanted to get away from him. Did she still want that? Was she really as committed to saving their marriage as he thought she was? Or was it just an act?

He desperately wanted answers to his questions but knew that he couldn't say anything to her about it tonight since he technically wasn't supposed to know. He was angry at her and this whole situation, especially the fact that his idea was shot down without any real consideration. It would have been the perfect solution to just let him transfer to White Collar and let Sam go back to their Missing Person's unit. He didn't really want to go to White Collar but it would have made her happy. It would have been nice to be able to do something like that for her. In his mind he hoped that would serve as a type of peace offering that could signify a fresh start. But it looked like that wasn't going to happen.

Tired of sitting in the car, he grabbed his briefcase and headed inside. He noticed that she wasn't downstairs and figured that she was already in bed. Since he wasn't hungry, he decided to go right up to bed.

Looking up from the book she was reading, Sam smiled at him when he came in the door. "Hey."

"Hi." He replied, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking off his shoes.

"I saved you some leftovers in the kitchen if you're hungry." She told him.

"Thanks but I'm not really hungry." He politely declined.

"Ok." She watched him closely, trying to figure out what was bothering him.

He looked over and saw a book in her hands. "What are you reading?"

"Oh this?" She closed the book. "It's your book. I was just reading it to pass the time and to try and keep me awake until you got home." She then proceeded to yawn. "But I found it's a rather boring book. I don't know how you can read it without falling asleep."

"I guess I just find the topic a lot more interesting than you do." He shrugged, heading into the bathroom.

She watched him disappear into the bathroom and wondered what was wrong with him. He was acting weird and strangely distant towards her. She hadn't done anything to make him mad at her, had she? She couldn't think of anything. He wasn't having a bad day when she talked to him at lunch, but maybe it got worse after she left.

When he came out of the bathroom after changing and taking his pain pill, he climbed into bed and started to get comfortable so that he could go to sleep.

"Is something wrong?" She asked, lying on her side so that she faced him.

"Nope." He shook his head. "Nothing's wrong. Why?"

"You're acting weird." She pointed out. Then she decided to just ask him outright if she had done something wrong. "Are you mad at me for something?"

"No." He lied, really wanting to stop talking and just go to sleep.

She could tell by the tone of his voice that he was lying but didn't know what she had done to make him mad at her. He obviously wasn't going to tell her though and she didn't want push him. Maybe she could get him to open up tomorrow. She reached over and turned off the light. For the past couple of nights she had been sleeping in his arms again, but tonight she stayed on her own side of the bed. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Came his reply. He thought about reaching over and pulling her closer to him so that she was sleeping in his arms again but instead just closed his eyes so that sleep would come to him.


	38. Do You Want The Job?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty-Eight

When Sam got to work the next day she had a message waiting for her saying that Van Doren needed to talk to her, but she was busy with work most of the morning and didn't get a chance to stop by until early afternoon. Since the door was open she knocked on the doorframe. "You wanted to see me?"

"Ah yes. Samantha, please come in and close the door." Paula smiled.

Sam closed the door behind her and then proceeded to sit in a chair. "So what is this about?" She had been curious about why she was summoned here and hoped that maybe Paula had found her a new job.

"Well I've been looking around like you asked me to, and I think I might have found something that you are perfect for." Paula replied.

"That's great!" Sam exclaimed. "What is it?"

"There is an opening on one of the Missing Person's units for a senior agent. You'd be second in command and it would be a significant promotion." She explained the job.

"That sounds perfect." Sam couldn't believe her luck. This new job sounded like something out of a dream. "I'd love a promotion and the chance to work Missing Person's again."

"The only thing about it is that it's not in New York." Paula cautioned.

The smile on Sam's face fell. "It's not?" She should have known that there had to be a catch. "Where is it then?"

"Houston, Texas." She answered.

"Are there any other openings besides that one?" She asked, her hopes crushed. "Maybe something in New York?"

"No I'm sorry. There isn't." Paula replied.

"Oh." She wasn't sure how to feel now. She obviously couldn't take the job in Houston, although it would be her dream job. "Well I appreciate your efforts."

"You can have a few days to think about it but I need a final answer Monday morning."

Sam nodded. "Ok." She started to stand up to leave but stopped when she realized that there was more.

"Last night, Martin came to see me." Paula continued. "I wasn't aware that you hadn't told him about your earlier visit to me and I told him about the Houston job."

So that was why Martin was so mad at her. Oh dear. This wasn't good. She could only imagine how this situation looked to him. How was she going to explain this to him? Then another thought entered her head. "What was he doing here anyway?"

"He wanted to hand in this." Paula replied, pulling out a paper and handing it to her.

Her eyes quickly scanned the document and then looked up at Paula. "He wanted to switch jobs with me?" That was quite possibly the nicest thing that he had ever done for her.

"That's what he wanted to do." She nodded. "Unfortunately the bureau doesn't let people switch jobs with each other."

"Even though we're both qualified to do the other person's job?" Sam questioned. "Even though it's a mutual decision?"

"I'm sorry. I don't make the rules. I only enforce them." She replied.

"This is ludicrous!" Sam exclaimed passionately. If they would allow her and Martin to switch jobs everything would be better. But no, they had to make things difficult. She shook her head and stood up to leave.

Paula watched her leave, calling out, "Don't forget that I need your answer by Monday!"

Sam heard that last statement but kept on walking, feeling the need to talk to Martin. At least now she understood why he was so mad and distant last night. Knowing him he probably saw this as some kind of betrayal or a sign that she wasn't committed to their marriage. He was probably hurt by this and most likely disappointed that his plan of switching jobs with her wouldn't work.

That was a sweet thing to try and do though. He had done many nice things for her over the years but that was the best by far. Just the fact that he would have been willing to give up his job for her was enough to make her fall in love with him all over again. Stepping off the elevator on his floor, she saw him at his desk. He was taking his medicine bottle out from his coat and taking another pain pill. After swallowing the pill he went back to typing furiously. "Hey." She greeted, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He looked over and saw her standing there and knew what her visit was about. She had obviously had that meeting with Van Doren and found out about the job opening in Houston. He couldn't help but wonder if she was coming to tell him that she was taking the job. There was a part of him that believed she wouldn't do that to him or their family but there was another part that wasn't sure she would be able to turn down the job. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

"I was wondering if we could talk for a minute. Can you take a little break?" She asked, hoping that she hadn't caught him at a bad time. They really needed to settle this as soon as possible. She didn't want him to continue to be mad at her or for him to think that she wanted to move away from him.

He looked back at the report he was typing up and then at her. "I guess I can spare a few minutes." They were going to have to talk about this sooner or later and while he had hoped they wouldn't do it at work, he guessed he had no choice.

"How about we go out to the balcony for some privacy?" She suggested, not wanting to talk about it in front of other people. She didn't want it to be spread around the office that she had gotten another job offer.

"Sure." He followed her out to the balcony. It was the same balcony that was the location of some of their best talks and make-out sessions while they were dating. They would come out here and hide within the blind spot in the corner, keeping away from prying eyes and enjoying some private time while working. Though he had a feeling there would be no make-out session this time. He leaned against the railing, keeping his back to her. "What's on your mind?"

She stepped over to his side and leaned up against the railing, grabbing a hold of his hand and linking their fingers together. "I think you know what we need to talk about."

He was silent for a few moments to keep himself from yelling or accusing her of anything. He was determined to hear her side of the story. Maybe she had a good reason for looking at getting a transfer. "You talked to Van Doren?"

"Yeah. I just came from her office." Sam replied. "I heard about what you tried to do."

"It doesn't matter because it won't work." Martin shrugged.

"It matters to me." Sam smiled. "It was a very nice gesture and I appreciate it."

He simply shrugged, not knowing what to say to that.

When it became obvious to her that he wasn't going to take this conversation any further, she continued. "I know that you know about Houston."

"So when do you leave?" He asked quietly, preparing himself for the worst.

She was caught off-guard by his question. He actually thought that she would accept the job—without even talking to him? Did he really think she was that selfish? Thinking about it, she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to that question. "I'm not leaving—at least not without you."

He finally looked over at her, searching her eyes for the truth. She looked sincere but there was something that he needed to know. "Why did you ask her to look into a transfer?"

She was expecting that question but still didn't have a great answer for it. "I don't know. I just…Leslie had helped me admit that I hated my job and then when I told you about it you asked me why I haven't done anything about it. That got me thinking about why I hadn't at least looked into a transfer. At the time when I went to Van Doren, we weren't getting along. We could barely be in the same room without this incredible tension and we were constantly fighting. I seriously doubted that we'd…"

"So you wanted a back-up plan?" He finished for her. "You wanted to have a new place to take Claire and start over without me. Right?"

"I don't know." She shook her head. "I just wanted to see what was out there. I was hoping that there would be a job for me somewhere in another New York office. I didn't expect the job in Houston."

"But you want it." He stated, taking his hand and breaking free from her grasp. He knew that she would want the job. Not only would she be back in Missing Person's but she would also be promoted to second in command—something she's wanted for a long time. "Right?"

She looked out at the city, staring arbitrarily at one of the tallest buildings. "I don't know." She lied, hoping to spare his feelings. Of course she wanted the job. It's the kind of job she's wanted for years. But she didn't want to move away from him and wasn't sure that he would move there with her. So why even waste another minute thinking about it?"

"Sam, don't lie to me. Just admit it." He sighed. "You want that job."

"Fine." She sighed, turning to face him. "I want the job. Does that make you happy?"

"No, but at least you're not lying to me." He answered gruffly. "I've got to get back to work."

"We're not done talking yet." She objected.

He continued walking towards the door, not turning around. "I'm done talking about it."

She watched him go back into the building, leaving her outside. Even though she wasn't cold she wrapped her arms around herself. Things were going so well between them and then this had to come along to ruin that. She decided to go back inside and head back up to her floor. She'd try to talk about this later tonight.


	39. Silent Treatment

Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Martin had been giving her the silent treatment all during dinner and then after dinner too. Now that Claire was asleep Sam hoped that they could talk about things, but he was still giving her the silent treatment. "Martin, come on! How much longer are you going to stay mad at me for this?"

He didn't say anything as he went into the bathroom to take his pain medication. When he came back out he still didn't say anything to her. Instead he opted to slip underneath the covers and grabbed his book.

The silent treatment was really starting to make her mad. "You know that the silent treatment is very childish, right? I mean Claire doesn't even do that anymore!"

He opened his mouth to make a smart-ass remark but then remembered that he was supposed to be ignoring her. So he closed his mouth and opened his book to start reading.

They needed to talk about this and couldn't just let it go. Leslie had helped her see that ignoring problems only made them worse. "Fine. Act like a child. We need to talk about this though. So if you won't talk to me then I'll do all the talking and you can just lie there and listen. But you're going to give me your full attention." She yanked the book out of his hands and threw it across the room.

"Hey! What…" He yelled stopping when he realized that he had just broken the silent treatment he was giving her. She had tricked him into speaking to her.

"Martin, I know you're mad at me that I didn't tell you I was looking into a transfer. But that's all I was doing. I was only looking into it. I thought that maybe I could get a job at the Albany office and then we could move to a town that's halfway between there so that we'd both have roughly the same commuting time. But that obviously didn't work out."

She looked at him and saw that he wasn't softening to her explanation. She sighed and sat on the side of the bed with her back to him. "I know it wasn't a good idea to look into it without telling you and I'm sorry. But you can't keep shutting me out. It's not going to help things. I can only guess what you're thinking and feeling, but I can't know what to do to make things better between us if you won't open up to me."

He didn't want to be mad at her. He just felt hurt that she was going around looking at transfers behind his back. It made him wonder what else she was doing without his knowledge. "It just feels like you're making an escape plan, like you're saying that our marriage is doomed and then planning for a future without me." Martin finally spoke.

"That wasn't my intention." She tried to convince him. There had to be some way to convince him that she was committed to him. He showed that he was committed to her by offering to sacrifice his job and give it to her. What could she do that would hopefully show him she meant it when she told him she was committed?

"But that's just how it seemed." He explained.

She turned around to face him. "I'm sorry if you felt that way. I just needed to know what was out there so that I would know if I was going to be stuck at that job forever or if there was hope that I could get out. This had nothing to do with you. It's about my dislike for my job."

"I want to believe that."

"Then believe it!" She told him, looking deep into his eyes. "I love you Martin and I want this marriage to work more than anything else in this world. Trust in my love for you. Please? I never want to leave you."

"And I never want to leave you." He told her, reaching out and caressing her cheek with his hand. She moved closer to him and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. Then he leaned in and placed soft kisses on the most sensitive parts on her neck. "I love you Samantha."

She snuggled closer to him and hoped that he wasn't still angry with her. But there was still one more thing she had to bring up. "I know you're probably not going to like this, but I think we need to at least think about it."

"What would that be?" He asked hesitantly.

"Well, there's the job in Houston. Would it be possible for me to take the job and then we could all move down there together?" She realized his answer would be no, but she had to at least try and convince him because she really liked this new job.

"Sam our lives are here. Our jobs and our friends are here, not to mention the fact that all of Claire's friends are here too. Do you really want to up-root her like that?" He didn't really want to move to Houston. He loved New York.

"It's not like we'd be moving in the middle of a school year." Sam countered. "And Claire could make a ton of new friends."

"She's not going to want to leave." Martin pointed out.

Sam pulled away from him and eyed him suspiciously. "She's not going to want to leave or you're not going to want to leave? Why don't you just admit it? You don't want to move there, do you?"

He sighed. "No. I don't. I like where we are now and like I said, our lives are here."

She knew that it would be hard to convince him to go with her, but she felt compelled to try and reason with him. "But we could make a new life. We could start fresh in a new place, leave all the bad stuff behind and focus on our future."

"What future?" He asked. "I know exactly why you want us to move to Houston and it's not because of your desire to start over in a new city. If we move to Houston you'll have a great new job. But what will Claire and I have? She'll have to start at a new school with a bunch of kids that she doesn't know and I won't have a job. Not to mention the fact that we'll be cut off from our friends and farther away from my family."

She tried to understand what he was getting at with his statement. "So what are you saying? That I'm selfish for even bringing this up?"

He thought about it for a moment before replying. "Yeah. Maybe I am. This move would be a great opportunity for you but would really suck for the rest of us in this family."

She tried her hardest to not be angry with him for calling her selfish. Leslie wouldn't want her to get mad and start yelling because that wouldn't help solve anything, but it was hard not to react to him. She took a few deep breaths before saying anything back to him. "Maybe you're the one being selfish Martin. All I'm asking is that you think about it for more than ten seconds but instead you just arbitrarily say no."

"I'm the one who's being selfish?" He exclaimed, not believing what he was hearing. "Excuse me? I am not the selfish one here. I'm the one who offered to switch jobs with you. That's one of the most selfless things I could do."

She couldn't believe that he was throwing that in her face. "But if you were willing to do that for me, why aren't you willing to at least consider moving to Houston?" She paused for a second before answering her own question. "Of course I can answer that for you. You were perfectly happy to offer up your job for mine because then you could play the hero. You could say 'look at what I did for you' and take pride in it. But the reason you won't move to Houston is because it wasn't your idea."

"That's not the reason!" He objected.

"Then what is the reason?" She asked, hoping that her baiting would lead him to tell her the real reason he was so hesitant.

"It's because I will be out of a job if we move there. Sure you'll have a great job but what will I be left with? Nothing! That's what I'll be left with."

She knew that his job meant a lot to him and understood that he would be upset about not having a job. "You wouldn't be left with nothing. You'd have Claire and you'd have me. Besides, I'm sure that another job in that bureau would open up. Maybe you could even have your father pull a few strings…"

"I'm not having him pull any strings for me." He interrupted harshly. "I've gotten this far without his help. I'm not about to start asking for it now."

"Ok." She sighed. "I'm just saying that I'm sure you wouldn't be without a job for long."

"No, ok?" He stated. "I don't think that moving is a good idea."

"Will you at least think about it?" She pleaded. "Van Doren needs an answer by Monday morning."

"You mean you haven't already told her no?" He asked, wondering why she hadn't done so yet.

"No. I thought there would be a chance that you would see Houston the way I see it—as a chance to start over." She explained.

"I don't think that will happen." He shook his head.

"Fine." She could understand his hesitation to move but at the same time, she really wanted this job and thought that moving could be a good thing. Emotionally and mentally exhausted, she slipped underneath the covers and turned on to her side so that her back was to Martin.

"Goodnight." He called out when he noticed that she was getting ready to go to sleep.

"Yeah, goodnight." She replied.

He hated the fact that this was causing them to be distant with each other again. They had been doing so much better and he thought that they were making really good progress with repairing their marriage. Now though, they seemed to be taking one step forward and two steps back.


	40. Something's Not Right Here

Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty

Leslie took one look at Martin and Samantha and knew that something wasn't right. They were both looking at anything in the room other than each other and were also avoiding her gaze too. Something bad had obviously happened to them and she had a suspicion that they had experienced a set back in their progress. She only hoped that it wasn't a major one—but was mentally prepared for it if it was a major one. "So, how are you both today?"

"Fine." Was the response that came from both Martin and Samantha.

"Fine?" Leslie questioned with a low chuckle. "Somehow I don't believe that. Does someone want to fill me in on what's going on?"

Sam hesitantly looked at Martin for a brief second before settling her gaze on Leslie. "I guess I will. After my session with you where I admitted how much I dislike my job, I went to look into the possibility of transferring. There's a job that's available and it's a good job. It's a job with a Missing Person's unit and it's also a promotion. But it's in Houston."

"I see." Leslie nodded.

Sam realized that she needed to tell the whole story, so she continued. "Martin was angry that I didn't tell him that I was looking into a transfer, but at the time we weren't really speaking. Then he got shot and with everything else going on it kind of slipped my mind until yesterday."

Leslie turned her head to Martin. "Are you still angry with her?"

"I don't want to be." He replied. "I guess part of my anger was because it was such a shock to me. That was the last thing I expected her to do."

"That's understandable." Leslie took a few notes.

"But now I can see her side of things." Martin continued. "She said that she wasn't looking for a job as a way to escape our marriage and I believe her."

"Good. Seems like you both solved that problem fairly well." Leslie pointed out. "So what's the problem now?"

"Now he's mad at me because I suggested that I take the job and have us all move there together." Sam added.

"You want to take the job?" Leslie questioned.

"Of course she does." Martin answered for Sam. "It's a job in Missing Person's and it's a promotion. She doesn't want to give that up because it's what she's wanted for so long."

"But it's in Texas and I don't want to go without my family." Sam interjected. "I thought that if we all moved there together it could be a fresh start. You know? New city, new job, new everything. We could put the past behind us and start over."

"But Martin doesn't want that?" Leslie guessed.

"No." Sam shook her head. "All I wanted him to do was think about it for a few days. I could deal with it if he said no after giving it some serious thought. Instead, he just refused to think about it and said no right away."

Leslie turned to Martin. "Why aren't you willing to give it some more serious consideration?"

He didn't really have a very good explanation so he just shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know."

"I think it would be a good idea for you to just think about it. That doesn't mean that you have to say yes or anything." Leslie told him. "What exactly are your objections to moving?"

"He doesn't want to leave New York." Sam answered for him.

"I don't want to up-root our life here and I especially don't want to make Claire have to move." He defended his position. "She'll have to make all new friends and go to a new school. She likes her friends here and she likes her school. Why make her change that?"

Leslie watched Martin speak about Claire but could see what his statements were really about. "While I'm sure you are truly worried about Claire, you're also worried about yourself though. Right?"

"A little." He admitted. "My family lives around here and all of our friends are here too. Besides, if we move to Houston, she'll have a job but I won't."

"So you're also worried about losing your job?" Leslie made she noted that.

"Of course he is." Sam answered for him. "It was ok for him to suggest we switch jobs because that way he still had a job in the FBI, but he's not ok with this because he'll lose his job."

"He tried to do what?" Leslie asked, surprised by this new piece of information.

"He tried to get the bureau to let me take his job in Missing Person's and then he would take over my job in White Collar. But they wouldn't do that." She paused. "It was a sweet thing to try and do though."

"Yes. I agree." Leslie nodded.

"I just wanted to make her happy." Martin replied, glancing over at Sam. "I don't want her to be unhappy with her job, but at the same time, I don't want to be unemployed either."

"I tried to tell him that he could get another job in Houston. It may take a few weeks, but he's a great agent and I'm sure they could find a place for him."

"Maybe I just don't want to go." He stated plainly. "Maybe I'm just not sure that moving away is the right way to solve our problems. If we leave New York we can't keep seeing Leslie as our marriage counselor and that would be a shame because I think she really knows how to get us to talk about everything we don't even know we need to talk about."

"While I appreciate the compliment, I can't take the credit for that. Both of you have made progress because you want to make progress. I have only guided you in the right direction. And believe me, there are plenty of good marriage counselors in Houston. In fact, I even have a colleague who I could refer you to if you should choose to move there."

"But do you really think that moving away is the best way to solve anything?" Martin asked. "Our problems won't stay here in New York. They'll follow us wherever we go. We could travel halfway around the world and they'll still be with us."

"That's true. You're problems will stay with you wherever you go." Leslie agreed. "However, as long as you acknowledge them and work on fixing them, I see no problem with moving to a new city and trying to make a fresh start. I've had many couples relocate after they have experienced hard times in their marriage and most of them do quite well."

"Only most of them?" Martin questioned.

"The ones who didn't do so well were the couples who simply ignored their problems. That's why I would recommend finding another marriage counselor to go see if you moved to Houston." Leslie explained further, watching Martin closely. He was hiding something, possibly another reason why he didn't want to move and she was determined to make him share. "Martin, besides Claire and your job issues, are there any other reasons why you don't want to move that you haven't shared?"

"Like what?" He asked.

"You tell me." Leslie shrugged.

He was silent for a moment, considering whether or not to bring this subject up. He didn't want to be accused on harping on this and beating a dead horse, but maybe it would be best to put everything out in the open. "Well…there is another reason."

"What would that be?" Leslie prodded.

"If we move to Houston, I know that we'll never have any more children." He replied, avoiding Sam's gaze and focusing on the floor. "Sam, we both know that if you get this promotion you'll use it as an excuse to put off having more children until the day will come when it's too late for us to have any more children."

"Is that true Samantha?" Leslie asked. "Would you use this job as an excuse not to have children?"

Sam thought about Martin's statement for a moment, shocked that he would say something like that to her. "I would like to think that I wouldn't do that." She kept her gaze on Martin, who was still staring at the floor. "The truth is I'm not sure I'll ever agree to have more children and if he can't understand why by now then he obviously hasn't been paying attention to me. It doesn't matter if I stay in New York or move to Texas, right now I don't see myself having more children. I'm not emotionally prepared for that and I'm not sure I could handle it."

He was hurt and disappointed that she didn't want any more children. Without thinking it through, he angrily spat out, "Then maybe you should just take the job in Houston and let me stay here with Claire. That way you can go out and further your career without the added baggage of a family."

She was surprised by the venom that was placed within his statement and couldn't believe that he suggested she take the job and leave her family behind.

Leslie was also shocked by Martin's statement and decided to intervene before Samantha said something that would further escalate this situation. "Martin, saying things like that is not the right way to solve this."

"Then what is the right way?" He exclaimed. "Huh? Tell me. What is the right way?"

"The right way to solve this involves staying calm and not yelling at each other because yelling will only make things worse." Leslie explained. "Now this is what it looks like to me. You basically have two choices. One, you can stay in New York with the jobs and the lives you have. Martin, you can keep your job that you like and Samantha, you can keep the job that you hate. Or two, you can move to Houston where Samantha will get a job that she would enjoy and Martin would be without a job."

"You forgot the third option of Sam moving there by herself." Martin interjected.

"Do you want me to leave?" Sam questioned him. "Is that what you want? Do you want out of this marriage?"

"I don't know." He shook his head. "But I know what I don't want. I don't want to keep doing this back and forth thing with you. One day we're getting back to normal and the next we're fighting again. I'm getting fed up with all this drama!"

"Well I don't like this drama either!" Sam exclaimed. "Maybe I should just…" She was going to agree that maybe she should just move to Houston and then they wouldn't fight anymore. She didn't mean it and she didn't want to move without her family; it was just the first thing that popped into her head and she found herself powerless to say whatever entered her brain.

"Whoa there!" Leslie interrupted, knowing what Samantha was going to say and stopping her from saying it. "Let's take a small time-out here, ok?" This conversation was going too far and they needed to stop before they said something that they would regret later. It seemed like they weren't able to talk to each other about this without saying something that she was certain they didn't really mean. But they had to communicate about this. A small smile formed on her face as she realized how to get them communicating without giving them an opportunity to fight with each other.

"I want you both to write a letter to each other. In this letter I want you to explain in detail why you want to or don't want to move. Cite your reasons and be honest with your feelings. Don't use accusatory language towards the other person. Keep it civil and make sure to include all of your reasons. Don't leave anything out. Once both of you have your letter written, I want you to exchange them, read them, and then talk about them. But I want that discussion to be civil and I want both of you to think about what you're saying before you say it. Don't blurt out something that you might regret later. Do you think you can do this?"

"Sure." Sam agreed.

"I guess so." Martin agreed.

"Great." Leslie smiled. She hoped they would be able to come to some kind of understanding regarding the Houston job and that this wouldn't push them father apart. "I'm hoping that maybe through these letters you can see the other person's perspective a little more clearly and that it might help you make your final decisions."

"It's worth a try." Sam sighed.


	41. The Letters

Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-One

The next day at work, both Martin and Sam were distracted as they tried to write the letter that Leslie had assigned to them. It was lucky for them that it was a slow Thursday for both divisions. That gave them plenty of time to write and re-write their letters, both of them going through multiple drafts.

That night, when Sam came back into their bedroom after tucking Claire into bed, she placed her folded letter on top of his book. "There is my letter." She didn't wait for a response. Instead, she disappeared into the bathroom.

Martin looked at the letter that sat on his book as he took his pain medication. After swallowing the pill, he took his letter out of the book. He was using it as a bookmark but laid it on top of Sam's pillow so that she would see it when she came out of the bathroom. He debated about whether or not to start reading her letter but ultimately decided to wait until she started reading his.

Sam came out of the bathroom dressed in her pajamas and walked around the bed to her side, noticing the letter on her pillow. "Yours?" She gestured towards the letter.

"Yes." He nodded.

She picked up the letter and slid underneath the covers. "You wanna read these at the same time?"

"I think that would be a good idea." He told her.

"Ok." She agreed, slowly unfolding his letter and watching him do the same with hers. She took a deep breath before focusing her eyes on his handwriting.

_Samantha,_

_Let me start off by telling you that I love you and I truly want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you, even before we started dating. That being said, I have to tell you that I'm not sure I can move to Houston with you._

_I don't mean to be difficult or stand in the way of your career. You should know that I have never wanted to impede any career advancement for you. I know that this job would be a huge promotion and it is something that you've wanted for a long time. I know that you hate your current job and you're not too fond of your co-workers. I tried to do something to help you with that and I failed. I'm sorry about that. I truly thought I had found the solution to this problem but I guess it wasn't meant to be._

_There are a few reasons why I don't want to move, and although you already know what they are I will still list them since that's what Leslie wants us to do. (Just remember that these are in no particular order.) First off, I don't think it's a good idea to move Claire so far away from the only home she's ever known. While I'm sure that she would be able to make new friends, I don't think she should have to be placed in that situation._

_Secondly, if we moved we'd be farther away from my family. Although being farther away from my father wouldn't necessarily be so bad, I'd miss Jamie, Ava, Rodger and the others. Plus I'd miss Danny, Viv, Jack and the rest of the friends we've made here. I know you would miss them too._

_Then there's the issue of me not having a job in Houston. I know that you say I would be able to get a job there eventually, and maybe I could, but there's also the possibility that months could pass by before another job opens up—maybe even years._

_Lastly, I can't shake the feeling that if we move to Houston it's the end of all hope for more children. You'll be working a job that carries a lot more responsibility and won't want to get pregnant and have to take maternity leave. As selfish as it may sound, I still hope that you'll someday change your mind about having children. I realize why you're scared about having more children and I understand now that you've shared everything with me. I just can't shake the desire I have for more children. It's a part of who I am._

_This situation is terrible because whatever we decide someone is going to be stuck somewhere they don't necessarily want to be. I'm not sure how to resolve this. Maybe a game of rock, paper, scissors is in order? Or maybe we should just flip a coin. I'm open to any suggestions you have for solving this._

_Martin_

Meanwhile, Martin was unfolding his letter from Sam and trying to prepare himself for whatever she had written.

_Martin,_

_This is definitely the weirdest letter I've ever written, although I must confess that I haven't written many letters in my lifetime. That's probably because I haven't had many people in my life that I've cared enough about to write letters to. But I love you and since Leslie said that we should do this, I figured that I should give it a shot._

_I've done a lot of thinking since our session with Leslie about this job in Houston and your reaction to it. I realize that asking you to move to Houston so that I can have a better job that I would actually like going to every day is a big sacrifice and that I'm probably a very horrible person for even suggesting it. But I am suggesting it anyway._

_While I would love to be able to tell you that I could easily give up this job offer with no regrets, I find that I can't do that. I need a change and I honestly think that we need a change too. I know that I've said this to you at least a dozen times already but moving to Houston could be the start of a new beginning for us. We could rebuild what's been worn down between us and try to purge the bad memories from our minds by creating newer, better memories._

_I never meant to give the impression that I wanted us to 'run away' from our problems by moving. Of course we'd need to continue with the marriage counseling and I doubt that all of our problems would be magically solved overnight. But New York is full of old haunts and demons for both of us. Although some of the best times of my life have spent in New York with you and Claire, there have also been numerous bad times that we've shared. Break-ups, shootings, a miscarriage, endless fighting, hurt feelings. Plus it gets really cold here too._

_I know that I'm supposed to list all the reasons I have for moving, but I think you already know all of them. So I wanted to address some of your objections to moving._

_I know that you're not to happy about the fact that you wouldn't have a job for a little while, but you could stay home with Claire for a few weeks and spend a lot of quality time together while you wait for something to open up. I'm sure that with your record and the wonderful recommendation Jack would surely give you it wouldn't take long for you to get a new job._

_I was surprised when we were talking to Leslie that you brought up the children issue again, although it probably shouldn't have been such a shock. It's become quite a large issue between us. I'm sorry that you feel like if we moved, you'd be giving up even the chance of us having more children. But that's not necessarily true. Right now, having more children is the last thing on my mind and that wouldn't change even if we stayed in New York. I'm trying. I really am. I'm trying to get to a place where being pregnant doesn't scare me senseless but it's gonna take some time. I really hope you can believe me when I say that I want to have more children too—just not right now. I need you to try and be patient with me please._

_I would miss our friends and certain members of your family a lot, but it's not like we would be moving to the other side of the world. Houston isn't really that far when you think about it. Besides, with all the new technology out, there's about a dozen different ways to keep in touch with people now. And we could come and visit during the holidays and Claire's spring break. We wouldn't be cutting off all ties with everyone._

_I guess this is the bottom line. As selfish as it may be, I want this job. But I don't want to take it if it's just going to make you miserable. Even though I really want to take this job, the last thing I want is to drag you along somewhere that you don't want to go. All I'm asking is that you think about it._

_Samantha_

When they were both done reading the letters, they folded them back up and turned to look at each other, both knowing that now they had to talk about what they had written in hopes of coming up with some kind of solution.


	42. You Want Me To What?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-Two

"So…" Sam broke the silence that had fallen between them. Both of them were done reading the letters and they had been thinking about the content. She didn't know what else to say to him that she hadn't told him many times before.

"Yeah…" He stated, staring at the letter in his hands. He didn't know what to say to her anymore. He was so tired of feeling this way. One minute they are fighting, then they are getting back on the road to happiness only to be derailed again and go back to fighting. It was wearing him out and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. It never seemed to end—this whole job problem was only the latest in a whole bunch of problems they had.

"What are we going to do?" She asked quietly.

"I don't know." He whispered back.

"You still don't want to move, do you?" She knew the answer would be no and wasn't sure why she bothered asking, but she did anyway.

"Not really." He replied honestly. "And you don't want stay, do you?"

"Not really." She answered honestly.

He knew that. "And you don't want children."

"Not right now." She told him. "Maybe some other time when…."

"Sam, save it." He cut her off, finally looking over at her. "I don't think that you really have any intention of having more children."

She stared at him with an expression of both wonder and anger. "Do you think I'm trying to string you along or something?"

"It's possible." He sighed. "I don't know, but you could just be dangling a future child in front of me so that I'll stop harping on it."

"That's not what I'm doing." She shook her head. "How can you think that I would do something like that to you? That would be cruel. I truly want to have another child, but not right now. It still scares too much."

"Well the point is that we can't seem to agree on any of the big decisions." He pointed out, listing them on his hand. "Children, jobs, where to live, what we need in order to be happy…"

She knew that he was right about that. They couldn't agree on the major issues that married people had to face. What did that say about them? "So where does that leave us?"

"No clue." He shrugged. "I guess we just want different things out of life."

The resigned look in his eyes and the things he was saying were starting to worry her. "Martin, what are trying to say here?"

He sighed, not sure he wanted to say this but feeling like he had to. He didn't want to stand in the way of her happiness and he was beginning to think that she would never be happy as long as she was stuck here with a crummy job. "I want you to be happy."

"Yeah, I know." She nodded. "You said that in your letter."

"I don't think you're going to happy if you stay here." He pointed out. "I think part of the reason that we've had so many problems is because you're not happy with your job. Your job is a major part of your life; it's part of your identity. But it was taken away from you when we got married and I think that has been an underlying cause of some of our problems."

"That's what Leslie thinks too." Sam told him.

"I can't move with you." He added. "Because my job is a part of my identity too. I could switch jobs with you because at least then I would still be a part of the FBI, but I can't give up my job completely."

"But you can get a new job in Houston." She countered.

"Maybe. Maybe a new job would open up within a week, maybe two, or maybe it would be a year. Who knows how long it would take." He pointed out.

She thought about what he was saying and knew that he was right. It could take a while for another job at his level opened up and his job was a part of his identity, just as hers was. But that observation still didn't help them with solving this problem. "So what are we going to do?"

He was silent for a moment, considering the words that he was about to say. There would be no going back once he said them, and she would probably resist at first. But it's what he thought she should do. "I think you should take the job and move to Houston."

She was surprised by his answer and didn't understand. "But you just said that you couldn't move with me."

"I know." He couldn't look at her while he said this so he turned his attention to the letter that was still in his hands, nervously folding the ends.

It took her a moment to realize what he was saying. When she figured it out, she felt like he had hit her in the gut with a lead pipe. "You…" Her voice started becoming shaky so she waited a moment before continuing. "You want me to go alone? Without you?"

He didn't want her to go. That was the last thing he wanted, but at the same time he didn't want her to stay at a job that she hated, working with people she disliked. He could easily envision her eventually despising him so much for not letting her take the job in Houston that their marriage would disintegrate anyway. Besides, for the most part they weren't making each other happy anymore. She said in her letter that she needed a change and that she needed to get out of New York. Maybe leaving would finally make her happy. "I think it would make you happier."

"You think I'll be happier without you?" She questioned, closing her eyes to keep from crying. "I think this is the worst idea you've ever had."

He was tired and didn't feel like fighting about this right now. He was right about this. It wasn't something that he wanted to do, but he had to make her pursue that job in Houston. She'd resent him too much if he stood in her way and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted her to be happy and she really seemed to want this job. He shifted around in the bed so that he was now laying on his side with his back to her. "I'm tired. Can't we talk about this tomorrow?"

"No we can't." Sam objected. "This is important. I want to know why you're so gung-ho about pushing me out the door!"

"Goodnight Sam." Martin told her as he closed his eyes.

She couldn't believe that he would spring that on her and then go to sleep. Why did he want her to leave? Was he really that tired of the drama and fighting that he was ready to give up on their marriage? Did he just not love her anymore?

She wanted to shake him and make him tell her why he wanted her to leave. She wanted to know if he loved her and she wanted to make him tell her that it was just a cruel joke and that he didn't mean it when he said that he wanted her to move to Houston alone. She wanted to hear him tell her that he loved her. But that wasn't going to happen tonight. She reached over and turned out her light, pulling the covers up tightly underneath her chin and letting the tears flow down her cheeks. He was pulling away from her; she could feel it and she felt powerless to stop it.


	43. Why Isn't It Enough?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-Three

Martin had just returned from lunch with Danny when his leg started throbbing again. He knew it would take time for his leg to heal completely, but this constant pain was beginning to wear him down. His leg wasn't the only thing causing him pain though. This whole situation with Sam and the job in Houston was hurting him emotionally. He reached into his jacket and pulled out the bottle of pain medication, quickly popping two pills into his mouth and hoping that no one was looking. He didn't want to admit that he was having problems with his leg to anyone. After swallowing a large glass of water to help the pills go down smoothly, he went back to cross-referencing phone records for their latest case.

Sam stepped off the elevator and stood a few feet away from Martin's desk. His back was to her so he didn't know that she was watching. She still couldn't believe that he had suggested she move to Houston by herself. It was unexpected and made her question a lot of things that she had previously believed.

She thought that they had agreed to make their marriage work, that they loved each other enough to fight and preserve their marriage. Apparently though, he didn't want that anymore. They were on very thin ice right now, skating into a territory where if they made one more wrong move their marriage would slip through the cracks and forever be lost. She shook herself out of her reverie and walked over to his desk, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "Hey."

"Hey." He gave her a small smile before going back to work. It wasn't that he didn't like seeing her, but why did she have to come by now? She most likely wanted to talk about what he had suggested last night and he wasn't sure that the office was the right place to have that discussion.

She leaned up against the side of his desk, crossing her arms and watching him work. "I'm gonna head out to Claire's school soon. I volunteered to help out with her class' end of the year party. But before I left I wanted to see if we were still on for that movie date tonight."

"Oh yeah." He had almost forgotten about that. "It's Friday, isn't it?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "So are we still on for that?"

"Sure." He shrugged.

It wasn't a very encouraging answer and wasn't what she was looking for.

"Is that all you wanted?" He asked. "Cause I'm kind of busy right now."

She sighed. "We still need to talk about what you suggested last night. This problem isn't going to just disappear and we're not going to get a chance to talk about it tonight because of Claire's friend sleeping over…"

"Now's not the best time though." He replied, keeping his gaze on the computer screen instead of her.

"We can't keep dancing around what happened last night." She pointed out. "We need to talk about what you said."

He knew that she was right and he knew that she would only keep bugging him about it until he gave in. They might as well have that talk right now. "Ok." He resigned. "Let's talk about it, but let's go to the balcony first."

"Fine." She followed him out onto the balcony and wondered what to say now.

They stood only a few feet away from each other and their eyes were locked in a staring contest that neither of them wanted to lose. "Are we going to talk or just stare at each other all afternoon?" He asked with a chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood any way he could.

She didn't find that funny and reluctantly broke her stare, looking at the ground. "Why are you so eager to get rid of me?"

He moved to lean against the railing, turning his back to her and looking out at the skyline. "I'm not eager to get rid of you. Watching you leave would be the hardest thing I'd ever do, but I think it's what you need to be happy."

Within a few seconds, she moved to stand next to him. "How am I supposed to be happy when my family is so far away from me?"

"Sam, we want different things out of life. Last night we agreed about the fact that we can't agree on major life decisions." He pointed out.

"So that's it? You just want to give up?" She asked, starting to get angry. "What happened to 'I love you and I'll never let you go'? I thought we were in this marriage forever. I thought that we were committed to each other and finding a way to make this marriage work. But now all of a sudden you want me to leave?" Tears started to well up in her eyes and she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I don't want you to leave." He tried to reassure her. "I just think that maybe it's best."

"Are you trying to test me or something?" She finally asked the question that had been burning inside ever since last night. "Is this like the first time you broke up with me? Am I not fighting hard enough? Do you want me to fight harder for us?"

"No." He shook his head. "I didn't think it should be a fight then and I don't think it should be a fight now."

"Why not?" She exclaimed. "Why shouldn't we fight for us? For our marriage? What have I done to make you want out of this marriage? Is it the children issue? Is that the reason? Because if it is, fine! We'll have another child. We can go find a utility closet and get started on that right away."

He frowned and sighed. "Sam, you don't mean that. You've said it many times and even wrote it in your letter that you don't want another child right now."

"For the last time, it's not that I don't want one!" She yelled. "I'm scared of losing another child. I'm not sure I could handle losing another one." Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, she lowered her voice. "But I'm not sure I could handle losing you either."

He reached over and brushed a piece of her hair that the wind blew into her face back behind her ear and gently caressed her cheek. "I'm sorry. I do love you Sam. I love you more than you'll probably ever know and I don't want to let you go. I just don't know how we're supposed to solve our problems."

"So you just want to send me off on the first plane out of here and hope that takes care of everything?" She cried, shrinking away from his touch. "That won't solve anything! Haven't you heard a word that Leslie has said to us? Obviously not because, if you had, you wouldn't want me to just leave and give up. But what if I don't want to go without you? What about that? Did you even think about that?"

"You'll be happier." He pointed out. "You won't have to deal with our fighting or my constant push for having more children. You'll be free of the drama and the conflict—we both will be free."

"You want to be free." She was finally starting to understand. "That's what this is really about." He'd reached his breaking point with her. Somehow she always knew that this day would come—the day when he would finally feel like he had put up with enough of her drama and would decide to give up on her. It looked like that time had come. If she wanted to be truthful to herself, she would admit that he had held on longer than she thought he would.

"I think maybe we need some time apart. We both have individual issues that we need to work on. Maybe this job in Houston is a blessing is disguise."

"A blessing?" She chuckled sardonically. "How is this damn job a blessing? I don't want to leave you."

"I don't want you to leave either, but I really believe that a break is the best thing for us."

She wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know the answer to this question but asked it anyway out of sheer curiosity. "Is this a break or the end?"

"I don't know." He told her honestly. He hoped it wasn't the end. He hoped that this would just be a break. He hoped that they could use this time apart to work on their individual issues and then find a way to get back together. But he couldn't promise her anything.

"I see." Fresh tears started to fall, even though she was trying desperately to hold them back. "And you expect me to just walk out on our marriage?"

"Can't you see it from my perspective?" He asked. "We're placed in a situation where no matter what choice we make, someone's going to be unhappy. This way…"

"This way you get to throw up your hands and say 'Hey I tried but I can't be bothered to fix this.'" She interrupted, rolling her eyes.

He couldn't stand to see her cry and tried to give her a hug for comfort, but she backed up farther away from him. He took more steps towards her but she kept backing up, only stopping when she found herself up against the wall. "Sam…"

"No, it's ok." She shook her head. "You want to be happy, and you deserve that. You've always deserved to be happy."

"I love you." He told her, taking her hands in his.

"And I love you." She told him, leaning in to give him a kiss. It was a raw kiss, full of wanting and a need to feel connected. "Why isn't that enough?"

"I don't know." He shook his head. "I wish it was enough, but…"

"It's not." She finished for him. "I…uh, I have to go." She couldn't be late for Claire's school party. Although she still had plenty of time before she was supposed to be there, she needed to leave before she turned into a complete mess. Now wasn't the best time for her to fall apart and she needed to pull herself together before the party.

She pushed herself away from him and quickly dried the tears off of her face before heading back inside. She had to get to her car before she broke down; she couldn't fall apart while under the prying eyes of the office.

"Hey Sam." Danny greeted when he saw her come from the balcony, but she whizzed past him without acknowledging him. He saw Martin come inside and frowned when he saw the look of pain and hurt on his friend's face. "What's up with Sam? She just completely ignored me."

"It's nothing you did." Martin assured his friend.

"Then what's going on?" Danny asked. "You guys ok?"

"No." Martin shook his head. "I don't think we are." He didn't elaborate any further as he walked back to his desk to start working again.


	44. Sleepover

Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-Four

"Mommy! Put the video in now please!" Claire exclaimed impatiently. She was bouncing up and down on the couch as she waited for her mommy to come back into the living room with the popcorn. Sarah was sitting next to her on the couch, also anxiously waiting for the movie to start.

"I'm coming." Sam told her daughter, entering the living room with a huge bowl of popcorn. She placed the bowl in the middle of the couch between Claire and Sarah before going to set up the DVD player. Although the original plan was to rent the new Disney movie that had come out on video, when Sam took the girls to the video store they insisted on getting 'Beauty and the Beast' instead.

They had already had pizza for dinner and she had made sure that the girls had got ready for bed before they started the movie. That way, if they fell asleep during the movie she wouldn't have to wake them up. She could just move them into their sleeping bags since they were 'camping out' in the living room. "Here we go." Sam gave them a small smile after she got the DVD player working and the familiar Disney logo showed up on the TV.

"Yea!" Claire and Sarah smiled back. "I love this movie."

"I do too." Sarah agreed.

Sam picked up the DVD player remote and moved past the advertisements and teasers for other Disney movies available on DVD to get to the actual beginning of the movie, taking note of the way Claire and Sarah were getting along. She knew that Sarah was Claire's best friend, and when you're young like that, a best friend is a sacred thing. "There you go." She grinned, making sure that the volume of the TV was loud enough.

"Thanks mommy!" Claire smiled at her before turning her attention to the TV.

Sam moved out of the way so that she wasn't blocking the TV or anything and ended up standing a few feet behind the couch with her arms wrapped across her chest. If she was to take the job in Houston and move there without Martin, she wasn't sure that she would be able to leave Claire behind. She would need to take her daughter with her, even though she didn't think that Claire would want to leave her friends behind—especially Sarah. And she was certain that Martin wouldn't like that. After all, not moving Claire to a new state was one of his major objections to the transfer. But how was she supposed to leave her child behind?

She'd been on the receiving end of that kind of abandonment when she was a little girl and her father had left her behind. It had messed her up emotionally for many years. It made her question why she wasn't good enough to make her father stay, making her second-guess everything about herself. No, she decided, she couldn't do that to Claire. She wouldn't, couldn't, abandon her daughter. So where did that leave her then?

Ever since her talk with Martin earlier, staying didn't seem like an option anymore. Although he said that he didn't want her to leave, she wasn't sure she believed him. He might as well have already packed her bags and booked her a ticket. It didn't feel like he even wanted her to consider staying around, and that hurt. That hurt a lot. She was hoping that the letters Leslie told them to write would help them come to some kind of compromise, but that didn't happen. If anything, the letters somehow turned Martin against her, making him lose his fighting spirit and give up on their marriage.

Looking at the clock, she saw that it was seven thirty. Martin still wasn't home and she had no idea where he was. She'd called the office while the girls were changing into their pajamas but there was no answer. So he wasn't still at the office. It shouldn't have surprised her that he was avoiding her after their conversation earlier, but it did surprise her that he didn't call and tell her that he was going to be late. After all, they had made plans for a movie date. Of course that was before he suggested that she leave him, so maybe it was stupid and pathetic for her to hope that their earlier plans were still on.

The phone rang and she practically ran to the kitchen to pick it up on the cordless phone. "Hello?" The hope that it was Martin soon died when she heard the other person's voice.

"Samantha? This is Leslie."

"Hi." Sam greeted.

"I'm sorry that it's so late, but it's been a very hectic day and I just now got your message." Leslie apologized. "What seems to be the problem?"

Sam walked out to the living room to make sure that Claire and Sarah were still engrossed in the movie before re-entering the kitchen and closing the sliding door for privacy. "I hate to bother you like this."

"Nonsense!" Leslie exclaimed. "I'm always here to help. What's going on? The message you left with my secretary earlier was rather cryptic."

"Well, Martin and I wrote the letters that you told us to write."

"That's good. How did that go?" Leslie asked. "Did you manage to talk about everything calmly?"

"Yes and no." Sam replied. "He is convinced that the best solution to this problem is for me to move to Houston without him. He doesn't want to fight anymore."

Leslie's heart sank as soon as she heard that. Then she became rather frustrated with Martin and wanted to give him a piece of her mind. "Is Martin there right now?"

"No." Sam replied.

"Darn." Leslie sighed. Well she'd just have to talk to him later and hopefully talk some sense into him. "What was your response to his suggestion?"

"I don't want to leave without him. I don't want my marriage to end." Sam replied, keeping an eye on the door so that Claire didn't walk in and overhear anything bad.

"That's good." Leslie told her. "That's good that you don't want to leave."

"But at the same time, I don't want to stay around if he doesn't want to make our marriage work." Sam added.

"Has he actually said that he doesn't want the marriage to work?" Leslie questioned, hoping that he hadn't said that.

"Not in so many words." Sam sighed. "He said he didn't want me to leave but thinks that I'll be happier in Houston. He thinks I'll resent him if I stay and then our marriage will still fall apart."

Leslie took a moment to think about what Samantha was telling her. "And what is your opinion about this? Do you think you might end up resenting him if you stay?"

"I guess it's possible." She agreed. "I mean, I think the fact that I was shipped off to White Collar has already caused some problems between us. It only makes sense that the longer I work there the more problems will arise."

"But…" She anticipated that Samantha still had more to say.

"But I feel like he's testing me."

"How is he testing you?" Leslie asked.

"About eight months after we started dating, we broke up—well he broke up with me. I wasn't the best girlfriend on the planet. I shut him out and pushed him away all the time. I was afraid to let him in because I was falling in love with him and didn't want to face it. We got back together a couple of months later, after he got shot. But I was the one that had to make all of the effort to get us back together."

Thinking back to the time when they were broken up was painful. That was one of the worst times in her life because she had grown accustomed to having him in her life and then all of a sudden he was gone. "I was the one who had to prove myself to him. I had to prove that I was ready to open up and let him in. I felt like I had to do everything I could to prove that I was good enough for him. At the time I thought it was ok. I thought that I deserved that because I was such a horrible girlfriend to him in the past. But now I feel like he's trying to do this to me again. I feel like he's trying to get me to prove that I'm worthy again."

"So you feel like you have to prove a lot of things to him?" Leslie asked.

"Yes." She nodded. "That first time I had to prove myself to him was justified. But this time, I'm not so certain that I'm the only one who needs to prove myself."

"That's understandable." Leslie agreed. "You're not the only one at fault here."

"What am I supposed to do?" Sam asked, hoping that Leslie had some magical cure-all advice.

"Martin isn't there right now, right?"

"Right."

"My suggestion is that you call his cell phone and tell him to come home immediately. You two need to talk about all of this and I suggest that you bring up the fact that you feel like you have to constantly prove yourself to him. I have said it before and I'll say it again. Communication is a major problem for you both. I don't know if talking about it will solve all of your problems, but I know it will help and it will make you both feel better."

Leslie sighed, wondering why these two couldn't seem to make their marriage work. It was obvious that they loved each other, so why were they always so obstinate? "Now concerning the job in Houston, I think it would be a bad idea to move there unless you can somehow get Martin to agree to go with you. I know that you would love to have that job, but leaving without him would be a mistake for everyone involved."

"I know." Sam agreed. She hated to admit it, but Leslie was right. Leaving wouldn't solve anything. "I just…everything is so complicated."

"Yes, it is." Leslie agreed. "But what you need to do right now is talk to Martin about this with total honesty."

"Ok. I'll do that." Sam replied. "Thank you Leslie. I appreciate you calling me back."

"Anytime." Leslie promised. "Remember that I'm here for you and Martin anytime you need me."

"Thanks." Sam smiled. "But I'll let you go now. I'm sure you have things to do."

"Samantha, don't forget to be honest with him." Leslie reminded her.

"I won't." Sam told her. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Sam hung up the phone and decided to check up on the girls. Upon entering the living room she found that both of them were singing along to one of the songs:

"No one hits like Gaston. Matches wits like Gaston. In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston."

She smiled at the enthusiasm with which they were singing, even though they got most of the words wrong. But they didn't care about that. They were able to have fun just by singing gibberish. She couldn't help but continue to watch them laughing and singing along. She'd call Martin in a few minutes, once she had worked up enough courage.


	45. Trouble With A Capital 'B'

Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-Five

While Sam was talking to Leslie and taking care of the girls' sleepover, Martin and Danny were sitting in a bar nearby the office. They had come to the bar after work so that Martin could fill Danny in on everything that had been happening lately between him and Sam. He was hoping for some support and maybe some advice. "So that's what happened." Martin finished his story.

Danny had listened to Martin tell the whole story patiently, sipping the water that he had ordered and watching Martin down two beers before promptly ordering a third one. He couldn't believe that the situation with Martin and Sam had gotten so bad so quickly. Why did everything have to be so difficult between them? Why couldn't they just find happiness, grab onto it and never let go? "So she's really thinking about leaving?"

"I think so." Martin nodded, staring at the beer bottle. "She hasn't flat-out said that she's going to leave but I think that's what she's going to do."

"What about Claire?" Danny questioned. "I can't imagine her leaving Claire behind."

"I don't know." Martin answered. "I don't know many things anymore. I thought that everything was starting to get better between us. We were starting to communicate more, we were seeing a wonderful marriage councilor that was helping us acknowledge and solve our problems, and we were starting to have fun with each other instead of fighting. But then this job offer came up and everything went downhill from there."

"Why are you letting her go?" Danny asked, amazed that his friend would even suggest that to Sam. "Just the other day you were telling me that you weren't going to let her slip away! What happened to that guy and what have you done with the Martin Fitzgerald that we all know and tolerate?"

"Nothing's happened to me Danny." Martin sighed. He had hoped that Danny would be supportive of him but instead all he was doing was trying to get him to second-guess his decisions. "I just don't feel like fighting anymore. Sam and I have completely different views on so many of the major issues of married life. How do we reconcile that?"

"I'm not sure, but the solution isn't let her walk out of your life!" Danny exclaimed. "I know that this whole thing has got to be hard on both of you, but you can't just give up. You love her and she loves you."

"Love isn't always enough." Martin pointed out.

"I refuse to believe that." Danny simply rolled his eyes at Martin's comment because he didn't believe that. As long as people loved each other they could overcome anything. He had always believed that and nothing Martin said would convince him otherwise. "You share a child together. You should find a way to work this out."

"How Danny? Tell me!" Martin yelled. "How are we supposed to work things out when she wants to leave and I want to stay?"

"Ever hear of the word compromise?" Danny yelled back.

"What kind of compromise could we come up with?"

Danny thought about it for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know, but both of you are smart. I bet if you sat down and talked about it like rational people you could come up with a solution."

"It's too late for that." Martin shook his head, taking another drink of his beer.

"It's never too late for that. She hasn't left yet; therefore, it's not too late." Danny took a good look at his friend. "Unless…do you want her to leave?"

"No! Of course not." Martin exclaimed. "That's the last thing I want."

"Then why are you pushing her out the door?" Danny asked.

"She'll be happier with this new job." Martin answered. "She hates her job now and she'll only grow to resent me even more if I make her stay here."

"So she'll be happy in her professional life but not in her personal life." Danny commented. "And you won't be happy because Sam will be miles away. Not to mention the fact that Claire definitely won't be happy either." He started clapping his hands. "Congratulations Fitzy, your solution to this is great! Maybe we should get you to run for President. I bet you'd be wonderful at solving this nation's problems."

Martin could hear the sarcasm dripping from Danny's voice and rolled his eyes. "You don't understand…"

"No, I guess I don't understand. What were you thinking when you suggested this? Were you thinking at all?" Danny asked. "Because this is a horrible idea."

"Sam said that she thought it was the worst idea I've ever had." Martin reflected.

"And I agree with her." Danny shook his head, frustrated with this whole situation. "Look, if you don't want your marriage to die then you need to do something about it soon. Go home and tell her it was just an early April Fool's joke that was tacky and mean. Tell her that you don't want her to go. Tell her anything! Just don't let her go because you'll regret it for the rest of your life—and you know that I'm right."

"It's not that easy." Martin sighed.

Danny sighed. "Quit being so stubborn about this! Do you want to end up alone and miserable?"

"No." Martin slowly shook his head.

"Then go home to your wife and admit that you were wrong to suggest that she leave without you. Talk things through." Danny suggested. He was going to continue on and give more advice but his cell phone rang. Seeing it was Michelle, he excused himself to answer the phone outside where it was quieter.

Martin watched his friend leave and thought about what Danny had said. Maybe he was right and he should go home and tell Sam he was wrong. He didn't want her to leave; that's the last thing he's ever wanted. But what other choice did they have? His leg was still bothering him so he pulled out the bottle of pain medication and quickly washed down another pill with his beer, completely ignoring the fact that he wasn't supposed to drink alcohol while taking pain medication.

Bethany watched Martin from the bar and, seeing that Danny had left the bar, realized that this was her chance. She ordered two beers from the bartender and then sauntered over to Martin's booth, giving him a flirtatious smile. "Hey there. What are you doing here alone on a Friday night?"

He inwardly groaned when he heard Bethany's voice. She was the last person he wanted to encounter right now but gave her a smile anyway. "I came with Danny. He's on the phone right now."

"Guys night out?" She guessed.

"Something like that." Martin nodded.

She sat down next to him and placed one of the beers in front of him. "Well I guess I'll just keep you company until he comes back, ok?"

He wanted to scream 'no, get away from me because I don't like you the way you like me', but he wasn't feeling very good all of a sudden.

Bethany took the fact that Martin hadn't objected to her staying as a good sign. "You don't look too happy tonight. Is something wrong?" She hoped that he was still having problems with his wife.

"Nothing that hopefully can't be fixed." He replied, not wanting to get into details with her. He took another big gulp of his beer and found that he was feeling worse. He was getting dizzy and he didn't like that.

When Danny re-entered the bar, he inwardly cursed as he saw who was now sitting with Martin. Geez, he couldn't leave Martin alone for five minutes without Bethany jumping all over him. Sam wasn't going to like this one bit. He approached the table. "Martin, look I have to go. Kyle's throwing up and Michelle wants to take him to get checked out at the hospital."

"I hope it's nothing serious." Despite the fact that he was feeling like he was run over by a truck, Martin was genuinely concerned.

"It's probably just a stomach virus or something, but Michelle wants to make sure that he's ok." Danny explained. "So I have to go, but I don't think you should be driving home."

"I'll drive him home." Bethany volunteered enthusiastically.

I bet you will. Danny thought sarcastically. He didn't want to leave Martin alone with Bethany, especially since Martin wasn't looking too great right now. "Martin, are you gonna be ok?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine." Martin shrugged off Danny's concern. Truth was that he was feeling worse and worse with each passing minute. Maybe drinking wasn't the smartest thing to do while taking pain medication.

"I'll make sure he gets home safely." Bethany promised Danny. "Go take care of your son and I'll take care of Martin."

Danny debated with himself about whether or not to leave Martin in the evil clutches of Bethany. Normally he would just take Martin home himself and politely tell Bethany to go to hell, but he had to get home to take care of Kyle and keep Michelle calm because she was already freaking out. "Ok." He finally relented. "Remember what I said Martin."

"Ok." Martin nodded. "I will, and thanks."

"No problem." Danny grinned. "Someone has to be there to tell you when you're being an idiot."

Martin rolled his eyes at Danny's sarcasm. "Go take care of Kyle."

"Ok." Danny replied, giving Bethany one last look before leaving. He really had a bad feeling about this.

"Do you think you could take me home now please?" Martin asked, looking over at Bethany. "I'm not feeling too great. I'm a little dizzy."

"Sure." She smiled, helping him get out of the booth. The crisp, evening air hit them as soon as they exited the bar and she continued to make small talk as they headed to her car. On the way to his house, she looked over and saw that he was either passed out or asleep. When his cell phone rang, she debated about whether or not to pick it up. But, seeing on the caller id that it was his wife calling him, she couldn't resist answering. "Hello?" She answered in the most innocent voice she could muster.

Sam was beyond surprised to hear a woman pick up Martin's phone but soon became angered when she realized that the voice belonged to Bethany. "Bethany? What are you doing answering my husband's phone?"

"Well…" she looked over at where Martin was passed out in the passenger seat and smiled. "Martin's not really available to talk right now."

"Oh really?" Sam questioned. If he wasn't available to talk but he was with Bethany, then what was he doing? Horrible mental images filled up in her mind and she became even angrier.

"Would you like me to have him call you back?" Bethany asked politely, knowing that she was succeeding in playing mind games with Samantha.

She thought about it for a moment and quickly decided that she didn't want to talk to him anymore. Everything finally made sense. He didn't want her to stay because he was going to replace her with Bethany. "Don't bother." She hung up, tossing the phone onto the kitchen counter.

Bethany hung up Martin's phone and placed it back in his pocket, grinning and laughing softly at the situation she had created. It was only a matter of time before Martin would be free from his wife and able to pursue her. Now it was time for phase two of her plan.


	46. He Didn't Come Home Last Night

Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-Six

The next morning, the bright rays of sunlight that cascaded into the bedroom woke up Sam. As she opened her eyes and noticed her surroundings, she realized that she had fallen asleep sometime during the night in the chair by the window. She had been sitting there last night waiting for Martin to come home, alternating between bouts of anger and uncontrollable crying. There would be moments where she was worried that there had been some kind of terrible accident and he was hurt. Then there would be moments where she was angry at him for being with Bethany. But the worst moments were the ones where she realized that she didn't think she could stay here anymore and that she had to take that job in Houston. When she looked at their perfectly made bed and the rest of their bedroom and saw that there were no signs of Martin ever coming home, she became angry again.

It was still early for a Saturday and she knew that Claire and Sarah were most likely still asleep since she didn't hear any noise coming from the living room. So she decided to go ahead and take a shower before waking them up and making breakfast. Looking into the mirror, she was glad that Claire hadn't seen her yet. Her face was red and puffy from crying so much and her eyes were completely bloodshot. She looked horrible and felt even worse. Hopefully a shower would help her at least feel human again.

As the water in the shower fell onto her body she tried once again to not over-react about the fact that Martin was out all night with Bethany. After all, Leslie had told them that if they ever felt jealous they needed to repeat one phrase in their mind over and over again until they felt better. So she closed her eyes and thought, he loves me. He wouldn't cheat on me. I have nothing to worry about and shouldn't jump to any conclusions. Opening her eyes again, she realized that thinking those things wasn't helping her any. She'd already repeated that mantra in her head too many times to count last night and it still wasn't helping.

Martin was with Bethany last night, and while she didn't have any real proof that they slept together yet, he was gone the entire night without so much as a phone call. That spoke volumes to her and only helped confirm her assumptions about why he wanted her to leave. He obviously wanted Bethany now and just wanted to get her out of the way so that he could start a new family with Bethany, who would most likely have no objections to having a million kids with him. Bethany would have less emotional baggage than her. Well if he wanted Bethany then he could have her—but he wasn't dragging Claire into that. There was no way she'd let Claire stay here and have to put up with Bethany.

After getting dressed but not really feeling any better, she put her hair up into a messy ponytail as she went downstairs to wake up the girls. They both looked so peaceful while they slept and she hated having to wake them up, but decided that it was time. "Wake up sleepyheads." She greeted in a sweet and calming voice. "It's time to get up."

Claire was the first to get up and she sat up in her sleeping bag. "Do we have to get up?"

"I'm afraid so, unless you don't want breakfast. But I was going to make French toast and bacon…" She knew that dangling her favorite breakfast in front of her daughter would get her up.

Sure enough, Claire jumped out of her sleeping bag. "Oh I want breakfast!"

"What about you Sarah? Do you want breakfast?" Sam asked, turning her attention over to her. "Does French toast and bacon sound good?"

Sarah shook her head and yawned, stretching out in hopes of waking up. "Yes please."

"You girls go get dressed and ready for the day. I'll get started on breakfast." Sam smiled, moving into the kitchen. As she got out the ingredients for breakfast, she looked at the clock again. It was almost nine 'o' clock in the morning and Martin still wasn't home. Was he trying to send her a message? Because if he was, she was receiving it loud and clear.

The phone rang and for a moment she had a little hope that it was Martin with a very good excuse for why he didn't come home. But her hopes were dashed when she answered the phone and heard Danny's voice.

"Hey Sam. How are you?" Danny asked.

"Been better, been worse." She answered honestly. "What's up?"

"I just called to let you know that Kyle's gonna be fine. It was just a stomach virus." Danny explained.

"What?" She asked, surprised by this news. "When was he sick? What happened?"

"Didn't Martin tell you?" Danny asked. He had just assumed that Martin had told her about Kyle getting sick. Maybe he shouldn't have assumed that though since communication wasn't the greatest.

"No." Sam whispered. "He didn't come home last night."

"What do you mean he didn't come home last night?" Danny questioned. "When I left him he was…"

"When did you see him?" Sam asked.

"We went out for awhile after work." Danny explained. "But I had to leave to take Kyle to the ER because he was throwing up a lot and Michelle was freaking out."

"I'm glad that it's just a stomach virus." Sam commented.

"So are we." Danny agreed, debating whether or not to tell Sam about the fact that Bethany was hanging all over Martin at the bar and was supposed to be taking martin home. He couldn't help but wonder what had happened and why Martin hadn't come home. Inwardly he cursed himself for ever agreeing to leave him in the custody of Bethany. He should have known better than that. Now who knows what Martin has gotten himself into.

"Did you happen to see Bethany at the bar when you were there?" Sam finally asked.

"Why would you ask me that?" He questioned.

"Just answer the question please." She commanded, trying not to yell at him.

"Well, actually yes. She was there and she was hanging all over Martin just like she always does." Danny replied. "I had to leave to take care of Kyle and she volunteered to bring Martin back home."

"And you let her?" Sam exclaimed angrily. "You left my husband with a woman that we both know is after him? "

"I'm sorry Sam." Danny apologized. He knew it was a bad idea to leave Martin with Bethany, but he never thought that Martin would stay out the entire night with her.

The anger within her had subsided and she sighed. Danny was not the right person to be directing her anger at. "No, it's not your fault Danny. Martin's made his own decisions."

"You know, you shouldn't just assume that he's spent the night with her." Danny pointed out.

"Then where else has he been all night?" She asked, hoping Danny would have an idea.

"I don't know. Just don't assume anything, ok? Because before I had to leave I think I had him convinced that he shouldn't give up on your marriage."

"You shouldn't have done that Danny." She sighed. "Because I'm beginning to think that maybe Martin was right to suggest we give up. This whole thing hurts too much and is too exhausting."

"No Sam, you can't give up now." Danny encouraged. "You love him, right?"

"Yes." She replied. "It'd be a whole hell of a lot easier if I didn't, but I do."

"And he loves you. Why can't you two just…"

"Look I appreciate the fact that you want to be a good friend and are trying to help us. But the fact remains that I don't think we can fix this anymore." She explained. "So I'm really glad that Kyle will be ok and I'll talk to you later. Ok? Bye." She hung up the phone before he could get in another word and continued to fry the bacon.

Claire and Sarah both ran down the stairs and bounced into the kitchen. "Mommy, where's daddy?"

"He's…at work." Sam lied. Although she tried to never lie to her daughter, in this case lying was a lot better than telling the truth.

"Is he going to be home soon?" Claire asked as she sat down at the kitchen table next to Sarah.

"I'm sure he will be." Sam smiled. She picked up the plates and placed them in front of the girls.

"You're not eating with us?" Claire asked, looking up at her mommy.

"No sweetie, I'm not." She shook her head. "I'm not really that hungry." The truth was that she felt like she could throw up at any time. She reasoned that it had to be nerves. After all, she had no idea where Martin was or what he'd been doing.

She heard the front door opening and the familiar click of his shoes. When he appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, a part of her wanted to run over and give him a big hug and just be grateful that he wasn't hurt. But there was a bigger part of her that just wanted to yell at him and find out exactly what he had done last night—and with whom.

"Hey." He greeted, first looking at Sam and trying to analyze the situation. She looked very mad at him, and he couldn't blame her for that. After all, he was mad at himself too. He then focused on his daughter and Sarah, who were both eating breakfast.

"Daddy!" Claire exclaimed, the sound coming out muffled since she was talking with her mouth full.

"How are you?" He asked, walking over to the table and giving his daughter a kiss on the head. "Did you two have fun last night?"

"Yeah. We watched 'Beauty and the Beast'." Claire explained.

"Sounds like I really missed out on a good time." He smiled. "I'm gonna go take a shower and change clothes. Then I wanna hear all about it."

"Ok." Claire smiled, going back to the conversation she was having with Sarah before he came home.

He looked over at Sam and held her gaze for a moment before heading upstairs.

Sam waited a few moments before deciding that she needed answers. "I'll be right back, ok girls?"

"Ok." They said in unison.

Sam climbed the stairs slowly, dreading the conversation that was going to happen when she reached the bedroom.


	47. We Need A Break

Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-Seven

She entered the bedroom and found Martin sitting on the edge of the bed, slowly untying his shoelaces. Without a word, she walked over and sat on the other edge of the bed.

He was afraid to look over at her, afraid he would see the all-too familiar look of hurt on her face that he seemed to be causing so much lately. "Sam…" He reached out to touch her arm, but she shrank away from him.

"Don't." She commanded harshly.

He withdrew his arm and hung his head. He had wanted to come home last night and talk about everything. Maybe they could have reached some kind of compromise. But instead, he was pretty certain that he had just given away any chance he might have had to do that. "I'm sorry about staying out all night."

"You should be." She replied in that same harsh tone. She closed her eyes and bent her head down. If she kept using that defensive tone they would only end up fighting and she didn't want that. So she decided to try and not be so confrontational. "You were with Bethany last night, weren't you?"

He sighed, knowing that things would only get worse if he lied about it. While he wasn't sure how she knew that he was with Bethany, he wouldn't deny it. "Yeah."

Danny had told her not to assume that Martin had stayed with Bethany the entire night and might not have slept with her. So she tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Did you stay at her place the entire night?"

"Yeah." He hated having to tell her all of this and wished that he could take last night back. He really shouldn't have been so careless to mix pain medication with alcohol. Now he was going to have to face the consequences of his stupidity.

"And did you sleep with her?" She hated having to ask that question and never envisioned having to ask him that. Not her Martin. He was supposed to be one of the good guys.

"I don't know." He answered honestly. He didn't remember much about last night. Bethany had filled in some of the pieces, but he wasn't sure he believed her.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Sam sighed heavily. "It's a yes or no question."

"I was stupid last night. My leg was hurting me a lot so I took an extra pain pill and then I started drinking. I don't remember much about last night. The last memory I have is getting into her car so she could drive me back here. This morning I woke up in bed with her. I don't know how I got there or what I did while in there." He decided to leave out the part about being naked because he didn't want to upset her even more than she was going to be upset.

"How could you do something that stupid?" She asked, getting up from the bed and standing in front of him. "You know better than to drink while on that medication."

"I know." He defended himself. "But I did it anyway. I wasn't thinking."

"Obviously." She rolled her eyes. "So you really have no idea if you slept with her?"

"She says we did, but I'm not sure I can believe her. You know, because she has good reasons for lying about that kind of thing." He reasoned.

"But you were so doped up on pain medication and alcohol that you could've done anything." She pointed out, crossing her arms around her chest. "You could have slept with her."

"I guess it's a possibility, but Bethany could just be lying about this. You know that she has ulterior motives." He pointed out.

"Martin, look at the facts." She said. "You have lipstick all over your collar, you smell like her perfume, and one of the buttons from your shirt have been torn off. You've stayed out all night with her and you expect me to believe that

"In my heart I know I would never cheat on you. I love you too much to do that to you." He told her, getting up and placing his hands on her forearms.

"I'd like to believe that." She quietly spoke. "I really would, but it's hard."

"Please trust me." He begged. "I don't care what she says, I don't and can't believe that I would cheat on you."

She wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe in him. But how could she? This whole thing was confusing. One minute she's mad at him and the next she just wants to hold on to him and never let go.

"I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

"What would I be forgiving?" She asked cautiously.

"Staying out all night without calling, endangering my life by mixing pain medication with alcohol, putting myself in a situation where Bethany thought she could drive us apart…the list is fairly long. Do you want me to continue?"

She shook her head, pulling away from him and walking over to the window. "Whether or not you slept with her is inconsequential right now. I'm not sure I can trust you anymore."

"Then give me some time to gain your trust back." He suggested.

"I think you had the right idea when you suggested that I leave and we take a break."

"No, you were right. That was a horrible idea." He told her, going over to her. "Worst idea I've ever had."

"No it wasn't." She shook her head. "It was a good idea. We need some time apart. That's why I'm gonna go ahead and take that job in Houston."

"No, you can't. Sam, we need to fight for this marriage." He couldn't believe that she was actually going to go.

"I'm tired of fighting with you. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep going fifty rounds with you about everything. I can't keep hoping that things will get better when I'm not sure they ever will. It's always something with us. If it isn't the children issue, it's this job, or trust issues, and now there's what happened last night. It's too much. It's like we're incapable of being happy with each other anymore." She pointed out.

"We can work it out." Danny was right. He couldn't let Sam go. It would be the biggest mistake of his life.

"How?" She asked, turning to face him. "How do we do that? You said it yourself. We can't agree on the major decisions that married couples need to agree on."

"We can find a compromise." He suggested.

"Such as?" She sighed.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "Shouldn't we at least try? We can't let this marriage die like this."

"If we wanted to be completely honest with ourselves, we'd admit that this marriage has been slowly dying for a long time. It's time to take it off life support."

"No it isn't!" He exclaimed. "Why do you want to give up all of a sudden? Is it because of last night? Because I'm sorry about that."

"It's not just about last night, but last night did prove something to me. It proved that there are too many issues to wade through…too many problems that keep popping up. I spend too much of my time crying and I'm not sure how much more I can handle." She wiped away the wetness in her eyes before continuing. "A break might be good for us because, like you said, we can work on our individual issues and maybe have a little bit of peace for once."

"You really want to give up on us?" He asked, hoping that he could be able to change her mind.

"I don't want to." She answered hesitantly. "But I think I have to. I think we have to."

"No!" He objected.

"Martin, I'm numb inside." She explained. "I don't know what to do anymore or what to think or what to feel. I don't know if I should be furious with you or whether I should just be glad that you didn't overdose last night. All I know is that I feel like this is hopeless and I don't see that changing anytime soon."

"Sam please…" He wanted to beg her to stay and work things out. He wanted to find a way to make her stay. But he wasn't sure that he could say anything to change her mind.

"I'm gonna go make sure that Claire and Sarah haven't started a food fight or anything." She felt like she had to get out of there before she completely lost all of her resolve and quickly walked out of the room. Once in the hallway she started to cry again.

Martin watched her leave and debated whether or not to follow her. He finally decided to leave her alone for now. Give her some space and take some time to figure out a new strategy to make her stay. After all, her final decision to Van Doren was due on Monday morning and this was only Saturday. He still had roughly two days to figure something out.


	48. Karma

Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-Eight

That day, Sam took the girls out to lunch and then to the zoo before taking Sarah back home. But when they got there, Claire and Sarah double-teamed her and Sarah's mother, convincing them to let Claire spend the night there. Originally she wasn't going to let Claire spend the night at Sarah's but couldn't deny her that since they'd be moving away soon. Claire should get to spend as much as time as possible with her best friend before they moved.

She had called Martin to tell him that and to also tell him that she was going to go run some errands before returning. He seemed glad that Claire was spending the night at Sarah's and she couldn't help but wonder why. She sincerely hoped that they weren't going to have another long talk about why she shouldn't move to Houston. She didn't have the strength to fight with him right now, especially considering the confrontation she had just had with Bethany.

_Sam drove up to Bethany's apartment building and found a parking spot close to the entrance. She took that little bit of good luck to mean that coming here was a good idea. Getting out of the car and approaching Bethany's apartment, she took a deep breath before knocking._

_"Just a minute!" Came the reply from inside the apartment. Bethany opened the door with a huge smile on her face and her wallet in her hands. "Oh. You're not the pizza guy." The smile on her face faded when she saw Samantha standing there._

_"No, but I did come to deliver a message to you." Sam smirked._

_"Oh really?" Bethany asked, acting innocent. "What could that message possibly be?"_

_"Stay away from Martin." Her voice was dark and threatening._

_"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." Bethany lied._

_"I know that you were with him last night. I know that he was here instead of at home where he belonged." Sam explained._

_"Yes he was here." Bethany smiled, crossing her arms across her chest. "But I made sure that he felt right at home here."_

_"Oh I'm sure you did." She gave her a fake smile. "You're been after my husband for a very long time now. I'm actually surprised that you've managed to be so patient. Most people would've given up after a year, but I guess you just have no pride or morals."_

_"I'm just persistent. When I see something I want, I go after it and I don't stop 'til it's mine." Bethany explained._

_"Just like a dog with a bone." Sam commented sarcastically._

_She rolled her eyes at Samantha's comment. "But my persistence is finally paying off." Bethany gloated with a huge smile on her face._

_"You have to know that he doesn't want you." Sam pointed out._

_"He did last night." Bethany grinned. Messing around and playing games with Samantha's head was fun and she decided to have a little more fun. "More than once actually."_

_It took every bit of reserve within her to keep from punching Bethany and she was glad that she didn't have her gun with her or else she would probably end up on trial for murder._

_"You know, last night was amazing—probably the best sex of my life." Bethany knew that it was dangerous to keep lying about having sex with Martin. But it was much more damaging to his marriage than the truth, which was that he passed out in her car and only woke up once during the night. During his moment of consciousness the story behind Samantha moving to Houston spilled from his lips, spreading hope for her that she could maneuver a place in his life once his wife left. After he shared that information with her, he passed out again—this time not waking up until the next morning._

_His incapacitated nature had provided her with a golden opportunity though. She had undressed him and left little clues to suggest something had happened between them—like tearing off one of his shirt buttons and smearing lipstick on the collar of his shirt. She had to make it believable since she wanted to make it look like there was evidence of a romantic tryst that never actually occurred._

_As angry as she was, Sam couldn't help but laugh at Bethany's statement. "That's funny. It obviously couldn't have been that good because he doesn't even remember it." She continued to laugh even as Bethany was obviously getting angry. "You must not have been as good to him as I am because I'm sure he remembers every single time we've been together."_

_"Why are you here?" Bethany asked, not in the mood to gloat anymore._

_"To tell you that you need to stay away from Martin." Sam growled._

_"Why do you care? Aren't you moving to Houston soon anyway?" Bethany asked, hoping to catch Samantha off-guard by bringing up information that she knew this woman didn't think she would have._

_"How did you know that?" Sam asked, curious about how Bethany knew about the job in Houston._

_"Martin told me last night." Bethany explained. "But let me assure you that it was the only time he mentioned you."_

_She couldn't believe that Martin had told this woman about the job in Houston. Deciding that didn't matter right now, she recovered from her confusion quickly. "It doesn't matter if I move to Houston or stay in New York. I want you to stay away from Martin or else…"_

_"Or else what?" Bethany chuckled. "Are you threatening me or something?"_

_"Or something is more like it." Sam replied, crowding her personal space and getting into her face. "Let's just say you won't like what happens if you keep messing with him. I've been way too nice to you for way too long and I'm getting tired of being nice. So I'd watch out if I were you because you're gonna get what's coming to you. I don't know when, don't know where, and don't know how, but I do know this. Karma is a bitch." She gave Bethany one last fake smile before turning and leaving._

Even now, as she was on her way home, she wasn't sure what drove her to go visit Bethany and confront her. Maybe it was some instinctual possessiveness that she felt over Martin, maybe it was her way of expressing the anger that she was afraid to show towards Martin for his idiotic behavior last night, or maybe she was finally just so pissed off at Bethany that she had reached her breaking point. Maybe it was all three reasons combined. The fact remained that she had gone over there and confronted Bethany. Perhaps it wasn't the best thing to do though.

Some of the things Bethany had said to her were upsetting. Although she knew that there was a very good chance that she was lying about sleeping with Martin and that it was possible he had passed out before anything had happened between them, she still couldn't help but feel betrayed and also confused about why Martin would tell Bethany about the transfer to Houston. She could understand telling Danny because he was a mutual friend and would try to help them. But Bethany? Why her? She decided to believe that he had told her that because he was drunk—not because he was trying to show Bethany that he would be available soon. Despite everything that's happened between them, Martin still loved her. She had to believe that. It was too painful to think otherwise.


	49. Please Don't Leave

Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-Nine

Martin figured that Sam would be home at any minute and worked hard to get everything ready for her. He hoped that this would show her that he wanted her to stay and that he was sorry for last night, or at least start to convince her of that. When he heard the door open and close, he knew that she was home. So he walked out into the entryway to greet her. "Hey."

"Hey." She greeted, placing her purse and keys on the table by the door.

"Did you get your errands done?" He asked, giving her a small smile.

"Yeah." She nodded, heading for the stairs.

"Where are you going?" He questioned.

She sighed. "Upstairs to take a bath and then I'll probably just go to bed."

"It's only six 'o' clock." He pointed out. "Even Claire doesn't go to bed this early."

"Well I didn't get much sleep last night so I'm tired." She hadn't meant for that to come out in such a harsh tone, but it did.

Her comment shut him up because he didn't want to make her angrier.

She didn't want to fight with him and she definitely didn't have the energy to fight. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that." She apologized.

"No, you don't have to be sorry." He assured her. "It's the truth and I'm to blame for your lack of sleep. I'm the one who's sorry." They stood there silently facing each other for a few moments before he spoke again. "I made dinner. Have you eaten yet?"

"No." She shook her head. The nausea that she felt earlier had come and gone all day, making it hard for her to even think about eating. Damn nerves. She was stressing herself out to the point of feeling sick—just another reason to take the job in Houston. "I haven't, but I'm not really hungry."

He wasn't going to be deterred by her supposed lack of appetite. "But I made your favorite."

"That's nice of you but I'm not hungry." She knew that he was trying to be nice and bridge the gap that had formed between them. He was making an effort, but it didn't matter right now. All she wanted to do right now was relax in a nice, warm bubble bath and then slip under the covers.

He was disappointed. He thought that if he made her favorite dinner they could at least sit down and talk about everything. They needed to talk about what has happened and he needed a chance to convince her to stay.

She grabbed onto the end post of the staircase, closing her eyes as a wave of dizziness hit her. Her knees felt weak and she felt them start to buckle. But before she hit the floor she felt arms wrap around her, pulling her up and holding her close.

He saw her start to faint and rushed to help her so that she didn't fall. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close to make sure that if she fainted again, she would still be protected. "Are you ok?" He asked worried about why she was fainting.

It took a moment for her dizziness to pass. She nodded. "I'm fine."

"What happened?" One minute she was talking to him and then the next she was falling to the floor. "Why'd you faint?"

"I haven't eaten all day." She explained. "It must just be catching up with me now."

"Are you sure?" He asked, wanting to make sure that nothing was seriously wrong with her.

"I'm sure." She assured him. He was holding her up against his body and their faces were only inches apart. If she just leaned in a few more inches they could kiss—but she couldn't and wouldn't do that. That would only complicate everything and everything was already complicated enough. Although being held in his arms was nice, she pushed her way out, leaning up against the wall.

"Well if you haven't eaten all day, then that's a great reason to come eat with me." He reasoned. "I'd hate for you to faint again and end up hitting your head on something. You need to eat."

She hated to admit that he was right. She did need to eat, and since her nausea was gone for the moment, this seemed like the perfect opportunity. "Fine." She sighed.

He simply smiled and led her into the dining room. There were candles lit on the table and there was soft music playing in the background.

She took one look at the scene in front of her and immediately wanted to leave the room. What was he doing? Why was he setting up this kind of romantic setting for them? While it was nice, she didn't think that it was appropriate considering everything that has happened. "What's all this for?"

"I just thought that sine Claire was spending the night at Sarah's, we could have a nice dinner together." He reasoned, pulling out a chair for her.

She hesitated before sitting in the chair he held out for her. He was trying; she couldn't get mad at him for that. Though she didn't appreciate the fact that he was trying to create such a romantic setting. He handed her a napkin and she took it, placing it in her lap and looked around the table. He had fixed his special garlic chicken for her, she guessed because it was her favorite meal for him to make. He was obviously trying to make up for last night. It was just too bad that it was too late. A nice meal wasn't going to erase everything that had happened between them. She hoped he realized that.

He started serving the food and they soon settled into conversations about everyday topics, ignoring the things that they needed to talk about. Halfway through the meal, he decided to broach the subject that he knew was on both of their minds. "You aren't really going to move to Houston, right? Please just tell me that you're not leaving."

She had wondered how long it was going to take him before he gave in and brought this up. She was actually slightly impressed that he had waited this long. "I hate to tell you this but I am leaving. I'm taking that job." She replied, seeing the pain on his face. She didn't want to see that look on his face and she didn't want to be responsible for causing that kind of reaction. But she couldn't change her mind now. She had to be strong. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth."

"Please don't go." He asked, making eye contact with her. "I don't want you to go. We can work this out, but not if we're in different states."

She put her napkin on the table, losing what little appetite she had. "If you didn't want me to go then you shouldn't have pushed me so hard these past few days. You were the one who suggested that I leave. You did everything you could think of to get me to leave. You even spent the night with Bethany! So tell me, why should I listen to what you want when it seems to change so quickly?" She asked, getting upset. "Do you even know what you want?"

"Yes I do." He replied. She was right. He was changing his mind a lot. But in all fairness he never actually wanted her to leave. Although he had told her that he wanted her to leave, he never meant it. Honestly, he suggested it at first only to see if she would do it. When it looked like she was actually considering it, he lobbied harder for her to leave because he thought that was what she wanted in order to be happy. Now though, he wasn't sure he could stand it if she left—especially under these circumstances. He needed to have some time to make up for his stupidity. To do that, they needed to be in the same state.

"I don't think you do." She argued. "One day you want me to leave and then the next you want me to stay. It's both frustrating and confusing."

"I bet." He nodded. "But I don't mean to be frustrating and confusing. I just want…"

"What? What do you want from me?" She asked, trying to keep from crying. She'd try and configure herself to be what he wanted if she only knew what that was.

"I want you." He told her. "I want our marriage to get back to the way it used to be when we had fun and laughed." He got up from the table and picked up a picture frame that was sitting on a nearby shelf. "I want to be these people again." He pointed to the picture.

She looked at the picture and smiled at the memory attached to the picture. It was an older picture of Martin and Sam, taken by a stranger while they were on their honeymoon.

_They were sitting on a beach watching a sunset. She was sitting in between his legs and leaning up against him while he had his arms wrapped around her tightly. "This view is amazing." She marveled, looking out at the sunset. The sky was painted in a wide variety of dark purples and pinks, and with the ocean right there too, it looked like a postcard._

_"Yeah, the view is amazing." Martin whispered into her ear before softly nibbling on her neck. "You're gorgeous."_

_She giggled and turned her head so that their lips met for a kiss. "I was talking about the sunset."_

_He looked up briefly at the sunset and then looked back at her. "I like my view better." He leaned in for another kiss._

_"Can you believe that we're actually married?" She asked bringing her hand up to look at the wedding band that now adorned her ring finger._

_"Nope. Still feels like a dream." He linked his hand with hers, intertwining their fingers. "Any regrets?"_

_"About marrying you?" She chuckled. "Never. I don't think I could ever tell you how much I love being your wife and knowing that I get to spend the rest of my life with you."_

_"I think you just did." He smiled, leaning in for another kiss. "I love you Mrs. Fitzgerald."_

_She only broke their kiss for a moment so that she could reply, "and I love you Mr. Fitzgerald."_

Sam shook herself from her reverie and looked over at Martin, noting that he was probably thinking about the same memory she was thinking about. "I don't know if we'll ever be those people again." She wanted to be them again. She wanted to get that same slaphappy feeling that she used to get around him. She wanted to look at him and see nothing except the man that she loved. But right now, whenever she looked at him she saw pain and was reminded of all the problems they had.

She got up from the table. "Dinner was good. Thanks." Without looking back at him, she went upstairs to take that bubble bath.

He wasn't sure that they would ever be those people again either, but he wanted to try and get it back. He needed to try. They needed to try.


	50. Compromise

Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty

She lowered her body into the bathtub and moved around so that her head was resting on the edge of the tub. The warm water and bubbles were usually a very relaxing combination for her, able to help restore inner peace to her and help her release stress. Tonight though it wasn't working. She still felt stressed and tense. She closed her eyes and tried to think of something happy instead of focusing on the situation of her marriage but it was no use.

* * *

After Sam went upstairs, Martin lost his appetite and cleared the table. While he was washing the dishes, he thought about the mess that they were in. She didn't seem to want to fight for them anymore, and he had no idea how to convince her not to give up. 

He was stupid; he realized that now. If only he could go back and stop himself from drinking while taking his pain medication. He had known that it wasn't a good idea, but at the time he just wanted to numb the pain he was feeling because of his leg and his failing marriage. But instead of numbing the pain, he caused even more.

He knew in his heart that he hadn't slept with Bethany. There was no way that he would ever do that kind of thing. He wasn't the type of guy who cheated. Sure he had been drinking and was doped up on pain medication, but he couldn't remember sleeping with her. He couldn't even imagine sleeping with her.

Besides, Bethany had a very good reason to lie to him about that. He wasn't sure if Sam believed him or whether she thought that he had slept with Bethany. He had hoped that Sam would believe in him and that she would see through Bethany's attempts to break them up. It didn't look like she was going to believe in him though.

Putting the last of the dishes away, he wondered what he should do now. He could either stay down here until he thought she was asleep or go up there and try to talk to her again. Although he dreaded getting into another fight with her about this, he decided to go talk to her anyway. When he entered the bedroom, he saw her coming out of the bathroom in her pajamas. "Sam…"

She stopped where she was and looked at him. "What?"

"Can't we just…"

"No." She knew what he was going to ask. He was going to ask if they could talk about things and she didn't really want to right now.

He felt frustrated by her and was starting to feel like maybe she didn't really care about leaving him, like maybe leaving was a relief to her. "We need to talk about this."

"And say what?" She sighed. "What is left to say? I think we've said everything. I'm leaving and you're staying here."

"Why does it have to be this way?" It was like a light bulb went off in his head as he had a clever idea that he should've had before now. "What if I told you that I wanted to go with you?"

She looked at him incredulously. "To Houston?"

"Yes." He replied. "To Houston. What if I offered to go with you?"

"You'd change your mind all of a sudden and come with me?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He was offering to go with her. But why now? He had been adamant about not moving with her. This sudden change of heart could only mean one thing: he was feeling guilty about last night and wanted to try and make it up to her. Why couldn't he have had this change of heart before Bethany sank her claws into him?

"Yes." He replied. "We could have Leslie refer us to that colleague of hers and continue our therapy there, away from everything here."

She thought about it for a moment, and although she wanted him to come with her, she wasn't so sure that was a good idea. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that they did need some time apart—at least she needed some time apart. She definitely had some issues to sort out and she knew that he did too. "No." She replied softly. "I don't think you should come with us."

"No?" He questioned. "Why not?" He couldn't help but think that maybe she didn't want him to come with her because she wanted to get rid of him and throw away their marriage.

"Because this marriage just isn't working right now." Sam replied, sitting on the edge of the bed. "It's making us both miserable and it's tearing me apart inside. We've tried therapy and, while Leslie's been amazing, it has only pointed out more problems and issues that we need to work out."

"But we need to…" He wanted to make her see what a mistake being apart would be, but wasn't sure how to do that. Then he remembered what she had said. "Wait, you said 'us' earlier. You said 'I don't think you should come with us'."

"That's right." She looked into his eyes, silently praying that he wouldn't object to this. "I'm taking Claire with me."

He expected that, but it still hit him hard. He didn't want to see Claire go too. He didn't want to lose both his wife and his daughter, but he didn't really have a choice. He couldn't fight her on it because leaving Claire with her mother was the best thing for their daughter. But it still hurt. "That makes sense."

She was prepared for a verbal battle with him over taking Claire with her to Houston and was surprised when he didn't give her one. "You mean you aren't going to fight me about it?"

"No." He shook his head. "It makes sense not to separate her from her mother."

"Thanks for not fighting me about it." She was grateful that she didn't have to argue her case about this.

He moved to sit next to her and grabbed a hold of her hand. This time, she didn't flinch or pull her hand away. "I feel like everything I love is slipping away from me and I'm powerless to stop it. You, this marriage, Claire."

"I know the feeling." She whispered, keeping her gaze locked on their joined hands.

"At least you'll have Claire to take care of though." He pointed out. "I'll be all alone."

"You'll have Bethany." She pointed out, trying to gauge his reaction to that. Although she was fairly certain that he had no romantic feelings for the woman, she felt like she needed to make sure—for her own piece of mind.

He brought their hands up to his lips and placed a kiss on the palm of her hand. "I don't want her. I've never wanted her and I never will. I want you Sam."

Her eyes traveled up to meet with his and she managed to give him a small smile. "It helps to know that."

"I'm so sorry about last night. If I could go back I would change things so that I never got into that car with her…"

"I know you would." She interrupted, willing herself not to cry.

"I know that Bethany said that we slept together, but I don't think I slept with her. I don't trust her and something about her story doesn't make sense. You have to believe me. Please. You know me and you know I would never cheat on you." He felt compelled to make her believe him.

"I really want to believe you." She told him. "I think a part of me does believe you and does believe that the man I married would never do that to me. But at the same time, there is a part of me that thinks it is possible that you might have slept with her. Even though you might have only slept with her because of the interaction between the alcohol and the pain medicine, it still hurts to think that it's a possibility."

"I'm so sorry." He apologized, pulling her closer to him and placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "I love you, you do know that right?"

"Yeah." She nodded, unable to stop the tears from falling.

"I want this marriage to work out." He told her, wiping away a few of the tears that had escaped from her eyes.

"I do too, but I think we just need some time apart." She explained. She had an idea that might help them, if she could get him to agree to it. "Were you serious when you offered to move to Houston earlier?"

"Absolutely." He replied quickly.

"Well maybe we could take some time and work out some of our individual issues. Then after some time has passed, maybe you could come down to Houston and we could see if anything has changed."

"You mean, just take a short break and then try again?" He asked, making sure that he understood what she was suggesting.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Maybe if we have some time alone we can figure out how to fix this, because I want to fix it."

"I do too." He assured her. He thought about her suggestion and, while he hated the fact that they would be separated, he realized that maybe this would be for the best in the long run. Maybe she was right and they just needed some time to figure out what they needed. The more he thought about this, the more he liked that idea. "How much time?" He asked, hoping that it wasn't a lot. He wasn't sure how long he would be able to handle being away from his family.

"I don't know." She shook her head. She hadn't thought about this for very long and her idea wasn't completely formulated. "A few months maybe? Just enough time for Claire and I to get settled."

As the wheels in his head started to turn, he realized that this was a good idea. He could put in for a transfer to Houston now, and then he would likely have a job waiting for him by the time their 'break' was over. "I like this idea…well not the break part. I don't want to be apart from you or from Claire, but maybe it would be a good idea to work on our individual issues for a while. Then maybe things will be different…better."

"You think we can do this?" She asked hesitantly, biting her lip.

"Yeah." He answered.

"But what if a few months pass and nothing's different? What if we still can't make it work then?" She didn't want to think about what would happen if they still couldn't make their marriage work, but knew that it would be a possibility.

"It won't happen." He assured her, gently stroking her cheek. "This break is the only time that I intend to spend without you. Once this break is over, I intend to spend every day with you by my side."

That comment made her smile. "So then we'll just take a little break?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "A little break." He wrapped his arms around her tighter, almost afraid that if he let go she would be gone. He felt her arms wrap around his neck and her head rest on his shoulder. In this moment it felt like everything would be ok for them. In this moment, he found hope for the future.


	51. Office Gossip

Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty-One

First thing Monday morning, Sam headed straight to Van Doren's office to accept the job in Houston, much to Van Doren's surprise.

_"Do you have a minute?" Sam asked as she stood in the doorway of Van Doren's office._

_"Yes." Paula smiled, ushering Samantha into the office. "I trust you have made your decision about Houston." She didn't think that Samantha would take the job, even though it would make her happier to work in the MPU instead of White Collar._

_"I have," Sam nodded, "and I've decided to take it."_

_"Really?" She was very surprised, perhaps even shocked. "Oh."_

_Sam looked at the change in Paula's expression and started to worry. "The job is still available, right?"_

_"Oh yes. Of course it is." Paula assured her. "I just…honestly didn't believe you would take the job."_

_"Well it was a very hard decision to make, but I think a change is for the best right now." Sam explained._

_Paula got up and closed the door so they would have more privacy. "I know this may be none of my business and you don't have to tell me, but does your need for a change have to do with the gossip that is going around the office right now?"_

_"What gossip?" She wasn't aware of any gossip going around the office about her._

_"You haven't heard it yet?" Paula was surprised. It seemed like everyone in the building knew the gossip already. Even the tech guys knew about it, and they were usually the last to find out the hottest gossip._

_"No." Sam shook her head. She had a good idea what the gossip was about though. If she was right she should probably let Martin hold her gun for a while so that she didn't shoot Bethany right between the eyes._

_"It's a story that has been spreading across the office like wildfire since seven this morning." Paula explained. "It seems like everyone in the office knows."_

_Sam looked down at her watch and saw that it was almost nine. It was unusual for gossip to spread around the office so fast in only two hours. "Knows what exactly?"_

_She didn't want to have to be the one to tell Sam about this, but it was her own fault for opening her mouth about it in the first place. "The story about Bethany and Martin spending the night together."_

_Sam couldn't believe the audacity of Bethany to spread that around the office. Actually, she could believe that because Bethany was just the type of person to do something like that. She had no moral compass and obviously had no pride. This was going to label her as someone's mistress, and Sam knew from experience that wasn't a label someone should aspire to get._

_"I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you that." Paula apologized._

_"Don't be." Sam chuckled, deciding to play it off like it didn't matter. "Bethany has been after my husband for…god only knows how long. If she wants to make a fool out of herself, then she can go right ahead. But that's what she's doing by spreading this rumor around. She's just making a huge fool out of herself. For her sake, I hope she realizes that soon."_

_"You seem to be taking this rather well." She observed._

_"Why shouldn't I?" Sam questioned. She was glad that she was able to project an attitude of being calm because on the inside she was furious. She had warned Bethany, but obviously the woman hadn't listened to her. Now the whole office knew about that night._

_"No reason I guess." Paula shrugged, getting back to business. "Well then, since you're taking the job, I should tell you that they want you to start next Monday. I suggest you leave on Friday to get settled in Houston before starting to work there."_

_"You want me to leave this Friday?" Sam questioned, unable to believe that she was going to have to leave so soon._

_"Yes." Paula saw the look of shock on Samantha's face. "Do you have a problem with leaving so soon?"_

_"No…I just…it doesn't leave a lot of time to pack or find a place to live." Sam explained. Packing and finding a new place to live weren't the only problems. She still wasn't sure how Claire was going to take all of these changes._

_"I know." Paula nodded. "That's why the bureau is going to help you with moving." She went over to her desk and pulled out a file, handing it to Samantha. "In here are a few houses close to the office that are for sale. Just choose one and the bureau will take care of the paperwork and everything so that you can move in on Friday."_

_"Wow." She was impressed that the bureau was going to be so helpful. "Um, is there anything else I should know about?"_

_"Actually, yes there is." Paula went back to her desk and handed Samantha another file. "This contains detailed information about the people that you will be working with. This way you can have a head start on getting to know your new co-workers."_

_"Great." It would be nice to know the people she was going to be working with before she headed into the office on Monday._

_"And as for your current job," Paula smiled, "tomorrow is your last official day. That way, you can have a few days off to pack."_

_"Thanks." She appreciated the extra packing time since she was going to have to also pack up Claire's things._

_Claire. How was she supposed to tell her daughter that they were moving to another state in a just a few days? She had discussed it with Martin and they had decided to wait on telling Claire about the move until they knew when it would happen. But neither was expecting it to happen so fast._

_"Any questions?"_

_"Not right now." Sam gave her a small smile._

_"Well if any pop up, just let me know." Paula said. "And let me know about the houses as soon as you get a chance."_

_"Ok. I will." Sam nodded. "Thank you."_

_"You're welcome. I hope Houston works out for you."_

_"I do too." Sam replied as she left._

She was now sitting at her desk, pretending to do work. But all she could think about was how she was going to tell Martin and then Claire that they were moving on Friday? This was going to be hard for Claire to understand, and she still wasn't sure about just how to explain it. Should she sugar coat it and tell her that Martin would be coming down to live with them again in a few months? Or should she leave that part out since she didn't know exactly when Martin would be coming to see them? It was confusing.

She opened the folder with the houses inside and started skimming through them. Some of them looked nice and one of them, in particular, stood out from the rest. It was a ranch-style house with a wrap around porch and a nice sized backyard. It looked like a nice place to call home.

When she glanced up from the file she saw that there were a couple of people across the room that were pointing at her and whispering. She couldn't hear what they were talking about, but knew that they were talking about Martin and Bethany. She could only imagine the things Bethany said about that night. After closing the folder containing the homes she stood up and made her way to the elevator, making sure that she held her head up high and gave the people who were gossiping about her a huge smile. She had someone to go pay a visit to.


	52. You're Not His Type

Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty-Two

Sam headed to the elevator on her way to visit someone. Approaching the elevators, she saw that person enter into an empty one. She quickly picked up her pace so that she squeezed into the elevator before the door closed. "Hello." She greeted with a smirk.

Bethany looked over at Samantha and gave a nervous smile. "Hi." She didn't want to be stuck alone in an elevator with Samantha. But she consoled herself by realizing that it was only a short elevator ride and then they could go their separate ways.

"You know I was actually just coming to see you." She continued giving Bethany that fake smirk. She could tell that Bethany was nervous to be around her and was glad. She should be nervous to be around her—nervous and scared.

"Oh really?" Bethany asked. "Two visits in two days? Wow. I feel special now."

Sam chuckled politely at the attempt of sarcasm Bethany had used. "You should feel special. There are few people in this world that can anger me the way you do. It's almost like a gift."

The elevator had started to move and Sam knew that this was her best chance to talk to Bethany alone and without the prying ears of the office gossip mill. She didn't want to waste such a golden opportunity. So she reached over and pressed the stop button, causing the elevator to abruptly come to a halt.

"What'd you do that for?" Bethany exclaimed. She moved to press the button and get the elevator running again, but Samantha blocked her path.

"Don't even think about it." Sam warned, smiling sweetly. "I just want to have a little girl talk with you and what better time than now?"

"About?" Bethany already knew what it was about. She was obviously upset about the fact that she spread the news of her night with Martin around the office. Of course that was the point. She wanted to make Samantha upset and was glad to see her plan was working—maybe a little too well.

"Still playing the innocent card? You might want to stop that. It's not effective anymore." Sam chuckled. "You know what I want to talk to you about. Why do you feel the need to spread such garbage around the office?"

"Looks like you're still playing the denial card." Bethany chuckled. "Maybe it's time you stopped that. It's not garbage. It's the truth." Bethany defended. "Martin and I spent the night together and, whether or not you want to believe it or not, we slept together. So deal with it."

She rolled her eyes. "Ok. Let's say for a moment that Martin actually did sleep with you." She decided to humor Bethany for a moment. "How sad is it that he had to be doped up on pain medication and drunk in order to touch you?"

Bethany didn't really have an answer for that so she stayed silent.

Sam smirked. "What's the matter? Did I strike a nerve?"

"No." Bethany grinned. "I was just thinking about how great it will be once you take that job in Houston and leave Martin here all by himself. He's going to need someone to look out for him."

"Martin isn't a little kid. He's old enough to take care of himself and doesn't need someone like you taking advantage of his niceness. He's a good guy—one of the very few that are out there in this world. He's nice to everyone and has a big, caring heart. That's probably one of the things that have attracted you to him. But somewhere along the way you've misread that compassion that he has for everyone with a romantic interest in you." Sam calmly explained.

"No matter what may have happened that night, no matter if I take that job in Houston and move there without him, no matter what happens with our marriage, he doesn't like you as anything more than a friend and never will—especially now that you're so actively pursuing him. If I were you I would focus on someone who is actually single and is available."

"Well the next time I feel like taking dating advice from you I'll just buy your book. What's it called?" She pretended to think for a moment before grinning. "Oh yeah. It's 'How to be a Cold-Hearted Bh'."

Sam couldn't believe the nerve of this woman! How dare she! It took every single ounce of willpower she had to stop herself from causing Bethany serious bodily harm. Instead, she channeled that energy into a huge smile. "You think you're funny, don't you."

Bethany smirked. "Perhaps."

"Well let me tell you a little secret." Sam leaned in closer to her. "You're not. And you know what else you're not? You're not Martin's type."

"Neither are you." Bethany replied.

Sam had a very witty comeback to that but felt a wave of dizziness come over her. She stumbled back and grabbed onto the side of the elevator in order to steady herself. She wasn't sure what had caused her dizziness. But it left just as quickly as it came. She looked over at Bethany, who didn't look concerned in the slightest. "I'm fine thank you for asking."

"I don't care." Bethany smiled, using this opportunity to brush past Samantha and get the elevator moving again.

Sam was still trying to recover from her bout of dizziness and decided to let Bethany go—for now. But this wasn't over.

The elevator opened and Bethany was the first one out. She was glad that she made it through the elevator ride without being physically harmed and decided to make it a priority to stay away from Samantha from now on.

* * *

Danny walked away from the guy he was talking to and headed straight for Martin's desk. "Did you really sleep with Bethany?" He asked without any kind of preamble. 

Martin looked up at him. "Where did that come from?"

"Answer the question." Danny commanded. "Did you sleep with her?"

"I don't know." Martin admitted. "I don't remember much about that night. I passed out at some point and then all I remember is waking up in her bed. She claims we slept together but I don't think so. And why are you asking me that anyway?"

"Because there's a story going around the office gossip mill today about how you and Bethany spent a wild, passionate night together." Danny explained.

"She's doing what?" He exclaimed, furious that she would go around telling everyone about something that most likely didn't happen.

"Apparently everyone seems to know about it." Danny told him.

"I can't believe the nerve of that woman." Martin shook his head. He was angry with her for spreading that around the office because that was unprofessional and rude. But he was also mad at himself for putting himself in a position where this could happen. Sam wouldn't be happy about this when she found out through the gossip mill.

Danny threw his arms up. "I knew I shouldn't have left you alone with her!"

"It's not your fault." Martin assured him. "It's my fault for mixing pain medication with beer. It wasn't a good idea and only landed me in trouble."

"You're lucky to be alive then." Danny commented. "That combination can kill you."

"I know." Martin nodded.

He sighed heavily. "How's Sam handling all of this?"

"I don't know." Martin shrugged his shoulders. "She only partially believes me. I think this whole thing with Bethany really pushed her to accept the job in Houston."

"So she's really taking the job then?" He didn't want to see his friend go and didn't want to see their marriage fall apart, but maybe it would be better this way. Who was he kidding? Of course it wouldn't be better this way. Martin without Sam was like having a peanut butter sandwich without the jelly. It just wasn't the same.

"Yeah." He looked at his watch. She had told him that she would be talking to Van Doren as soon as she got to work. "She's probably already talked to Van Doren about it."

"So are you two…" Danny let his question trail off, not wanting to ask outright if their marriage was over.

"We're taking a break." Martin explained. "She's gonna go down to Houston, get settled, and then we'll probably try again."

"How long of a break are we talking about?"

"I don't know." Martin hoped it wouldn't be for very long. "She's going to take Claire with her."

"How's Claire taking the news?" He imagined that it would be rough on his goddaughter to move to a new state without her father.

"We haven't told her yet." Martin stated. "We're putting that off until it's absolutely necessary to tell her."

"Good luck with that." Danny slapped his friend's shoulder in encouragement.

"Thanks." He had a feeling they could use all the luck they could get.


	53. Only A Few Days

Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty-Three

Sam walked over to Martin's desk, seeing that he was talking to Danny. "Hey guys." She gave them both a small smile.

"Hey." Martin smiled back.

Danny just closed the space between him and Sam, giving her a tight hug. "I'm gonna miss you."

She was surprised by the hug, but quickly returned it. Since he was talking about how he was going to miss her, she guessed that Martin had already filled him in on what was happening. "Well I'm not leaving for a few days, but thanks."

"A few days?" Martin questioned, the shock evident on his face.

"Yeah." She pulled out of Danny's hug and looked over at Martin. "They want me in Houston by Friday."

"This Friday?" Danny questioned.

"Yep." She nodded.

"But that's so sudden!" Danny exclaimed.

"Tell me about it." Sam agreed.

Danny looked back and forth between Martin and Sam. Seeing that they wanted to have a few minutes alone to talk, he decided to excuse himself from the conversation. "Well I should get back to work." He turned to Sam. "I will see you before you leave, right?"

"Of course." She smiled. "You didn't think I'd skip town without saying goodbye, did you?" He gave her a look, making her roll her eyes at him. "Ok, so the thought did cross my mind. But I wouldn't actually do that."

"You better not." He warned playfully as he walked away from them.

Once he left, Martin and Sam were left staring at each other and waiting for the other one to talk first. Finally, Martin couldn't take the awkward silence any longer. "Don't get me wrong, I love seeing you, but what are you doing here?"

"I was thinking about you and thought I'd come over and say hello." She confessed.

"Well, hello." He smiled.

"Hello." She smiled back as they shared a small laugh.

"So Friday…"

"Yeah." She said looking to the side and seeing a small group of people huddled together. They were pointing and whispering, leading Sam to the conclusion that they were talking about that rumor again. "Can we go out to the balcony and discuss this?"

He looked over at the small group of people and understood why she wanted to go outside. "Sure." He led her out to the balcony, keeping one hand on the small of her back as they walked together.

"Have you heard about what Bethany's done now?" She asked once they were outside.

"Oh, the rumor?" He asked. "Yeah. I know all about it. Danny filled me in. I can't believe she did that."

"I can." Sam disagreed. "She's the type of person who will stop at nothing to get what she wants…and she wants you. She thinks she can get you by doing whatever she can to wreck our marriage."

"She can try whatever she wants. It will be a waste of her time because I don't want her." He walked over to her and grabbed a hold of her hands.

She would tell him to go tell Bethany that he didn't want her, but wasn't sure she felt comfortable having him in the same room as that pariah.

"I don't want to waste time talking about Bethany because she doesn't matter." He said after a few seconds of silence. "What does matter is the fact that you're leaving so soon. I didn't expect them to want you to start right now. I thought we'd have a couple of weeks."

"So did I." She admitted. "But tomorrow's my last day here. They gave me a few days off so that I could pack and get ready to leave. They also gave me a bunch of houses to look at. They're going to take care of everything."

"Wow." He was impressed by the amount of help the FBI was giving to her. "Seems like they're trying to make this move as easy for you as possible."

"Yeah, looks like it." She bit her lip out of sheer nervousness. "I thought…well, I found a house that I really liked…and I was thinking that maybe you would want to look through them and see what you think about them. You know, since you'll be coming there to live too. Right?"

"Absolutely." He assured her. "I plan on coming down there just as soon as you think we're ready for that. All you have to do is call and I'll come."

She smiled, examining him closely. "You know, you're being really great about this considering that you were so against the idea of moving to Houston."

"Well to be honest, I don't want you to leave and I don't really want to move." He admitted, rubbing his thumbs over her hands. "I want nothing more than for you to stay here with me. But I think I've finally realized that you need to go. You need to do this for yourself. You need to take this job and we need to do something to salvage this marriage. If moving to Houston is what it will take to get us back to the way we used to be around each other, then sign me up right now."

Impulsively, she leaned in and placed a few soft kisses on his lips. Her hands broke out of his grasp and went to his face, holding it tightly in place. She could feel one of his arms wrap around her waist and the other one gingerly rubbing her back. She wasn't sure exactly why she was kissing him. Maybe it was the fact that she wanted to show him that she really did appreciate the fact that he was willing to make a sacrifice and move to Houston. Maybe it was the fact that, although she knew that taking a break would help them, she didn't want to let him go because deep down she was afraid that he would slip away if she left.

After what seemed like ages she pulled away, keeping her grip on his face and keeping her face only inches away from his. "Thank you." She whispered.

"For what?" He asked. He wanted to know exactly what he had done to deserve that kind of thank you because that was an amazing kiss.

"For being who you are," she smiled, "and also for being so understanding about everything. I know that this separation isn't going to be easy and I know that this must seem like a really crazy idea, but I don't think you'll ever be able to understand just how much I appreciate the fact that you're willing to try this out."

"I love you Sam. I'd do anything for you."

"I love you too." She kissed him one more time before letting go and starting to move away. "I have to get back to work now and make it seem like I still care about my job. But I feel like I should warn you that we're going to have to tell Claire what's happening soon."

"Yeah." He nodded. She was right. When they thought it would be a few weeks before they moved to Houston, it didn't seem like a big deal to delay telling Claire. But now they realized that they needed to tell Claire what was happening now so that she could have some time to accept it before the moving actually occurred. "How about tonight?"

"Ok." She agreed. "I'll see you later."

"Bye." He watched her leave and released a heavy sigh. She was going to be leaving on Friday with two important things: his daughter and his heart.


	54. I Hate You!

Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty-Four

Sam walked into the living room that night after she finished washing the dinner dishes to find that Martin was playing cards with Claire. They were sitting around the coffee table and having a good time as they laughed and joked around. She hated to break up the good time that they were having but Claire needed to know what was going on and there was no time like the present to tell her. So she walked over to the coffee table and sat on the other side of Claire. "What are you playing?"

"Go fish." Martin told her.

"Who's winning?" Sam asked out of curiosity.

"I am!" Claire replied proudly. "I beat him three times."

Sam looked over at Martin and smiled, knowing that he was letting their daughter win. He always let her win, and although she did the same thing, he was blatantly obvious about it. He wouldn't try to win and if by some chance he was winning, he would change the rules around to make her the winner. It was cute, but at the same time she wondered if that would send her the wrong kind of message because there would be times when Martin wouldn't be there to make sure that she won at everything in life.

"You wanna play with us?" Claire offered, wanting her mom to join in with their fun.

"Oh I don't know…" Sam replied, shaking her head.

"Please?" Claire gave her a sad, puppy-dog look.

"Maybe another time." Sam replied, hating that she had to disappoint her daughter. But this was something that they needed to do. "Actually, your father and I have something that we need to talk to you about."

The smile that had been on Claire's face faded into a look of uncertainty because she didn't know what her parents wanted to talk to her about. She couldn't remember doing anything wrong so at least she knew that she wasn't in trouble. So what else could they want to talk to her about? "What?"

"Well…" Sam started to talk but wasn't quite sure how to phrase this. She looked to Martin for help but he looked as unsure as she was.

An idea popped into Claire's head and she smiled brightly. "Are you going to have a baby? Is that what you want to talk about? Am I getting a new brother or sister?"

Both Martin and Sam looked at each other, trying to find the best way to explain to their daughter that no they weren't going to be giving her a sibling. "No sweetie," Martin shook his head, "you're not getting a baby brother or sister right now."

The smile fell from her face again. "Why not?" She whined. "I'll be good. I promise!"

Sam couldn't help but feel bad for her daughter. "That's not how these things work. This just isn't the right time for you to get a sibling."

Claire sighed and put her arms across her chest. "When will it be the right time?"

"I don't know." Sam shrugged. "I'm sorry."

Martin realized that they needed to continue on and tell Claire what they had intended to tell her instead of getting bogged down in talking about children. "But that isn't what we wanted to talk to you about."

"Then what?" Claire asked, getting frustrated.

"I've been offered a job in Houston, Texas." Sam told her.

"Where's that?" Claire asked.

"Well, it's kind of far away. It's not even in this state." Sam explained.

"So what?" Claire still didn't understand why they were talking about this.

"I've taken the job." Sam told her. "We're going to be moving to Texas in a few days and we'll be getting a brand new house. You'll get the chance to make a bunch of new friends and in September you'll get to go to a new school. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Claire looked at her like she was crazy. "No."

Sam looked over at Martin with a silent plea for him to help her out.

"I think it sounds like fun." Martin stepped in. "You'll be in a new place with new people. You can think of it as a big adventure. It'll be great."

"No it won't!" Claire exclaimed. "I don't wanna leave my friends!"

"You can make new ones though and you can still keep in touch with Sarah and the rest of your friends here." Martin pointed out.

"I don't want to leave!" Claire repeated.

She knew that telling Claire would be hard, but she hadn't realized just how hard it would be. Claire was already upset and they hadn't even told her about all of the changes they would be making. "Sweetie, I'm sorry, but we are moving to Houston."

"But I…" She thought about it and realized that it was useless to argue about it. They seemed serious about this and she didn't think she could get them to change their minds. "When?" She asked resigned to the fact that they were going to move.

"Friday." Sam told her.

"Friday?" Claire exclaimed loudly. "No way! I don't want to go!"

"Claire…" Martin called out.

"No!" She exclaimed.

"There's something else that we have to tell you." Martin sighed.

"What?" Claire asked, wondering what else they were going to spring on her now.

"Well, your father isn't coming with us right now." Sam told her. "He's going to stay here."

Claire looked back at her father and then her mother. "Are you getting a divorce?" She whispered, not wanting to hear them say yes to that question.

"Why would you think that?" Martin asked, shocked that Claire would immediately think that they were getting divorced.

"Sarah's dad moved out before they got divorced and so did Jake's mom." Claire reasoned. "They all got divorced. That's how it started. One of them moved out."

"We're not getting divorced." Sam assured her.

"Then why aren't you coming too?" Claire asked, looking at her father.

"He has some things he needs to do here. His job is here right now." Sam answered for Martin.

"Then why can't I stay here too with daddy?" Claire asked. She didn't understand why her family was splitting apart and didn't like it. She wanted everyone to be together.

"Because you're coming with me to Houston." Sam explained.

"I don't want to and you can't make me!" Claire yelled at her mother. "I want to stay with daddy!"

Sam was shocked that Claire was yelling at her. She had never yelled at her before. Even when she was younger and threw temper-tantrums she didn't yell at her. While she could understand that Claire was only yelling at her because she was upset about having to move, it still hurt. "Yes I can make you move."

"But I don't want to!" Claire exclaimed.

Sam sighed. "I'm sorry, but we're still going to move…"

"I hate you!" Claire yelled. "You don't care what I want!"

"Claire, don't yell at your mother." Martin chastised her.

"I'm not moving and you can't make me!" Claire yelled at both of them before running out and heading up to her bedroom.

Sam bit her lip and closed her eyes as he head bowed. That was a disaster. Maybe they didn't handle it very well. She'd never seen Claire that angry or upset. Hearing her daughter say that she hated her was like having a knife stab her in the heart. It hurt.

Martin watched Sam and felt bad for both Sam and Claire. This couldn't be easy on Claire to find out all of this new information but that still wasn't a good enough excuse to tell her mother that she hated her. While he knew that Claire was just expressing her anger about the situation, he wondered if Sam knew that Claire didn't really mean it. "You do know that she didn't mean it, right? She loves you. She's just angry and confused right now."

"Yeah, sure." Sam nodded nonchalantly, trying to make his believe that it wasn't bothering her. A part of her knew that Claire was just trying to find a way to express her anger about the situation and it just happened to come out in that way. But that didn't mean that she liked it or agreed with it.

That wasn't very convincing and he could see the hurt displayed on her face. "Maybe one of us should go up and talk to her."

"She'd like it better if it was you since she doesn't hate you right now." Sam stated, getting up from the floor.

"Sam…" He also got up and walked over to where she was.

"You know, maybe she should just stay here with you." Sam spoke. "She'd probably be happier."

"Do you really want that though?" He asked, not believing that she did.

"No, but she'd…"

"Be miserable." Martin finished her sentence for her. "She practically worships the ground you walk on. She wouldn't be happier staying here with me. Sure she'd have her friends and me, but she wouldn't have you. Why don't I go talk to her and I'll straighten the whole thing out?"

"Go ahead." She shrugged. "I doubt you can make things any worse."

He chuckled. "Thanks for the big vote of confidence."

"I didn't mean it as a put-down…"

"I know." He kissed her forehead and grabbed a hold of her hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "By the time I'm done talking to her she won't be able to wait until Friday. She'll want to move right now."

"That would be quite an accomplishment given the fact that right now she doesn't want to ever move." She smiled.

He grinned back. "What can I say? I've always been an overachiever."


	55. Daddy's Little Helper

Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty-Five

Martin walked up the stairs and stopped in front of Claire's closed door. He still wasn't sure what he was going to say to his daughter, but knew that he had to figure out some way of making this ok for her. Knocking softly, he asked, "Can I come in please?"

"I guess so." Came the reply from the other side of the door.

He opened up the door and found her sitting on the floor near her dollhouse. She had one of her dolls in her hand and was moving it around on the floor. He sat down and leaned up against the side of her bed, motioning for her to come and join him.

She saw that he wanted her to sit next to him and reluctantly put the doll down before sliding across the floor to where he was.

He put his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "It wasn't very nice to tell your mother that you hated her."

"I know." Claire replied. She felt bad about that, but at that moment she was angry and it just slipped out of her mouth. "I was mad and it just came out."

"Unfortunately I'm afraid that's a trait you got from both me and your mother." He chuckled softly. "You don't really hate her though, do you?"

"No." She shook her head. "I just don't want to move. I want our family to stay here together."

"That's understandable." Martin nodded. "But we're always going to be a family—even if we aren't living together."

"That's what Sarah's parents told her but they aren't a family anymore." Claire pointed out.

"Well we're not Sarah's parents." Martin explained. "No matter what happens in the future, we're always going to be a family. A family isn't defined by where you live. Families can live really far away from each other and still be considered a family because the only requirement to be called a family is love. And your mother and I love you so much."

"Do you love each other?" Claire asked.

He paused for a moment before answering, "Yes we do."

"Are you two going to get divorced?" She asked, hoping for an honest answer.

"No." He replied. "We aren't."

"Then why are we moving without you?" She asked.

"It's complicated." He replied, trying to think of the best way to explain this. "I don't think we did a very good job of explaining this to you downstairs. Maybe that's because we don't know exactly how to explain it to you. But you and your mom are going to move to Houston now because of her new job. I can't move because my job is here in New York right now. But I will be moving down there to be with you both later."

"Later? Like when?" She asked, hoping that it wouldn't be too long.

"I don't know." He told her honestly. "I guess it depends on when I can find another job in Houston." It also depended on when both he and Sam decided to start over again, but he chose to leave that part out.

"I don't want to go." She frowned. "Not without you."

"I understand." He held her tightly. "Changes can be scary sometimes, and moving is a big change. It can be really scary."

"I'm not scared." Claire denied, even though she was petrified.

He could tell that she was just denying it. Her fear was written all over her face. So he decided to tell her a story. "Well maybe you aren't, but I was. When I was about your age, my parents decided to move to Washington, D.C. We had been living in Virginia but my dad got a big promotion that required him to move. So my parents packed up the family and moved us to Washington, D.C."

"And you were scared?" She asked, interested to hear the story.

"Oh yeah. I was terrified." He told her, remembering the way he felt back then. "I had to go to this new school and make all of these new friends. I felt like I wouldn't fit in and that I'd never find anyone that would be friends with me. Plus I also missed all the friends I had back in Virginia. I missed the life I used to have."

"What happened?" She asked, wanting to know the end of the story.

"Well we got to Washington, D.C. and it turned out to be better than I thought it would be. Sure it was scary at first, but I was able to make some new friends and I still kept in touch with my other friends back in Virginia. Everything turned out to be ok and I was worried about it for nothing." He explained.

If her daddy could move to a new place at her age and survive it, then maybe she could too. "Can I still talk to Sarah?" Claire asked hesitantly.

"Absolutely." Martin smiled. "I'm sure that your mom will let you call her as much as you want."

"And you're going to come live with us again?" She asked slowly, trying to sort everything out in her mind.

"Yes." He nodded.

"I'll miss you." She admitted.

"I'll miss you too princess." He gave her a small smile. "I might not see you for awhile, but I intend on calling you at least twice a day."

She realized that she didn't really have a choice about moving. It seemed like it was going to happen whether or not she wanted it to—and she didn't want it to. But if she could still talk to Sarah and her daddy, and he was going to live with them again maybe it wouldn't be too horrible. "Promise you'll live with us again?"

"I promise."

"Pinky swear?" She asked, sticking up her left pinky.

He laughed as he locked pinkys with her. "I pinky swear." He kissed the top of her head again and pulled her in for a big hug. He knew it was slightly dangerous to promise her that because what if after the break Sam didn't want to be married to him anymore? Then his promise to Claire would be broken. He decided to stop thinking negatively and banish all those types of thoughts from his mind. They would go on this break and then they would work out their problems together. Nothing was going to make him break that promise to his daughter.

She still didn't want to move away from her daddy and her friends, but if he was promising to come and live with them later, then she believed him. He has never lied to her before and doubted that he would start now—especially since he pinky sweared.

"You know, I think your mom is really kinda scared about moving too."

"Mommy scared?" She couldn't believe that. "She's not scared of anything!"

If only that were true. "Well maybe scared isn't the right word." He explained. "Maybe it's more like she's nervous. But anyway, I really need your help right now."

"How can I help?" She asked, curious about what kind of help she could give him and eager for the opportunity to help.

"I won't be around to help her all the time. But you will. What I need you to do is be a good girl for your mother. That shouldn't be too hard for you because you're always such a good girl, but I also need you to do one more thing for me."

"What?" She asked.

"I need you to look out for her—make sure that she smiles and laughs a lot. Do you think you can do that for me?" He asked. He knew that she loved to help her parents and figured that this would be a good way to make her feel important and also ensure that Sam was taken care of at the same time.

"I can!" She smiled widely, excited that he was trusting her with a job.

"Great!" He smiled back. "I knew I could count on you."

"I love you daddy."

"I love you too sweetheart." He answered. "Now what do you say we go back downstairs and you apologize to your mom?" He suggested.

"Ok." She nodded. She really felt bad about telling her mommy that she hated her.


	56. Could It Be?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty-Six

Meanwhile, Sam was staring out the window in the living room. She hadn't expected Claire to jump to the conclusion that their talk was about giving her a new brother or sister but it definitely got her thinking. She'd been nauseous and dizzy for a few days now. At first she had thought that maybe it was stress related or she had contracted some kind of stomach virus. But now that she got thinking about it, she was a few days late.

Normally she didn't worry about her cycle being late because she had never been the type to have it be predictable; however, she couldn't help but remember the night that she and Martin got drunk and had sex. In their drunken state and hurried nature, they had neglected to use any kind of birth control. They should have been more careful, but no condoms were used and she wasn't on the pill anymore. She had quit taking it after the fourth month of not having any sex had passed. Since they weren't having sex she didn't see the point of staying on birth control. It seemed like it was silly to stay on the pill, but now she realized that it would have been better if she had stayed on it. After looking at a calendar she had noticed that the timing was about right and there was a pretty good chance that she could be pregnant right now.

That thought really scared her. Just thinking that she could be pregnant was enough to make her heart race and her blood pressure skyrocket. This wasn't exactly the most ideal time to get pregnant, but then again, was there ever an ideal time? None of her pregnancies had ever been planned or came at the 'ideal time'. Why should this one be any different?

Being pregnant would throw a huge kink into all of her plans though. She was hoping that she could get established with this new job, work out her anxiety, grief, and other issues from the miscarriages and then maybe have another child. But she wasn't sure that was the way it was going to work out.

Absent-mindedly, she wrapped her arms around her stomach. She knew that she should take a pregnancy test to find out for sure if she was pregnant, but was afraid of what she might find out. If she was pregnant, how was she going to tell Martin? Would that change her plans of moving to Houston? Would he drop everything and come with her? Would she have to give up the job and stay here? She knew he'd be happy about it so that was one last thing to worry about. But that still left her with a ton of other worries.

She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to hope for something so special and sacred as another child. She wasn't ready to try and conquer her fears yet. Maybe in a few months or even a year, but not now. Besides her own personal issues, their marriage wasn't exactly on solid ground right now. Adding the extra stress and tension of being pregnant would only magnify and intensify their problems.

Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself that this was all speculative anyway. Nothing had been confirmed yet. She shouldn't worry about anything until she found out for certain. She'd go to the drugstore tomorrow and grab one of those early pregnancy tests. Then she'd know once and for all if she was pregnant. Although she thought about telling Martin about this, she decided to wait. If she told him that she suspected she was pregnant right now and she wasn't, he would be disappointed and she didn't want that. And if she was pregnant…well then she'd deal with that when it happened.

She heard footsteps on the stairs and wondered how Martin had done talking to Claire. She knew that he was an excellent father and figured that he would be able to reach Claire and hopefully explain to her what was going on.

Martin walked behind Claire, gently prodding her over to where Sam was standing. "I think Claire has something she wants to tell you."

"I'm sorry mommy. I didn't mean it when I said I hated you. I don't hate you." Claire apologized.

"I know." Sam kneeled down to Claire's level and enveloped her daughter in a big hug. "I love you Claire."

"I love you too mommy." Claire replied.

She pulled away from the hug and pushed a piece of hair from her daughter's face. "I'm sorry that you don't want to move. I know it's gotta be scary and you're going to miss your friends and daddy, but…"

"Daddy told me about when he moved as a kid." Claire interrupted. "If he can do it, then I can too."

Sam smiled, first at Claire and then at Martin. "So are you ok with this?"

"I guess." Claire shrugged. "Daddy said I could call Sarah anytime I wanted and that he was going to call twice a day, everyday until he moved in with us again. Ok?"

"Ok." Sam nodded. They hadn't discussed how much communication they would have but was relived to know that Martin was going to be calling so much. It would be hard for both her and Claire to have little or no contact with him.

"And he promised that he would come live with us." Claire pointed out.

"He will sweetie." She glanced up at Martin. "I promise that too."

"I still don't really want to go." She admitted softly. "But I guess I can try to be happy about it."

While she wished that Claire could be a little more enthusiastic about moving, she understood why she wasn't. At least Martin got her to stop proclaiming that she would never move. That was a good start. She glanced at the clock. "It's time for you to go to bed now sweetie."

Claire frowned. She didn't want to go to bed right now because she wasn't tired, but didn't feel like arguing again. "Can daddy read me my story tonight?"

"If he wants to." Sam agreed, knowing that it would be a good way for them to spend some time together before they left.

"Will you? Please?" She turned to him and begged.

"Sure." He grinned, scooping her up in his arms. "Let's go. But first kiss mommy goodnight."

"Goodnight mommy." Claire kissed her.

"Goodnight Claire." Sam kissed her daughter back. She then watched as Martin and Claire headed upstairs, talking and laughing the whole time. She briefly questioned whether or not she was doing the right thing by taking Claire with her to Houston. She thought that maybe Claire would be better off staying here with Martin, but nixed that idea. Claire was going to have to move to Houston at some point, whether it was with her now or with Martin in a few months. So why prolong the inevitable?


	57. Can I See You?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty-Seven

The next day seemed to drag on forever for Sam since it was her last day in White Collar and also the fact that she was anxious to take the pregnancy test that she had bought on her lunch break. While she had debated with herself about taking the test at work, she quickly decided against that. There were too many chances and opportunities for other people to accidentally stumble across her while she was taking the test and she wanted to keep this quiet.

Her co-workers had been told about her transfer this morning before they started with their individual paperwork. To her surprise, her co-workers all expressed sadness to her about her departure from the team. They told her that they would miss her and that they wanted her to keep in touch. That would have meant more to her if it wasn't all phony.

But she knew that her co-workers didn't really care about her or that she was leaving. In fact, they were probably overjoyed to see her go. Maybe now they could find someone that would fit in better with them.

She did know of a few people at work that truly would be sad to see her go. By now, she was sure that Viv and Jack knew she was leaving. Even if Martin hasn't told them, Danny probably has. He's always been notorious for spreading news around. He wasn't necessarily a gossip though. He just couldn't keep a secret—especially if it was about her and Martin. She knew from prior experience not to tell Danny any kind of important news if you don't want your friends to know about it before you get a chance to tell them yourself.

_Danny walked into the bullpen on a Monday morning and saw Martin and Sam. They were huddled together and talking softly. "So how are the lovebirds today?"_

_"Fine." They both looked over at him. Both were wearing goofy grins on their faces._

_Danny noticed the goofy grins and smirked. They were either up to something or something was going on, and he was determined to know what it was. "Alright. What's going on?"_

_"What do you mean?" Martin asked, playing it off as if he didn't know what Danny was talking about._

_"You guys look really happy and are acting weird." Danny noted. "Something's going on. I think you should tell me what it is."_

_Martin and Sam looked at each other again, silently debating whether or not to tell him that they had gotten engaged over the weekend. Originally they had decided to wait and tell the whole team about their engagement. But Jack was in a meeting with Van Doren and Viv was running late, leaving Danny as the only team member there right now. After communicating using only facial expressions, Sam turned to Danny. "Well we wanted to tell everyone at the same time, but since you're here and they're not, we'll tell you. But you have to promise not to tell anyone. We want this to be a surprise that we spring on Viv and Jack."_

_"Ok." He promised. If they were making him promise, it had to be something juicy and he couldn't wait to find out what their news was._

_"Swear you won't tell." Martin interjected._

_"Ooh, it must be rally juicy and important if I have to swear!" Danny exclaimed._

_"Just swear it!" Martin repeated._

_"Ok, ok, ok." Danny held up his hands in mock defeat. "I swear."_

_"Good." Sam smiled. Her left hand had been concealed because she was standing with her arms crossed. So she uncrossed her arms and stuck out her left hand towards Danny. "Notice anything different?"_

_Danny's eyes widened immediately at the sight of the diamond ring that now rested on her finger. "Are you serious?" He exclaimed happily. "Is this for real?"_

_"Oh believe me, it's for real." Sam laughed._

_"I can't believe it!" Danny smirked._

_"Well believe it." Martin told him. "Because I'm counting on you to be my best man."_

_"I'd love to." Danny nodded, still not over the shock. He was amazed that Martin had actually gotten Sam to agree to marriage. There were times when he doubted that Sam wanted that kind of commitment with anyone. But they looked happy together and that's all he ever wanted for them. He first hugged Sam and then embraced Martin. "You guys, this is great news!"_

_"We think so too." Sam smiled as Martin wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him._

_"What's good news?" Jack asked, approaching the bullpen with Vivian right behind him._

_Without thinking, Danny said, "Martin and Sam are getting married!"_

_"Danny!" Martin and Sam both yelled at the same time. Martin lightly punched his arm, while Sam smacked him up the side of the head._

_"Oops." Danny winced. He suddenly remembered that he wasn't supposed to tell anyone because they wanted to be the ones to announce their engagement. "Sorry guys."_

She smiled at that memory. Viv and Jack were very happy for them and they all shared hugs and congratulations after Danny's outburst. It was a good time and remembering that made her start to miss them already. Her phone started ringing so she picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey there." Martin greeted.

"Hey." She greeted back, picking up a nearby pen and nervously tapping it on some papers that were lying around.

"Are you busy right now?" He asked.

"I'm supposed to be." She confessed. "I'm supposed to be doing some paperwork, but I'm not."

He chuckled at her apparent lack of work. "Are you playing solitaire again?"

"Not this time." She corrected him. "This time I'm just staring into space."

"Well can you spare a few minutes?"

"Is something wrong?" She wondered aloud.

"No. Nothing's wrong. I just would like to see you." He told her.

She stopped tapping the pen and the wheels in her mind started to turn as she wondered why he wanted to see her right now. "Ok." She relented.

"Good. Can you come down here and meet me in the break room?" He asked. "I want to get some coffee and I'll just wait for you there if that's ok."

"Ok." She agreed. "I'll be right there."

"Great." He enthusiastically replied. "I'll see you in a few minutes then."

Sam hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment. Martin sounded really happy on the phone and she wondered what had happened to put him in such a good mood. Well there was only one way to find out. She got up from her desk and headed for the elevator.


	58. We'll Miss You

Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty-Eight

"Does she suspect anything?" Viv asked as Martin entered the break room.

"No, I don't think so." Martin smiled. "She'll be right down."

"Great." Danny grinned, rearranging the small cake on the table. "She's going to be so surprised by this."

"Let's hope so." Jack stated.

Sam walked into the break room after getting off the elevator and was surprised to see Martin, Danny, Jack, Viv, and a bunch of her other friends waiting in there.

"Surprise!" They all yelled.

Sam smiled. "What's this for? It's not my birthday or anything."

Martin walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her waist. "When Danny started telling everyone about your transfer, everyone decided to throw you a small party to say goodbye."

"That's so sweet." Sam commented, looking at the people in the break room. There were about a dozen people there and it meant a lot to her that they would even think about throwing her a party. That was a lot more than her co-workers in White Collar had done for her.

"Who wants cake?" Danny asked, carefully waving around a knife.

Everyone in the room started congregating towards the cake and Viv decided to take pity on Danny and help him with his cake cutting duties since he was horrible at it. Sam stayed behind the crowd with Martin. She would wait until the crowd around the cake thinned out before getting a piece.

"So, were you surprised?" Martin asked.

"Very." She grinned. "I really thought something was wrong."

"Sorry." He apologized. "Didn't mean to make you think that. Just had to get you down here. I couldn't let you miss your own party. How did your co-workers upstairs take the news?"

She rolled her eyes. "I think that they will be having their own party tomorrow to celebrate that I'm gone."

Jack approached them, carrying three plates full of cake. He handed one to Sam and then one to Martin. "Here. I thought I'd save you from having to enter that circus." He pointed to the crowd gathered around the cake.

"Thanks." Sam and Martin told him.

"Ooh, you guys got my favorite cake." She exclaimed excitedly as she used her fork to get a bite of cake.

"Of course we did." Martin shrugged. "You didn't think we'd get you a carrot cake or something, did you?"

"With Danny's sense of humor?" She asked with a laugh. "I wouldn't put it past him."

They all shared a laugh at her comment because there was a ring of truth to it. Danny had originally been tempted to get her a carrot cake, even though she absolutely hated carrot cake. But he decided against it and settled on white cake with chocolate frosting. Jack looked over at Martin. "Would you mind if I stole her away for a few minutes?"

Martin looked at Sam and then at Jack. He reasoned that jack just wanted to say goodbye to Sam in private and understood. "No. Go ahead." He decided to go see how Danny and Viv were doing with cutting the cake.

Sam looked at Jack expectedly. He looked like he was deep in thought and she knew that he was probably thinking of a good way to say goodbye to her.

"So, you're actually leaving?" He started out by saying.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"I hear you're going to be back in Missing Person's and you're getting a promotion." He stated. "You deserve it. I think you'll do great."

"Thanks." It meant a lot to have him tell her that.

"And you won't have to deal with the cold weather as much." He was trying to look on the bright side of things.

"That will be nice." She nodded.

"We're all gonna miss you." He looked into her eyes and gave her a sad smile. "It was hard enough to send you to another division, but at least then you were still in the same building. Now you're gonna be hundreds of miles away."

"It's not like I'll be out in the middle of the Amazon rain forest or anything!" She laughed, trying to inject some humor into the solemn moment. "I expect everyone to call and write me about what's going on here—and don't think for a moment that you're excluded from that."

"We've been through a lot, haven't we?" Jack smiled.

"Yeah. We have." She agreed, thinking back on the past. It had been almost a decade since their affair, but he would always hold a special place in her heart and a small part of her would always love him. Not in a romantic way, and definitely not in the same way she loved Martin. No, she would love Jack for what he was—a former boss, mentor and good friend. "I'm really glad that I can call you a friend."

"So am I." Jack replied gruffly. He reached out and gave her a quick hug, being careful not to drop his cake. "If you get tired of Houston, just give me a call and I'll try to persuade Van Doren to bring you back here."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"Take care of yourself." He ordered.

"Yes sir." She said, knowing that it annoyed him to be called 'sir'.

"Don't call me sir!" He rolled his eyes at her use of 'sir' and then left the party to go back to his office and do paperwork.

Sam was then left to mingle around with the rest of the guests. They were all people that she used to hang out with all the time when she was working in Missing Person's and she knew them all pretty well. All of them said basically the same thing. They would miss her and good luck in Houston. Unlike her co-workers upstairs, she actually believed these people.

Vivian saw that Sam was alone at the moment and made her way over to her. "Hey."

"Hey Viv." Sam smiled. "Thanks for this party."

"Well we couldn't just let you leave without some kind of fanfare." Viv explained. "Although your transfer comes as quite a shock."

"I know." Sam nodded. "But I needed a change and when this job opened up, I couldn't say no."

"The fact that you're leaving doesn't have anything to do with the rumors that are circulating about Martin and Bethany, does it?" Viv asked hesitantly.

"No." Sam shook her head.

"That's good." Viv smiled. "Because everyone who knows Martin knows that he wouldn't cheat on you."

"Yeah." Sam glanced across the room at Martin, making eye contact with him. He winked at her and gave her a small grin. She smiled back before turning her attention back at Viv. "Martin will be coming with me as soon as he finds a new job there."

"That's good." Viv was glad to know that her friends weren't splitting up. "We're all going to miss you. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." Sam reached over and gave the older woman a hug. "You've been a good friend. I've really appreciated your advice over the years."

"Well if you ever need any more advice, just give me a call." Viv told her.

"I will." Sam promised.

"I better get back to work." Viv sighed. "Make sure you don't lose contact with us or we'll track you down."

"I won't." Sam told her as she watched Viv leave.

"Looks like it's my turn now." Danny said as he walked up to Sam. "Everyone else has been monopolizing your time."

She giggled. "What can I say? I must be popular or something."

"Something like that." He grinned.

"Thanks for this little party." She gestured around the room.

"You didn't think we'd let you skip out on your last day without some kind of send-off, did you?" He asked.

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I guess I didn't really think about it too much. I didn't want to have to say goodbye cause I didn't know how. Kinda dreading it too. But I appreciate this."

"I still can't believe that you're leaving." Danny admitted. "I always thought that you'd stay here forever and we'd raise our kids together. They'd go to the same schools, have the same friends, maybe even marry each other."

"Claire married to Kyle?" Sam laughed. "I don't know about that."

"Why not?" Danny asked, pretending to be hurt by that. "Are you trying to say that Kyle isn't good enough for Claire?"

"No." She assured him. "I just think it's too early to playing matchmaker."

"Maybe you're right."

"Besides," she smiled, "I don't know if I want you as an in-law."

He hated to turn the conversation back to more serious topics, but had no choice. "So, you and Martin are going to be ok? I mean, this move isn't a break-up, right?"

"It's not a break-up." She explained. "It's just a break. I think we both need some time to re-evaluate everything and get some perspective. Therapy has been helping us, but there's only so much help we can get from that. It's helped me see that I don't want to lose him and it's helped identify problems that we weren't fully aware of. But with everything that's happened lately, I think we need some time alone."

"I don't fully understand, but if that's what it's going to take to get you two back to the way you were before, then it's a good thing." Danny admitted.

"Can you do me a favor though?"

"For you Sammy?" He asked with a grin. "Anything."

"Can you try and keep Bethany as far away from Martin as possible?" She wouldn't be there to do it and, although she doubted that Martin would immediately seek out Bethany's presence as soon as she left, she knew that Bethany would seek out Martin. She was already circling around him like a vulture stalking its' prey.

"I will do everything I can to make sure that Bethany stays far away from him." Danny promised.

She smiled at him. "I knew I could count on you."

The smile left his face and was replaced with a look of heavy sadness. "I'm really gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too, and also Michelle and Kyle." Sam added. "By the way, how is Kyle doing? Is he feeling better?"

"Yeah, he's feeling a lot better." A huge smile appeared on Danny's face as he talked about his son. "Michelle would have come and brought him with her but she didn't think it would be wise for him to get out of the house yet."

"That's understandable." Sam nodded. "I expect all of you to come down and visit."

"Only if you'll visit us up here too." Danny added.

"Deal." Sam held out her hand to shake on the deal.

"Deal." He shook her hand and then pulled her into a hug. "You're the closest thing I've ever had to a sister, Sam."

"And you're the closest thing I've ever had to a brother Danny." She hugged him tightly. Aside from Martin, Danny was going to be the person she missed the most.


	59. Five Minutes

Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty-Nine

Five minutes. That's how long she had to wait until she found out if she was pregnant. Just five incredibly long minutes. Then she would know once and for all. She was lucky that she got to go home early today. Since Claire was in her room playing with her dolls and she wasn't expecting Martin to come home from work for at least another hour, she decided to get the pregnancy test done now. So she was sitting on the edge of the bathtub waiting for the timer to go off and signify that she could look at the test strip.

She tapped her fingers on her leg nervously as she continued to wait. Looking at the timer, she saw that now she only had four minutes left. She wasn't sure if she could handle the suspense and decided to go check on Claire while she waited.

"Hi mommy!" Claire greeted when she entered the room.

"Hey there. Having fun?" Sam asked, stroking her daughter's hair.

"Yeah." Claire nodded as she moved the doll around the dollhouse. "Mommy?"

"Yes sweetie?" Sam answered.

"Do we really have to move without daddy?" She still wasn't completely happy about leaving him behind.

"Yeah sweetie, I'm afraid we do." She pulled Claire into a hug. "But I promise that everything will be ok. Daddy will come and live with us."

"When?" She asked, hoping that they wouldn't be separated for too long.

"I don't know yet." Sam answered honestly. "But it doesn't matter where we live. I promise that your father will come and live us again. Ok?"

"Ok." Claire nodded.

When Sam re-entered the bathroom, she saw that the timer had run out. She could go look at the test strip now and find out if she was pregnant. Although she was tired of being kept in suspense, she found that she was having trouble making herself move because she was afraid of the results. She finally couldn't take it anymore and walked up to the counter.

Biting her lip, she took a deep breath before looking at the test strip. It was negative. She picked up the box and checked it to make that she was reading the strip correctly, finding that she was right. It was negative. That meant that she wasn't pregnant.

She had thought that she would be overjoyed if the test came back negative, but she wasn't. Instead she felt like crying, which was silly because she shouldn't mourn a child that never existed. But that's how she felt. A part of her had been hoping that she was pregnant because maybe it would force her to confront her anxieties and move forward with her life.

But that apparently wasn't going to happen—at least not right now. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub and held her hands awkwardly in her lap. All the signs had pointed to her being pregnant, and although she had been scared out of her mind that she was actually pregnant, it really hurt to find out that she wasn't. It was probably for the best though. Now would have been a horrible time to be pregnant anyway. That's how she would rationalize it.

Without hesitating she stuffed the test back into the box and wrapped it up in the small paper bag that she got when she bought it at the drugstore. Then she went outside and buried it deeply within the trash so that Martin wouldn't find it. Since the test was negative, he had no reason to find out about it. Why tell him that she suspected she was pregnant when she really wasn't? That would just be mean. She'd keep it to herself and spare him the same feeling that she was having right now.

* * *

Later that evening, Martin offered to help her with washing the dishes as Claire played in the backyard. He thought it would be a good time to talk to her alone while still keeping an eye on Claire since there was a window in the kitchen that showed them a view of the backyard. He had noticed that Sam looked a little sad and out of it at dinner, and had made a mental note to talk to her about it later. Now that it was later, he decided to call her on her mood. "Is something wrong?" 

She looked over at him. "No." She lied. "Why?"

"You seem out of it tonight." He explained.

"I'm fine." She shrugged off his concern even though the truth was that she didn't feel fine. She was still upset from the negative pregnancy test she took a few hours ago.

He could have let it go and in fact, a few months ago he would have let it go. He would have let her get away with lying to him about her feelings and wouldn't have pressed her on them. But now, through therapy with Leslie, he realized that they needed to talk about whatever was bothering her. And he knew exactly what it was. "I know what's wrong."

She looked over at him with a shocked look. How could he know? She hadn't left any trace behind of the pregnancy test, right? "You know?"

"Of course." He replied, drying off a plate that had just been rinsed off. "It's written all over your face."

"It is?" She wondered briefly if he really did know what she was upset about or if he had a different idea.

"Yes." He replied. "You're thinking about how much you're going to miss the team. That's it, right?"

"The team." She repeated. Of course he didn't know about the pregnancy scare. How could he have known? She kept it well hidden. It was only logical for him to think that she was upset about having to leave Jack, Danny, and Viv behind, especially since she had to say goodbye to them today.

"Yeah." He replied. "That is what you're upset about, right?"

"Yeah." She answered. It was only a partial lie. She was upset about having to leave her closest friends behind. She was just also upset about not being pregnant. "It's like you read my mind."

He smiled, proud that he had been able to figure out what was bothering her. "It's only natural for you to be sad about it."

"Yeah." She nodded. "I guess so."

"It's never easy to leave friends behind." He noted.

"No, it isn't." She agreed.

"But," he chuckled, "you can still keep in touch with them. And I'm sure you'll make a bunch of new friends in Houston."

She looked over at him and gently slapped his arm. That was the same thing that they had been saying to Claire. "Are you patronizing me?"

"Who me?" He asked, throwing his hands up in mock defeat. "Never."

"You are!" She accused playfully, putting down the pan that she was cleaning and crossing her arms around her chest. "You're patronizing me!"

"Am not!" He defended himself. In reality, he actually had been patronizing her in hopes of making her smile and laugh about the situation instead of being sad about it. His attempt of cheering her up seemed to be working because she looked like she wasn't really mad at him. She seemed to just be playing around.

"Are to!" She exclaimed, splashing him with some soapy water.

"Ahh!" He exclaimed, watching his shirt get covered with water. "What'd you do that for?"

"You were patronizing me." She commented nonchalantly before going back to washing the pan in the sink.

He grinned. She may have thought that she could get away with throwing water at him but she was wrong. He twisted up the dishtowel in his hands and snapped it, hitting his target—which happened to be her butt.

"Hey!" She yelped as the towel lightly slapped her butt. "What was that for?"

"You threw water at me." He replied nonchalantly before going back to drying some plates.

She put her hands on her hips, staring straight at him as he ignored her. "Two can play this childish game you know." She reached for the handheld sprayer and started spraying him with a continuous stream of water.

"Hey!" He yelled, holding up the dishtowel in hopes of deflecting some of the water. But it was a powerful sprayer and already got his clothes soaked. "You're getting water all over the floor!"

"It'll dry off." She shrugged.

Without another word he closed the space between them, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing his wet clothes up against her. This caused her to stop spraying water at him.

"Martin!" She sighed. His wet clothes were dripping with the water she had sprayed at him and it was making her clothes become wet also since they were pressed up against her. "Now you're making me all wet!"

He couldn't hide his grin at her remark and winked at her. "Well I haven't heard that in a while."

She could feel her face blush and turn five different shades of red as she realized the double meaning of her statement. "I meant…I…oh…you know what I mean!" She buried her head in his shoulder to avoid having to look at him.

He laughed at how embarrassed she was and lightly kissed her neck. "You're even cuter when you're embarrassed." He whispered into her ear.

She moved her head away from his shoulder and they stood there with their faces only a few inches apart.

Without thinking about it, he leaned in and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Their tongues swirled together and separately as they exploded each other's mouths. He felt her hands start to roam around, finding their way underneath his shirt. He was getting ready to let his hands do some exploring of their own when they heard the back door opening. They sprang apart from each at lightening speed and looked at Claire.

"What happened?" She asked. She looked first at the water on the floor and then at the wet clothes her parents were wearing.

"Uh…" Sam didn't want to admit that she had started a water fight, and decided to fib a little. "A pipe was leaking."

Martin got the idea that she didn't want to tell Claire that she had started a water fight and played along. "Yeah, and I was getting ready to help your mother plug the hole."

"Oh. Ok." Claire bounced out of the room.

Sam meanwhile had turned to stare at Martin, amazed by what had just come out of his mouth. The double meaning was obvious and she was speechless.

He liked being able to make her speechless and grinned at the fact that he had managed to take her mind off of feeling sad about leaving their friends behind in such an enjoyable way. It may not have been the smartest thing to do though because he was very close to having sex with her on the kitchen floor. It was a good thing that Claire walked in on them. He turned to go back to drying the dishes. "We should get back to these dishes."

She slowly walked over to the sink and started washing dishes again, still trying to figure out what had just happened. If Claire hadn't entered the room when she did, they might have gotten carried away. Would that have been such a bad thing though? At least it got her mind off of the negative pregnancy test.


	60. Did You Forget Anything?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Sixty

Sam packed the last bag into the trunk of the car, slamming it shut and standing there for a moment to collect her thoughts. The past three days had flown by quickly because of the packing and other preparations for the move. The bureau had paid for a U-Haul moving van to come by yesterday to collect the big pieces of furniture they were taking, such as Claire's bed and chest of drawers. In addition to the furniture, the moving van also took most of their clothes, Claire's toys, and other stuff. Since it left yesterday it would definitely be there by tomorrow morning. The movers used her car to drive the moving van so once they arrived in Houston later today, she would have to rent a car for a day.

She sighed and looked up at the house that Martin and she had picked out while they were engaged. They had looked at dozens of houses, but as soon as they saw this one they fell in love with it and knew that this is where they should live. Now she was leaving this place and Martin behind. She pushed that thought to the back of her mind, knowing that in order to get through today without falling apart she had to stay busy and not think about the fact that she was leaving Martin.

She plastered a small smile onto her face and went to go see what Martin and Claire were doing. After looking at her watch she noticed that they were running out of time. If they wanted to catch their flight to Houston they would have to leave soon.

Martin entered the living room and saw Claire sitting on the couch, watching television. Jack had given him the day off to say goodbye to him family properly, and for that he was eternally grateful. He was going to take Sam and Claire to the airport to make sure that they got there in time to make their flight.

He sat down next to her and she immediately crawled over and flung her arms around him. She'd been doing that a lot since they told her about the move to Houston. "You get to fly on a big plane today. Isn't that exciting?"

"I guess." She wasn't very excited about that and wished that her family could stay here together instead of splitting up.

"Trust me, it's exciting." He smiled, hoping to boost her enthusiasm. This day was going to hard enough for Sam. The least he could do is try to get Claire to be a little happier. "It's gonna be your first airplane ride. You'll love it. I'm sure your mommy will give you the window seat and then you'll be able to see the clouds up close."

She shrugged. Seeing clouds up close did sound kinda fun. "I guess that's cool."

"It is." He told her, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "I'm going to miss you princess."

"I'll miss you too daddy." She replied, squeezing him tighter.

"But it won't be too bad." He tried to console her. "I'll call twice a day and I'm sure it won't be too long until I can make it down there to see you."

"Promise?" She asked, pulling away from him to see if he would promise her that.

"I promise." He smiled. "Remember to be a good girl for your mother and also remember that other little job I gave you."

She smiled at the thought of her assignment to make her mommy smile and laugh. "I'll remember. I can do it!"

"It's a very important job but I'm sure you can do it." He assured her. "That's why I chose you for it."

"I won't let you down daddy." She smiled proudly, throwing her arms around his neck.

"You couldn't even if you tried." He whispered.

Sam entered the living room and saw Martin and Claire hugging. She didn't know whether or not to interrupt this father-daughter moment and was going to leave to give them a few more minutes when Martin waved for her to stay. "We should get going soon." She announced.

Claire pulled away from her father and looked over at her mother. "Do we have to?" She asked for the millionth time.

"Yeah we do." Sam replied for the millionth time.

"Ok." Claire sighed, shrugging her shoulders.

Martin looked at Sam and then at Claire. "Claire, why don't you go take one more look around the house and see if you've missed anything that you want to take with you right now? I'd hate for you to get to Houston and find out that you've left something here."

"Ok." She glanced briefly at the living room before going off to explore the other parts of the house.

Sam realized that he sent Claire off to let them have a few minutes alone and was grateful for that. For the past few days they had been almost in denial about the fact that this moment would eventually come and they would have to say goodbye to each other. But how were they supposed to do that?

He stood up and walked over to where she was standing, brushing a piece of hair away from her face. "So what time does your flight leave?"

"11." She replied.

He looked at his watch. "So we have a few more minutes before we need to leave."

"Yeah." She nodded.

"You did get the flight that doesn't have any layovers right?" He asked, not knowing why he was asking that. He knew the answer. The only reasoning he could find for his questions about the flight was the fact that he didn't want to talk about what was going on here. He didn't want to acknowledge that she would be leaving soon and that they would have to say goodbye.

"That's right." She answered, knowing that she had already told him this information before. He seemed like he was still in denial about having to say goodbye and she couldn't blame him. She couldn't find a way to say it either. But they had to find a way. "Martin…I…" She trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"Sam…" He started, losing all of his courage to say what he was thinking and feeling.

She reached up and started caressing his cheek. Leaving him was breaking her heart and she wondered again if she was doing the right thing. She reasoned that she was doing the right thing by giving them some time to gain perspective and work out their individual problems. Even though this was going to be hard, they needed to do this. "This is harder than I thought it would be."

"I know." He knew what she was talking about. He had envisioned this scene being hard, but not nearly this hard. All he wanted to do was beg her to stay and not go to Houston, but he knew that this was the path that she had to follow. This was the path she had chosen and he had to try and support that.

"I've been trying to think of what I should say to you right now, trying to come up with something poignant and heartfelt but I come up blank every time." She admitted. "So I'm just going to say what I'm thinking right now. I love you Martin. I love you so much and it's killing me that I have to leave you right now. But this is what we need. I believe it with all of my heart. One month, two months, three months down the road, we'll be together again and we'll be stronger."

"You really believe that, don't you?" He asked, looking directly into her eyes. He wanted desperately to believe that. After all, he was counting on it being true.

"I do." She nodded. "We're going to be ok. I have to believe that."

"I want nothing more than to ask you to stay." He chuckled at his earlier thought. "I even thought about locking you up in the attic to make you miss your flight and not letting you out until you promised you wouldn't leave. But I can't do that to you. You want this job and I can't deny you that. I'd want it too if I was in your position. And as much as I hate the fact that we're taking a break, I can't deny you that either. I just want you to remember two things."

"What would those two things be?" She asked, his statement peeking her curiosity.

"The first is that I love you. I've loved you since the first time I walked into the bullpen and saw you, and I'll continue to love you until the day I die." He gave her a small smile. "And the second thing I want you to remember is that if you need me, all you have to do is call me and I'll fly down there on the first available flight."

"I know you would." She wrapped her arm around his neck and brought his lips down to meet with hers. She felt his arms wrap around her waist and let him pull her closer to him. They continued kissing until they noticed that Claire had come back into the living room. Then they pulled apart.

"Did you leave anything behind?" Sam asked her daughter.

"No." Claire shook her head. "I have everything."

"Then I guess we should get going." Martin said, ushering them out the door.


	61. Goodbye

Love and Marriage

Chapter Sixty-One

_I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done_

The car ride to the airport was slightly awkward because everyone was lost in their own individual thoughts. Martin parked the car in the airport parking lot and helped Sam get the bags from he trunk. He had decided to go with them into the airport and spend as much time with them as he could before they reached the security checkpoint. Once they reached that, he couldn't go in without a ticket. He'd see them off from there.

Sam went to grab her suitcase, but found that Martin had already grabbed it for her. "Thanks." She found that she couldn't look him in the eye for fear that she would start crying.

_And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Anyway from here_

"No problem." He told her with a smile as they walked into the airport.

They waited in line together to get their boarding passes and to check their luggage. Once they got their boarding passes, they walked over to where the security checkpoint was. "Looks like this is where we part." Sam said softly.

"Yeah. I guess so." Martin nodded. He didn't want to let them go. He wanted her to suddenly change her mind and stay with him, but realized that wasn't going to happen. She was really leaving and he wasn't going to see them for a while. His only consolation was the fact that they would be reunited sometime soon—at least he hoped it was soon.

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear_

He kneeled down to Claire's level and gave her a big hug and kiss. "I love you so much Claire."

"I love you too daddy." Claire replied back as she hugged him tightly.

After hugging her for a few more moments, he reluctantly pulled away and stood up again to face Sam. He was dreading this moment since Sam first told him that she was going to leave. It was the moment of goodbye.

_Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say_

"So…" She said, looking around the airport. She thought that if she just looked anywhere but at him she could get through this without crying.

"So…" He echoed, unsure of what to say now.

_To think I might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbye  
I nearly do_

She could feel the tears start to well up in her eyes and was proud that she had managed to keep them at bay for this long. She tried to give him a small smile in hopes of keeping the tears from flowing, but it didn't work. The tears flowed freely down her face anyway.

He couldn't stand to see her cry and wished he could do something to stop it. Reaching out to her, his hand gently wiped away the tears from her cheeks before wrapping her up in his arms. "It's ok." He whispered into her ear. "It's gonna be ok."

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear_

She closed her eyes and savored the moment, committing the way she felt when enveloped in his strong arms to her memory. "I love you Martin."

"I love you too Samantha." He told her, pulling away and placing a few soft kisses on her lips. When he pulled away, he placed another soft kiss on her forehead. "Call me when you land and let me know you got there safely?"

"Absolutely." She nodded, trying to pull herself together again. She couldn't fall apart completely—at least not right now. She had to be strong for Claire because she didn't want her daughter to see her cry.

_Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say_

He leaned in and placed another kiss on her cheek, whispering into her ear. "Take care of yourself."

"You too." She cupped his cheek with her hand and placed a kiss on his lips. This scene was getting too serious and she needed to say something to break the dark mood. "Don't resort to living like you did during your bachelor days."

"Oh yeah." He chuckled. "Sitting on the couch drinking a beer and flipping between ESPN and the X-Files. Those were some wild times."

_Slower slower  
We don't have time for that  
I just want to find an easier way  
To get out of our little heads_

She laughed and gave him a small smile. He was trying to be supportive of her decision to leave even though it was obvious to her that this was hurting him just as much as it was hurting her—maybe even more because Claire was leaving too. She could see it in his eyes that he didn't want her leave. He was looking at her like he was a death row inmate waiting for a last minute reprieve from the governor. Unfortunately, he wasn't going to get the reprieve he was looking for. She was still going to leave.

_Have heart my dear  
We're bound to be afraid  
Even if it's just for a few days  
Making up for all this mess_

"Well…goodbye."

"Goodbye." He put on a big smile even though he didn't feel happy. The smile was mostly for Claire.

Claire smiled back at her daddy and waved. "Bye daddy."

"Bye sweetie." He said, watching as they entered the security checkpoint area. Before they rounded the corner, he saw Sam turn her head back to look at him one more time. Their eyes locked and she mouthed the words 'I love you'. For a brief moment he considered running through the checkpoint and dragging her back home with him. But that plan was flawed and he knew it. So he simply watched as they disappeared into the crowd of people at the busy airport. It usually took a lot for him to cry, but he wasn't surprised when a single tear flowed down his cheek.

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear_

Sam sat at the gate with Claire in the seat right next to her. Claire had been quiet for a while and she was getting worried. "Are you ok?" She asked.

"Yeah." Claire replied with a small nod.

Sam knew that her daughter wasn't ok and knew what the problem was. "I'm sorry sweetie."

Claire looked over at her. "For what?"

"For making you move." Sam answered. "For making you leave the only life you've ever known and making you come with me to a strange city. I know this isn't easy for you and I hope that you aren't mad at me for it." With everything that had been going on with packing and getting ready to move, they hadn't gotten a chance to really sit down and discuss this together. While the gate of an airport wasn't exactly the most ideal place to have a heart to heart, it would have to do for now.

"I'm not mad at you mommy." Claire told her. "I'm just sad about leaving daddy."

She wrapped her arm around Claire's shoulder, tucking her in closer to her body. "I know you're sad about leaving your daddy behind. I am too. But it won't always be like this."

"That's what you keep telling me." Claire whispered.

"I love you Claire." She placed a kiss on the top of her daughter's head.

"Love you too." Claire replied.

"Flight 4763, nonstop service to Houston is now boarding all passengers in seats 1-15 at Gate D12."

Sam looked at their tickets and saw that they were in row 9. "That's us." She started gathering up her purse and carry-on, throwing Claire's backpack over her shoulder and pointing out where they were supposed to go. Once they got on the plane, they headed to their row. "Do you want the window seat?" Sam offered.

"Yeah!" Claire exclaimed happily. "Daddy said I could see clouds!"

She let Claire get into her seat first before sliding into the seat next to her. Then she went ahead and fastened Claire's seatbelt for her before strapping herself in. "I think you'll really enjoy flying. Not only do you get to see clouds, but you also get to see everything from a bird's perspective. Buildings look smaller and you can see everything that's going on."

"Sounds cool." Claire replied, looking out the window at the tarmac.

Sam looked over at the amazement in Claire's eyes and grinned. They were just sitting on the runway and Claire was already enraptured by looking out the window. She briefly wondered how long that would last.

* * *

About halfway through the flight, Claire started getting bored with looking out the window and playing cards with her mother. Sam tried to get her interested in the in-flight movies but wasn't having much luck. Most of the movies were inappropriate for someone Claire's age and the ones that weren't didn't interest her. To make things even more complicated, Sam felt like she was going to be sick again. Although she had taken the pregnancy test and it came back negative, her nausea and dizziness hadn't gone away. If anything, they had gotten worse. And her period still hadn't made its monthly appearance. The urge to get sick got more and more intense as the minutes ticked by and after awhile she couldn't control it anymore. 

"Stay right here Claire, ok?" She told her daughter as she unbuckled her seat belt.

"Where are you going?" Claire asked.

"Bathroom." Sam replied. "I'll be right back." She quickly got up and headed to the airplane lavatories. Thankfully, there was an empty one. She slid inside and closed the door behind her before vomiting into the small toilet. Once she was done, she pushed the flush button and washed her hands. Then she splashed some cold water on her face.

She wasn't sure what to think. The pregnancy test she took came back negative. Could it have been wrong? She was still having the same symptoms and her period was still late. Maybe she'd have to find a doctor on Monday and get a real pregnancy test done at a doctor's office. The blood test would be much more accurate. Yes, that's what she would do. She'd find a new doctor in Houston and get a professional pregnancy test. Then she would know once and for all.

Song Lyric: Snow Patrol "Run"


	62. Look At The Size Of That House

Love and Marriage

Chapter Sixty-Two

"So, what do you think?" Sam asked Claire as they pulled into the driveway of their new home.

"Wow." Claire was amazed by their new house. It was larger than the one they had in New York. This one looked huge. "It's big."

"Yeah it is." Sam agreed, getting out of the rental car and helping Claire out of her booster seat. Then she moved to the trunk to get their suitcases out. She had made sure that the water, electricity, cable and phone lines were connected and working by the time they arrived. Also, they would be renting furniture until Martin moved down and brought the furniture with him from New York so she made sure that the rented furniture was here too. "Your bed and stuff won't be here until tomorrow so you'll have to sleep in my room tonight."

"That's ok." Claire shrugged as she ran up to the front door. She was anxious to see the rest of this house.

She watched as Claire ran up to the front door and trudged along behind her, weighed down by the suitcases and carry-on bags that she was lugging around. Once she reached the front door she took out the key that the realtor had mailed to her and unlocked it, letting Claire go in first.

Claire ran inside and looked around. It seemed like it was even bigger than it looked from the outside. "Wow."

Sam smiled at Claire's amazement as she took a look around for herself. It was even nicer than the pictures had suggested.

"Can I go see my new room now?" Claire asked, getting excited. If this house was big then that would most likely mean that her room would be bigger too.

"Actually," Sam looked at her watch, "I promised your daddy we'd call him once we got here." She looked around for a phone and found one hooked up in the kitchen. "Why don't we call him first before we go exploring?"

"Ok!" Claire exclaimed. Looking at her room could wait if it meant she got to talk to her daddy. She ran into the kitchen with her mommy.

Sam picked up the phone and started dialing. After the third ring, he picked up.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Hey." Sam greeted, trying to sound like she wasn't missing him terribly.

"Hey." His melancholy mood flipped instantly once he heard her sweet voice. "How was the flight?"

"Fine." She answered, leaving out the part about her getting sick on the plane. "How are things there?"

"Quiet." He replied, looking around the empty house. It was too quiet here already. He wanted to get out of there and go to a place that wouldn't be so quiet because this silence was killing him, but he had wanted to wait until after she called. He didn't want to miss this phone call.

She could hear the sadness in his voice and wished that she could take it away. Her only idea to help him was to let him talk to Claire for a few minutes. "I have someone who wants to talk to you." She handed the phone to Claire.

"Hi daddy!" Claire exclaimed happily.

"Hey sweetie. How are you?" He asked, making sure that his voice sounded happy and upbeat so that Claire didn't catch on to how sad he was about being alone.

"Fine. You were right about the plane. It was so cool! I got to see everything!" Her face lit up as she recalled all of the buildings and clouds that she saw. Then she started telling him about the house. "This house is huge!"

"Sounds like you're having a lot of fun." Martin commented once she was done retelling everything.

"It'd be more fun if you were here too." She told him.

"Well it won't be too long until I come down there." He told her.

"Good!" She smiled.

"Can I talk to your mommy again now sweetie?" He asked.

"Sure." Claire replied.

"I love you Claire."

"Love you too daddy." Claire replied before handing the phone back to her mommy. "Here."

"Thank you." Sam smiled, taking the phone back from her daughter.

"Sounds like Claire is adjusting pretty well so far." Martin commented.

"Seems like it." Sam agreed. "How are you doing?"

"Me?" He asked. "I'm fine." He wasn't really fine. He was miserable without his family, but didn't want to tell her that.

"Are you sure?" She asked, not really believing him.

"I'm sure." He continued to lie.

"Ok." She decided to let it go for now since Claire was anxious to go explore the house. "Well then I guess I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah." He answered.

"Ok." She wasn't sure what to say now. "Bye Martin."

"Bye." He hung up the phone. Staring at it for a moment, he said, "I miss you."

She hung up the phone and started at it for a moment. "I miss you." She whispered.

"Mommy?" Claire asked, pulling at her mommy's shirt. "Can we go explore the house now?"

"Yeah. Let's go explore the house." Sam smiled glad to see that Claire was excited about something. It was a start.

* * *

Martin sat on the couch, drinking a beer and flipping through the channels on his TV. Ever since the night he mixed alcohol with his pain pills, he had quit taking the pain medication even though his leg was still hurting him a lot. But at least this way he could have a few drinks without a repeat of what happened that night. 

The phone call from Sam and Claire had only intensified his loneliness. He had considered going out somewhere but didn't really want to be around people right now. That's why when he heard the doorbell ring he debated whether or not to go answer it. He wasn't expecting anyone and wasn't sure he wanted to talk to anyone. But whoever was at the door apparently wasn't going to give up because they kept hitting the doorbell. He reluctantly got up and opened the door.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, surprised by his visitor and the fact that they were holding a pizza. "Did you take up a second job as a pizza delivery guy? 'Cause I hate to tell you this, but I didn't order a pizza."

Jack rolled his eyes at Martin's attempt of humor. "No. I came by because I thought you could use some company tonight and I brought the pizza because I haven't eaten yet."

He was surprised by Jack's reply and stared at him for a moment.

"Are you going to let me in before this pizza gets cold?" Jack asked, getting impatient.

"Uh, sure." Martin replied stepping out of the doorway and letting Jack come inside. He led the way into the living room and watched as Jack laid the pizza down on the coffee table. "Want a beer?"

"Sure." Jack nodded. "Thanks."

Martin went back into the kitchen and grabbed both him and Jack another beer. Walking back into the living room, he saw that Jack was already eating a slice of pizza. He placed Jack's beer on the coffee table. "So, don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that you brought over a pizza and everything, but…"

"You're wondering why, right?" Jack finished the question for Martin.

"Well, yeah." Martin nodded.

"It's because I've been in your shoes before." Jack explained. "I've gone to the airport and watched as my family has boarded a plane to start a life somewhere else without me. I've had to say goodbye to my daughters and look into their faces as they silently plead for me to go with them. I've sat in the empty house that first night after they've left and gone crazy because of the silence." He picked up the beer from the coffee table and took a huge drink before continuing.

"Now granted, the situation isn't the same." He looked over at Martin. "You're luckier because you get to go down there later and reclaim your family. I never had that kind of hope. But the fact remains that it's hard to lose your family—even if it's just for a little while. I thought maybe you could use a friend to talk to, or at the very least a distraction because the first night is the hardest."

Jack knew everything that Martin was feeling right now and he wasn't sure what to say to that. He hadn't thought about it before, but Jack was right. He had been in the same position that Martin was in right now. And although their situations were slightly different, it helped to have someone around that knew what he was going through. "Thanks Jack."

"Ah, don't mention it." Jack shrugged it off, picking up another piece of pizza.

They sat there together eating pizza, drinking beer, and watching television for the rest of the night. Jack was right. It did help to have a distraction to keep him from dwelling on the fact that his family was hundreds of miles away. It meant a lot to him that Jack would come over and be such a great friend.


	63. Neighbors

Love and Marriage

Chapter Sixty-Three

The doorbell went off just as soon as Sam plopped down into the couch that evening. After all the hard work of directing the moving men, moving boxes around, and then starting to unpack those boxes, she was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to relax for a while. But there was someone at the door. She had no idea who it could be because she didn't know anyone around here. After debating about whether or not to answer it, she decided to answer the door. What she found was surprising. There was a man, a woman carrying a dish, and then a little girl that looked to be around Claire's age. "Hello?"

"Hi." The woman carrying a dish smiled. "We're your next door neighbors." She pointed to the house on the right of Samantha's. "We're the Sutter's. My name is Julia, this is my husband Kevin, and this is our little girl, Megan."

"Well hello." Sam greeted. "My name's Samantha and my daughter's somewhere in the house." She turned around and yelled for Claire to come to the door.

"We saw you moving in today and decided to stop over and introduce ourselves." Julia explained. "I also brought you over this casserole. I figured that you probably haven't had the time to cook dinner since you're busy unpacking and everything." She handed the dish to Samantha.

Sam hesitantly took the dish. She wasn't used to complete strangers being so nice to her. It was almost unsettling, but her FBI instincts told her that these people weren't a threat. Living in New York for so long had made her slightly paranoid. These were simply nice people. "Thank you very much. You just saved us from having to order pizza again." Julia and Kevin laughed at her joke.

Claire ran up to where her mother was and looked at the people on the doorstep. "Mommy? Who are they?"

"These are the Sutter's." Sam told her daughter, pointing to them. "They are our neighbors."

"Oh." Claire replied. "Hi."

"This is my daughter, Claire." Sam smiled, pointing to Claire.

"It's very nice to meet you Claire." Julia smiled.

"You too." Claire gave her a small smile as she remembered the manners that her mommy had been trying to teach her.

"I'm Julia, this is Kevin, and this is Megan." Julia introduced her family to Claire. "I think you and Megan look to be the same age."

"How old are you?" Claire asked Megan.

"Almost six." Megan answered softly. "And you?"

"Same." Claire nodded. "Do you want to go play dolls?"

Megan looked up at her mother for permission, causing Julia to look at Samantha for permission.

Sam simply smiled at Julia. It looked like Claire already made a new friend and she wasn't going to stand in the way of her daughter's social life. "She's welcome to stay if it's ok with you. In fact, why don't all of you come in for a minute or two? That way we can continue this conversation and not have to keep talking on the doorstep."

"Are you sure?" Kevin asked, watching as Claire and Megan were already running into the house and up to Claire's room.

"Of course." Sam nodded, ushering them inside. "I just hope you don't mind the boxes that are strewn across the house."

"Boxes don't faze us." Kevin joked.

Sam closed the door after them and showed them to the living room, excusing herself to the kitchen so that she could put the casserole into the oven. "It was very nice of you to bring over a casserole. I really appreciate it. I really wasn't looking forward to having pizza again."

"It's no problem. Really." Julia assured her. "We understand that it can difficult to move, especially with a little one. We just moved here ourselves about a year ago from Wisconsin."

Sam sat down in a chair next to the couch, where they were sitting. "Oh really?" Sam was surprised by that statement.

"Yeah. It took us a little while to get used to living here but now we love it." Kevin answered.

"Claire and I just moved here from New York but I'm originally from Kenosha. What part did you live in?" She was surprised to have so much in common with these people. They were from Wisconsin, they were relatively new to the area, and they had a daughter about the same age as Claire.

"Milwaukee." Julia replied. After a few moments, she spoke again. She had noticed a wedding band on Samantha's finger but she had yet to mention a husband. "So is it just you and your daughter living here?"

Kevin gently nudged his wife with his elbow. "Honey, maybe she doesn't want to talk about that."

"I'm sorry." Julia apologized. "I'm just a naturally noisy person. I can't help it. I hope I haven't offended you."

"No," Sam assured her, "it's ok. My husband is still in New York for now. We're kinda taking a short break, but he'll be here as soon as he gets a work transfer."

"What kind of work does he do?" Julia asked, getting nudged by Kevin again. "Sorry."

Sam smiled, for some reason she was feeling compelled to answer this woman's questions. "He's in the FBI. Actually, we both are."

"Oh wow." Julia hadn't expected for her new neighbors to be FBI agents. "So what part of the FBI are you with?"

"I'm with the Missing Person's unit." Sam explained.

"I bet that's an interesting job." Kevin interjected his opinion into the conversation.

"It definitely has its moments." Sam nodded, not wishing to go into any further detail about it. "Do the both of you work?"

"Oh Kevin is the one who works. I stay at home with Megan." Julia replied.

"I work at a firm called Creative Consumer Research." Kevin explained.

"And he's the best market researcher at the top market research firm in all of Texas." Julia added.

"I think she's exaggerating slightly." Kevin laughed.

"It's my right as your wife to exaggerate." Julia shrugged. She looked at the time and saw that they had been taking up too much of Samantha's time. "I guess we should let you get back to unpacking. We just wanted to drop by and say 'welcome to the neighborhood.'"

"Welcome to the neighborhood." Kevin smiled.

"Thanks." Sam smiled back, calling for Claire to come downstairs with Megan.

A few moments later, Claire and Megan came bouncing down the stairs with huge smiles on their faces. They were laughing and joking around like they had known each other their entire lives.

"Looks like Megan and Claire are fast friends." Kevin pointed out.

"Yeah." Sam agreed, happy that Claire was already making a friend. The Sutter's were already heading out the door and, after saying their goodbyes, Sam and Claire were left in the foyer. "So did you and Megan get along well?"

"Yeah!" Claire smiled enthusiastically. "She's not Sarah, but she's cool. Can I go over to her house tomorrow?"

Sam laughed. "We'll see. We still have a lot of boxes to unpack and I might need your help."

"Ok." Claire replied.

"They brought over a casserole. I stuck it in the oven and it should be warm in a few minutes…" She was going to say something else when the phone rang.

Claire ran over to the phone in the living room, expecting it to be her daddy. "Hello?"

"Hey there!" Martin's greeted when he heard his daughter pick up the phone. "How are you?"

"Fine daddy." Claire smiled brightly. "I just made a new friend."

"Already?" Martin asked, surprised. Although they had told her that she would be able to make new friends, he hadn't expected for her to actually do that on the second day in Houston.

"Yeah. She lives next door. Her name's Megan." Claire explained, telling him about how much fun they had playing dolls in her room. "You were right daddy. I can make new friends."

"I'm so glad." Martin told her. "Is your mom busy?"

Claire looked over at her mommy and saw that she was in the kitchen checking on the casserole. "She's fixing dinner."

He didn't really want to interrupt that and decided not to bother her. "Well then I'll just say goodnight to you."

"Goodnight." Claire told him.

"Goodnight. Love you."

"Love you too." Claire answered.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." He told her before they hung up.

Sam walked back into the living room and saw that Claire had hung up the phone. "That was your father, right?"

"Yeah." Claire nodded.

"Did he not want to talk to me?" She asked, disappointed.

"He asked if you were busy and I told him you were busy with dinner." Claire explained.

Sam sighed. She couldn't really get mad at Claire for not handing her the phone since Claire obviously thought that she was doing her a favor. "Well the next time your father calls and I look busy, hand me the phone anyway, ok?"

"Ok." Claire nodded.

"Let's go eat." Sam led Claire into the dining room, trying to shake off the disappointment she felt about not getting to talk to Martin. Even though she had talked to him for a few minutes this morning, she missed him. She wondered if he missed her too.


	64. New Team

Love and Marriage

Chapter Sixty-Four

Monday soon came and Sam had to admit that she was nervous as she entered the Missing Person's division, especially since it looked like the whole team was already in the office waiting for her. She had studied the folder Van Doren had given her about the team so she knew minimal background on them and knew what they looked like. She approached her new boss's office and knocked on the open door with a smile plastered on her face. "Hello sir. My name is Samantha…"

"Ah, you must be Samantha Spade." The man smiled, holding out his hand for her to shake. "My name is Grant Thompson."

Sam reached out and shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"I trust that you received the background information about the team." He stated.

"Yes." Sam nodded. "I did and I must say that I'm impressed. Your team has managed to become one of the best in the country."

"We try to always do our best." He grinned. "But you must be used to working on a great team considering that you were a part of the Missing Person's Unit in New York City. That division has a sterling reputation also."

It was her turn to grin this time. "We try to always do our best."

He chuckled. "Good. You have a sense of humor. You'll fit in nicely around here."

"That's the plan." Sam mumbled.

"Why don't we go introduce you to the rest of the team?" He suggested, walking around the side of his desk to where she was standing. He motioned for her to follow him as he stepped out of his office towards the bullpen. As soon as he stepped into the bullpen all of the other members of the team stopped what they were doing and looked in his direction. "We don't have a case yet." He told the other members of the team. "But I would like to take this opportunity to introduce the new member of the team."

He turned to his side and saw Samantha standing there. "This is Samantha Spade. She is coming to us from New York City and she will be taking over Ryan's duties." He pointed to the man on the left of them. "This is Joshua Williams." Then he pointed to the woman standing next to him. "That is Olivia Peterson." He pointed to the man sitting at his desk. "And that is Trevor Scott."

Sam realized from the introduction that Grant had given her to the rest of the team that he probably didn't know that she was also given background information on her new team members. Perhaps that was a going-away present from Van Doren. She decided to play along and pretend that she didn't know about these people.

Grant continued on with his short speech. "Alright people. Let's make sure that Samantha feels right at home and that her transition is as smooth as possible. Ok?"

"Ok." The team replied in unison.

"I'll be in my office if you need anything." Grant told Samantha, giving her one last smile before leaving her standing in front of the team.

"So, Samantha," Trevor got up from his desk and walked over to her, "do you have a preference? Should we call you Samantha, Sam, Sammy?"

There was only one person in the world who could get away with calling her Sammy, and that person was hundreds of miles away. Although she had become more relaxed about who could call her Sam, she didn't feel like she knew these people well enough yet to let them call her that. So she decided to stick with Samantha. "You can call me Samantha."

"Ok." Trevor smiled. "It's nice to meet you Samantha."

"You too Trevor." Sam smiled back.

Olivia came over and joined them. She also held out her hand for Samantha to shake. "It's nice to finally have another woman on the team. It's not easy being surrounded by these guys all the time."

"Hey!" Joshua objected, coming over to the group. "We're not that bad!"

"No," Olivia shook her head. "You're not always bad. You have moments of niceness buried in between moments of being men."

Sam and Olivia shared a laugh over that comment and watched Trevor and Joshua walk away, shaking their heads and mumble something incoherent.

Olivia leaned in closer to her and lowered her voice. "All joking aside, these guys are pretty great. Just don't let them know that."

They laughed again and Sam realized that she was going to fit in nicely with these people.

"We have a little tradition around here." Olivia told her. "All of us get to take you out to lunch separately during your first week here. That way we get to expose you to some of the good places to eat here and then we also get a chance to get to know each other better on an individual basis."

"That's a very nice idea." She liked that and she also liked that they were being so friendly and warm to her already.

"I won lunch with you today, Trevor gets lunch with you tomorrow and Joshua gets lunch with you on Wednesday." Olivia explained, adding, "if that's ok with you."

"That's fine." Sam nodded, looking around the bullpen. "So which desk is mine?"

"This one." Olivia replied, pointing to the desk next to Trevor's. She then helped Sam get settled in at her new desk before giving her a brief tour of the office.

* * *

In New York, Martin was busy working on a report that Jack wanted done by lunchtime. He was trying to concentrate but found it difficult. He would drift off, thinking about Claire and Sam. He missed them terribly. Although Jack had told him that it would eventually get better and he'd get used to this ache in his heart, he wasn't so sure he wanted to get used to it. 

"Hey Martin!" Danny called out for the fourth time. He was trying to get Martin's attention. So far Martin seemed to be in his own little world, staring off into space. He knew what his friend was thinking about. "Martin!"

Martin finally realized that Danny was calling him and turned to face his friend. "Yeah? What?"

"How's the report coming along?" Danny asked.

"The report?" Martin asked, remembering that he was supposed to be working on it. "Oh, uh, well…"

"Relax. I didn't come here to make sure it's done or anything." Danny explained. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. But judging by the way you were zoning out, I'm guessing not too well."

"I just miss them." Martin shrugged it off like it was nothing, rearranging papers on his desk and avoiding Danny's stare.

"Have you told her that?" Danny asked.

"No." He shook his head.

"Why not?" He was curious about why Martin wasn't sharing his feelings with Sam. It would definitely help both of them if he did.

"I just haven't." Martin snapped. "Can we please not talk about this right now?"

"Ok." Danny finally relented. "Well what do you want for lunch? It's my turn to bring it in."

"I'm not really hungry." Martin shook his head.

"Since when?" Danny chuckled. "C'mon Martin, you gotta eat."

"I'm not hungry Danny." He repeated, this time more forcefully.

"Fine." Danny sighed. He got up and started to walk away from Martin's desk but stopped and turned back around. "I'll get you a sandwich anyway, just in case."

Martin appreciated that but didn't think his appetite would be coming back. He turned back to the report he was supposed to be working on and tried extra-hard to concentrate on it.


	65. Crayon Fight

Love and Marriage

Chapter Sixty-Five

"Hey, are you ready to go to lunch?" Olivia asked as she approached Samantha's desk.

"Yeah." Sam nodded, grabbing her purse. "But would you mind if we stopped by the day care center downstairs before we left? I would like to go check on my daughter and make sure she's ok since it's her first day there."

"Oh of course!" Olivia obliged. "Actually I should probably check on my son too."

"How old is your son?" Sam asked as they entered the elevator.

"Nikolas is six and a half." Olivia replied. "And your daughter?"

"Five and a half." Sam answered.

"How is your daughter handling the move?" The elevator opened up to the day care center and they headed inside.

"So far she seems ok with it, but I can tell that she misses her father a lot."

"We should get our children together. Maybe they could be friends. It would probably help Claire to have some friends." Olivia suggested.

"That would be a good idea." Sam replied, scanning the room for Claire. She finally found her daughter engaged in a major fight with a boy over a box of crayons. They were both tugging at the box and it looked like the box was going to tear open at any moment. She was so focused on going over to Claire and helping her daughter that she didn't notice Olivia was following her over to that scene. "Claire, what's going on here?"

"He stole my crayons!" Claire exclaimed angrily, giving another tug on the crayon box.

"Is that true Nikolas?" Olivia asked the boy in a stern voice.

"No mom!" Nikolas replied. "I swear I didn't!"

"Yes you did!" Claire yelled, pulling at the crayon box.

"No I didn't!" Nikolas yelled back, giving another strong tug.

Sam looked over at Olivia, who was looking at her. "Looks like our children have already met."

Olivia laughed. "Yeah, looks like it."

Sam reached over and pulled the crayon box away from Claire and Nikolas, setting it down on a nearby table and eliciting a cry of protest from both children.

"Alright Nikolas, why did you steal Claire's crayons?" Olivia asked her son as she knelt down to his level.

"I didn't mom!" Nikolas defended himself.

"Nikolas, c'mon. Don't lie to me. I know you better than that. Just admit it." Olivia commanded in a softer tone.

He knew that he was caught and decided to give up. "Ok. I did it."

"I knew it!" Claire yelled.

"Claire, that's not very nice." Sam softly scolded her.

Nikolas continued on. "I stole her stupid crayons, but only because I needed a new green one for my drawing. I couldn't draw purple grass. It would look bad."

"Why didn't you just ask her to let you borrow a green crayon?" Olivia asked.

"I dunno." Nikolas shrugged.

"I think you should apologize to her." Olivia pushed him over towards Claire.

"I'm sorry." Nikolas reluctantly apologized.

After being gently nudged by her mother, Claire replied, "I forgive you."

"There we go." Sam smiled. "Problem solved. Now why don't you two just share the crayons and play nicely together?"

"I think that's a great idea." Olivia nodded.

"Ok." The kids replied in unison.

Before she let Claire go back to drawing, she pulled her daughter aside. "How are you doing sweetie?"

"Fine." Claire put on a small smile.

"You sure?" Sam asked.

"Yeah." Claire nodded. "I don't think I like Nikolas though."

Sam looked over at the boy and then back at Claire. "Why don't you give him a second chance before making any final decisions?"

"Ok." Claire relented.

"I'll be back to pick you up in a few hours to go home. I just wanted to see how you were and get a big hug." She gave her daughter a bright smile. "Can I have a big hug?"

Claire smiled and threw her arms around her mommy.

"Thank you sweetie!" Sam kissed her daughter's cheek. "That was just what I needed. Love you."

"Love you." Claire replied. "Can I go draw now?"

"Yes, go draw." Sam chuckled, releasing the grip she had on her daughter and watching as she headed straight to the table with the crayons.

"Sorry about Nikolas." Olivia apologized as she walked up to Samantha. "He can be quite a handful sometimes."

"Oh don't worry about it." Sam shrugged as they left the day care center. "So where are we going for lunch?"

"How about this nice little Italian place nearby called Cavatore's?" Olivia suggested.

"Sounds good." Sam replied with a nod.

* * *

About half-way through their lunch, Sam suddenly had the urge to throw up again. She hadn't been nauseous all day, but it hit her suddenly and without much warning. "Excuse me." She said to Olivia before bolting for the bathroom. Luckily the bathrooms weren't too far from their table and she managed to make it to the toilet in time. When she came out, she saw Olivia standing by the sink. 

"So how far along are you?" Olivia asked with a smirk on her face.

Sam walked over to the sink and splashed some cold water on her face. "What makes you think that I'm pregnant?"

"We had the same thing for lunch so it wasn't the food. Besides, I've had morning sickness before. I know it when I see it, and I see it in you." Olivia reasoned. "Which brings me to my earlier question. How far along are you?"

Sam sighed and leaned up against the sink. "I don't know. I'm not even sure if I'm really pregnant."

"What do you mean by that?" Olivia asked, curious about her statement.

"I took one of those early pregnancy tests and it came back negative, even though I have all the symptoms of being pregnant." Sam explained.

"You can't really rely on those tests." Olivia advised her. "My sister-in-law took one of those a few months ago and it came back negative. But it was wrong because she really was pregnant. In fact, I'm going to her baby shower this weekend. Trust me, those things are flawed."

"I'm beginning to think that's true." Sam sighed.

"Have you gone to a doctor and had a blood test done?" Olivia didn't want to pry, but felt like she should ask.

"Didn't have time back in New York cause I was busy getting ready to move and now I don't have a doctor here so I'm gonna have try and find one." Sam explained.

"You should try my OB-GYN. He's the greatest and he's one of the nicest people in the world. I'm sure if you call him this afternoon tell him that I referred you, he'll fit you in for an appointment tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" It would be wonderful to get an appointment tomorrow.

"I'm sure." Olivia assured her. "When we get back to the office I'll give you his number."

"Thanks." Sam smiled. "I appreciate it."

"It's no problem." Olivia smiled back. "So would you be happy about having another child?" She knew from their earlier conversation that her husband was still back in New York and that they were on a short break. She couldn't help but wonder if Samantha would want to be pregnant right now.

Sam bit her lip. There was a part of her that was horribly disappointed when that test strip came back negative. It helped her realize that she really did want to have another child, but then there was the anxiety that came along with being pregnant. She wouldn't look forward to nine months of that. But maybe she needed to be pregnant in order to confront her fears once and for all. Maybe she needed to be pregnant and prove to herself that she could break the cycle. "I…I would love to have another child, but…"

"It would be a rather inopportune time for it, wouldn't it?" Olivia finished her sentence for her.

"Yeah, in more ways than one." Sam nodded.

"Well Grant is a wonderful boss and will support you 100 if it turns out that you are pregnant. So don't worry about your job. It's safe."

"Thanks." It helped to know that her job wasn't going to sudden evaporate if she was pregnant. That was one less thing to worry about.

"Are you feeling any better?" Olivia asked, concerned about her new friend.

"Yeah." Sam nodded. The nausea was gone and was feeling much better.

"Then maybe we should head back to the office." Olivia suggested.

"Ok." They headed out of the bathroom. "Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks." It was a general thank you for everything.

"You're welcome." Olivia smiled. "We're women stuck on a team full of men. We have to stick together."


	66. Congratulations

Love and Marriage

Chapter Sixty-Six

The next night Sam laid in bed, still trying to fully comprehend the meaning of what the doctor told her this afternoon.

_"Thanks for seeing me on such short notice." Sam told the doctor as he entered her exam room the next day. Olivia was right. Yesterday she had called this doctor, dropped Olivia's name down as a reference, and got an appointment for less than twenty-four hours later. That had never happened to her in New York._

_"I'm happy to do it." Dr. Reynolds gave her a smile._

_"Did my old doctor send you my medical records?" Sam asked concerned that her old doctor hadn't done what she asked him to do._

_"Yes. In fact, your doctor in New York faxed over your records this morning and I've taken a brief look at them."_

_"Good." Sam smiled._

_"So you have come here today for a pregnancy test?" Dr. Reynolds inquired._

_"Yes." Sam nodded. "I took one of those early pregnancy tests and the results were negative, but I have all the pregnancy symptoms and my period is still late. I think it was wrong."_

_"It definitely sounds like that is a major possibility." He nodded. "You say you've had all the pregnancy symptoms but I'd like to know exactly what kind of symptoms you've experienced lately."_

_"Ok." She replied. "I've been nauseous, lightheaded, I've thrown up a few times, I've fainted, I'm exhausted, and I've missed my period."_

_"I see." He nodded, taking note on his clipboard of her symptoms. "I'll have the nurse come by in a few minutes. She'll take some blood for the pregnancy test."_

_"How long will it take to find out the results?" Sam hoped that it wouldn't take long. The suspense was starting to bother her._

_"It should only take a few minutes." Dr. Reynolds assured her before leaving._

* * *

_About twenty minutes later, Dr. Reynolds came back into her room. The nurse had already come by to take her blood and she assumed that the Dr. was back to tell her the results. "So? What did the tests show?"_

_"Congratulations." He smiled. "You are indeed pregnant."_

_She stared at him blankly, not sure how to feel. Sure she had been really disappointed when the store-bought test had come back negative and a part of her had wished it had been wrong, but now she had to deal with the fact that it was wrong. She was pregnant._

_Her hands moved to her stomach, where a life was growing inside of her—a life that was totally dependant upon her. Suddenly all of the doubts and fears she had came back, flooding her mind until all that she could think about was how she wasn't sure she could handle this._

_"Samantha? Is something wrong?" Dr. Reynolds asked, looking at her with worried eyes. Most women whom he told were pregnant were happier than her or at least faked happiness. But Samantha seemed scared._

_"No, nothing's wrong." She replied, breaking herself of the thoughts that she knew would draw her into a deep spiral. "This is…great news."_

_"Judging by the hCG levels in your blood it looks like you are about five weeks into the pregnancy."_

_"That sounds about right." Sam chuckled, remembering back to the drunken night she shared with Martin._

_"I'm still going to want you to schedule another appointment with my receptionist on the way out so that I can do a complete exam and confirm when your due date is." Dr. Reynolds explained._

_"Ok." Sam nodded._

_"I'm going to prescribe some prenatal vitamins for you, and I want you to make sure that you're eating right, getting enough sleep, and avoiding unnecessary stress." He advised._

_"I'll do my best." She promised._

_"It was very nice meeting you and congratulations again." He said before leaving her exam room._

There was a part of her that still couldn't believe that she was actually pregnant. Martin would be so thrilled. He'd probably want to fly down here immediately, thus ending their break. She wasn't so sure that was a great idea though. They had set up this break for a reason. It was to help them get their marriage back on track. Of course, that was before she knew she was pregnant. That changed everything, or did it?

She wasn't sure what to do. Should she tell Martin about this pregnancy now and end their break or wait until later? While she missed him terribly and would like the break to already be over, she wasn't sure that it would help them in the long run. They needed some time apart, and if Martin found out about the pregnancy there would be no way she would be able to keep him from hopping on the next flight and staying right by her side.

And what if, God forbid, history repeated itself and she miscarried again? Not only would they be devastated, but she was sure that any progress they had made would slip away. Maybe she could just keep this a secret until she got out of her first trimester. That would be ten weeks and more than enough time for their break. Besides if, God forbid, she miscarried then Martin would never have to even know that she was pregnant in the first place. He would be spared that pain.

She was so confused right now and didn't know what to do. Looking over at the clock, she saw it was almost nine thirty. That meant it was ten thirty in New York. She wondered if it was too late to call Martin. Although she had talked to him for a few minutes earlier this evening when he called to check up on Claire, she needed to hear his voice again. She needed his reassurance that everything was going to be ok. She needed to know if he was missing her just as badly as she was missing him.

After debating for a few minutes about whether or not to call him, she finally gave in and picked up the phone from the nightstand. She dialed the familiar number and waited impatiently as the phone continued to ring. She didn't want to think that he was out somewhere on a weeknight but the fact remained that he wasn't answering the phone. Frustrated, she almost hung up when she heard his voice.

"Hello?" He answered in a raspy voice.

"Martin?"

"Sam." She was calling him. That meant that she wanted to talk to him. For the first time since they left he had a genuine smile on his face. "Hey."

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" She asked hesitantly.

"Oh, well, not really." He looked down at the towel that was wrapped around his waist. "I was just getting out of the shower. That's why I was so late answering the phone."

"Oh." It made her happy for more than one reason to know that the reason he hadn't picked up the phone was because he was in the shower. For one, that meant he wasn't out partying—although she doubted he would do that anyway. And two, this meant that she could imagine him wrapped only in a towel, hair still wet and a mess.

"Would you mind waiting on the line for just a moment while I put on some clothes?" He hated to ask her to wait but it was slightly chilly in the house and he wanted to wear more than just a towel.

"Sure." She agreed, still keeping the mental image of him wearing that towel in her head. "Take your time."

He put the phone down on the bed and rushed around the bedroom, grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed and slowly pulled his pants up, being extra careful not to make his leg hurt any more than it already did. Once he was done with that he grabbed the phone again. "Sorry about that."

"It's ok." She assured him.

"So…" He had just talk to her only hours ago, but they hadn't said anything too meaningful. They had basically just talked about Claire and she had mentioned some things about her new job. "How are you?"

"Fine." She lied, knowing that he wouldn't believe her. "And you?"

"Fine." He lied, knowing that she wouldn't believe him. "Is anything wrong?"

"No." She denied it. "I just called because…well we haven't really had much time to talk lately without Claire being around to overhear it."

"Yeah, we haven't exactly talked much." He agreed. He had wanted to call her after he was sure that Claire had gone to bed many times, but always seemed to lose his nerve. Now that he had her on the phone, he decided to be brave. "I miss you."

It made her heartache lessen slightly hearing those words coming from him. "I miss you too."

"How are you really doing?" He asked, knowing that her earlier answer was a lie. He could tell that something wasn't right with her. He wasn't sure if something was wrong or if there was just something she wasn't telling him, but he knew that something was off. There was something in her voice that cried out to him.

"I told you, I'm fine." She continued to lie.

"I don't know if I believe you." He admitted.

"I'm just tired." She confessed. That wasn't a lie. She was really tired. Moving, leaving him behind, starting a new job, and then finding out that she was pregnant was enough to make her wish that she could sleep for days.

He still didn't believe that she was simply tired. While he believed that she was probably exhausted because of the move and then starting her new job, he still believed that something else was going on. But it didn't seem like she wanted to share that with him right now.

"How are you really doing?" She asked, trying to deflect the questions he most likely had for her.

"Me?" He asked. "I'm doing well."

"Liar." She laughed softly. "You know, I don't believe you either."

"Well how about this? I'm as fine as you are." He replied with a chuckle. He knew that she wouldn't believe that he was fine, but didn't want to bother her by telling her just how much he missed her and how much he wanted to forget about his job and go down there to be with his family. He had known that this break would be hard, but he had never imagined it being this painful.

He felt like a huge piece of his heart had been ripped from his body. The house was always so quiet now when he came home, no longer filled with the smells of dinner cooking and Claire's carefree laughter no longer reverberated among the walls. It was just silent—and it was slowly driving him crazy.

But he didn't want to tell her that because he didn't want to make things harder for her. She had wanted this break and he wasn't going to try and guilt her into cutting it short. He could get through this. He had to get through this.

"I guess I'll let you go. I should get some sleep and so should you." She said. She didn't really want to end their conversation. There as so much that she wanted to tell him, so much that she wished she could tell him. But she couldn't do it without chickening out.

He didn't want their conversation to end. There was so much that he wanted to say to her, so many things that he needed to say to her. But he couldn't do it without chickening out. "Yeah. I guess so."

She was silent for a moment. "Martin?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." He told her.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He replied before hanging up the phone.

She stared at the phone once she had hung up. Talking to him had made her feel better in some ways. It helped to know that he was missing her as much as she was missing him. But it also made her more confused about whether or not to tell him about this baby. Maybe she would just keep this information to herself for a little while longer, at least until she got used to it.


	67. I'm Scared

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Sixty-Seven

"So how are you doing?" Leslie asked Martin when he came in for his first therapy session since Samantha and Claire moved to Houston. It still broke her heart that they had actually left. She had hoped that she could help fix this couple and help them make a fresh start, but it was partially out of her hands now. All she could do now was help Martin and hope for the best.

"I'm miserable." Martin grumbled. It had been almost a week since Sam and Claire left and he still wasn't getting used to it.

"Care to be more specific?" Leslie asked.

He sighed, getting ready to list what was wrong with him. "I can't sleep, my appetite is completely gone, I can't concentrate very well, and I just feel miserable."

"I see." She really felt bad for him. He obviously wasn't taking this very well. "Have you told Samantha about this?"

"No." He shook his head. "I don't want to upset her and I know that it would upset her if she knew I wasn't handling this break very well. She has her new job, Claire, and all the added pressures of getting settled in a new place to deal with. She doesn't need to be bothered with my problems."

"I think you're wrong. I think Samantha needs to know what you're going through." Leslie disagreed. "It's entirely possible that she is feeling the same way you are, only maybe she doesn't want to be the first one to admit it."

"Or she could be doing great without me." Martin added.

"That's what this is really about though, isn't it?" Leslie asked. "You have it in your head that Samantha doesn't need you. For some reason on some level, you think that she would be better off without you—at least that's the impression I've gotten after talking to you about it. Am I correct?"

"Well, yeah." He admitted. "There are definitely times when I look at her and think that she doesn't need me, but that's when she is shutting me out of her life."

"Does she do that often?" Leslie asked.

"She did it the other night." Martin explained. "We were talking on the phone. Actually she was the one who called me. I think she wanted or needed something from me but I didn't know what it was. She wouldn't tell me. Something wasn't right with her. I don't know if she was just having a bad day or whether something had happened that upset her, but she wouldn't talk to me about it."

"And that makes you think that she doesn't need you?" Leslie was trying to understand his logic.

"Yeah. She wouldn't tell me what was bothering her."

"But she was the one who called you?" Leslie asked. "She was the one who reached out?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "So?"

"Is it possible that maybe she didn't know how to tell you whatever was bothering her? Maybe she wasn't ready to talk about what was bothering her but still wanted to talk to you anyway. Maybe she just needed to hear your voice and that's why she called."

"That's possible." Martin nodded. She could just be trying to think of a way to say whatever was bothering her and maybe she just missed him so badly that she just wanted to hear his voice. He's been going through the same thing and often thought about calling her just to hear her voice.

"I think you should let Samantha be the one to come to you with whatever may be troubling her. Give her some space and time but let her know that she can talk to you about anything. I think that might help." Leslie advised.

"I'll try anything you say," Martin chuckled, "because you're always right."

* * *

"So Dr. Hester, what do you want me to talk about?" Sam asked as she sat on the couch of her new therapist. Leslie had an old colleague that had recently moved to the Houston area and had put her in touch with them so that she could continue to get therapy after she moved. So here she was, sitting in Dr. Jacqueline Hester's office, unsure of what to talk about. She didn't want to have to start over explaining all of her problems to this new therapist, but she would if she had to. 

"Samantha, please call me Jackie. And I have reviewed all of Leslie's notes and the tapes of your previous sessions. I'm completely caught up with everything so you can feel free to bring up whatever topic you want." Dr. Hester told her.

"Well then I guess I should start by saying that I just found out that I'm pregnant." Sam replied.

"Pregnant?" Jackie knew from Leslie's notes that children were a major issue for Samantha and her husband. She had read all about the previous miscarriages that Samantha had endured and knew all about her anxieties regarding being pregnant. "How are you dealing with that?"

"I don't think I am dealing with it." Sam admitted. She looked down at her hands, which were clasped together tightly. "I'm scared and I don't know what to do."

"What to do about what exactly?" Jackie asked.

"I don't know how or when to tell Martin." Sam explained. "If I tell him now, there will be no stopping him. He will be on the first flight down here and then this break that we've agreed to will be over."

"Do you think that would be a bad thing?" Jackie asked. She had remembered a part of Leslie's notes that explained how Martin and Samantha were taking a break until Martin got a job here in Houston.

"Yes, in a way I do. I think that we've already committed to having a break. We've already agreed to spend some time apart and figure out our own problems before trying to save our marriage. But if I tell him, that won't happen. We'll be in the same position as we have been, only with another child on the way." She paused for a moment before continuing. "Besides, what if something happens? What if I lose this baby too? Then we'd both be devastated and I don't want to put him through that again."

Jackie simply listened intently as Samantha rambled on. When it looked like Samantha was done talking, Jackie decided to give her opinion. "It seems like you have thought this out a lot."

"I have." Sam nodded.

"It's very considerate of you to think about Martin's feelings and the fact that you are wanting to spare him from heartache is a true testament to your feelings for him." Jackie paused. She had found that it was always helpful to start off praising her client before telling him/her what their problem was. It helped to soften the blow. "With that being said though, you seem to be focusing on the negative and assuming that something bad will happen to this baby."

"Given my past record…" She tried to explain.

"I will grant you that your record does indicate that bad things have happened to you in the past; however, it's not physically or emotionally healthy for you to be dwelling on all of the bad things that could happen." Jackie continued. "It seems to me that, because of your past experiences, you are more prone to believe that only bad things will happen. Is that correct?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Sam nodded hesitantly.

"I think it would help you if you tried to focus more on the positive things that have happened in your life." Jackie told her. "For example, your daughter. Claire is a wonderful example of something positive in your life. Now I want you to tell me another thing in your life that is positive and good."

"Well, my new job is great and I really like my new co-workers." Sam replied after thinking about it for a moment.

"That's good." Jackie praised. "Anything else?"

She thought about it for another moment. "Our new house is great and our neighbors seem nice."

"That's good too." Jackie smiled. "So it seems that since the move from New York, everything has been going well for you."

"Yes it has." Sam nodded. "Almost too well."

"And that is one of the reasons why you are so set on thinking about what could go wrong instead of rejoicing about the things that are going well."

"I'm just scared." Sam admitted softly.

"What exactly scares you right now?" Jackie asked.

"I'm scared of telling Martin about this baby." She explained. "I know that he'll be thrilled so it's not because of that. I just…if I tell him then its' really happening. As long as he doesn't know about it, then I can breathe easier."

"Breathe easier?" Jackie questioned.

She decided to elaborate on her statement. "The whole children issue is a very hot topic for us—always has been. We've had a lot of fights and problems over the issue and I can't help but think that we'd end up having some of the same fights about children once I tell him about this baby. During the last pregnancy he accused me of not wanting that child and it hurt me a lot. I don't want to go through that again. It's a stressor that I don't need right now."

"So you're afraid that history will repeat itself and he'll say some of the same things to you again?" Jackie asked, trying to get a deeper understanding.

"Exactly." Sam nodded. "I know it's probably an irrational fear. We've been getting along a lot better lately, but I still think that telling him would lead to more stress right now. He'd want to come live here immediately and I don't know if that's such a good idea right now."

"You do realize that you will have to tell him eventually, right?"

"Of course." Sam replied. "I was just thinking that maybe I could tell him in a few weeks. You know, wait until I'm out of my first trimester because the first trimester is the hardest for me. If I wait to tell him until then it will be better. The probability of me having a miscarriage will be lower, we will still have had our little break, and there will be no chance that we'll fight about this."

"It seems like a good idea," Jackie nodded, "but your logic is flawed."

"How so?" Sam asked, not understanding how her logic was flawed.

"What do you think Martin's reaction will be once he finds out that you're pregnant and that you've kept the news from him for so long?" Jackie asked.

"He'll be angry and possibly hurt." Sam replied. "But in the end I don't think it will matter to him."

"I must warn you that I don't agree with your plan of keeping Martin in the dark about this pregnancy. I see many ways that this could blow up in your face. I think you need to take some more time and think about whether or not you really want to do this. What you're essentially doing by not telling Martin is keeping him in the dark about a major life event that is going to affect him in many ways. You're isolating him. Is that what you really want to do?"

"No." Sam hadn't thought about it like that, but Jackie was right. If she kept this from him he might take it the wrong way. She knew that he was already feeling insecure about how much she loved him and about their relationship. Keeping this a secret might push him over the edge. But what were her other options? Telling him would only make things more complicated.

"During our next session I would like to continue this conversation." Jackie told her.

"I think that's a good idea." Sam nodded. Jackie was definitely different than Leslie in some ways, but they were both good at their profession. She could already tell that Jackie would be able to help her. "But thanks. You've given me a lot to think about."

"I'll see you at our next session then." Jackie smiled at her.

"Yes." Sam smiled back before getting up to leave. "Bye." As she left Jackie's office and headed back to work, she couldn't help but wonder what she was going to do. Should she tell Martin now or take her chances and wait until later?


	68. Claire's Bad Dream

Love and Marriage

Chapter Sixty-Eight

It was soon Friday and everyone was getting ready to go home—well everyone except Martin. He seemed determined to do as much paperwork at the office as he possibly could in order to delay having to go home. He'd been doing that all week and the rest of the team was determined to help him stop that.

"Hey Martin," Vivian greeted as she walked up to his desk. "What are you working on?"

"An old report that never got typed up." Martin replied, not looking up from his work.

"Well if it's waited this long to get typed up, I think it can wait until Monday. Why don't you come have dinner with my family tonight? We're not having anything special. I think it's meatloaf night, but we'll have plenty." Viv offered.

"Thanks Viv, but I want to stay here and catch up on some work." Martin politely declined.

"It wasn't a request Martin." Viv grabbed the papers from his desk. "It was more like an order."

"Viv, c'mon!" He objected. "Give me those papers back."

"No." Viv shook her head defiantly. "Not until you agree to come have dinner."

"It's nice of you to offer, but I'm not really in the mood." Martin told her.

"That's exactly why you should come over." Viv reasoned. "Look, we both know that if I leave you here, you're going to work right through dinner and then probably pick up Chinese or something equally as unhealthy. When was the last time you've eaten a real meal?" She suspected that he wasn't eating regularly and that when he was eating it was all junk food. She would even go so far as to bet that his house was starting to become littered with pizza boxes and takeout containers. "You haven't since Sam left, have you?"

"Maybe." He hated to admit that Viv knew him too well. It was one of the things he enjoyed and disliked about working with her for so long.

"Does she know that you're letting yourself go like this?" Viv asked, taking a softer and less demanding tone.

"I'm not letting myself go." Martin chuckled.

She looked at him carefully. "Martin, you're barely eating, you look exhausted, you're sad all the time and you're burying yourself in work. We are all concerned about you."

"You don't need to be." He assured her, flashing her a big smile that he hoped would get her off his back.

"Why don't you let us be the judge of that?" She replied, not believing that he was fine. "But back to my earlier question. Does Sam know that you're basically falling apart?"

"I'm not falling apart." He objected weakly, getting tired of having to defend himself against accusations that were really true. If he wanted to be honest with himself he would admit that he was falling apart. He would admit that he was barely functioning without his family around him and that he could feel himself spiraling downward. "And she doesn't know anything is wrong."

"Maybe I should give her a call and let her yell at you for awhile since I'm not getting anywhere with you." Viv reasoned, picking up Martin's phone. "What's the area code for Houston?"

Martin gently grabbed the phone from Viv's hands. "I don't want her to know. She has enough to deal with and I don't want to worry her needlessly."

"I think she deserves to know how you're doing without her." She pointed out.

"But she's doing fine without me." He explained to Viv. "She's making new friends, fitting in well with her co-workers, and having a good time at work. She actually enjoys her job again. She's ok without me. I don't think she needs me."

Viv placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You have to know that's not true."

"No I don't." He replied sadly. He was grateful that he had friends that wanted to look out for him but he didn't feel like getting into this with Viv right now. "Look, like I said, I appreciate the offer but I'll pass on dinner."

"And like I said, it wasn't a request." Viv replied, giving him a stern look. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way but either way you're coming home with me for a home-cooked dinner."

He sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to budge. She could be a very stubborn woman when she wanted to be and he could tell that this was one of those times. She wasn't going to take no for an answer this time. So that meant he had two choices. Either he could spend the next half hour trying to convince her to stop trying to feed him or he could just give up now and not waste thirty minutes of their lives. "I want it noted that I'm not coming along on my own volition."

She gave him a big smile. "Dually noted."

He turned off his computer and straightened some papers around on his desk before following her out of the office.

* * *

Sam was getting ready to go to bed but decided to check on Claire first. She quietly opened the door to her room and saw that Claire was awake, even though she had tucked her in hours ago. "Claire? Is anything wrong?" Her first thought was that maybe Claire was getting sick and that's why she wasn't asleep. 

"No." Claire shook her head.

Sam entered the room and sat on the bed beside her daughter. "Then what are you doing still awake? Did you have a bad dream?"

Claire slowly nodded her head. "Can you stay with me please?"

"Of course." Sam replied, moving onto the bed so that she was lying on her side. She reached out and pulled Claire close, wrapping her arms around her daughter. "Do you want to tell me what the dream was about?"

"No." Claire shook her head.

Sam was concerned. Claire rarely ever had bad dreams, and the few that she had never affected her this much. "Claire, if you tell me what it was then it won't be so scary."

"It wasn't scary." Claire informed her mother. "It was just sad."

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me about it?" Sam asked gently, pushing a strand of Claire's hair out of her daughter's face. "It might make you feel better."

"It was about daddy." Claire replied after thinking about it for a moment.

She shouldn't have been surprised that the bad dream had something to do with Martin. In fact, she should have expected it to happen sooner or later. "What happened to daddy?"

"He was really sad because we left and he cried." Claire explained. "Can I send some of my pictures to daddy?" She had been drawing a lot in the past few days while her mommy was working and thought about sending them to her daddy. She thought that he would like some new pictures for the refrigerator. Maybe that would make him happy and then he wouldn't be as sad as he was in her dream.

"You know, that's a wonderful idea." Sam smiled.

"Do you think he'd like that?" Claire asked hesitantly.

"I know that he would love it!" Sam exclaimed. Claire was becoming such a kind, compassionate person.

"Do you think daddy's sad without us there?" She didn't want to think that her daddy was sad, but he was alone now.

Sam could hear the worry that was in Claire's voice and wasn't sure how to answer this. She knew that Martin missed them, and she could hear the sadness in his voice every time they talked. But she didn't think that she should tell her daughter that her daddy was sad, especially since that's what her dream was about. "I know that your daddy misses you terribly, but I don't think you have to worry about him."

"Would the pictures cheer him up?" Claire asked.

"They definitely would make him smile." Sam answered.

"Then I'm going to draw him a bunch of pictures every day!" Claire exclaimed happily. "Then we can send them to him and make him smile."

Sam loved the enthusiasm and energy that Claire always seemed to have for life. "I'm sure he would love that."

"Mommy?" Claire asked, yawning..

"Yeah?"

"I miss daddy." She admitted as her eyes slowly started to droop.

Sam held her daughter tighter, placing a kiss on her head and noticing that she was already asleep again. "I do too." She whispered to the dark room.


	69. Rain

Love and Marriage

Chapter Sixty-Nine

The rain continued to pour outside as Sam looked out the window of the office. It was a dreary Monday afternoon and matched the dreary mood she found herself in. Her morning sickness was coming to her at all times of the day and she was in a melancholy mood. She'd been thinking about what Jackie had said to her concerning when she told Martin about the baby. Jackie made some very valid points.

Martin probably wouldn't be very happy if she kept this from him. He would most likely see it as further evidence that she wants to push her away and shut him out of her life. He was already insecure enough as it was. This might push him off the edge.

Of course, she also had to think about herself and her well being too now. She still wasn't fully used to the idea of being pregnant again and found she having a lot of moments where she would start to panic.

"I hate rain." Olivia commented as she walked over to stand by Samantha.

Olivia's voice brought her out of her reverie and she turned her head towards her. "I do too. It's so…depressing. All of the worst days of my life have been rainy days—every last one of them."

It was true too. Rain seemed to be the common denominator in all of the worst days of her life. The day her father left, it rained. The day of her first miscarriage was a rainy day. It rained the night that Danny and Martin got ambushed all those years ago. The day of her second miscarriage was marred with rain. The list could go on and on. Rain wasn't kind to her and usually accompanied some kind of pain, either physical or emotional.

"That is depressing." Olivia told her.

Sam shrugged. "Rain isn't exactly my friend."

"I guess not." Olivia could tell that talking about the rain wasn't helping Samantha get into a better mood, which was the reason why she came over to talk to her. So she decided to change the subject to a happier topic. "So how did Martin take the news that he's going to be a father again?"

Sam turned her head away and bit her lip. She still had yet to tell him about the baby. In fact, the only people who knew about her pregnancy were Olivia, Jackie, herself, and her doctor.

"You have told him, right?" Olivia asked, watching Sam's whole body language change. "You haven't told him?"

"Not yet." Sam shook her head.

"Do you mind if I ask why not?" Olivia asked hesitantly. While they were quickly becoming good friends, she didn't want to seem rude and noisy.

"It's complicated." Sam sighed.

"Because of the break?" Olivia guessed.

"That," Sam nodded, "and other things."

"But shouldn't you still let him know?" Olivia was slightly confused about why Samantha wasn't telling her husband about the baby. "Please don't take offense to this, but he is the father, right?"

Sam snorted and laughed, not taking offense to Olivia's question. "Oh he's definitely the father."

"So then he has a right to know this kind of stuff." She reasoned. If the child's paternity wasn't in question, then she wasn't sure what was stopping Samantha from spreading the news to the one person who deserved to know the most.

"I know." Sam replied. A part of her knew that keeping this from Martin was a horrible idea. But she thought that she could handle this on her own for now. "But I'm still not so certain that now is a good time."

"Any particular reason?"

Sam sighed heavily. "Trust me, it's a long story."

"Ok." Olivia nodded, letting it go. "You don't have to tell me but just know that if you ever want to talk about it, I'll listen."

"Thanks." Sam smiled. It was nice to have a friend that didn't want to pressure her into talking about things. "Can I just ask you one question though?"

"Of course." Olivia replied.

"What do you think would happen if I didn't tell Martin until after I got out of my first trimester?" She was curious to have another person's opinion—especially a person far removed from the situation.

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You're thinking about keeping this from him for that long? Are you purposely trying to wreck your marriage?"

"No." Sam replied, taken aback by Olivia's reaction.

"Do you want my honest opinion?" Olivia asked.

"Yes." Sam replied. Even if it was something that she didn't want to hear, she would at least appreciate the honesty.

"Well then, in that case I feel that it is my duty to tell you that waiting until you're out of your first trimester to tell him could cost you your marriage. The male ego is a very delicate thing. They don't like to admit it a lot, but they get just as insecure as we do. And when men get insecure, they say and do some pretty stupid stuff. Besides, he could lose all trust that he has in you if you keep this from him. It would be one thing if you kept some minor detail of your life from him, but this is a pretty big deal." Olivia explained. "Now I don't know Martin and I don't know what kind of problems you have had in the past or presently, but I do know this. A secret like this is bound to hurt him."

"You're probably right." Sam hated to admit it, but Olivia's comments made sense. Maybe she was living in a dream world if she thought that keeping this from Martin would be a good thing. Maybe she should re-think her earlier plan.

* * *

About an hour later she was at her desk working on a report when her phone rang. "Agent Spade." After all these years it still felt odd to continue calling herself Agent Spade. But she had discussed it with Martin and then decided to keep her maiden name for her professional life. It would limit confusion if there was only one Agent Fitzgerald. Still, there were times when she was tempted to change it—just so that she could call herself Agent Fitzgerald. 

"Hey there Sam. How's Houston treating you?" A familiar voice greeted her.

"Danny!" She put down the pen that was in her hand and stopped working. "What a surprise." She hadn't talked to him since she left and it was good to hear from him, although she had been getting updates from Martin. "What did I do to merit a phone call?"

"I just thought I'd check up on you and see how you're doing." Danny explained.

"That's sweet of you." Sam commented. She knew that Danny was genuinely interested in how she was doing but also sensed another, ulterior motive for calling her.

"So how are you doing?"

"Pretty good." She replied. "You should see the house we got. It's huge, but surprising less then what we're paying to live in New York."

"Is that an invitation to come visit?" He asked.

"You bet it is." She answered.

"How's work going?" He had heard from Martin that Sam was doing great and that her job was wonderful. But he wanted to hear it from her.

"I'm very happy here." She told him. "I think this place is going to work out wonderfully."

"Then I'm happy for you." He truly was happy for her but also sad that he had to lose such a good friend. Granted she was just in another state, but it just wasn't the same.

"So how are Michelle and Kyle?" Sam asked, trying to deflect the questions away from her.

"They're great." Danny answered, knowing that he should get to the second reason why he called before Martin came back from the errand that Jack sent him on. He wouldn't mind if Martin knew that he had called Sam, but he didn't want Martin to find out what they were talking about. "I must confess something."

"What?" She asked, wondering what he could be confessing to her.

"I didn't just call to check up on you. While I did want to hear for myself that you're doing well, I also had another reason."

"I figured as much." She laughed. "So what's the other reason?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Martin." Danny answered.

"What about him?" She asked, starting to get worried. What if something happened to him? "Is something wrong? Is he ok?"

"He's fine, physically" Danny assured her. "But emotionally, he's not doing too well."

"What do you mean by that?"

"He didn't want me or anyone to tell you this, but he's really not taking this whole separation thing very well. He's trying to bury himself in his work, he's not eating, and he's just sad. I think he might be going into some kind of depression but he doesn't want to tell you."

"Why not?" She had no clue that Martin was that unhappy. Sure he sounded really sad when they would talk, but she never would have guessed that it had gotten this bad so quickly. Her heart broke for him and what he must be feeling. She knew that this would be hard for him, but had never imagined that her absence could cause such an enormous reaction. "Why doesn't he want me to know about this?"

"I think he doesn't want to worry you and he thinks he can handle it on his own." Danny sighed. "You know how Martin is. He's stubborn."

"But this something that I should know about. I should know about this kind of stuff…" As she started talking, she realized how much of a hypocrite she was being. How could she get mad and hurt at Martin for not telling her that he was in such bad shape when she hadn't told him about the baby yet?

"I thought so too." Danny said, oblivious to the fact that Sam was lost in her own deep thoughts. "That's why I thought I'd go ahead and let you know what's happening with him since he's being so obstinate."

"I appreciate it Danny." Sam told him. "Thanks."

"No problem." Danny replied, noticing that Martin was approaching the bullpen. "Look, I gotta go before Martin finds out that I'm talking to you. I don't want him to know that I'm the one who squealed on him."

"Don't worry. I won't implicate you." She assured him.

"I'll talk to you soon."

"You bet you will. Bye." She told him before hanging up. She couldn't believe that Martin was that miserable and that he hadn't said anything to her about it. Or was she just so wrapped up in her own dramas that she didn't see the full impact this move was having on him? Either way, she knew that she needed to do something fast. Now that she knew that Martin was this miserable she couldn't stand by and not try to help him.


	70. I've Been Thinking

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy

Martin picked up the phone for the seventh time in five minutes, dialing all the numbers of Sam's phone number except the last one. By the time he reached the last number, he chickened out and hung up the phone. It shouldn't be this hard for him to call her. He missed her and wanted to talk to her, but at the same time he didn't want to crowd her. She had wanted this break—she had wanted to get away from him for a while.

On the other hand, he missed her and wanted to talk. Sure, they would briefly chat when he called to check on Claire but usually those conversations were only about what had happened to them during the day. While he savored those precious moments with her, he wanted more.

Taking a deep breath, he picked up the phone and dialed her number. This time he even dialed that last number.

"Hello?" Sam answered after the third ring.

"Hey, it's me." He greeted nervously.

"Martin." She smiled. She was glad to hear his voice again. They were talking every time he called to talk to Claire but their conversations were never about anything important. She couldn't help but miss him and the late-night talks that they had before going to sleep.

"I didn't wake you up or anything. Did I?" He hoped not. He would feel bad if he was keeping her from getting sleep.

"No." She answered. "I wasn't sleeping. I was doing some crossword puzzles."

"Crossword puzzles at night?" Now he knew that there was something wrong with her. She usually only did the crossword puzzle in the morning. If she was doing crossword puzzles at night, then that meant she had a problem that she was trying to sort through. "Is something wrong?"

"No." She lied. Well, it was more like a half-lie. Technically there was nothing wrong. She was just worried, anxious, and missing him. "Nothing's wrong."

"You sure?" He could tell that she wasn't giving him the full story.

"Yeah." She replied, trying to sound confident. "Everything's…great."

Everything was great with her. He had suspected that she was doing well without him and her comment confirmed it.

"How is everything in New York?" She asked hesitantly. After what Danny had told her two days ago, she wanted to find a way to get Martin to admit that he was having trouble so that they could have an honest conversation about it. She just hoped he would be receptive to that.

"Great." He lied.

She could tell by the tone of his voice that Danny was right. Everything wasn't great with him and wondered why he wasn't talking to her about it. Maybe it was the same reason why she wasn't telling him about the baby. Fear. Hers was an immense fear of facing demons of the past and his seemed like a fear based on insecurity.

There was an awkward silence that soon transpired over the line and it was driving her crazy. "Martin, I've been thinking…"

He wasn't sure what she was about to say, but he knew from prior experience that sentences starting with 'I've been thinking' usually preceded bad news. So he braced himself for the worst.

She missed him, and although she wasn't ready to have him move down there yet, she didn't like the way they were drifting apart. Hopefully this would be a good way to stop that from happening. Also, maybe this would help Martin too. She hated to think of him being miserable and had vowed to do something to help. She'd been thinking about it a lot and had finally figured out a few things to do that would hopefully help the situation.

"I miss the way we used to talk before we went to sleep." She paused for a moment before continuing. "Before I left we were getting into a habit of talking a lot and we had some good conversations in bed. I know that we talk when you call for Claire, but do you think that maybe we could also talk later more often—like we are now?"

He was shocked. That wasn't bad news at all. In fact, that was wonderful news. He'd love to talk to her like this more often. The fact that she was the one asking for that meant that she was reaching out to him and it meant a lot to him. "I'd really like that."

"Good." She was glad that he agreed to that, although she didn't think he would have rejected her idea. "I had another thought too."

"Oh really?" He tried to be optimistic that this thought was also a good one.

"Yeah." She replied. "I was thinking that maybe you could come down for a weekend sometime soon. I know Claire would be thrilled if you came and so would I. What do you think?"

"Just tell me what weekend works for you and I'll be there." He told her. He wasn't sure what was going on with her. She was being more open and even inviting him down for a visit. While he would have liked it more if he could just move down there, he would be happy with a visit.

"How about this weekend?" She asked nervously. She knew that it was short notice, but she was also positive that he would drop anything and everything to come.

"This weekend?" A smile crept onto his face. This must be his lucky day or something. "Yeah, this weekend is perfect."

"Wonderful." She let out a deep breath that she had been holding. The fact that he was going to come visit this weekend meant that she had to commit to her new plan. "I think it will be good for you to come here. You really should see this house. It's even better than the pictures."

"I'm sure it is." Martin agreed. Yeah it would be nice to see their new house, but he was definitely more interested in seeing his family.

She was still interested in talking about what Danny had told her. Since asking him outright if he was ok wasn't working to get him talking, then maybe it would help if she tried another tactic to get him talking. Maybe if she opened up about her feelings, it would create an atmosphere where he would feel comfortable talking about his own feelings.

Internally she praised herself for doing something that Leslie had been trying to get her to do for a while now—be honest and communicate with Martin. "I probably don't tell you this enough, but I really do miss you. I mean, don't get me wrong. Everything is good here and I really like it a lot, but it's not the same without you."

It meant a lot to him that she was actually confessing this to him. Up until now he had thought that she was doing fine without him and didn't miss him very much at all. But maybe that wasn't true after all.

He was still being silent and she figured that it might help if she elaborated on her earlier statement. "Anytime I start missing you I just look at Claire and I can't help but smile. There's so much of you reflected in her. She has your smile, your laugh, and your kind heart. She's been really worried about you because she doesn't want you to be sad. I don't want you to be sad either. I at least have Claire around to talk to after work, but you don't. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you."

He listened to her talk, thinking about how nice it was to hear her opening up to him. Even though they had been talking to each other, this was the first really honest conversation that they had engaged in since before she left. She was sharing her feelings and making herself vulnerable by doing so. He realized that he should reciprocate. Maybe now was the time to tell her about how much he missed his family.

"It has been hard." He started out by saying before elaborating. "This house is too empty and dark when I come home. Without you and Claire here, it's just…it's not home anymore. It's just a place where I come to sleep and change clothes."

Her heart broke in pieces to hear him talk this way, knowing that she was responsible for his pain. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" He wasn't sure why she was apologizing to him.

"When I left, I didn't factor in how hard this would be for you." She explained. "I never meant to…well, I'm just sorry about everything."

"It's ok." He shrugged it off. "You had to go. I know that."

"But I never wanted to cause you pain, and I have." She felt horrible about the way things have turned out for him.

"I'll be fine." He tried to reassure her. He was starting to believe that he actually would be fine now. Things were looking up for him. Sam was starting to open up to him, they had agreed to have more of these late-night talks, and he was even going to get to visit this weekend. He was on cloud nine.

She wanted to believe him when he said that he would be fine. Ever since she suggested that he come visit, he had sounded happier. Maybe this visit was exactly what they all needed. Claire would get to see her father, Martin would get to see Claire and her, and she would get a chance to work up enough courage to tell Martin about the baby. She'd tell him now but didn't think that it was the kind of news to spring on him over the phone. She'd wait until he visited and then try to find a way to tell him then.


	71. You're Making Progress

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy-One

"I think that I need to tell Martin about the baby sooner than I originally thought." Sam told Jackie during her next session.

"Really?" Jackie was surprised by this. During their last session together, Samantha had seemed reluctant to entertain the notion of telling Martin. While she was glad to hear that Samantha was having a change of heart, she wondered what had triggered it.

"Yes." Sam answered.

"You seemed adamant on waiting to tell him. What finally changed your mind?"

"I guess it was a combination of many things." Sam explained. "I got to thinking about what you said during our session and realized that you had a very valid point. Then I talked it over with a friend from work who gave me even more valid reasons for telling them. But I guess the final straw that broke the camel's back was the phone call I got from a friend back in New York. Danny, the friend, called and filled me in on what's been happening with Martin since I left."

"And what has been happening with Martin?" Jackie asked, curious about how Martin was handling the separation.

"Danny informed me that Martin wasn't dealing with things very well. He said that Martin was trying to work as many hours as he could, he wasn't eating, and was constantly in a bad mood. That's not normal behavior for Martin, especially the not eating part. He normally has a huge appetite and eats anything he can get his hands on." She looked up at Jackie. "So when I heard that he wasn't eating, along with the other things, I knew that it was serious."

"And this news surprised you?" Jackie guessed.

"Yes." Sam answered. "He's mentioned that he missed me and Claire, but he never told me just how much or to what extent our leaving had on him. When Danny told me this stuff, I was slightly angry because Martin was keeping something that I considered important from me. Then I realized that I was a big hypocrite."

"How so?" Jackie asked, wanting Samantha to explain further.

Sam sighed. "I was getting mad at him for keeping something from me when I am keeping something important from him. I wanted him to be honest, yet I wasn't willing to be honest with him. It's unfair and it needs to stop."

Jackie had to admit that she was impressed by Samantha's progress. From Leslie's notes and their first session, she hadn't thought that Samantha would make this much progress in so little time. But it was refreshing to see. "I agree with you that it does sound unfair for you to expect Martin to be completely honest when you aren't being completely honest with him. I think it's a big step for you to be able to admit that and then try and fix it. How do you intend on fixing it? Do you have any ideas?"

"Yes, actually I do. To start with, I invited Martin down to spend the weekend with us. He'll be coming down on Saturday." Sam explained. That was only two days from now and she still wasn't ready to tell him about the baby. She kept chickening out, even though she realized that she had to tell him while he was here. She couldn't let him go back to New York without telling him. "The plan is to tell him about the baby while he's here."

"That's the plan?" Jackie asked, noticing hesitation radiating off of Samantha. "Are you sure that you will be able to go through with it?"

"That's the thing." Sam laughed nervously. "I know I have to. I know that it's not fair to keep this to myself and that it will only hurt Martin if I keep it a secret for a long time. But…"

"But you still don't think you're ready to tell him?" Jackie guessed.

"Exactly." Sam gave her a nervous smile. "Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No." Jackie shook her had. "It doesn't make you a horrible person. It just means that you're afraid, and I can help you with that."

"How?" Sam asked.

"You're fear exists on many different levels but right now let's focus your fear that telling Martin will end your break." Jackie replied. "You're afraid that you won't be able to stop Martin from moving down here as soon as he finds out about the baby. And that wouldn't be a smart idea because you two have already agreed on this break. Correct?"

"Yes." Sam nodded. "We've already agreed on this. We can't go back on it now."

"My advice to you about this is to be completely honest with Martin. Tell him the reasons why you don't think he should immediately move here and then listen if he has his own list of reasons why he thinks he should immediately move here." Jackie explained. "The best thing you can do is share your feelings and listen to him when he shares his. You might not agree with what Martin has to say and you might think that it's a horrible idea, but try to at least think about it for a moment. Give his thoughts serious consideration instead of instantly shrugging them off. That is what good communication entails."

"So I should just tell Martin why I think he should stay in New York?" Sam asked.

"Yes, if that's how you feel." Jackie told her.

"But then I would be the bad guy. I'd be sending him back to a place where he's miserable. I don't know if I can do that." She admitted.

"Couldn't you compromise?" Jackie asked.

"I guess." Sam replied. "But what kind of compromise could we come up with?"

"Well it seems to me that part of Martin's sadness and a reason he may be so miserable in New York may be the fact that he doesn't know when he's going to see you and Claire again. Reading the transcripts of the sessions with Leslie it becomes apparent to me that Martin is a very family-oriented guy. Family seems to be the most important thing to him. Am I correct in that assumption?"

"Yeah." Sam nodded. "He'd do anything for his family."

Jackie nodded. "Sometimes in situations like this, a separation from a family member or even your entire family can be made worse by not knowing when you'll see them again. I don't have any kind of reference about how long you want this separation to be. Have you talked to Martin about how long of a break you're taking? Have you decided together?"

"No." She shook her head. "We never finalized a set time when we'd get back together."

"I see." Jackie made a note of that. "Then maybe, as a compromise, you could sit down with Martin and figure out just how much longer your break will last. I think that might help both of you. You would still get the break that you want and Martin would get the peace of mind accompanied with knowing exactly how much longer he will be in New York before rejoining his family here. I think that would help him if he had some kind of idea about how much longer the break would be and it might help make him less miserable. What are you thoughts about that?"

"It's a good idea." Sam replied after thinking about what Jackie was telling her. In all honesty, they probably should have finalized a set time for this break from the beginning. But everything seemed to happen so fast that they never got to that. "I'm just glad that I have two more days to think of the best way to tell him about the baby."


	72. Martin's Arrival

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy-Two

Sam was sitting in the break room, flipping through a file folder and eating some crackers. They were the only food that she was certain she could keep down right now.

"Hey. I didn't know that you were back yet." Olivia smiled at Sam as she entered the break room and headed straight for the coffee. She had been out on her lunch break with Trevor. "How did your doctor's appointment go?"

"Fine." Sam shrugged. Her doctor's appointment with her new OB-GYN was this morning and she had found out that the baby was developing nicely and everything was fine so far. She looked behind her to make sure that no one else was in the room before replying. "I found out that I'm due sometime in January."

"That will be a great way to start off a new year." Olivia commented.

"Yeah." Sam replied with a nod of her head.

Olivia sat down at Sam's table, looking at her friend. "So what's up? What's bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me." Sam lied.

"No, something's bothering you. I can tell. So spill it." Olivia commanded in a nice tone.

Sam was amazed that Olivia already knew her well enough to know when she was lying. "Martin's coming to visit tomorrow and I'm still not sure how to tell him about the baby."

"But you are going to tell him?" Olivia asked.

"Yes." Sam replied. "I've definitely decided to tell him. I just don't know how."

"I'm sure you'll figure out a great way to tell him and everything will be fine." Olivia assured her.

"Thanks." Sam smiled, grateful to have found such nice co-workers.

Joshua entered the break room and sat down at the ladies' table. "Olivia, did you do the recon work we discussed?"

"Recon work?" Sam asked, intrigued by this conversation. She got up and walked over to get more decaf coffee. "What recon work? We don't have a case right now."

"He's referring to my lunch with Trevor. I was supposed to find out what kind of present Trevor wants for his birthday next week without asking him outright." Olivia explained to her.

"And did you?" Joshua asked impatiently.

"Yes I did." Olivia replied, rolling her eyes at Joshua's impatience.

Joshua pulled out a catalogue and placed it on the table. "Ok. Good. So let's go through some possible gift ideas."

* * *

Martin stepped out of the cab, paying the driver and stepping onto the sidewalk. He knew he was a day early. He wasn't supposed to arrive until tomorrow morning, but he decided to come and surprise Sam instead of letting her know he was coming early. 

So now he was standing in front of the Houston FBI office. The flight had been horrible, marred by turbulence and a pair of screaming two-year old twins that wouldn't allow their mother to soothe them. But at least now he was here. He thought back to the session he had yesterday with Leslie.

_"You look happier today." Leslie noted as Martin got comfortable on the couch. She instantly noticed a change in Martin ever since he walked into the room. It was a positive change. He was actually smiling and looked like he was doing better than he was last week._

_"I feel happier." Martin told her with a huge smile._

_"What caused this sudden turn around in your mood?" She was curious about why he was suddenly happier._

_"Sam called me and asked me to come visit this weekend." Although he was originally going to work this weekend Jack was more than happy to give him the time off, telling him that he hoped a visit would help him. Jack even gave him Friday off too so that he could spend more time in Houston._

_"Why did she do that?" Leslie asked._

_"She misses me?" Martin guessed. "I don't know what prompted her invitation and frankly I'm not sure I care. I'm just happy that I get to see them."_

_"I understand." Leslie smiled._

_"I even got tomorrow off so I think I'm going to go early and surprise them." He smiled._

_A nice visit would definitely help Martin deal with the sadness created by this separation. "So what are your expectations for this visit?" Leslie asked._

_"What do you mean by expectations?" He was confused about what she wanted to know._

_Leslie decided to rephrase the question. "What do you think will happen as a result of this visit?"_

_"Oh." He understood now. "Well I'm going to get to spend some time with my family and…I guess I'm hoping that once I'm down there Sam will start to change her mind."_

_"Change her mind about what?" Leslie wanted to make sure that she was understanding what Martin was saying. She had a feeling that Martin was saying that he thought Samantha would change her mind about the break and end it. But she honestly didn't see that happening._

_"About the break." Martin told her. "I think once I get down there and talk to her, she'll agree with me that this break doesn't need to go on any longer."_

_"I see." Leslie nodded. She didn't believe that would happen. It was possible that it could, but her instincts told her it wasn't likely. "What if she doesn't share your opinion and doesn't want to end the break yet?"_

_He hadn't thought about that. Truthfully, he'd been so preoccupied with setting up the trip and thinking of ways to approach her about this that he hadn't thought of what he'd do if she said no. "I don't know."_

_"It's definitely a possibility that she could tell you that she doesn't want to end the break yet. I think it would be a good idea to brace yourself for that, should it happen." Leslie told him._

_"I guess you're right." He nodded. Honestly, he didn't want to have to come back to New York. He would be perfectly content with simply staying with his family in Houston. The thought of coming back to New York alone made his heart sink. It wasn't something that he wanted to dwell on because right now was a happy time. "I think I'll just cross that bridge when I get to it."_

Sam wouldn't send him back to New York alone, would she? Of course not. Especially after he convinced her to let him stay. He entered the building and flashed the security desk his FBI badge in order to get clearance to Sam's floor.

Once he got off the elevator on her floor, he wandered around until he found Sam's desk. But she wasn't there. Frowning, he wondered briefly if she was out in the field. He was thinking about whether or not he should leave a note for her when he saw someone approaching him.

"Excuse me, can I help you?" Trevor asked. He had noticed Martin loitering around and then stopping at Samantha's desk. He wasn't sure who this guy was and wanted to make sure that he was supposed to be here.

"I'm looking for Samantha." Martin told the man.

"Oh." Trevor nodded. "And you would be…?"

"Her husband." Martin explained.

A smile crept on to Trevor's face. "Oh. So that means you're Martin." He held out his hand for Martin to shake. "It's great to meet you."

Martin shook this guy's hand. "And who are you?"

"Sorry." Trevor apologized. "I'm Trevor Scott. I work with Samantha."

"Oh." Martin smiled. "It's nice to meet you. Sam's said nothing but great things about everyone at work."

"Well she's a really great person and also a great agent. We're very happy to have her here." Trevor told him.

"So do you know where she is right now? Is she out in the field or something?" Martin asked, getting impatient about seeing Sam again.

"I actually just came back from lunch, but the last time I saw her she was heading to a doctor's appointment. I don't know if she's back. I haven't seen her." Trevor replied.

Martin became slightly worried about Sam going to a doctor's appointment until he realized that it must be her appointment with Dr. Hester.

"If you want, you can wait for her in the break room and I'll send her over as soon as I see her." Trevor offered.

"That would be nice." Martin commented. "Where's the break room?"

Trevor pointed to the right. "It's down this hallway and it's the last door on the left."

"Thanks." Martin said to Trevor before heading down the hallway towards the break room. He was almost there when he heard Sam's distinctive laugh. He stood in the doorway of the break room, unnoticed by the three people in the room.

"I think we should get Trevor this." Joshua pointed to an item in the catalogue that he was looking at with Olivia and Samantha. Olivia was sitting next to him at the table and Samantha was standing behind him, peering over her shoulder.

"You want to get him a blow-up doll?" Sam laughed.

"It's not a blow-up doll." Joshua defended. "It's one of those inflatable people that woman get to feel safe. They set them in the passenger seat of their car when they drive around at night so that it looks like they're not alone."

"And you think this would be a good gift for Trevor because…?" Sam was confused.

"It would be funny." Joshua laughed. "C'mon! Can't you just image what his reaction would be? It would be priceless!"

"I don't know." Olivia shook her head. "It seems too high-schoolish."

"Yeah." Sam agreed, reaching over Joshua's shoulder and pointing to another item in the catalogue. "How about this?"

"Ooh, I like that." Olivia agreed. "I think Trevor would like that."

"So I'm out-numbered here?" Joshua asked in a defeated tone.

"Yep." Sam smiled triumphantly. "The women over-rule you."

"Great." Joshua mumbled.

Martin watched this scene with great interest, noting the way Sam was acting. She seemed relaxed and at ease here with her new co-workers. She seemed happy and he was glad about that. While he hoped that she could find that kind of happiness in New York with him, it seemed like Houston was a better fit for her professionally. Their conversation seemed to hit a break so he thought this would be a good time to make his presence known. He cleared his throat loudly, causing all three people to look over at him.

Sam turned around and was shocked to see Martin standing in the doorway. She had to blink a few times before believing that it was really him and not some kind of daydream or something. He was early. He wasn't supposed to come until tomorrow. But looking him up and down a few times, she wasn't unhappy to see him. A smile formed on her face. "Martin."


	73. Just One Moment More

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy-Three

"Martin." She half-whispered his name, still not fully believing that he was there. It wasn't until he flashed her his infamous dimpled smile that she was made into a believer. She wasted no more time, practically running into his arms and giving him a big hug.

Feeling his strong arms holding her, she buried her head in the crook between his neck and shoulders. She immediately closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent that was distinctly his. She savored the moment, happy to be this close to him again.

He wrapped his arms around her tightly, relishing the moment and the physical contact with her. It had been exactly two weeks since he'd last seen her. Two weeks since he'd last felt her embrace. Two weeks since their last kiss.

"A-hem." Olivia coughed, getting up from the table and walking over to them. "I don't think we've been properly introduced."

"Sorry." Sam apologized. She had been so flustered by Martin's sudden appearance that she forgot that Olivia and Joshua were even in the room.

"I'm Olivia." She smiled at Martin.

"And I'm Joshua." Joshua smiled.

"I'm Martin Fitzgerald." Martin smiled back at them.

"It's very nice to meet you." Olivia smiled. "Samantha's told me a lot about you."

"She's told me nothing about you." Joshua joked around, earning a punch in the stomach from Samantha. "Sorry. Bad joke I guess."

"We work on the same team as Samantha." Olivia explained.

"Trevor, our other team member, is somewhere around here." Sam told him.

"I know." Martin nodded. "I met him earlier while I was looking for you."

"Oh. Great." Sam replied, unable to take her eyes off of him.

Olivia could tell that Samantha wanted some time alone with her husband and couldn't blame her. She looked over at Joshua. "C'mon. Let's give these two some privacy." She gave Sam a small smile before dragging Joshua out of the break room.

Sam walked over to the door and closed it, locking it before leaning against it. Since there were no windows in the room that people in the hallway could look through and see them, and she had just locked the only door, it was safe to assume that they were completely alone in a private setting. "We probably have about five minutes until someone will want to get in here for more coffee or something. Maybe ten if we're lucky."

"So then let's make the most of this time alone." He suggested.

"How do you suppose we do that?" She asked curiously. Until she saw him in the doorway earlier she hadn't realized just how much she missed him.

He walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." She whispered back, looking up at him.

He brought his free hand up to her cheek, softly caressing her warm skin. Finally he couldn't take it anymore. He gave into his temptations and leaned in to place a kiss on her lips. Although it started as a gentle kiss, it soon erupted into a passionate kiss full of intensity and need.

Sam wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling herself as close to him as she could. She couldn't remember the last time he kissed her like this with so much passion and zeal. These were the kind of kisses that usually happened at the end of cheesy romantic comedy movies when the couple in question finally hooked up. These were the kind of kisses that she dreamed about. These were the kind of kisses that they used to share all the time before.

Eventually Martin realized that he needed oxygen and reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, placing one last kiss on her nose but still holding her close.

"Wow." That was all she could say as she tried to regulate her breathing again. "Where did that come from?"

"Couldn't help it." He grinned devilishly. "Hope you don't mind."

"Mind?" She looked at him incredulously. "I definitely don't mind. Feel free to do that more often."

"I will." He promised. It felt great to be with her again, holding her and being able to talk to her without hundreds of miles separating them. He looked her up and down. "You look great."

"So do you." She replied with a sly smile.

"And you look happy." He added. Judging by the way she was acting when he got here, she was adjusting to Houston pretty well and without much trouble. She seemed to feel comfortable here.

"I am happy with this place." She replied, gesturing to the building. "My co-workers are great, Olivia especially. She's really helped make me feel like a part of the team."

"I'm glad for you." He wasn't lying either. He was very happy that she was doing so well. He just wished that he was doing well too, but he wasn't. He was floundering, drowning in his own pool of misery.

She finally worked up enough courage to ask the question that had been burning in her mind since she saw him. "So don't take this the wrong way, but what are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow." She asked, still clinging on to him.

"Jack gave me today off so I decided to surprise you." Martin replied, slightly nervous that she would be mad at him for not letting her know he was coming in advance.

"Well you definitely surprised me." She laughed, cocking her head to the side and giving him a huge smile. Seeing him here at the office was the last thing she expected, but she was happy to see him. Even though she had been worrying about how to tell him about the baby she still was excited about his visit and getting to see him. "So…"

"So…" He repeated. "You aren't mad that I came early, are you? I just couldn't wait."

"I'm not mad." She shook her head. She was surprised and thrown for a loop, but not mad.

"I'm glad." He smiled. "I have to admit that I was worried you wouldn't appreciate me showing up."

"Why?" She asked, not understanding why he would feel that way.

He decided to be honest with her. "Well it's just that I didn't know what you were doing today and the last thing I wanted to intrude on your life…" He really didn't know what she was doing or if she would like him to come by earlier.

"Martin." She felt the need to stop him right there before he said anything else because she was fairly certain where this was going to lead to. "You're not intruding on my life."

"It feels like I am." He admitted softly. "You seem to have this full, rich, perfect life here. You have a job you love, co-workers who care about you, and friends."

"My life here isn't perfect." She reminded him. "It can't be perfect, and you know why not?"

"Because nothing in life can ever be perfect?" He asked, injecting his own brand of humor into the situation.

"Well, there's that reason." She admitted. "But there's one more reason why my life isn't perfect. There's one thing missing." She grabbed a hold of one of his hands and linked her fingers with his. "This."

He leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips. It wasn't the same kind of kiss as before. This one was more tender and gentle, serving as a way to reassure each other of their love.

"Why don't we go down to the day care center and see Claire?" Sam suggested. "Then maybe you two could go spend the afternoon together."

"Any chance that you could join us?" He asked. He would absolutely love to spend some time with Claire, but would also like it if Sam was able to come too.

"I don't think I can. I have a bunch of work that I still have to do." She shook her head. "But we'll have all weekend to spend time together."

"Yeah." He agreed, still feeling slightly disappointed. But at least he was going to be able to spend the afternoon with his daughter.

"As much as I'd like to stay in here with you, I do have to get back to work at some point." She reluctantly told him.

"I understand." He told her. "But can we stay here for just a few moments more?"

She smiled and gave him a quick kiss before snuggling up to him. "I guess a few more moments wouldn't hurt."


	74. I've Been A Good Girl

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy-Four

"Claire will be so happy to see you." Sam told him when they entered the elevator. "For the past few days she's been asking me practically non-stop how many hours were left until you were coming."

"I bet that got old fast." Martin laughed.

She chuckled. "Truthfully? Yeah, it did." The elevator stopped on the day care center's floor and she got out first, leading the way. Scanning the day care center, she found Claire sitting at a table with Nikolas, working with Play-Doh. She had her back to them so Sam was certain that they would be able to surprise their daughter.

Motioning for Martin to follow her, she made her way to where her daughter was stationed. "Claire."

Claire turned around when she heard her mommy's voice and was surprised to see her daddy standing there too. "Daddy!" She exclaimed with a huge smile, immediately grabbing onto his leg.

Martin reached down and picked Claire up into his arms, hugging her tightly. "Hey there princess. How are you?"

"Good." She replied, making sure that she kept her arms wrapped around her daddy's neck.

Sam smiled at the scene in front of her. She knew that Claire had really missed her father and that Martin had really missed his daughter. It was nice to see them together again.

"You're early!" Claire pointed out.

"I know." Martin smiled back at her. "I just couldn't wait to see you and your mother. I missed both of you."

"We missed you too!" Claire exclaimed.

He placed a kiss on his daughter's forehead. "We're going to spend the afternoon together and explore this town while mommy works. Would you like that?"

"Yes!" Claire nodded enthusiastically.

"I hope you two have a great time." Sam smiled, placing a kiss on Claire's cheek. She made eye contact with Martin before planting a quick kiss on his lips.

"Do you know when you'll be done tonight?" Martin asked, trying to gauge how much time he had with Claire until they came back here to get Sam.

"I should be done by six." She replied. "I'll see you both later."

"Bye mommy." Claire replied.

"Bye Sam." Martin said as he watched Sam leave. Once she was out of his sight, he turned to look at Claire. "So what do you want to do?"

"Can we go to the park?" Claire asked.

"Sure." Martin replied. "Do you know where it is?"

"Yep." Claire replied. "I'll show you where it is."

"Great." He placed another kiss on her forehead before putting her back on the ground. He then held her hand. "Let's go to the park."

* * *

Sam walked back into the bullpen and headed straight for her desk, hoping to get some work done. As soon as she sat down though, Olivia appeared at her side. 

"You know, even though you've talked about your husband quite a bit, you failed to mention one thing." Olivia smirked.

"Oh really?" Sam asked, turning in her chair. "What would that one thing be?"

"How gorgeous he is!" Olivia replied with a laugh. "I mean I love my husband and think he's great, but I have to say that Robert isn't nearly as good looking as Martin. He looks good enough to be a model or an actor. How'd you get that lucky?"

"I don't know." Sam laughed. "I guess I'm still asking myself that."

"So where is he?" Olivia asked. "I thought that you might have taken the rest of the day off to spend it with him and Claire."

"I thought about it. I was tempted." Sam admitted. "But I thought that he should be able to spend some alone time with Claire. Let them bond again and catch up. Martin and I can talk later."

"Why did he come here so early?" Olivia asked. "Wasn't he supposed to fly in tomorrow?"

"He was, but he got the day off and wanted to surprise us." Sam explained.

"Judging by the look on your face when you saw him, I'd say he succeeded." Olivia noted.

"It was quite a shock." Sam stated. "But I'm glad he's here. I don't think I fully realized just how much I missed him until now. I know that sounds funny, but being around him again is…almost addictive, but in a good way. That's the best way I can describe it because I just don't want to let him go again."

"Are you saying that you want to end your break?" Olivia asked, surprised by this. All she had been hearing from Samantha was how important this break was to her and how it was necessary for them to save their marriage. Now though, it seemed like Samantha was rethinking that.

"I don't know if I'm rethinking this break because of the baby or because I miss him so much. Maybe it's even a combination of both." Sam shook her head. "Right now, all I know is that I'm happy that Martin is here and it's going to be really hard saying goodbye to him again."

"My advice is to not think about that until it happens. Just have a good time while he's here and enjoy the time you have together."

"I'll try to follow that advice." Sam smiled.

"I'll let you get back to work now," Olivia told her, "but just know that I want to hear details about what happens this weekend on Monday morning."

Sam laughed, knowing that Olivia would be hunting her down on Monday morning to find out what happened. "Ok." Once Olivia was back at her own desk Sam went back to work, trying to concentrate on the paper in front of her. But all her mind could focus on was Martin. How good it was to have him here, how nervous she was about telling him about the baby, and how hard it was going to be when they had to say goodbye again.

Her reasons were clear to her when she suggested taking a break. At the time she knew that it was what they needed. But now, she wasn't so sure. She knew that if she told Martin that she wanted the break to be over with, he'd quit his job and move down here within twenty-four hours.

A part of her wanted that to happen. So what was stopping her? The same thing that stops her from doing a lot of things that she wants to do. Fear.

* * *

It didn't take long for Martin and Claire to reach the park because it was very close to Sam's building. So soon Martin was pushing Claire in a swing and Claire was telling him about everything that had happened to her that day. 

"And then Nikolas and I played with Play-Doh. We made snowmen out of it." Claire explained.

"Wow." He was really enjoying this time with Claire and stopped her swing. He kneeled down in front of her so that they were roughly at the same level. "I wanted to thank you for the drawings that you sent me earlier this week."

"Did you like them?" Claire asked, hoping that he did.

"I loved them!" He smiled. "You're such a good artist. I put them up on the refrigerator and all over the house."

"I've been a good girl daddy, and I've made mommy laugh a lot—just like you wanted me to." Claire smiled proudly.

"I appreciate that sweetie." He kissed her forehead. He then stood up and started pushing her in the swing again.


	75. Can't You Stay?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy-Five

That evening, Martin stood in the kitchen with Sam, helping her with dinner while Claire was in the living room watching TV. He was chopping up lettuce for a salad as she got the rest of the meal ready. "So how was your doctor's appointment today?" He asked.

She froze when she heard him ask her that. How did he know about her doctor's appointment? Just how much did he know about this doctor's appointment? Who could have told him about it? Olivia was the only one who knew about the baby and Sam knew that she wouldn't go behind her back and tell Martin about it. Did he even know about the baby?

"Doctor's appointment?" She decided that the best way to handle this situation was to play dumb. That way, Martin would have to explain what he knew.

"Yeah." He replied, putting a bunch of lettuce into the salad bowl. "Didn't you have an appointment with your therapist today? When I was looking for you I ran into Trevor and he told me that you had a doctor's appointment today."

"Oh." She sighed in relief. He didn't know about the baby yet. That was good because she wasn't sure how he would take the news if someone else was the one who told him. This news should come from her and not some outsider. It was good that he assumed she had an appointment with her therapist. She wouldn't set him straight about it right now. She'd wait until Claire went to bed to talk about the baby.

"Yeah. I had an appointment today." She lied.

"How do you like her?" Martin asked, glancing over at her.

"Jackie? She's great." Sam replied, looking over at him and seeing that he was looking at her. She gave him a small smile. "She's a lot like Leslie, only a little more straightforward. If I say something that irrational or wrong, she'll point it out."

"Have you said a lot of irrational things lately?" He inquired with a laugh.

The only really irrational thing she had said to Jackie so far was the fact that she wanted to keep this pregnancy a secret from Martin until the end of the first trimester. She was quickly realizing that would be impossible and very damaging to her marriage.

"I may have said one or two things that weren't completely rational." She confessed as she stirred the pot of rice on the stove. "But Jackie seems to think that I'm making pretty good progress."

"That's great." He stopped what he was doing and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks." She smiled, resting her head on his shoulder. "So how's your therapy going with Leslie?"

"Well…" He wasn't sure about the best way to say this to her. "I'm trying to make progress but my progress has been slightly impeded by the fact that I can't think of anything except how much I miss you and Claire."

She moved her head from his shoulder so that she could look into his eyes. "I'm sorry." She knew that he had been having a hard time and still felt completely responsible for it.

He flashed her a smile, seeing that she was blaming herself. He didn't want her to blame herself for his sadness. "You don't have anything to be sorry about."

"Yes I do." She told him. "I'm here with Claire and everything's going well for me. But you're stuck in New York and miserable. It's not fair to you."

"Yeah, but it's ok." He assured her. It meant a lot to him that she was realizing how unfair this situation was and gave him a glimmer of hope that he would be able to convince her to end this break. He planned to talk to her about that this evening after Claire went to bed. "None of that matters right now because I'm here with my family."

Where you belong. She thought that but didn't say it aloud, even though it was true. He belonged here with her and Claire. It was funny how small some of their problems were now that they weren't in New York.

The whole incident with Bethany seemed like it happened years ago instead of simply a few weeks and she no longer seemed like a problem. The job issue seemed to be almost completely resolved, and their communication skills were definitely getting better. Although they still had a few problems and obstacles to overcome, for the most part everything was better since they left New York.

While she knew it wasn't completely true, it seemed like they had left most of their problems behind in New York. Getting away from there and getting a new, fresh start in Houston might have been one of the best ideas she's ever had. Her reverie was broken when she heard Claire's voice.

"Daddy?" Claire asked, looking at her daddy and then at her mommy.

"Yes Claire?" He answered, turning around to face his daughter.

"Do you have to leave again?" She hoped that once her daddy got here he wouldn't leave. Maybe she could convince him to stay. "Can you stay here forever?"

He wasn't prepared for that question to come from his daughter and stumbled around for a good answer. He wanted to stay here, but it wasn't entirely up to him. Sam had a say in it too. He looked over and made eye contact with Sam, trying to gauge her reaction to Claire's question. She looked just as caught off guard as he was so he decided to field this question.

He kneeled down to her level. "Well, um, I would love to stay here with you and your mother forever. But I'm not sure that I'll be moving here right now."

"Why not?" Claire asked sadly. "Why can't you stay here?"

"It's complicated sweetie. But I don't want you to worry. I will be moving here, maybe not right now, but I will happen." Martin assured her.

"Sweetie, have you washed your hands for dinner yet?" Sam asked her daughter with a smile on her face, trying to change the subject. Now wasn't exactly the best time to be having this conversation with Claire. She needed to talk to Martin alone before they said anything else to Claire.

"Not yet mommy." Claire shook her head.

"Well dinner's almost ready." Sam told her. "Why don't you go wash up now please?"

"Ok." Claire left the room, but the bounce and skip that usually was present in her sep was gone because she was hoping for a better answer. She was hoping that her daddy wouldn't have to leave again since he was here now. She couldn't understand why her daddy was going to have to leave again. It wasn't fair and she didn't like it—not one bit.


	76. Slow Dance

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy-Six

Sam sat on the couch in their living room. To kill some time, she had turned on the stereo and pressed button on the remote for random play since she had a large cd collection and didn't feel like choosing music right now. She had sent Martin up to tuck Claire in and tell her a bedtime story tonight in an attempt to let him spend some more quality time with his daughter.

She knew that after Claire was asleep he would come looking for her and that was a good thing because they needed to talk. Her fingers nervously tapped the fabric of the couch in the same quick tempo as the song playing as she waited for him.

"Well Claire's asleep now." Martin told her as he entered the room and sat down next to her on the couch. He scooted close to her and looked at the stereo. "Why are you listening to this?"

"I don't know. I put it on random shuffle." Sam explained.

The current song playing ended and a slower, more mellow song started to play. Martin looked over at her, suddenly having a brilliant idea. Well, he considered it brilliant. He got up and extended his hand to her. "Would you care to dance with me?"

She smiled and couldn't help but laugh. "You wanna dance?"

"Only if you do." He told her. "It's hard to slow dance by yourself."

She laughed again. "Do you know that from personal experience?"

He chuckled and grinned. "Perhaps."

"You know, we haven't danced together in…God only knows how long it's been." She pointed out.

"C'mon! It'll be fun." He tried to coerce her.

"I don't doubt that." She told him.

"Then what are you waiting for?" He asked with a huge smile on his face.

That was a good question for him to ask her, and not just about the dance. What was she waiting for? She had so many good things in her life right now. So why was she still dragging her feet and being stubborn about this whole break idea? What was she waiting for?

"I'm not really sure anymore." She finally replied as she grabbed his hand and they moved to a clear patch of carpet in the room that was big enough for them to dance without bumping into furniture or a wall. One of his arms immediately wrapped around her waist, pulling her up against him tightly. His other arm was resting on her back. As they swayed to the music, her arm wrapped around his neck and she buried her head in his shoulder.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something tonight." He told her after about half of the song had passed.

"So did I." She looked over at him.

"I think I know what you want to talk about."

She was confused. How did he know what she wanted to talk about? She wanted to talk about this baby. Did he already somehow know about it? Or were they talking about two different things again? "You know what I want to talk about?"

"I think so." He nodded. He figured that she wanted to talk about this break and how it was obviously affecting Claire.

"What do I want to talk about?" Sam asked, hoping that he didn't really know what she wanted to talk about.

"Well, I could be wrong, but I know that I want to talk about this break and how it's impacting all of us." He told her.

She sighed in relief. That was another close call. For a moment there she thought that he had somehow found out about the baby. But he just wanted to talk about their break.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?" He asked.

"Not really." She shook her head. "But why don't we talk about this first? Then we can move on to what I want to talk to you about."

"Ok." He was curious about what she wanted to talk to him about. He had assumed that she would want to talk about their break.

"So what exactly about our break do you want to talk about?" She asked, eager to hear what he had to say about this.

"I…well, the last thing I want to do is pressure you. But I've been thinking about this a lot. I think that we should call off this whole break idea." He waited for her to erupt at him, knowing that it was a possibility. She could get mad at him for suggesting this, although he hoped she didn't.

"You want to call it off?" She was surprised by his boldness and his suggestion, although she shouldn't have been. In all honesty, she knew this was coming ever since she invited him down here. She knew that he would try and lobby for their break to end.

Up until today, she didn't think that she would give it much thought. She thought that she would simply say no, listing her reasons. Then she would sit down with him and try to set up a compromise and a schedule for how much longer the break would end.

Though now, as they continued slow dancing in their living room, she realized that she needed to re-consider ending their break. Seeing him again and watching him with Claire was enough to make her cry. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones playing tricks on her, but she never wanted to let him go.

Also, she was noticing that Claire was having a lot of trouble adjusting to this separation. While her daughter tried to put on a happy face and hide her true feelings, Sam could see through the mask. After all, Claire's mask was the same one that Sam had been using for her entire life.

"Yeah." He nodded. "I know that you seemed like you wanted this break to last longer than just two weeks, but I'm not sure I can go back to New York. I'm not sure I can go back and live in that empty house and live that empty life. I've tried for two weeks. I've honestly tried. Jack said it would get easier, but it hasn't. If anything it's gotten worse."

He didn't mean to be laying all of this on her right now. Guilting her into letting him move down here by telling her how much he hated living without her and Claire wasn't his plan. But it was spilling out anyway. "I can't sleep at night. I just lie on my side and look at the place where you should be sleeping. I…"

"Martin…" She closed her eyes and put her head down, not wanting to hear any more about how miserable he was in New York. How was she supposed to send him back there if she knew this stuff? She'd have to be a horrible person with no heart or soul to send him back to New York like this.

"I'm sorry." He could see that she was having trouble listening to him. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just…."

"You don't have to apologize." She cut him off. "You're not the one here who should be sorry."

"Sam…" He was going to argue with her and tell her that it was ok, but she cut him off again by placing two fingers on his lips to silence him.

"Let me talk for a moment, ok?" She paused for a moment before continuing. "When I first suggested this break I thought it would be exactly what we needed. I thought that we could get some perspective on our relationship, work on our problems, and figure out exactly what we want out our lives. But I think I should have considered your feelings more than I did because I never realized how hard it would be for you. I didn't realize how hard it would be for all of us."

She gave him a small smile and gently stroked his cheek with the back of her hand. "And I don't think this plan was very well thought out. I mean, Claire's having bad dreams, she's constantly worried about you, and you're miserable. Not to mention that I miss everything about you."

"So what are you saying?" He finally asked as they stopped swaying to the music.

"I don't know." She told him honestly. "I'm conflicted. I don't want to send you back to New York, but…"

"But you don't want me to stay?" He guessed.

"It's not that." She assured him. "I just…I'm scared."

"Of what?" He asked. If he knew what she was afraid of, then maybe he could figure out a way to calm her fears. Maybe he could find a way to help her.

"I'm scared of you staying here." She admitted.

"Why are you scared of that?" That made no sense to him. He had no idea why she would be scared of him staying. He hadn't done anything to make her scared of him, right?

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." She could see that he was curious about what she was scared of and knew that this was the right time to tell him about the baby. This was her golden opportunity. "There's something I haven't told you. Something's happened since I moved down here that I think you need to know about."

"Samantha, what haven't you told me?" He asked. From the tone of her voice he couldn't tell if this 'something' was a good something or a bad something. That made him anxious. He could only hope that it was something good.


	77. Million Dollar Question Of The Day

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy-Seven

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." She could see that he was curious about what she was scared of and knew that this was the right time to tell him about the baby. This was her golden opportunity. "There's something I haven't told you. Something's happened since I moved down here that I think you need to know about."

"Samantha, what haven't you told me?" He asked. From the tone of her voice he couldn't tell if this 'something' was a good something or a bad something. That made him anxious. He could only hope that it was something good.

She broke out of his grasp and started walking around the living room, trying to gather up enough courage to tell him about the baby. When she reached he window she stopped, glancing outside and looking at the stars.

He watched her carefully and could tell that she was nervous about telling him something. When she stopped by the window, he walked over to stand behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "You know that you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know." She replied, leaning into his embrace.

"Is it bad news?" He asked, hoping that if it was bad news, he would be able to mentally prepare himself.

"It's nothing bad…at least I don't think it's bad…you might think it is, but it's just so unexpected and caught me off guard…"

"Sam, you're rambling." He pointed out nicely. "Why don't you just tell me what it is? You'll feel better." While it helped to know that she didn't consider whatever this news was as being bad, he still couldn't help feeling nervous about this whole situation.

She took one last deep breath before whispering, "I'm pregnant."

He couldn't believe it when he heard her say that she was pregnant. At first he was certain that he was hearing things. "Um, what did you just say?"

"I said I'm pregnant." She repeated, this time a little louder. She wasn't able to see his face and therefore didn't know how he was responding to the news. He wasn't talking, and that worried her slightly. She had expected a different response from him. She had expected that he would be more excited and enthusiastic about this. Was that too much to ask for? Did he want this child? Or was he just in shock?

His mind was racing as it processed those precious words. There was a time when he thought he'd never hear her say that to him again, but here they were. She was pregnant. She was actually pregnant. He couldn't contain the huge, goofy smile that appeared on his face.

Thinking about it, he realized that it must have happened that night that they got drunk. That was the only night in months that they had been together—and they hadn't used a condom. But that was only because he had assumed that she was still on birth control. Apparently he was wrong, and he couldn't be happier about being wrong.

Then reality hit him. She was pregnant. But did she want this child? She said numerous times that she had wanted more children but he was certain that if she really meant it, she meant in a few more years—not right now. She just started a new job. Was she really ready to take a few months off for maternity leave? And what about her fear of being pregnant? Was she emotionally ready to confront that?

How would this change things for them? Would this draw them closer together? He hoped so. Would she use this pregnancy as a way to push him away? Would she still make them continue with this break even though he should be here with his family? He wasn't looking forward to going back to New York as it was, but especially not now that he knew about this baby. It was going to destroy him if he had to leave again now.

The more he thought about this, the more questions he got. How long has she known about this? Did she know about it before she left? How long has she been keeping this from him? She said that this had happened since she got here, but did she suspect anything before she left?

The most important question he thought of though, was 'How am I supposed to ask her all of these questions without making it seem like I'm accusing her of something?' That was the tricky part. The last thing he wanted to do right now was start a fight with her about this, and realized that he needed to be very careful about what he said to her.

She had reached her breaking point. If he wasn't going to say anything about this pregnancy, then she was just going to leave the room. All she was hoping for was some kind of response, even if it was a 'wow' or a 'oh my God'. But the fact that he was being completely silent was unnerving.

Did he not want this child? Was he angry with her for getting pregnant right now? What was going through his mind right now? Resigned, she broke out of his arms and headed out of the room.

"Where are you going?" He asked as he watched her walk away. He didn't understand why she was leaving the room. They still had a lot to talk about.

She stopped about halfway across the room and turned around to face him. "I'm leaving because I can't be in the same room as you right now if you're just going to be completely silent about this. I don't know what you're thinking but maybe you just need some time alone to think about this." She told him before turning to start walking again.

He hurried over to her and lightly grabbed her arm, standing in front of her to prevent her from leaving. "I don't need time alone." He told her. "And I'm sorry that I wasn't saying anything. It's just…that was the last thing I expected you to say right now. I'm sort of in shock here."

"What are you thinking though?" She asked hesitantly, wanting to get his opinions, thoughts and feelings about this.

"I don't really know." He answered honestly. "My head's jumbled with about a million different thoughts right now. The only one thought that I have is wow. A baby."

"That was the first coherent thought I had too." She admitted with a small smile.

He let go of her arm and flashed her a smile. "So what was your second coherent thought?"

"Oh my God. How did this happen?" She admitted sheepishly.

He grinned at her. "I think we both know how this happened."

"Yeah. We do." She couldn't help but chuckle softly as she remembered that night. "But then that thought was immediately followed by, oh my God how I am going to do this? How am I going to get through the next few months?"

He pulled her into an embrace. "You don't have to do this by yourself, you know? You have me and you'll always have me. I'll do anything I can to help you with this." He pulled back slightly so that he could look into her eyes. "I know that you're scared by this, but you can come to me about it. I want to be able to help you."

"I just…this isn't the way I thought everything would turn out. I thought we'd take a short break, get some individual therapy, get back together and then tackle the pregnancy issue."

"Tackle?" He chuckled.

"Yes, tackle." She defended herself. "What's wrong with that word?"

"Nothing." He replied, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Tackle is a wonderful word. I just thought it was an interesting choice."

"Well can you stop laughing for a moment and have a serious conversation with me? Please?" She was almost annoyed by the fact that he chose this opportunity to laugh at her word choice.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "I just…I'm happy, and when I get really happy, I start laughing at everything. You know that."

"You're happy about this?" She asked. It was a silly question and she knew that. Of course he was happy. She could see it in his eyes. But she still needed to hear it.

"I am happy about this baby." He placed his hand on her still flat stomach. "But the million-dollar question of the day is, are you happy about this baby?"


	78. Two Steps Back Again

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy-Eight

"I am happy about this baby." He placed his hand on her still flat stomach. "But the million-dollar question of the day is, are you happy about this baby?"

She placed her hand atop of the hand he had on her stomach. "I'm happy about this. I'm just also scared, nervous, worried, anxious…the list goes on and on. But I am happy." She could see the unasked questions in his eyes and knew what he was thinking. "I know that you didn't completely believe me when I said that I did want more children. I know that you thought I was just trying to lead you on, but…"

"I didn't think that you were leading me on…" He tried to object, but was interrupted.

"Yes you did." She smirked. "But it's ok. The point is I did really want more children. I do want this baby. Even though right now I'm petrified and I hate this damn morning sickness, I want this baby."

He didn't want to get too far off track with their conversation but felt the need to ask. "How bad has your morning sickness been this time?" He knew that she was prone to having really bad morning sickness. She was sick almost the entire first trimester with Claire. He hoped for Sam's sake that it wasn't that bad this time.

"Sometimes, like right now, I'm fine. But earlier today before you came to the office, I couldn't keep anything down. It comes and goes in unpredictable cycles. But when it comes, it's pretty bad." She explained.

He wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back gently. "I'm sorry. How long has that been going on?"

She could tell that was his way of covertly asking how long she had known about the pregnancy and mentally congratulated him on not accusing her of anything. That only would have turned this situation into a fight, and she could see that he didn't want that any more than she did. "The morning sickness has been pretty bad for about two weeks."

Two weeks. Right as she left to move here. "Did you know before you left?" He finally found the courage to ask the question that had been burning in his mind.

She shook her head and moved out of his arms to go sit on the couch. After working all day she was tired and didn't feel like standing up for the rest of this conversation. Something told her that they would be talking for a while. It didn't take more than a few seconds for Martin to follow her and sit next to her on the couch.

"I thought that I might be pregnant before I left. My period was late and I had fainted." She explained.

"Oh yeah." He remembered when she fainted. But she had blamed it on not eating and he had bought that story. "So what did you do about your suspicions?"

She continued on with her explanation. "I took one of those home pregnancy tests the week before I left. It came back negative though so I thought I was just crazy or something."

"So you didn't think you were pregnant when you left?" He asked, wanting to make sure that he was hearing her correctly.

"No." She shook her head. "You don't honestly think I would have left if I had known I was pregnant, do you?"

He sighed. "I don't want to think you would, but…"

She could have chosen to get angry with him about that, but it didn't matter. It was irrelevant right now. "The point is that I didn't know that the test gave me a false negative response. I didn't go to the doctor and find out for sure that I was pregnant until the Tuesday after I moved here."

He did the math in his head. "You've known about this for eleven days and never told me?" He made his tone as non-accusatory as possible in the hope of not starting a fight with her.

"Well, yeah." She nodded, hoping that he wasn't going to get mad at her and start a fight. "I found out last week but I was too shocked to tell you. Besides, how was I supposed to tell you that over the phone?" She decided to leave out the fact that earlier she was thinking about not telling him for many more weeks. He didn't really need to know that because that information would only start a fight. "I was trying to get adjusted to this before I told you."

"And that's why you asked me to come down here?" He guessed. It made sense to him that she would invite him down for a visit so that she could tell him about the baby.

"That was part of the reason." She admitted. "But it wasn't the entire reason. I missed you, Claire missed you, and you missed us." She noticed that he was being quiet again. "You aren't mad at me for not telling you right away, are you?"

He looked over at her and shook his head. "Not mad. Maybe a little disappointed, but not mad."

"Ok." She looked down at her hands, which were clasped tightly in her lap.

"Who knew before me?" He asked, curious about how many people knew about this pregnancy before him.

"Well, the doctor, Jackie, and Olivia. Those are the only people that I've told." Sam answered.

"So I'm the fourth person." He commented.

"Yeah." She nodded as they entered a period of awkward silence.

"So what does this baby mean for us?" Martin finally asked. Call it male intuition, but he had a feeling that he knew the answer to this question already. Sam wasn't going to change her mind about the break and the news of this baby wasn't going to change anything between them.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, looking for clarification.

"Does this baby change anything for us?" He asked. "Does it mean that you might consider cutting the break short and letting me move down here? Because I'd love to be able to take an active role in helping you with this pregnancy. But I can't do it if I'm stuck in New York. Or does this baby change nothing between us?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I want you to stay but I also want you to…"

"You still want me to go." He finished for her. He was quickly getting frustrated with her and this whole situation. This was a happy time for him. He just found out that he was going to be a father again. They would be given another chance to bring a new life into this world—a life that they created together. They should be celebrating, just like any other normal married couple would be.

Instead, he was trying to get her to let him move back in with his own family. Sometimes Samantha made him feel like he was at a job interview, lobbying for his position as her husband and father of her children. Shouldn't he already hold that position though? Why did he feel like he had to convince her to let him be a part of her life? Shouldn't that be something that's a given?

Right now was definitely one of those times that he felt like he was being screened by her. If he didn't meet her expectations or her qualifications, then she wouldn't let him back into her life. What more did he have to do though? How much was enough for her? When would she finally let him fully back into her life and her heart? And what was keeping her from letting him back in?

"I just…" She wanted to explain to him and hopefully get him to understand. The reason she didn't want him to move in with them wasn't because of him. It was about her own personal issues. It was hard enough telling him about the baby. Couldn't he see that this wasn't about him? Hadn't she made that clear enough? Obviously not.

"Sam I would gladly turn my life upside down for you—and I already have turned my life upside down for you. I went to couples' therapy with Leslie for you. I even agreed to individual therapy. I watched you move out of our house and my life. I let you drag Claire along with you on your trek across America to find a better job. I've indulged your break idea in the hopes of trying to be a caring, supportive husband. What else do you want from me?" He sighed deeply and shrugged his shoulders in a sign of defeat. "What else do I have to prove to you?"

She wasn't prepared for the outburst he just had and wasn't sure where it had come from. Why was he so upset with her? She didn't know what had spurred on his sudden frustration. Did he really think that he had to prove something to her? Had she made him feel that way? That wasn't her intention.

"Martin, I…" She started to talk in hopes of explaining some things to him. Maybe if she opened up more he would understand where she was coming from better. But she didn't get a chance to because he interrupted her.

"Sam, it's late. I'm tired, and I'm sure you must be tired too. Maybe we should just go to bed now and get some sleep. This afternoon I promised to make Claire a big breakfast with those blueberry pancakes that she loves. So I'm sure she'll try to wake us up early tomorrow." He got up, walking out of the living room and heading towards their bedroom without saying another word to her.

She closed her eyes and sighed. Things hadn't gone the way she thought they would. While she was glad that he was happy about the pregnancy and wasn't mad at her for keeping it a secret from him for the past two weeks, she didn't like the fact that he was mad at her for being conflicted about the break idea.

She couldn't believe that he was willing to walk out of the room and walk out of their conversation. Even though he was right and it was getting late, they weren't done talking yet. They should continue talking. Both Leslie and Jackie would agree with her on that. This wasn't something that should be put off. They needed to make a decision or at least try to compromise about it. She needed a chance to explain herself. It seemed like that would have to wait though.

When she entered their bedroom she noticed that he was already in bed, snuggled underneath the covers. He, of course, was on the right side of the bed because that was his usual spot and was facing the wall with his back to her. She figured he did that so that she wouldn't bother him anymore tonight.

She quickly changed into pajamas and slid underneath the covers, laying on her side and facing him. Her hand lingered above his shoulder as she tried to gather up enough courage to get his attention. She wanted to spend the night wrapped up in his arms. It was something that she had been dreaming about every night since she left. But as much as she wanted to reach out to him, she chickened out. Retracting her arm, she turned over onto her other side so that her back was now to him.

Right after she flipped around in the bed, Martin turned, looking at her. She now had her back to him. He wanted to reach over across the empty space of the bed and pull her into an embrace. He'd been dreaming of being able to sleep with her wrapped up in his arms ever since she left. But as much as he wanted to reach out, he chickened out and turned back to face the wall again.


	79. Blueberry Pancakes

Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy-Nine

When Sam awoke the next morning she found that she was alone in the bed. Martin had gotten up without waking her up, but she should have expected that. Last night didn't go very well and she wasn't sure how to fix it. Short of relenting and letting him stay, there didn't seem like a way to make him happy. He wanted to stay here, and she understood why. But would that make her happy? Would that be the best thing? She wasn't sure anymore. Everything was such a mess now. At least he was happy about the baby, but she wasn't surprised about that.

She could smell breakfast being cooked and decided to head into the kitchen. She threw back the covers on the bed and swung her legs over the side so she could get up. As soon as she stood up, she felt the need to rush into the bathroom. "Oh no. Not again." She moaned as she ran into the bathroom and lifted the toilet seat.

* * *

Meanwhile Martin was in the kitchen with Claire making breakfast. He had decided to make her blueberry pancakes, bacon, eggs, and sausage. Normally he wouldn't make that much food but didn't see the problem with overindulging his daughter since he hasn't been around for a while. 

"Is breakfast ready yet?" Claire asked, getting slightly impatient. She was hungry.

"Almost." Martin told her. "It'll just be a few more minutes."

"Ok." Claire replied. She could wait a few more minutes.

"So how did you sleep last night?" He asked his daughter as he simultaneously flipped the bacon around in the pan and stirred the pancake batter.

"Fine." Claire replied.

"No more bad dreams?" He asked. "Mommy says you've been having some bad dreams lately."

"No bad dreams." Claire shook her head. She only had bad dreams when her daddy wasn't there. She would always imagine him being sad and alone without anyone to talk to. That made her sad and she didn't want to think about her daddy being lonely or sad.

"That's good." Martin nodded. "But if you did have a bad dream, you know that you can talk to either your mommy or me about it, right?"

"I know that." Claire replied.

"Morning." Sam greeted with a smile as she entered the kitchen. After getting sick, she had brushed her teeth and swished around some mouthwash in her mouth to get the bad taste out. She walked over to Claire and placed a kiss on her daughter's forehead.

"Morning mommy!" Claire smiled brightly.

"How did you sleep sweetie?" Sam asked.

"I already told daddy. Fine." Claire repeated. "Is breakfast almost ready?"

"Almost." Martin told his daughter, not turning around to face her or Sam.

Sam walked over to the stove. "Need any help?" She hoped offering to help would thaw the cold reception she was receiving from him.

"Nope." He replied curtly. "I have everything under control."

"Fine." She sighed, going over to sit at the table with Claire. "So what do you want to do today Claire?"

"Can we all go to a movie together?" Claire asked, getting excited. There was a new movie that she wanted to see and it would be so cool to go with both of her parents.

"What do you say Martin? Want to go see a movie?" Sam asked.

"Sure." Martin replied as he started dishing out the food for everyone.

"Ok. Then I guess we'll go see a movie." Sam smiled at her daughter. "After breakfast we'll check the movie times, ok?"

"Yay!" This was definitely a good day for Claire. Not only was her daddy there, but she was also going to go to the movies. And she was getting her favorite breakfast.

"Here you go ladies." Martin said as he placed two plates full of food down in front of Claire and Sam.

"Thanks." Sam and Claire replied at the same time.

Sam soon noticed that she had nothing to drink and started to get up.

"What do you need?" Martin asked her, motioning for her to sit down. He felt bad for the way he was treating her. Although he was frustrated with her, he shouldn't be so flippant with her. This was his last full day here and he didn't want to spend it arguing with her or avoiding her. He'd only regret it once he returned to New York.

"Something to drink." She replied. "But I can get it."

"I'll get it for you." Martin told her. "Orange juice or milk?"

"Orange juice please." Sam replied, confused by the way he was treating her. He was doing nice things for her but wouldn't look at her if possible and wouldn't talk to her. This wasn't going to be a very fun day.

"Here you are." He said as he placed a full glass of orange juice in front of her.

"Thanks." She picked up a piece of bacon and started eating. Thankfully, after her earlier encounter with the toilet this morning, her nausea was gone. So she was able to eat this big breakfast that Martin worked hard to create.

Martin grabbed a plate full of food for himself and then came over to sit next to Claire. "How are the pancakes?" He asked his daughter, hoping that they met her standards.

"Great!" Claire smiled, shoving the fork full of pancake into her mouth.

* * *

The rest of breakfast went by without any problems. Having Claire there prevented Martin and Sam from arguing and it was nice to be together as a family again. 

"Can I go watch cartoons now mommy?" Claire asked as she finished her chocolate milk.

Sam looked at her daughter's plate and saw that she had eaten almost everything that was given to her. Satisfied with the amount that Claire had eaten, she nodded. "Yes you may."

Claire smiled and then ran out of the kitchen. If she was lucky, she would be able to see her favorite cartoon.

Once Claire left the kitchen, Martin and Sam went back to eating in silence. Both were lost in their own thoughts. "This was really good."

"Glad you liked it." He replied without looking up at her. He simply continued eating the last piece of sausage on his plate.

Sam knew that now probably wasn't the best time to bring this up since Claire was just in the next room, but didn't want to have this hanging over her head the entire day. "Are you going to stay mad at me for the whole weekend?"

He sighed. Although he had been thinking about this whole situation with Sam, he didn't really want to talk about this right. But it seemed he didn't have a choice. "I'm not mad at you."

"Could've fooled me." She moved a small piece of pancake around her plate with her fork.

"I'm just frustrated." Martin continued, looking over at her. "You say one thing and then you go and say something else that contradicts everything else you've said. I don't know what you want from me and I'm getting tired of guessing. Why can't you simply tell me what you want?"

"Because I don't know what I want anymore!" Sam exclaimed, realizing that she needed to keep her voice down so that Claire didn't hear what they were talking about. "I know it's frustrating you and I'm sorry I don't know what I want. I want you but..."

"But you don't want me." Martin finished her sentence for her.

"It's not that I don't want you. It's never been about that." She sighed. "I don't want to do something that will hurt our marriage." She explained.

"How is living in the same state going to hurt our marriage?" Martin asked. She wasn't making any sense to him.

"Well look at us. You've been here for less than a day and we're already arguing again." She pointed out.

"That's only because…"

"It doesn't matter why. The point is that we can't even spend twenty-four hours together without reverting back to fighting the way we used to." Sam explained.

"Sam, we're married. Married couples fight all the time—even the 'stable' married couples fight. It's a healthy part of marriage." He still didn't understand what her problem with him staying here was. "I think the time has come for you to make up your mind. Do you want me to stay or do you want me to go?" Martin asked.

"Why does this have to be so black and white with you?" Sam asked. "Why does it have to be all or nothing? Can't we try to compromise?"

"How do we compromise about this?" Martin asked her. He jokingly added, "You want me to just fly up here every weekend or something?"

He chuckled at his statement, but she didn't think it was that funny. "You know, that's not such a bad idea."

"I was kidding Samantha." He told her as he got up from the table and took his plate to the sink to rinse it off.

She got up and took her plate over to him because she was done eating too. "Well I'm not. I think…"

"Mommy! When are we going to see the movie?" Claire asked, bouncing into the kitchen and tugging at her mommy's shirt. Her favorite cartoon had already been on while she was eating and she had missed it.

"I don't know sweetie." Sam replied, wondering how much of their conversation Claire had heard. Judging by the smile on her daughter's face, she guessed that Claire was still oblivious to the tension that had built up between her and Martin again.

"You said we'd look after breakfast and it's after breakfast." Claire reminded her.

"Yes it is." Sam smiled. "So why don't we go get dressed and then we'll check the movie times?"

"Ok." Claire answered happily. She was going to get to spend the whole day with her mommy and daddy. They were a family again and she was going to enjoy it. Not even the fact that she missed seeing her favorite cartoon was going to make her sad today.

Sam looked over at Martin. "Just try to think about what I said?" She took Claire's hand and went to go help her daughter pick out clothes to wear for the day.

Martin watched them leave the kitchen and sighed. He really had been joking when he suggested that the compromise be that he visited every weekend. But for some reason Sam seemed to like that plan. He'd think about it later. Today he was going to get to spend the whole day with his daughter and his wife. He planned on enjoying this as much as possible.


	80. Butterfly In The Sky

Love and Marriage

Chapter Eighty

Later that evening, after returning from the movie, Sam brought plates, silverware, and napkins outside to the table in the backyard. Martin had insisted on grilling steaks on the grill that had come with the house. She didn't think it was right to make him cook all the meals while he was here, but he seemed like he wanted to so she let him because she didn't want to argue.

The afternoon had gone very well. They had visited the park before going out to lunch and heading to catch a movie. There was some awkwardness between her and Martin at the beginning of the afternoon, but it dissipated and they were able to have fun spending time together as a family.

Right now he was at the grill, flipping over the steaks for dinner and she was setting the table. Claire was running around the backyard trying to catch a butterfly that has caught her attention. She put down the last piece of silverware and stood there for a moment, watching her daughter. Claire looked so carefree and happy, and she knew that a lot of that had to do with the fact that both of her parents were together again.

Martin's absence was a hard thing for Claire to understand and neither her or Martin could find a good way to explain it without raising a bunch of questions that they weren't ready to answer. Claire would be ecstatic if Martin just stayed here with them forever, and it was obvious to her that Martin would also be elated if he could stay. But were they ready for that?

Sometimes she thought that they were. Then other times she wasn't so sure. Everything is jumbled around in her brain and she wasn't sure what to do anymore. Martin had suggested that he fly down here every weekend, and while she knew that it was simply a joke, she couldn't help but wonder if that could be a possible solution to their problem. It would still give them a break, but it wouldn't isolate him as much. They'd still be able to see each other on a regular basis.

But on the other hand, she wasn't sure that he would be receptive to the idea of flying here every weekend and then having to fly back before Monday morning. If the roles were reversed and she was in his position, she probably wouldn't want to do that. What other options did that leave though?

Martin checked on the steaks again before putting down the grill hood and walking over to the table, where Sam was. He stood next to her and brushed a piece of her hair back behind her ear. Then he looked over at what she was looking at, which was Claire. Claire was still trying valiantly to catch that butterfly, but the butterfly wasn't giving in without a fight.

"She never gives up." Sam quietly said.

"No she doesn't." Martin replied, turning her head to face Sam. "She doesn't know how to give up. She still thinks that all she has to do in order to get what she wants is to just never stop believing it will happen."

"Maybe we could all learn a thing or two from her." Sam said as she also turned to look at him. Claire wasn't jaded at all with life. She lived life thinking that everything was going to be ok and that nothing really bad would happen to her. Sam envied that in a way. She'd give anything to have that kind of attitude. She couldn't even remember a time when she wasn't jaded.

Her childhood had led her into a rocky adolescence and then a turbulent adulthood. After all the bad things that life had thrown her way, she couldn't help but be afraid. It seemed like every time she was happy or even thought that happiness was around the corner, something happened to either threaten her happiness or completely destroy it.

When they were sitting in the movie theatre this afternoon, she hadn't paid any attention to the actual movie. She couldn't tell anyone what it was about or what the plot was. Instead of watching the movie she had been completely lost in her own thoughts, using that time as a time of personal reflection.

She had considered what her life had been like so far and tried to probe her deepest thoughts to try and decipher exactly why she was pushing Martin away. Because that's essentially what she was doing. She finally realized that.

There were many examples from her past to back that up, including her earlier idea of waiting months to tell Martin about the baby. She knew that it would be a bad idea, but she still considered it because it was a way to keep Martin at arms length. If she kept him at arms length, she wouldn't have to worry about life throwing her a curve ball and taking away her happiness because she would be the one doing that herself. She would be in control of that.

So maybe her real issues were control and fear. It made sense to her. If she kept Martin in New York, then she would be in control of things.

"What do you think we should learn from her?" Martin asked out of curiosity as he wrapped an arm around her waist. She looked like she was deep in thought again. He had noticed during the movie that she wasn't paying any attention to it and wondered what she was thinking about. He figured that she was probably thinking about their conversation last night and this morning, trying to find a way to convince him to fly down here every weekend as a 'compromise'.

Some compromise that would be. Sure, he could see it from her perspective. From her perspective it would be a compromise. He would be able to spend some time with her and Claire every weekend and wouldn't be so isolated from his family. But at the same time, he would have to travel every weekend. That would be both costly and tiring.

While he would gladly do it if it was the only way he could spend time with his family, he didn't think that it was something that was extremely practical. Or fair. It definitely wasn't fair. He's been patient with her, more patient than a lot of other husbands would be. But even he had a limit, and as much as he hated to admit it, he was beginning to reach it.

She didn't seem to know what she wanted from him. All he was trying to do was make her happy, even though it meant he had to be miserable. But she didn't seem to be satisfied with that. He knew she was trying. This invitation to come down here was definitely her attempt to help ease the loneliness he was feeling and help him stay connected with Claire. But now she wanted to ship him back to New York tomorrow.

Sometimes he wished that he could just spend five minutes with the power of telepathy, just so that he could find out what was going through her head. What were her true feelings for him? Did she really want him to go? Was she just scared? Did she need him to reassure her of something? Was there anything that he could do to help her?

Unfortunately he didn't think he'd ever get the VIP backstage pass into her mind and was stuck with just regular concert tickets. If he was lucky he would get front row seating to be able to see what she was doing. But lately he had been getting placed in the very back, where he couldn't tell what was going on with her at all.

"She doesn't let anything stand in the way of getting what she wants. She still has her childlike innocence and carefree spirit." She looked over at her daughter, who was still chasing the butterfly. "She's not jaded from life."

"Do you think you're jaded?" He asked, watching her closely.

"Don't you think so?" She laughed, looking back at him and sighing.

Martin was about ready to answer her when he noticed Claire was running up to them.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Claire came up to them with her hands clasped tightly together. "I caught it! I caught it!"

"You caught the butterfly?" Martin asked his daughter.

"Yes!" Claire exclaimed happily, nodding her head up and down really fast.

"Wow." Sam marveled. In all honestly, she wasn't sure that Claire would be able to catch the butterfly because they were normally difficult to capture. But of course Claire was able to do it. She had enough patience to keep working at it until she triumphed, which was definitely something that she got from Martin. "What are you going to do with it now that you've caught it?"

"I dunno." Claire shrugged. "I just wanted to catch it. Maybe I'll keep it in my room."

"Maybe you should let it go." Martin suggested.

"Why?" Claire asked. "Can't I keep it?"

"You could." Sam nodded. "But I'm sure that this butterfly has a mommy and a daddy out there somewhere. If you keep it here, then its' family will be sad and miss it."

"I don't want that." Claire frowned. "Ok. Maybe I should let it go then."

"That's probably the best thing to do." Martin pointed out.

"Ok." Claire sighed and then opened up her hands. The butterfly immediately fluttered away, flying up to the sky and eventually disappearing from sight.

Martin went back over to the grill to check on the steaks, leaving Claire and Sam alone together. "I'm proud of you for doing the right thing and letting the butterfly go." Sam kissed the top of Claire's head.

"I didn't want to, but I also didn't want its' family to be sad and miss it. Just like I don't want daddy to be sad." Claire explained.

"That's because you have such a big, kind heart sweetie." Sam smiled. She had figured that was a reason why she was so easily convinced to release the butterfly. "C'mon. Let's go wash those hands before dinner's ready."


	81. A New Compromise

Love and Marriage  
Chapter Eighty-One

"Goodnight sweetie." Sam smiled and kissed her daughter on the cheek before making sure that Claire was tucked in tightly underneath the covers.

"Sleep well princess." Martin kissed Claire's other cheek.

"Night mommy and daddy." Claire said back as she started to yawn. Her eyes closed within a few seconds and she was fast asleep.

"C'mon." Martin whispered to Sam, holding his hand out for her to take.

She took his hand and they quietly left Claire's room, turning off the light and closing the door. She wasn't sure where he was leading her to at first, then it became clear that they were heading to the bedroom. He sat down on the edge of the bed and motioned for her to join him. So she did.

Many thoughts were running through her head and she didn't know which one of them to focus on. So instead of choosing one to go with, she would wait for Martin to start the conversation.

"Were you serious when you suggested that I fly down here every weekend?" He finally asked, wanting to start this conversation. Even though he didn't really want to talk about this, he knew that this would probably be their last chance to talk without worrying about Claire overhearing them.

"I was at the time." Sam admitted.

"And now?" His interest was piqued. If that was what she wanted then, what did she want now?

"Now I don't know anymore." She shrugged her shoulders.

"I understand that you are looking for a compromise, and that me flying down here every weekend sounds like a perfect compromise. But I'm not sure that it is the solution that we should be thinking about."

"Why?" Sam asked, eager to hear his opinion.

"It's impractical. By the time you factor in how much time I spend flying to and from here, I'll only get to see you and Claire for a few hours. And while I would treasure those few hours, it's just not practical." He explained. "It would be costly and exhausting."

"I know." She agreed. "But what else are we going to do?"

"I don't know." Martin shook his head. "Why are you against me coming and living here right now?"

"Fear." Sam replied quietly.

"Of what though?" He asked. What exactly was it that she was afraid of? How was he supposed to help her if he didn't know what she needed help with?

"Just the same old things." She answered, getting up from the bed and walking over to look out the window. "Like losing the baby."

He got up and walked over to where she had gone, standing behind her and wrapping his arms around her tightly. "That's not going to happen. I promise you that."

"You can't promise something like that." She pointed out.

"Yes I can." He assured her. "And I am."

"How then?" She asked with a small smile appearing on her face. "How are you going to be able to promise that?"

"I just am." He smiled back. "We're not going to lose this child. I believe that with my whole heart."

"How can you be that optimistic?" She asked, turning her head slightly to glance at him.

"I'm not sure. I just am." He replied. "History isn't going to repeat itself. This boy or girl is going to be born and live a very long life."

"I have this recurring dream." She went back to staring out the window. "I lose the baby. You then blame me, get mad at me and leave. You take Claire with you and I never see either of you again."

"That will never happen—none of it." He kissed her neck in hopes of reassuring her. "First of all, we're not losing the baby and secondly, I'd never leave you. I love you too much to do that."

"And, rationally, I know that. But I still have these dreams and…"

"Dreams don't mean anything." Martin told her. "They are just a way of your brain to play practical jokes on you while you're sleeping. Your brain puts together scenarios of situations that scare you."

"Dreams are practical jokes?" She couldn't help but laugh at his analysis and turned around in his arms so that she was now facing him. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He had this unique way of knowing exactly when she needed him to inject some humor into a situation, and it was one of the many reasons why she loved him.

"Thanks." She smiled. "I needed that."

"Anytime." He told her, glad that he was able to help bring her out of her pessimistic mood. "You know, it would be a lot easier for me to do this if I was in the same state…"

"And we're back to this again." She interrupted, closing her eyes. "Am I the only one getting tired of talking about this?"

"Nope." He chuckled. "I'm tired of it too, but we can't stop discussing it until we've made a decision."

"So I guess the idea of you flying down here every weekend is out." She assumed that he didn't want to do that.

"I'd rather not." Martin sighed. "But what other choice do we have since you don't want me here and I don't want to go?"

"It's not that I don't want you here." She felt like she needed to make that clearer to him. "I love you and I want you in my life. But…"

"But you don't want me in your house or in your bed." He finished her sentence for her, thinking that he knew where she was going with her statement.

"That's not true." She objected. "Why do you think that?"

"What else am I supposed to think Sam?" He asked, releasing his grip on her and walking away to go sit back down on the edge of the bed. "You run hot and cold with me. First you want me to go and then you make it seem like you want me to stay. But you can't have it both ways. So do you want me to stay or go?"

"I'm not sure anymore." She admitted honestly as she sat next to him on the bed. "I think we still need this break but, at the same time, I'm not sure how much longer we should stay apart. I don't want to keep hurting Claire or you."

"Ok." He sighed. "So it looks like we need some kind of compromise."

"Yeah." She nodded. "Any suggestions?"

"I'm thinking." He told her. "How much longer do you think this break should be?"

"Maybe a couple more weeks?" She suggested.

After a few minutes of thinking, he turned to her. "How about this? I go back to New York tomorrow and put in my two weeks notice. I then get everything ready to move. I pack everything up, put the house up for sale, and everything. Then I come back down here."

"You're just going to quit your job instead of waiting for a transfer?" She questioned.

"Well, yeah." He replied. "I can just reapply whenever an opening comes along here, and until then, I can take care of Claire during the weekdays so that she won't have to go to the federal daycare everyday."

"She likes the federal daycare though." Sam informed him. "She's made a lot of new friends there."

"We can figure that out later I guess." He shrugged.

"So you'd be moving down here in two weeks?" She questioned. "You're going to pack everything up and take care of everything in just two weeks?"

"Yes." He replied. "I think this is a good compromise. That way, you still get two more weeks of this break while I don't have to wait indefinitely to move down here." He was really hoping that she would accept his compromise because it seemed like the perfect solution to him.

She wasn't sure what to think about his compromise. She was trying to process everything.

He noticed that she was being rather quiet about this and took it as a sign that she didn't like it. The smile left his face. "You hate this compromise, don't you?"

"I don't hate it…" She told him.

"But you don't like it either." He assumed. "Do you?"


	82. Two More Weeks

Love and Marriage

Chapter Eighty-Two

He noticed that she was being rather quiet about this and took it as a sign that she didn't like it. The smile left his face. "You hate this compromise, don't you?"

"I don't hate it…" She told him.

"But you don't like it either." He assumed. "Do you?"

"I didn't say that." She shook her head.

"But it's what you were thinking, right? You don't think this is a good idea?" He assumed that she was going to find something wrong with this compromise and if she did, he was prepared to fight with her about it. This was the perfect solution in his opinion and he wanted her to give it a chance.

"Why do you assume that? Why are you so convinced that I'm going to immediately shoot it down?" She questioned.

"Because you seem content to shoot down everything else I suggest." Martin admitted.

"Well I'm sorry that you feel that way." Sam apologized, bringing her hand up to touch his face. "But please don't put words in my mouth that I didn't say."

"You were quiet and I assumed that you were thinking of a way to veto my idea." Martin explained.

"I wasn't thinking about how to veto the idea." She smiled. "I was thinking about what price we should ask for our house when we sell it. It's still in great shape and we should be able to get a decent price."

She was thinking about what price to ask for the house? Why would she be thinking about something like that? It took him a few moments before he realized what she meant. He started to smile. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"I dunno." She shook her head. "What do you think it means?"

"I think it means that you're ok with this. Am I at least right about that?"

"Yeah." She laughed. "You're right about that."

"This is great." He grinned. He couldn't believe that she agreed to this. He had been convinced that she would say no and then they'd be right back at the beginning again, stuck without any kind of plan. But she hadn't. She agreed with him and he would be back with his family in just two weeks!

Although two weeks still seemed like a long time for him, he wasn't about to complain. Just knowing that he would be coming back here for good would be enough to get him through the fourteen days without his family. Besides, he would also be busy with packing up the remainder of their things and selling the house.

He was so happy that he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips, pulling her closer to him. Eventually he had pulled her so close to him that she was now sitting on his lap with her arms wrapped around his neck, still kissing each other.

Sam enjoyed the feeling of kissing Martin and let herself completely relax. When she had first heard Martin's compromise she was skeptical. She knew that he was trying to find a way to make both of them happy, and was willing to think about it. But she wasn't thrilled about the idea.

Then she thought about it some more and tried to figure out why she wasn't happy with it. It seemed like a perfectly good compromise. It would solve their problem. The break wouldn't end for two more weeks and Martin would have an exact timeframe of when he would be moving down here.

So why was she being so…hesitant about it? And why couldn't she just accept it? Why was she so intent on pushing him away from her? Why was her first instinct to push him away? Was she really that afraid of happiness? She realized that she would have to bring that up with Jackie at her next session. Maybe Jackie would be able to help her with this.

But, thinking back to the compromise, she realized that this was what they all needed. Claire would feel better and more secure when she found out that Martin would be coming to live with them in two weeks. Martin would hopefully be less miserable in New York since he would be so busy getting ready for the move. And she would be getting what she had been saying she's wanted. She'd get another short break and then she'd have her husband back.

This was exactly what she needed. She knew that her indecisiveness was irritating him. It was definitely irritating her! She was also honestly amazed that he had been so patient with her. But then again, that was just the type of man that Martin was. He had always been patient with her; however, she knew from prior experience that his patience could run out at a certain point. It had happened before and she had almost lost him.

Maybe part of the reason why she accepted this compromise was because she didn't want to lose him. She wasn't sure how close he was to losing his patience with her, but guessed that his normally large reserve of patience was quickly being zapped. His patience probably would have run out soon, and she didn't want that to happen. The last thing she ever wanted to happen was to lose him.

He reluctantly pulled away from the kiss when he realized that oxygen was necessary to live. It was then that he saw Sam yawn. "You need to get some rest. Let's go to bed."

"I'm fine." Sam replied, yawning again. She hadn't realized until now that she was so tired. It just hit her suddenly and she couldn't stop yawning.

"No, let's go." Martin insisted, helping her stand up and motioning for her to get into bed on her side.

They were both dressed in their pajama clothes so they simply climbed into their bed. Unlike last night, neither were afraid to meet in the middle of the bed so that they could be in each other's arms. Martin pulled the covers up tightly around him and Sam as she made herself comfortable, using his body as a pillow. But he didn't mind. She could use him as a pillow anytime she wanted because it felt amazing to have her sleeping in his arms again.

"We'll tell Claire that you're going to move in with us in two weeks tomorrow." She told him. "Hopefully it will help make her happier because I know that she's not going to want to see you leave tomorrow. But this news might make it easier for her."

"I think it will help her. But you know, we're still also going to have to tell Claire about the baby at some point." Martin pointed out.

"I know." Sam nodded, cuddling up closer to him and laying her head on his chest. "But I was thinking that maybe we could tell her about the baby when you come back."

"You want to wait another two weeks before we tell her?" Martin asked, trying to make sure that he was hearing her correctly.

"Yeah." She answered. "If that's ok with you. I just think that it would be better if we waited. Cause you know that as soon as we tell her, she's just going to start constantly asking up when the baby's going to get here. She did the same thing when I told her you were coming this weekend."

"I know." Martin nodded. "I guess we can wait until I move in to tell her. It will be a two week reprieve on her asking you constantly about it."

"Thanks." She leaned up and gave him a short kiss before laying her head back down on his chest and cuddling up to him again.

"Claire is going to be really happy about the baby." Martin grinned.

"Yes she will." She agreed, letting out a chuckle. "And at least now we don't have to get her a puppy."

He laughed, kissing the top of her head. "I think that the puppy idea can wait a few more years."

"Good." Sam yawned. The comfort of Martin's strong embrace and using his body as her personal pillow made her extremely relaxed and comfortable. So it wasn't long until she was fast asleep.

It didn't take Martin long to fall asleep either. He was happy about the way things had turned out today. They had finally reached a compromise that both of them could agree to and it wouldn't be too long before he would be able to spend every night wrapped up with his wife. Things seemed to be looking up for them. Finally.


	83. Good Morning

Love and Marriage

Chapter Eighty-Three

Martin opened his eyes, slowly adjusting to the light shining in from the windows. He looked down and saw that Sam was still clinging to him, fast asleep. He always loved waking up before her and getting to watch her sleep. There was something magical about the way she looked with the sunlight streaming in through the windows and bathing her in its' light. It made her look like an angel. His angel.

He still couldn't believe that he had gotten her to agree to his compromise. It was amazing and he was beyond happy about it. He had been starting to think that maybe she was having second thoughts about staying in this marriage and that was why she wanted to continue with this break. But the fact that she agreed to let him move in with them in two weeks made his rethink his earlier assumption.

The next two weeks were going to be hard for him since he was going to be away from his family again, but he was certain that he could manage it now since he had something to look forward to.

He wouldn't miss out on experiencing Sam's pregnancy with her and he wouldn't miss all of those important moments, like the first ultrasound and finding out the sex of the baby. He'd be able to be there for her and try to help her out with her anxieties. That made him happy too.

And Claire. He wouldn't have to miss out on watching her grow up either. He had surprised even himself when he had suggested that he quit his job and be in charge of Claire until he could get another job in the FBI, but it seemed right. Although he had a great relationship with his daughter, he did feel like he hadn't spent enough time with her in the past.

He tried to spend as much time as possible with her, but sometimes that didn't work out. So maybe he could make up for all the times he didn't feel like he gave her the attention she deserved by staying home with her for a few weeks.

Sam woke up and smiled when she realized that she was still cuddled close to Martin. There was something almost cathartic about waking up with him next to her that she didn't think she'd ever be able to explain to anyone.

She was beyond happy that she had finally made a decision and accepted Martin's compromise. She had to stop being so stubborn and indecisive. Not knowing what she wanted and not being willing to go after what she did know she wanted could have cost her Martin, and that was unacceptable to her.

She noticed that Martin wasn't moving around and wondered if he was still asleep. To find out, she raised her head up from its' resting place on his chest and saw two deep blue eyes staring back at her. "Morning."

"Morning." He smiled at her.

"How long have you been awake?" She knew that he had a habit of watching her sleep. For the past few months he hadn't paid enough attention to her to do that anymore and was curious about whether he had started that again.

"Not too long." He leaned down and placed a small kiss on her lips. "Just long enough to realize how beautiful you are."

She couldn't help but smile and blush slightly. "We're going to be ok now, right?"

"Of course we are." He assured her, wrapping his arms around her tightly and bringing her closer to him. "We're going to be just fine. Are you still worried?"

"Maybe a little." Sam confessed. "You know, every time that we start to be happy something comes along and wrecks it. I don't want that to happen again."

"I don't want that either." He agreed. "But we don't have to worry about that because nothing is going to wreck us again. Now I can't guarantee that we won't have fights or that life won't throw us a curveball here or there, but nothing is going to keep us apart again. We won't let it. Ok?"

"I like the way you think Mr. Fitzgerald."

"Why thank you Mrs. Fitzgerald." Martin grinned, gently pulling Sam so that she was now lying directly on top of him. He reached up and started kissing her, keeping his hands firmly planted on her hips.

She eagerly kissed him back, letting her hands roam free. Her hands soon found the edge of his t-shirt and started to pull it up so that she could make contact with his skin instead of the cotton fabric.

"Hmm, Sam." Martin croaked between kisses. The feel of her hands roaming around his body was enough to send him into overdrive.

"Yeah?" She asked, breaking their kiss and beginning to kiss his neck. She still knew the exact spots that would excite him, and focused her attention on those spots.

"What are we doing?" He wasn't sure this activity was a good idea right now. That didn't mean he wanted to stop though.

She laughed and whispered into his ear. "Don't tell me you've already forgotten."

He chuckled. "No. I definitely haven't forgotten."

"Good." She smirked.

He gave her one more kiss before pulling away again. "I'm not sure we should continue this."

"Why not?" She asked, not understanding.

"Because Claire could come in at any moment." He pointed out.

"She's probably still asleep." Sam argued, even though she knew that Martin was right.

"Maybe, but do you want to take that chance?" He asked. "Besides, I think we should wait a little while longer before taking the next step."

She knew that he was right, but she couldn't help being slightly disappointed. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do to change your mind?"

He grinned at her. "There are plenty of things you could do to change my mind. But I'm hoping you'll be good and not use your feminine charms against me…yet."

She sighed. "Ok. If I have to be good, I'll be good."

"Thank you." Martin kissed the tip of her nose.

"I'll be good as soon as I'm done with this." Without hesitation, she kissed him again.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Claire yelled as she entered their bedroom.

Sam immediately slid off of Martin and glanced at her daughter, hoping that Claire hadn't gotten too much of a show.

"What's up princess?" Martin asked, picking Claire up and placing her on the bed between him and Sam. "What are you doing awake so early?"

"I couldn't get back to sleep." Claire admitted sheepishly.

"Why not?" Sam asked, stroking her daughter's hair. "Bad dream?"

"No." Claire shook her head. "I just wanted to spend more time with daddy before he left."

"Oh. I see." Sam smiled at her daughter.

Claire looked up at her mommy. "Does daddy really have to go today?"

"Yes sweetie, I'm afraid he does." Sam told her.

"Why?" Claire asked. "Why can't he stay here with us?"

Sam looked over at Martin. "You want to field this question or should I?"

"I'll do it." Martin volunteered. He turned his attention to his daughter. "Sweetie, I know you want me to stay, and I want to stay too. But I have to go back to New York for a little while. I have to go pack up all of our stuff and get ready to move back here."

"You're moving back here?" Claire's face broke out into a huge smile. "Really?"

"Yes really." Martin told his daughter.

She wrapped her arms around her daddy's neck, giving him a tight hug. "Yay!" Then she pulled away and looked back and forth at her parents. "When?"

"Two weeks." Sam answered.

The smile on Claire's face faltered slightly. "Another two weeks without daddy?"

"Yes, but after that I'll be here with you and mommy forever." Martin promised.

"Are you sure?" Claire asked him.

"I'm sure." Martin replied.

"So in two weeks we'll be a real family again?" Claire asked, wanting to make sure that she understood what they were telling her.

"Well we're already a real family," Sam corrected her daughter, "but in two weeks you're daddy will be living with us."

The huge smile was back on Claire's face. "That's good."

"Yes it is." Sam agreed with Claire. "It's very good."


	84. Good News

Love and Marriage

Chapter Eighty-Four

When Monday morning rolled around, Martin came into the office with a huge smile on his face while whistling a happy tune. Neither Vivian nor Danny was expecting that from him. They figured he would be devastated about leaving his family back in Houston. This happy attitude was confusing.

"Ok, spill it." Danny commanded as he walked up to Martin's desk.

"Spill what?" Martin asked with a laugh.

"What's got you in such a good mood this morning." Viv explained as she joined Danny.

"Can't a guy just be in a happy mood for no reason?" Martin asked.

"No." Danny shook his head. "Not when that guy is you. No offense, but you're supposed to be sad and mope around the office. Yet you're not. Hence, you need to tell us why."

Martin looked back at the two of them, trying to decide whether or not it was ok to tell them about the pregnancy. Sam had prohibited them from telling Claire about it yet, but hadn't asked him to keep it a secret from everyone else—especially these guys. They were like their second family. Surely Sam wouldn't mind if he let them know. "Well, if you must know…"

"And we must." Danny interrupted impatiently.

"Ok." Martin smiled and got up from his chair. "Guess who's pregnant."

"Really?" Viv smiled. "Congratulations!"

"Yeah, congratulations." Danny smiled, deciding to have a little fun at Martin's expense. He moved to put his hand on Martin's stomach. "I think you're the first man to ever get pregnant. How did you do that?"

Martin swatted Danny's hand away from him. "Not me you goofball! Sam."

"Well this is great news!" Viv told Martin, giving him a quick hug. "I'm happy for both of you."

"Thanks." Martin grinned.

"Yeah, this is definitely a good reason for you to be smiling." Danny nodded.

"I'm glad I have your permission to smile." Martin joked. "But there's also another reason why I'm smiling."

"Do tell." Danny prodded. "Don't keep us in suspense."

"I'm going to be moving down to Houston in two weeks." Martin replied, waiting for their reactions to that. As much as he couldn't wait to move down and be with his family, he had to admit that he was really going to miss Danny, Viv, and Jack. They had been through a lot together. Shootings, deaths, births, marriages, graduations. They had shared it all and now it seemed it was all coming to an end.

"Two weeks?" Viv questioned. The smile that was on her face turned into a look of contemplation as she thought about what this was going to mean. It was bad enough to say goodbye to Samantha, but to now also have to say goodbye to Martin was…well it was going to hurt.

She understood that Martin wanted to go and be with his family, especially since Samantha was pregnant. That's where he belonged. And while she knew that their break wouldn't last forever, she had been dreading the moment when Martin would leave too. But she couldn't begrudge him happiness, and this would make him happy. She consoled herself with the fact that she still had Danny and Jack.

"Yeah. Two weeks." Martin nodded. "That gives me just enough time to give Jack my two weeks notice, pack up the house and put it on the market."

"Well if you need any help, you can count on me." Danny volunteered. It made him really sad that Martin was going to be leaving because Martin was his closest guy friend. He was also the guy that Danny went to whenever he had a question about parenting, which was often because he was never sure he was doing the right thing with Kyle. Who would he turn to now?

Of course, he wouldn't say that to Martin. The last thing he wanted was for Martin to feel guilty about following his own path to happiness and that's what he was doing. Martin wouldn't be completely happy until he moved in with Sam and Claire again because Martin was a family man. And although Danny selfishly wanted to bring Sam, Claire and Martin back here to New York, he realized that wasn't going to happen. They had to follow their own path.

"Thanks Danny." Martin replied. "I may have to take you up on that offer. There's a lot to do in very little time."

"Have you told Jack about this yet?" Viv asked.

"Told Jack about what?" Jack asked, suddenly appearing out of nowhere behind Martin.

Martin turned around and saw his boss standing behind him. "Actually, can I talk to you in your office for a moment?"

"Sure." Jack replied, heading towards the office. Once inside, he closed the door. "How was this weekend?"

"Great." Martin replied with a huge grin on his face. "Sam's pregnant."

"Congratulations." Jack smiled, making a mental note to call her later and congratulate her. "I bet Claire is going to love being an older sister."

"Let's hope so." Martin laughed.

"That's good news but I'm guessing that's not why you wanted to talk to me." Jack could tell that there was something else on Martin's mind.

"You're right." Martin nodded. "Sam and I discussed it and we've decided that I'm going to move down there in two weeks."

"Two weeks?" Jack questioned. "So that means that the break would have lasted a month?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Martin replied.

"I'm happy for the both of you." A huge grin appeared on Jack's face. "But Danny and Viv better be ready to pay up."

"Pay up?" Martin asked. "What do you mean by that? Did you guys make a bet about this?"

"Possibly." Jack shrugged.

"What exactly was the bet about?" Martin wasn't really mad that his friends were betting on the details of his life. In fact, he was actually more intrigued than anything.

"It was just about how long we thought this break would last. Viv said two weeks, Danny said three and I said four." Jack was feeling pretty smug with himself for being able to guess the correct number of weeks that they break was going to last.

"And how much did you all bet?" Martin was extremely curious now.

"$50 each." Jack replied.

Martin laughed. "So you all bet $50 to try and guess what was going to happen with my life?"

"Pretty much." Jack nodded. "You aren't mad, right?"

"No." Martin laughed. "I'm not mad. I'm amused."

"Good." Jack was glad. Some people got mad if they found out that their friends were betting on personal things like this.

"Well congratulations on winning the bet." Martin smiled.

"Thanks." Jack replied. "But this also means that I'll be losing a great agent in two weeks. Have you found a new job in Houston yet?"

"No, not yet." Martin shook his head. "I haven't heard anything from Van Doren about an opening."

"Well don't be surprised if she comes looking for you shortly." Jack told him. "I heard from a very reliable source that there is a senior agent in Houston retiring in three weeks. He's in the White Collar division. I'd been more than willing to put in a good word for you."

"That would be great." Martin couldn't believe the way his luck was going lately. Everything seemed to be going really well. "So since there might be a job opening up soon, should I give you my two weeks notice or just take a leave of absence?"

"I'd just take a leave of absence. There's no need for you to quit since you probably have another job lined up." Jack advised.

"Thanks Jack, for everything." Martin shook his hand.

"No problem." Jack shook his head. "I'm just happy for you and Samantha. You're a lot luckier than I was when I was in your position. You actually have a wife that wants you in her life."

"Yes, I do." Martin answered. "And believe me, I know how lucky I am."

"That's good. Never forget it either." Jack advised. "Because it can all change in an instant."

"I'm aware of that." Martin nodded.


	85. Lucky Devil

Love and Marriage

Chapter Eighty-Five

Sam sat in the break room, sipping her decaf coffee and then occasionally stirring it with a straw. She was busy thinking about this past weekend. It was really hard to say goodbye to Martin, harder than she thought it would be. But he was coming back in two weeks. So that made her happy.

Maybe this compromise was a good thing. Maybe everything that was happening was happening to kick her into action. Up until now she had been solely talking about making changes. She talked about working through her baby issues, she talked about having children in the future, she talked about starting over with Martin, and she talked about changing her job. Now though, she was doing those things.

She was here in Houston, enjoying a better job with better co-workers than the job she had in New York. She was going to start over with Martin, and she was going to have a baby. That meant that she was going to have to deal with her anxieties and she was going to have to work on finding a way to deal with them in a constructive manner.

Life seemed to be pushing her in certain directions. Maybe now would be a good time to let go of her stubbornness and just go with the changes. Maybe she had to stop trying to control everything and just enjoy what was happening.

That would be easier said than done though. She still worried a lot of things. She worried that something would happen between her and Martin that would drive them apart, she worried that something might happen to Claire, and she worried that something would happen to the baby. If something did happen to this baby, she wasn't sure she would be able to recover.

She was trying not to worry about the baby, but it was hard. She'd have moments where she would freak out about it and almost have a panic attack. Luckily she was always able to stop herself from getting that worked up because she knew that panic attacks would not be good for the baby.

But still, she was anxious. And the dreams she had at night weren't helping. Ironically, the dreams stopped when Martin was there with her. But now that he was back in New York, the dreams invaded her sleep again.

Olivia came up to the table and sat down next to Samantha. "So, you never did tell me what happened with you and Martin this weekend."

Sam smiled. She was rather proud of Olivia for being able to wait until 10:30 to ask her about her weekend. She had suspected that it was hard not for Olivia not to bombard her with questions as soon as she saw her come into the bullpen. Somehow Olivia had managed to quell the curiosity for a couple of hours. "It was fine."

"That's all I get?" Olivia questioned. "That's your answer? It was fine?"

"I'm just joking with you. I'm going to tell you more than that." Sam assured her. "But it was fine. I told him about the baby and he was really happy about it."

"That's great!" Olivia smiled.

"Yeah." Sam nodded. "Oh, you should have seen his face once it sunk in. He was shocked at first. I think I shocked him into silence and then of course I thought that his silence meant he wasn't happy. So we had to straighten that out. But we're happy about this baby."

"I told you it would be alright." Olivia playfully pushed Samantha on the shoulder. "So did anything else exciting happen?"

"We went and saw that new animated movie that came out." Sam replied. "Have you taken Nikolas to see it?"

"No. I haven't had the time yet." Olivia shook her head. "Was it any good?"

"I don't know." Sam told her. "I wasn't paying attention to it. But Claire seemed to love it. Her eyes were glued to the screen the entire movie and that's all she wanted to talk about for the rest of the day."

"Well if Claire liked it then I bet Nikolas will too. I'll put it on the list of things to do with him this summer." Olivia replied, making a mental note to add that to the ever-growing list.

"It also looks like Martin will be coming to live here in two weeks." Sam casually said as she took another sip of her coffee.

"He's moving here as in permanently?" Olivia questioned.

"Yeah." Sam replied with a smile.

"I thought you two were still on a break." Olivia was confused, but also happy for her friend. Samantha actually had a genuine smile on her face for the first time since she started working here. It was good to see that she was finally finding some happiness and that things seemed to be working for her.

"We are, for two more weeks." Sam felt the need to explain. "We have an argument over the weekend about how much longer the break should last and eventually we settled on the idea that he goes back to New York and takes two weeks to get ready to move. He's going to pack up everything we left behind, put the house up for sale and he's going to come here even though he doesn't have a transfer yet."

"So what is he going to do until he gets a transfer?"

"He's just going to come down here and take care of Claire for a while until something opens up." Sam explained.

"Nikolas won't be very happy about that." Olivia frowned. "I think he's developed a little crush on Claire."

"Really?" Sam smiled.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded. "He's constantly talking about her."

"That's so cute." A little crush like that was cute to Sam, only because she knew that Claire and Nikolas were only little kids and she didn't have to worry about them sneaking off to closets and making out. Crushes among kids Claire and Nikolas' age meant that they would draw or play tag together. It was sweet.

"I agree." Olivia agreed.

"Well I'm sure that we could try and schedule a play date for them." Sam suggested. 

"Sounds like this is a very well thought out plan." Olivia praised.

"I wish I could take the credit for it, but it was actually his idea."

Olivia laughed. "Well men usually have at least one good idea every year. Maybe that was his."

Sam laughed with her. "Maybe."

"So you're ok with the break ending so soon?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah." Sam nodded. "I think I am. I think it's what we all need, especially now with the baby and everything."

"I'm sure that it's all going to work out for you." Olivia smiled.

"Thanks Olivia." Sam smiled back. "Even though we haven't been working together very long, you've still been a really good friend to me and I appreciate it. It's nice having another person to bounce ideas off of every once and a while."

"Honestly, it's no problem." Olivia replied. "I enjoy talking to you."

She checked her watch and noticed that she had been in the break room for too long. "Agh, back to paperwork I guess."

Olivia checked her watch. "I still have a few minutes left of my break."

"Lucky devil." Sam laughed as she got up and headed back to her desk.


	86. Why Am I Surprised?

Love and Marriage

Chapter Eighty-Six

That afternoon, Sam was writing up a report when her phone rang. "Samantha Spade."

"Hey there." Jack greeted happily.

"Jack." Sam smiled. "It's good to hear from you. Of course I think I should be mad at you for not calling earlier."

"Well…you know how busy work can get." Jack used that as an excuse. In reality, he hadn't called her because he wasn't sure what to say to her. Now though, he had a specific reason to talk to her.

"Yeah. Work can be quite a handful." Sam commiserated. "But how are you?"

"Fine." Jack replied. "I'm fine."

"That's good." Sam picked up a nearby post-it note pad and started scribbling circles on the post-it while talking to Jack. "Anything new and exciting in New York that I should know about?"

"Not really." Jack thought about filling her in on the job that Martin might be getting in a few weeks, but decided to let Martin be the one to let her know that good news. "How are you doing?"

"Great." Sam replied happily. "Oh, and thanks for giving Martin last Friday off. It was nice to have him here for an extra day."

"I thought it might be good for all of you." Jack explained. "But I hear that Martin will be leaving the team soon."

"Yeah." She expected that Martin would tell the gang that he was leaving.

"First you leave and then Martin." Jack paused. "I know the team officially disbanded when you went to White Collar, but now it seems like the end of a era. I can't help but miss the days when all of us were on the same team."

"I know." Sam felt the same way. "As much as I love my new job here and all of my new co-workers, I do miss those times. But time has a funny way of changing everything."

He started to sing in a horrible pitch, "to everything turn, turn, turn…there is a season turn, turn, turn…"

Sam laughed. "Jack if you insist on continuing to sing that song, I'm afraid I'm going to have to hang up on you."

"Ok." He laughed. "I'll stop."

"Good." She was glad that she wouldn't have to put up with any more of his atrocious singing.

"I guess now that I've waxed philosophical for a bit, I should get to the real reason I called." Jack said pulling himself from the melancholy mood he was in while thinking of better days from the past.

"And just what was the real reason you called?" Sam asked, curious.

"I wanted to congratulate you on the baby." Jack told her. "Martin filled us all in on the good news and I wanted to be the first to tell you how happy I am for the two of you."

"Um, thanks." Sam was caught off guard. Martin hadn't told her that he was going to start telling everyone about the pregnancy. That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted to wait until she was farther along until she told their friends. But apparently he couldn't wait.

He could tell that there was a change in her tone of voice. "Is something wrong?"

"No." She assured him. "I just wasn't aware that Martin was going to start telling people about the baby. We haven't even told Claire yet. It just caught me by surprise."

"Oh. I haven't gotten Martin in trouble by calling you, have I?" That was the last thing he wanted to do. He really wasn't interested in stirring up trouble between them.

"No." She shook her head. She couldn't necessarily be mad at Martin for this. He was happy about this baby and just wanted to share the good news with everyone. She couldn't blame him for that. But there was still a part of her that wished he had waited a little while longer.

"Good." He breathed a sigh of relief. "It's been crazy here all day. I think I have beat Danny and Viv. Am I right? They haven't called yet, have they?"

"Um, no. Danny and Viv haven't called yet. You're the first."

"I should have made a bet on that too." Jack sighed.

"What else did you make a bet on?" Sam asked her curiosity piqued by Jack's statement.

"Danny, Viv and I sort of made a little bet on how long your break from Martin would last." Jack admitted once he realized that he should just go ahead and tell her. She'd find out anyway. If she was going to be mad, she was going to be mad. At least he was hundreds of miles away from her though because a mad Samantha was a frightening Samantha.

But instead of being mad, Sam let out a huge chuckle. "You all bet on that?" There was a slight pause. "Of course you did. Why am I so surprised by this? You guys bet on everything when it comes to Martin and I. You even bet on what day Claire would be born."

"Yeah. Danny won that bet, but just barely." Jack remembered. He was only one day off. If Claire hadn't been born at 12:09 a.m., he would have won the bet instead of Danny. But it all evened out since he won this one.

"So who won this time?" Sam wanted to know.

"I did." Jack replied proudly. "I guessed it would be a month, and I was right. The others were horrible mistaken."

She chuckled again and rolled her eyes. "And you're so modest."

"I do try." He laughed.

"Well I should probably get back to work now. Congratulations on winning the bet." She told him.

"And congratulations on the baby." He repeated.

"Thanks." She was glad that she could still be friends with Jack and that there was no awkwardness left over from their affair almost a decade ago. "And don't be a stranger. Remember that if you don't call me every once and a while, I will start calling you. There's no escaping me now that we live in such a technological society."

"I'll remember that." Jack laughed. "Bye Samantha."

"Bye Jack." She hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment before picking it up again. After dialing the long number, she waited as the phone rang. After the fourth ring, it was finally picked up.

"Fitzgerald." Martin answered, unable to contain a yawn.

"Hey, you sound tired." Sam greeted. "Rough day?"

"Yes, definitely." He smiled at the sound of her voice. "It's been absolutely insane around here today. But how are you?"

"Oh I'm fine." She told him.

"Are you sure? You usually don't call me at work." He really hoped that nothing was wrong and that this was just a call to say hi.

"Nothing's wrong Martin." She assured him. "I just felt like talking to you. That's ok, right?"

"That's a given." He laughed. "I was just caught off guard by your call."

"Well then consider us even." She told him. "Because I was just caught off-guard by the phone call I received from Jack a few minutes ago."

"Jack called you?" Martin asked. He wasn't sure why Jack would call her during the day. Did he tell her about the possible job opening up? He hoped not because he was looking forward to being the one to tell Sam about that.

"Yes, and he told me something very interesting." She explained.

"What did he tell you?" Martin asked.

"He told me congratulations about the baby. Now I was under the impression that we weren't telling people yet." She decided to inject some humor into the conversation. "Did you not get that memo?"

"No, I don't think I did." He replied back with a slight chuckle. "It must have gotten lost in the sea of paperwork on my desk."

"I guess so." She told him.

"Are you mad?" He really hoped not. He was enjoying the fact that they weren't mad at each other right now and that everything was going well between them. He honestly hadn't meant to cause any trouble between them and hadn't realized that Sam wouldn't want him to tell their closest friends. In his excitement he failed to think about it from her perspective.

"No." She assured him that she wasn't mad. "I'm not mad at you for that. It's partially my own fault for not making it clear that I didn't really want everyone to know yet. I just assumed that since we weren't telling Claire, then you would know that we weren't going to tell everyone else. And you know what they say about assuming…"

"Yeah. Well I'm still sorry." He apologized. "And if it will make you feel better, I will stop telling people."

"Thanks." She was glad to be able to work this out without any kind of argument. "But out of curiosity, how many people have you told so far?"

"Just Viv, Danny, and Jack." Martin told her. "But you know how bad Danny is about keeping secrets when it comes to our personal lives."

"So by now, the entire building probably knows." She sighed. That wasn't something she wanted to happen, but it had happened. So she'd deal with it and move on. It wasn't the worst thing in the world, right?

Besides, there was a silver lining to that. If the whole building knew about her pregnancy, then that witch Bethany would know about it too. She would definitely like to see her face when she hears about Martin moving down to Houston.

If she could go back to New York for one thing, it would be to take care of Bethany once and for all. In her haste, she hadn't gotten a chance to properly say goodbye to Bethany. It would have been nice to be able to rub it in her face that Martin was her husband and was going to remain her husband forever. But alas, she lost that chance.

"I have to admit that I'm glad you called." Martin put down the pen that had been in his hand.

"Really?" She smiled. "Any particular reason?"

"I just miss you, that's all." He explained.

"I miss you too." She admitted. "But look, I have spent way too much time on the phone with personal calls today. I'll talk to you later?"

"You bet." He assured her. "I'll talk to you when I call for Claire and then is it ok if I call you later tonight after she's gone to bed?"

"Yeah, that's a given." She replied. "I love you."

"Love you too." He replied before hanging up.


	87. Possible Promotion

Love and Marriage

Chapter Eighty-Seven

That night, Sam entered the bedroom after tucking Claire into bed and smiled when she heard the phone ring. After the second ring she picked it up, hoping that it was Martin. "Hello?"

"Hey." Martin's voice greeted her.

"Hey." She was glad that it was him. "I was hoping it was you."

"Glad I didn't disappoint." He chuckled. "Is now a good time to talk?" Martin asked.

"It's a perfect time to talk." She replied as she climbed into bed and pulled up the covers. "Claire just fell asleep a few minutes ago."

"Well good." He told her with a smile on his face. "I want to apologize again for telling everyone about the baby. I didn't realize that you wanted to keep it a secret from everyone."

"It's ok." She assured him. "I just…I guess it's silly, but I didn't want to tell them because…well what if something happened? Statistics show that most miscarriages happen within the first trimester. Both of mine did, and I guess I just didn't want people to know in case something happened. I didn't want to have to deal with people giving their sympathies again."

"That's understandable Sam, but nothing's going to happen. I promise you that." He figured that was the reason why she wanted to wait to tell Claire and everyone. But earlier he just couldn't help himself.

It had been so long since he'd had such a good reason to be so happy and he just wanted to share his happiness with everyone.

"You know you can't promise that." She informed him. "Unless if you've suddenly acquired psychic powers, you don't know what's going to happen in the future. But I appreciate the fact that you're trying."

"Is my blind optimism helping?" He was willing to do anything to help her nerves and anxieties dissipate.

"Not yet." She sighed. "But I'm sure it sink it sooner or later."

"Then I'll just keep on saying until it does."

"I love you Martin." She knew that it was a random statement to just throw out there, but it was how she felt. She was lucky to have found someone like him and even luckier to have him love her.

That was a random statement. "I love you too Sam. But where did that come from?"

"Just felt like saying it." She explained.

"Ok." He then remembered what he wanted to talk to her about tonight. "You know, there's something else I wanted to talk to you about but I didn't get a chance to when you called earlier."

"Something good or something bad?" She asked hesitantly. After everything that they had been through lately she wasn't sure she could handle any bad news.

"Something good." Martin assured her.

"Ok." She smiled, glad that it was good news. "What is it?"

"Well…" He started recounting his meeting with Van Doren for her.

_Martin stopped at Van Doren's door and knocked softly._

"_Come in." Came the reply from inside. _

_Martin entered the office and saw that she was sitting at her desk writing something. "Is now a bad time?" _

"_No, not really." Van Doren replied with a smile as she saw that her visitor was Martin. "What can I do for you today?" _

"_Well, I came here to ask you something." Martin replied, sitting down in a chair. "I have heard rumors about a job opening up soon in the Houston office. Are those rumors false or is it a possibility?"_

_She smiled. "Who told you about the job?" _

"_I can't reveal my sources." Martin chuckled. _

"_No, I guess you can't." She laughed. Though she'd bet money that it was Jack who filled him in about the possible job. "Since you already seem to know about it I guess there's no point denying it. There is a job in the White Collar division that will be opening up in about three weeks."_

"_Is there any chance that I may be able to get it?" Martin asked hesitantly. _

"_You are definitely the front-runner for the job, and Jack has already given me a wonderful recommendation for you. But you know I can't say anything formal yet." _

"_I understand that." Martin smiled. _

"_It would be a senior agent position, which would be a promotion and mean more money." She explained. _

"_I would have no problems with that." He chuckled. _

"_I didn't think you would." She told him. _

"_When will a decision be made?" He was curious and couldn't help but ask about that. _

"_It will probably be another week or week and a half before a final decision is made and announced." She explained. "You'll be the first one I call once I find out the final decision."_

"_Thanks." Martin smiled. _

"_So I take it that the fact you want this job so badly is because you and Samantha are doing better?" Van Doren asked. _

"_Much better." Martin's smile broke out into a full grin. _

"_I also have been hearing a rumor going around that Samantha's pregnant. Would that happen to be true?" _

"_Actually it is." _

"_Well congratulations." She smiled. _

"_Thanks." He stood up and headed towards the door. "I'll be looking forward to your call." _

"That's…great." Sam exclaimed. "I really hope that you get this job."

"So do I." Martin admitted. "I think it would be a good fit and good timing too. Plus, it would be a promotion and more money. We'll need that extra money now that we'll have two children to put through college."

Sam smiled. "Extra money is never a bad thing."

"I agree." He replied.

"They would have to be crazy not to give you this job. You've worked in White Collar before and you're a wonderful agent. You've worked hard and it's about time the bureau recognizes it."

He couldn't help but laugh a little. "I didn't know I had my own personal cheerleader."

She laughed. "Well you do. Just don't ask me to wear one of those cheerleading outfits."

"Not even in private?" He joked.

She thought about what he was implying. "I don't know about that. Guess that all depends on whether or not you need encouragement."

As soon as she said that, she realized that they were flirting with each other. It felt nice to not be fighting or hiding things from each other. Everything finally seemed to be going right with them now and it was refreshing.


	88. Going Away Party

Love and Marriage

Chapter Eighty-Eight

The next two weeks seemed to pass by quickly for Martin since he was busy packing up the rest of their house and getting it ready to be sold. He thought that the time would pass by slowly, but was pleasantly surprised when time flew by quickly. With everything that he had to do in such a short time, he hadn't had nearly as much time to miss Sam and Claire as before.

But at night, when everything was quiet and he stopped working on everything that needed to be done, that's when he missed them the most. It was good though that his late night calls to Sam had continued. They would talk for hours about everything that had happened to them during the day.

She'd fill him in on the cases they were working on, or even just the latest practical joke that Trevor had played on Joshua. He would fill her in on what cases they were working on and letting her know what was happening with the team.

The only thing that worried him was the fact that she was avoiding the serious topics that they needed to talk about. He knew that she was still worried about being pregnant. He could hear the anxiety in her voice every time she spoke.

But she didn't want to talk about it and always diverted the conversation away from it whenever he tried to discuss it with her. He figured that he would let it go for now, but when he got there he would force the issue with her.

Yesterday was his last day at work and it was bittersweet. As he packed up a box of books, he thought back to the party that the team had thrown for him yesterday.

"_Shh, he's coming!" Danny silenced everyone in the break room. _

_Martin walked through the doors of the break room to find everyone crowded in there, yelling surprise at him. He smiled touched that his friends would throw him a party just like the one they had thrown Sam a few weeks ago. "You guys didn't have to do this." _

"_Yes we did." Danny told his friend as he walked up to him. "We threw Sam a party so it would only be fair to throw you one too. Everyone wanted to show you that you'll also be missed around here." _

"_Well I appreciate it." Martin told his friend as he started making his way around the room, talking to everyone that had come to his party. _

* * *

_About a half hour later, he finally got around to getting a piece of cake and turned around to see Vivian behind him. "Hey." He smiled. _

"_Hey." She gave him a small smile back. "You know this is hard. First we lose Sam and now you. Who's next? Danny?" _

"_Why not?" Martin grinned. "All of you could follow us to Houston. Who knows? Maybe Sam and I are starting a trend." _

"_No, I don't think that will happen." Vivian sighed. "But as sad as I am that you and Sam are leaving, I am even more happy that you two are doing better. I know that you thought you were hiding it, but I've known for almost a year that you two have been experiencing problems."_

"_How?" Martin was shocked by Viv's admission. He really thought that he was doing good at keeping that a secret, up until the past couple of months. But Viv knew for almost a year? Of course she did. She always knew everything. That was her job as the mother hen of the team. _

"_I just knew." Viv replied. "There was a change in both you and Sam. It was a small change, but a change."_

"_I'm really going to miss you Viv. You've helped me out more times than I care to count." _

_She reached over and gave him a hug. "You were always one of my most favorite people to work with. Just don't tell Danny that or I'll never hear the end of it." _

_Martin chuckled. "I'll make sure that Danny doesn't find out." _

"_I hope you know that I expect a lot of pictures and updates about your new life in Houston." Viv pointed out._

"_And pictures and updates you shall get." He promised. _

"_Good." Viv smiled. "Be happy Martin."_

"_I am Viv." He told her. "For the first time in a long time, I am." _

_Jack came up to them and Viv excused herself from the conversation. "So, it looks like this is the end."_

"_Yeah." Martin nodded. "Listen Jack, I want to thank you for everything. You've been the best boss I could've asked for and you've also been a great friend. I've enjoyed working for you and I've learned a lot from you."_

"_Hopefully you've learned a lot about what not to do." Jack joked. "I've tried to teach by examples." _

_Martin laughed. "I have learned a thing or two about what not to do, but you sell yourself short. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're a pretty good role model most of the time." _

"_Yeah, well, whatever." Jack shrugged off Martin's compliment. He didn't think of himself as a good role model, but didn't want to fight about it. "Look, just be happy in Houston, and make sure that Sam's happy too. You both deserve happiness." _

"_Thanks." Martin smiled. _

"_I gotta get back to work on trying to find a permanent replacement for you, so…goodbye Martin." _

"_Goodbye Jack." Martin watched Jack leave and wasn't surprised to see Danny approach him. "Hey."_

"_Hey." Danny greeted. _

"_Thanks for the party." He really did appreciate it. It was a nice gesture. _

"_No problem." Danny shrugged. "So did you notice who is absent from this party?"_

_Martin looked around the room, searching the faces and trying to figure out who Danny was talking about. "I give up. Who's not here?" _

_"I'll give you a hint and then three guesses. Her name starts with a B." Danny grinned. _

_"Bethany." Martin groaned. "Why isn't she here? Shouldn't she be here stalking me and trying to ruin my life?" _

_"I just found out that she got fired." Danny happily explained. _

_"What did she do to get fired?" Martin asked. _

_"I don't know." Danny shook his head. "I couldn't find that out. I guess it was something serious though. Honestly, I don't really care because at least this means she won't be lurking around the building looking for her next target once you're gone." _

_"Yeah, I would have felt bad for her next target." Martin agreed. "Well that's good news." _

_"Yeah." Danny agreed. He was happy about Bethany getting fired. She didn't deserve to work here. But he was also unhappy about Martin leaving. "You know this was hard enough when Sam left. Now you're leaving too. This really sucks." _

"_I know." Martin nodded. "But like I told Viv, you could always transfer to Houston too." _

"_Believe me, I'm tempted to." Danny told him. "But I'm not sure Michelle would like that." _

"_Well you have an open invitation to visit anytime you want." Martin assured him. "I'm sure that Sam would love it if you and the family would come down sometime." _

"_We just might have to do that." Danny told him. There was a moment of silence between them. "Who would've thought that we would be such good friends?"_

"_I didn't think so, especially after my first day. You didn't really like me very much. I thought that if I was lucky, we'd at least be able to have a professional working relationship."_

"_It wasn't that I didn't like you…" Danny trailed off. "Ok. I didn't really like you. But it was just me being me." _

"_And now look at us. You're one of my closest friends and one of the few people I would trust with my life." Martin smiled. _

"_This really sucks." Danny complained again. _

"_You already said that." Martin pointed out. _

"_I know!" Danny exclaimed. "I'm just happy for you and Sam. Both of you deserve this and I'm glad that you're finally getting back on track again. It worried me when you told me about the whole therapy thing and when you admitted thinking about divorce." _

"_I haven't exactly had a lot of positive role models around concerning healthy marriages. Viv and Marcus are the only other couple I know who have managed to stay together. But you and Sam are kind of like my major role models. I look up to you two and it would have killed me to see you separate." _

"_Fortunately for you and us, that's not going to happen." Martin told him. _

"_And I'm glad." Danny smiled. "For everyone's sake. I just wish that you and Sam could've stayed here forever." _

_Martin reached over and gave Danny a hug. "Don't worry. Our friendship won't disappear just because we're not living in the same city anymore. We'll always be friends."_

"_I'm counting on that." Danny told him._

Sighing, he taped up the last box of books and labeled it with a permanent marker. That was the last of the boxes. Now all he had to do was wait for tomorrow. That's when the moving company would drop by to pick up the boxes and furniture. Then they would drive it down to Houston.

He would be flying down late tomorrow night. He wasn't supposed to come until the day after tomorrow, but decided to surprise Sam again by going early. It was amazing how well they were getting along and wonderful life seemed to be for them right now.

Nothing was going to ruin the good mood he was in, and nothing was going to ruin the positive outlook he had on life.


	89. Welcome Home

Love and Marriage

Chapter Eighty-Nine

The next day after work, Sam picked up Claire as usual, but they didn't go home like they normally did. They stopped at a McDonalds for dinner before heading somewhere else.

"Mommy? Why are we at the airport tonight?" Claire asked as they walked into the airport.

"Because we're here to pick up your daddy." Sam replied, grabbing a hold of Claire's hand as they made their way through the crowds of people. She was looking for the monitor that would tell her when Martin's plane was getting in and smiled when she spotted it about ten feet away from where they were right now.

"But I thought he wasn't coming until tomorrow." Claire was confused. Maybe her mommy got confused too.

"Well he's supposed to be coming tomorrow." Sam explained, kneeling down to Claire's level. "But your daddy has this habit of coming early to surprise us."

"So he's coming tonight?" Claire asked, not wanting to get her hopes up until her mommy told her that.

"Yes he is." Sam told her daughter. "You see, he thinks he's going to surprise us by arriving one day earlier. But I'm not falling for that again. So I called the airline and found out that he's coming in tonight on Flight 5497."

"And we're surprising him?" Claire smiled, finally understanding what was going on.

"Exactly." Sam smiled. "He's not going to expect us here."

Claire giggled. "I like this plan."

"I thought you would." Sam laughed, picking Claire up as she looked at the screen. "Looks like his plane is right on schedule. He should be landing in about ten minutes and going to baggage carousel number four. So let's head down there and scope out a place to hide."

"Ok." Claire agreed happily. She couldn't believe that her daddy was coming tonight! This was great news.

* * *

Martin got off of the plane and headed over to find out what baggage carousel he needed to go to in order to get his suitcase. He was glad that his plan was working so far. The movers had come by earlier today to take all of their stuff and he had given the keys to the realitor before hopping on the plane this afternoon. 

He saw that he needed to go downstairs to baggage carousel number four so he headed for the stairs. Sam and Claire were going to be really surprised to see him tonight since he hadn't told them that he was coming early. He hoped it would be all right with Sam but didn't think she'd have a huge problem with it. He just couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she saw him.

As he reached the last step, he turned to the right in order to go to the correct baggage carousel. To his surprise, the bags from his flight were already coming down the conveyor belt. Usually it took longer than that for the bags to be unloaded, but he wasn't going to complain. The sooner he got his bag meant the sooner he would see his family.

Sam and Claire watched Martin walk up to the conveyor belt and wait for his bag. Sam turned to Claire and motioned for her to be quiet for a few moments as they walked up behind Martin. Sam tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey there. Need a ride home?" She whispered into his ear.

Martin turned around and was beyond surprised to see both Sam and Claire standing there. A wide smile grew on his face. "What are you two doing here?"

"We came to surprise you daddy!" Claire exclaimed happily as she latched onto his leg.

"Surprise." Sam smiled.

Martin picked up his daughter and gave her a huge hug and a kiss on her cheek. "You really did surprise me. I didn't expect to see you guys here."

"Yay! Mommy it worked! He's surprised." Claire smiled widely at her mommy. She then turned back to her daddy and wrapped her arms around his neck, placing her head on his shoulder and cuddling up to him.

"I know sweetie." Sam told her daughter. "Our plan worked."

"But how?" Martin asked. "How did you know?"

"I knew you'd try and surprise us by coming early again. So I decided to surprise you right back." She smiled smugly, feeling very proud of herself. "Face it Fitzgerald. You're predictable."

"Oh I'm predictable?" He laughed. "Ok. What am I going to do right now?"

She thought about it for a moment. "Kiss me."

"Well that was too easy." He told her as he leaned in and gave her a kiss. It wasn't a very long kiss though because he still had Claire hanging all over him. Apparently she really missed him because she didn't seem like she was ever going to let go of him.

But he wasn't going to complain. He was back with his family, where he belonged. There would be plenty of time later, once Claire went to bed, to kiss Sam hello properly.

"We've already eaten, but we can stop somewhere on the way home and get you something if you want." Sam offered.

"No, that's ok. I ate on the plane. I'm fine right now." He walked over to the conveyor belt with Claire still attached to him and picked up his suitcase.

"Ready to go home?" Sam asked, holding her hand out to him.

"Yeah. I'm ready." He smiled back at her.

* * *

"So is Claire asleep?" Sam asked Martin as he entered their bedroom. 

"Finally." Martin nodded, dragging himself onto the bed and laying down. As soon as he did, he felt Sam move in closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. He kissed the top of her head as she settled in. "It took her forever to go to sleep because she kept asking me a ton of questions."

"Like what?" Sam asked.

"Like whether I was going to stay forever or whether I was going to leave again." Martin explained.

"And you told her that you're never leaving again, right?" Sam asked him, looking up at him.

"That's exactly what I told her." Martin looked deep into her eyes. "I didn't get a chance to give you a proper hello earlier."

"No you didn't." She grinned.

"Then let me remedy that right now." He leaned in and started kissing her. After kissing her lips for a few minutes, he moved to start kissing her neck. It didn't take him long to find the exact spot that always made her moan.

While he was kissing her neck, his hands were roaming around her body, finally resting on her stomach. It was still relatively flat, but he knew that growing inside was their hope for the future. He started kissing his way down her chest and to her stomach. "Sam, I…"

"Shh." She told him, reaching down and bringing his lips to meet with hers again. "We can talk later. I just want to enjoy this right now." Her hands reached for the edge of his t-shirt, pulling it off in one smooth move. Next her hands moved for his pants.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked. He wasn't totally convinced that this was such a good idea to do right now, but if she thought it was, then that was enough for him.

"Oh I'm sure." She grinned. "I'm definitely sure."

That was the only thing he needed to hear her say. He slipped her shirt over her head before pushing her pants and underwear down past her hips. He kissed her again before leaving a trail of kisses down to her collarbone. "Are you ready?"

"Yes." She replied, bringing his lips up to meet hers while he positioned himself on top of her and slowly entered her.

He didn't want to hurt her so he started slow, taking his time as he gradually increased the speed and intensity of his thrusts. All the while he maintained eye contact with Sam, sharing smiles.

It didn't take long for both of them to reach their climax and they were soon cuddling next to each other in bed. Sam moved closer to him and laid her head on his chest. "Welcome home." She whispered before falling asleep.

He kissed the top of her head and smiled. Things couldn't get any better. Could they?


	90. Telling Claire

Love and Marriage

Chapter Ninety

The next morning, Sam woke up and was slightly disappointed to find that Martin wasn't in bed with her. It was Saturday and she was hoping that they could stay in bed for a little while. But knowing Claire, she was probably already awake and Martin most likely got up to make her breakfast. She got up and quickly got dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before heading out to find her family.

"More French toast?" Martin asked Claire.

"Yes please!" Claire smiled, watching as he put two more slices on her plate and then cut off the crusts for her. "Thank you daddy."

"You're very welcome sweetie." He kissed the top of her head. That's when he saw Sam standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. "Good morning."

"Yes it is." She grinned. "I figured you were out here making breakfast."

"Because I'm that predictable?" He laughed.

She laughed with him. "Exactly." Sitting down next to Claire, she looked at the French toast. "Is it good?"

"Yes!" Claire told her mommy. "It's really good."

"Would you like some?" Martin offered.

"I'd love some." Sam told him as she went over to stand next to him. "So, should we go ahead and tell her about the…you know?"

"Right now?" He asked, also keeping his voice low. "You want to tell her right now?" This surprised him. Actually, he was surprised by all of her behavior from the past twenty-four hours.

He hadn't expected her to be so happy that he was here, yet she came to the airport to surprise him while he was trying to surprise her. Then they had an amazing night together and now she was actually the one trying to initiate telling Claire about the baby—something that two weeks ago she wasn't sure she wanted to do.

What happened to her during these two weeks that changed her so much? She seemed to be more carefree and less anxious. Was it a real change or was she just faking it? He could still hear anxiety filling her voice at times so he knew that she wasn't completely over her worries. But was she at least starting to get past her issues? She seemed like it.

"Why not?" She questioned. "It would make her happy."

Martin glanced over at Claire, who was still eating her French toast. "She already seems happy enough knowing that I'm here."

"Yeah, but why not go ahead and just tell her?" Sam asked.

"Because I'm surprised by your enthusiasm about this." Martin told her. "It wasn't too long ago that you didn't want to tell her. Now all of a sudden you can't seem to wait any longer. What's going on?"

"Nothing." She answered. "Can't I just be happy for once? Can't I just want to spread happiness around to the people I love?"

"Of course you can." He kissed her nose. "But you just seem…different now."

"Different as is good different or bad different?" She asked, hoping he meant different in a good way.

"Definitely good different." He decided. "But still different. What's that about?"

"I don't think I know what you're talking about." Sam denied.

"Sam…"

She really did know what he was talking about though. She was the one who didn't want to tell Claire about the baby yet and now here she was trying to convince him to tell Claire right now. She could see how it would be confusing to him.

But during the past two weeks she had been going to Jackie more often in the hopes of finally moving on and riding herself of the anxieties that plagued her. She was making progress and trying to be more carefree and happy. After all, she has a lot of things to be happy about. She has a wonderful husband, a beautiful little girl, a baby on the way, supportive friends and a great job with nice co-workers.

Of course, she still felt extremely anxious about this pregnancy, but she was trying to overcome that. She wanted to overcome that. But it was going to take some more time.

"You're…" He sighed. Maybe now wasn't the right time to talk about this. Maybe they should wait until Claire wasn't in the room with them. "Never mind. I guess we can talk about it later."

"Yes, we will." She assured him. "But right now, why don't we just go ahead and tell her?"

"So you really want to tell her now?" He wanted to make sure that this was something that she really did want to do and it wasn't something she was doing because she thought it would make him happy.

"Only if you do too." Sam shrugged.

"Then I guess we will." He shrugged. "Do you want to do the honors or should I?"

"It doesn't matter to me." Sam smiled as they went over to Claire.

"Claire, your mother and I have something to talk to you about." Martin started.

"You are leaving again, are you?" That was the first thing that came into her mind when he said that they needed to talk about something. She didn't want her daddy to leave again. It was hard for her to not have him around for the past few weeks and she didn't want to go through that again.

"No sweetie." Martin answered.

"He's not leaving again." Sam chimed in. "I promise you that."

"Then what?" Claire asked, confused. "I haven't done anything bad, have I?"

"No." Martin replied. "You're not in trouble."

"Good." Claire sighed. "I was worried."

"There's no need to be worried. This is good news." Martin explained.

"Remember when you asked us for either a sibling or a puppy?" Sam asked, knowing that Claire would remember that.

"Yeah!" Claire smiled, getting excited. "Are we getting a puppy?"

Martin and Sam exchanged looks before turning back to Claire. "No. I'm afraid you're not getting a puppy." Martin told her.

"Oh." Claire's smile left her face. If she wasn't getting a puppy, then why did they bring up that from the past? Unless… "Am I getting a sibling?" She was almost afraid to ask because she didn't want them to say no to that.

"Yes, you are." Sam grinned. "It won't get here until January, but you are getting a sibling."

"Yes!" She reached over and hugged her mommy and daddy. "This is great!"

"We thought you'd be pleased." Martin grinned.

"It's so much cooler than a puppy!" Claire exclaimed happily.

"Well good, because I don't think that you're going to get that puppy anytime soon." Sam told her.


	91. She's Never Dating

Love and Marriage

Chapter Ninety-One

That afternoon, Sam, Martin and Claire returned to the house after going out to lunch and stopping by the park. "Did you have fun sweetie?" Sam asked Claire as they entered the living room.

"Yeah! I love the park, especially with you and daddy there together!" Claire exclaimed.

Sam chuckled as she sat down on the couch with Claire. She turned on the television and made sure that Claire was enraptured by the Disney channel programming before going off to look for Martin. She found him standing by the answering machine, staring at the phone. "You ok?"

"Van Doren just called." Martin told her, still staring at the phone.

"About the job?" Sam asked, hopeful that it was good news.

"Yeah." Martin replied. "She said that she had news but didn't want to tell it to an answering machine."

"So?" She stared at him expectantly. "What are you waiting for? Call her back!"

"But what if she's just going to tell me that I didn't get the job?" Martin looked at his wife.

She smiled at him. "Well then you'll just wait and get an even better job." She moved to wrap her arms around his neck. "You're a great agent Martin Fitzgerald, and they would be crazy to give the job to someone else."

"You're great, you know that?" He kissed the tip of her nose. "What in the world would I do without you?"

"Oh I don't know." Sam shrugged. "I'm sure you could manage."

"No, I'm not sure I could." He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips before pulling away and reaching for the phone. "Ok. Here goes nothing."

"I'd tell you good luck, but you won't need it." Sam smiled.

"We'll see about that." Martin grinned as he dialed the long number. "Hello?…Yes, it's Martin Fitzgerald. Sorry to call you on a Saturday, but you left a message…Yes…I was getting rather anxious about finding out…Oh really?…Ok…Well thank you very much for letting me know…Ok. Goodbye." He hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment.

Sam watched him, unable to decipher whether it was good or bad news. "Well? What did she say? Did you get the job?"

"Well…" he continued to stare at the phone.

She reached over and put her arm around his shoulder, taking the fact that he was staring at the phone and not excitedly jumping up and down as a sign that he didn't get the job. "It's ok. There are other jobs."

"Yeah, there are." He grinned. "But I don't need to worry about those jobs because I already have one."

"You do?" She asked, her face twisting into a smile.

"Yep." Martin nodded. "She called to tell me that I have gotten the job and I start on Monday."

"That's great!" She reached over and hugged him.

"I know! It is! Isn't it?" He hugged her back for a moment before pulling away to kiss her. "This is wonderful."

"I'm so happy for you." Sam really meant it too. She was glad that Martin was going to have the job that he wanted. Everything was looking up for them and while she was sad that they had to move to Houston in order to be happier, it was definitely worth it. She feels closer to Martin now then she has in months, although that could also be because of the therapy that she's been getting.

"Looks like I won't be getting to spend more time with Claire before going back to work." Martin frowned.

"It's ok." Sam reassured him. "It's probably for the best. Olivia told me that Nikolas has a little bit of a crush on Claire. It probably would have killed him if Claire didn't come to daycare on Monday."

"My daughter already has guys lining up to be with her?" Martin exclaimed passionately. "How did that happen? She's not even six yet."

"Well it's just a crush, and they're just kids." Sam tried to reason with him. "You know what a crush is like when you're that age. It just means that Nikolas likes being around Claire and he wants to be her friend."

"He better not want anything more than that from her." Martin told Sam.

"Martin," she laughed, "He's only six and a half. He doesn't know that he should want anything more than that."

"Well I'm just saying that he better not get any ideas." Martin sighed, not liking the fact that Sam was laughing at him. "And what's so funny about this?"

"You!" Sam laughed harder. "You're what's funny."

"I don't see what's so funny." He wasn't amused by her laughter.

"If you're this bad now, what are you going to be like when she starts dating?" Sam was curious about this.

"It's really quite simple." Martin grinned. "She's not dating. Ever."

"Really?" Sam was intrigued by this. "You don't want her to date? Not even when she turns sixteen?"

"No because I know what guys have on their minds when their that age." Martin explained.

"And what would that be?" Sam played innocent, hoping that he would spell it out for her.

"I think you know what I'm talking about." He pulled her closer to himself.

"Nope, don't think I do." Sam sighed. "Better try to explain it to me."

"Well it starts off with this…" He leaned in and kissed her. "Then it progresses to this…" He moved down and started kissing her neck while letting his hand travel down her chest and settle on the top of her jeans. "Then clothes start falling off."

"So if that's what sixteen year old guys have on their minds, what do guys your age have on their minds?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The same exact thing as a sixteen year old." Martin whispered into her ear as he slipped his hands underneath her shirt and let them roam freely across her back. "Which is exactly why Claire will never be able to date." With one last kiss on the lips, he released her from his grip and left to go watch the Disney Channel with Claire.

* * *

That night when Martin came into bed from putting Claire to bed, Sam immediately moved to cuddle up close to him. His arms opened up and she laid her head on his chest. 

"So would you mind if we talked about this sudden change that you seem to have gone through?" Martin hesitantly asked once she was settled.

"Sure." She sighed. She knew that they would have to talk about this eventually. So why not now? "You're probably wondering what's up with me, right?"

"Well, yeah." Martin admitted. "You seem happier. I haven't seen you this happy in…I don't even know how long it's been."

"That's because I am happy." She told him. "I've been going to see Jackie everyday for the past two weeks and she's done amazing things with me. Through talking with her I think I'm starting to get past everything that has been plaguing me. I mean, I still feel responsible for the miscarriages, but she's helping me put it in the past and move on. And while I still am horribly anxious about this pregnancy, she's helping me see that worrying won't really help me and won't help the baby."

"That's great." Martin smiled, letting his hands travel and rest on her stomach. "Why didn't you tell me that you were seeing Jackie so much?"

"I don't know." Sam shrugged. "I guess I wanted to surprise you with my speed therapy."

"Speed therapy?" Martin laughed.

"Yeah." Sam nodded. "Speed therapy. It's amazing how much progress you can make if you're dedicated to it and have therapy sessions everyday. It's speed therapy."

"Well I guess it's working."

"It is." Sam assured him.

"Everything's looking up for us, isn't it?" Martin asked.

"It's about time." She leaned in to his embrace, letting his arms wrap around her waist.

"And it's only going to get better." He promised.


	92. Epilogue

Love and Marriage  
Epilogue

Three Years Later- About two weeks before Christmas

"C'mon!" Sam impatiently called out to Martin. "I'm not sure how much longer these kids can wait."

Martin peaked around the camera and grinned at Sam, taking another moment to appreciate his family. Claire was sitting on the couch next to Sam, looking very bored but still with a smile on her face. Sam was sitting with their youngest, Rachel, on her lap. Rachel, being only four months old, was oblivious to most of the events happening around her and was content to just be held in her mother's arms. Sean, their two year old, was sitting on the other side of Sam and was playing around with the ribbon in Rachel's hair.

"Sean, stop it please." Sam lightly swatted Sean's hand away from Rachel's head. "I don't think she likes it that you're doing that."

"Maybe she does." Sean objected.

"Well it doesn't matter because I don't like it." Sam told her son. "So stop it, please."

"Ok." Sean sighed, looking around for something else to occupy his time while they waited for dad to take the family picture.

"Thank you." Sam reached over and kissed her son's cheek. "Martin, if you don't hurry up Christmas will be over with." Sam complained lightheartedly.

"I'm working on it!" Martin laughed. Their digital camera was mounted on a tripod, aimed at the right position so that they could take a picture of their family with the Christmas tree displayed in the background. It would be a beautiful picture if only he could figure out how to set up the camera timer.

"Do you want some help dad?" Claire offered, getting up from the couch. She was standing right in front of the camera when a flash assaulted her. "Dad! Thanks a lot! Now I see tons of spots everywhere!"

"Sorry sweetie." Martin apologized. "I didn't mean to take a picture when you were right there."

Sam couldn't contain her laughter anymore. "This is kinda pathetic honey. You're a senior agent in charge of a team but you can't even take a picture with a digital camera."

"I'm working on it!" Martin stepped away from the camera and laughed with his wife. "This camera is just…complicated."

"I figured it out dad." Claire exclaimed happily, pressing one last button. "We have thirty seconds before the camera takes the picture."

"Ok now I feel stupid." Martin frowned as he walked to the couch. "My eight year old is smarter than I am."

"Don't feel bad sweetie." Sam reached over and placed a kiss on his cheek. "You're still smarter than Rachel."

He laughed. "Yeah, but for how long?"

"Time's ticking!" Claire exclaimed. "Ten seconds left!"

Martin picked Sean up and placed him on his lap, motioning for Claire to sit in between himself and Sam. "Don't forget to smile!"

The flash signified the picture being taken and afterwards, Claire immediately got up to take a look at it. So of course Sean had to go with her because he didn't want to be left out of anything.

"Is it a good picture?" Sam asked.

"Yeah mom. It's one of the best." Claire smiled brightly.

"Great." Sam smiled, looking down at Sarah and making a funny face so that her daughter would smile.

Martin scooted closer to them and kissed Sam's temple while placing a hand on Rachel's head. "We have a beautiful family."

"Yeah, we do." Sam looked over at him. Being pregnant with Sean was difficult because she wasn't entirely sure she could do it, but with Jackie's therapy and Martin's support, she gave birth to a healthy and happy baby boy.

Then last year, in true Martin and Samantha fashion, they were surprised when she became pregnant again. This time though, Sam was more confident about being pregnant. Although she still had doubts and anxieties, she was able to actually enjoy being pregnant with Rachel. But as soon as they had Rachel, she made Martin promise that they wouldn't actively try for more children. He of course agreed, realizing that three was more than enough for them.

Sam chuckled softly. "I can't believe the ways our lives have changed in the past few years."

He couldn't believe it either. Everything was so different now. They had three children instead of two and his relationship with Sam was the best that it's probably ever been. She continued going to therapy with Jackie for almost two years and they had couples therapy for almost a year before deciding that they were in a good place and didn't need to go anymore.

Everything was finally the way that he had dreamed it would be. Both he and Sam had great jobs that they loved, wonderful friends and co-workers, a beautiful house, and most importantly, a wonderful family. Three beautiful kids that they absolutely adored. This was the way life should be. "I love you Sam."

"I love you too Martin." She leaned in for a kiss and saw a flash going off. They both looked over and saw Claire behind the camera with a sly grin. "Claire?" They both called out at the same time.

"Sorry." Claire shrugged. She had taken a picture of them kissing. "Couldn't help it."

Sam and Martin looked at each other with amused smiles before going in for another kiss. This time though, Claire let them kiss without taking a picture of it.

* * *

In New York, Leslie entered her house and closed the door behind her before going through the mail. She noticed a large envelope and was curious about what was inside. Then she saw that it was from Martin and Sam. They had kept in touch after moving to Houston, mailing letters back and forth every year. It wasn't necessary, but it was nice that they kept in contact. She always loved hearing about how they were doing. 

After carefully opening up the envelope, she pulled out a photo and a short note. She smiled when she saw the photo of their family sitting in front of the Christmas tree. It always made her feel good when she saw happy families, and the Fitzgeralds definitely looked happy. Putting the photo down on her table, she opened the letter that came with it.

_Leslie,_

_We hope that the holidays find you and your family in good health and full of happiness. We just wanted to mail you a picture of our family. As you can see, we have had a new addition, Rachel._

_Whether you want to take credit for it or not, you have helped Martin and myself more than you will ever know. You were the first one to show us that we needed to communicate better and you taught us a lot about how to do that. You helped us open up the lines of communication and we will forever be grateful to you._

_Thanks again and happy holidays!_

_Samantha, Martin, Claire, Sean and Rachel_

Leslie smiled as she folded up the letter. Samantha was right. She wasn't going to take the credit for Martin and Samantha's success or progress. They did it on their own. She was only there to steer them in the right direction. But still, she appreciated their kind comments. This photo was going to go on her wall of success, a wall in her home office that she dedicated to the pictures of families she counseled who managed to find a path back to each other and reaffirmed their love.

* * *

Also in New York, Bethany flipped through her mail, not seeing anything other than bills and junk mail. She didn't see one single Christmas card, not even from her family. But she stopped in her tracks when she saw a large envelope. It was addressed to her and came from Houston. She only knew of one person from Houston and immediately smiled. Without hesitation she ripped open the envelope to find two pictures and a short note. 

The first picture was of Martin and Samantha, and their kids. Frustrated, Bethany ripped it in half only to find that the second picture angered her even more. It was a picture of Samantha and Martin kissing. Throwing them angrily on the table, she opened the note.

_Bethany,_

_I told you karma was a bitch._

_Happy Holidays!_

_Samantha Fitzgerald_

Bethany growled as she wadded up the note into a ball and threw it across the room.

**The End...or is it? **

**The Fitzgeralds will be back in the sequel to this story, entitled'Marriage and Family'. Coming soon!**


End file.
